Brad Bain
Appearances
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
I'm exhausted after this shit. My name is Layman Merle Huber. I go by Lee, and those of you calling me Stroke Lee, well, actually, it's kind of cool. You can call me that. I am divorced, and there's a lot of reasons for that divorce, but I guess the best one was that I had problems in the bedroom. Yeah. Yeah. Every time we'd make love, I'd start laughing uncontrollably.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
I'd make crazy faces, and she didn't like it. So I went to the doctor, found out I'm suffering from immature ejaculation. But while I was there, he said, you know, ejaculation is good for your prostate. You should tell your wife that. I said, shit, she's not going to believe that shit. You're going to have to write me a prescription.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
So I go home, hey babe, remember that lecture you gave me the other day about following doctor's orders and shit? Well here, and she looked at the prescription and said, that's awesome, why don't you take it to the pharmacy and get it filled? So that fucker at CVS hasn't stopped calling me for refills. I guess that's my time.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
How's it going, my man? Wonderful. I'm just a little exhausted from walking up the stairs. I love it. What is your condition exactly? I had a stroke on my birthday of this year. Happy birthday. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
No, everybody thought I was drunk because I started losing my balance. And then, you know, next thing you know, I sit down and I can't get out of the chair.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
No. I mean, consider that everything that I do, I can say I did single-handedly. Yeah. Reminds me of my honeymoon. Well, besides that, plus I have the kung fu grip that I always wanted with my G.I. Joe. Oh, yeah.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
You look great. Thank you. Yeah. I feel okay. What do you do for a living? I'm a video producer, live stream producer, and comedian. But I used to own a comedy club in Arlington. Oh, wow. Hyena's Comedy Club. Okay. And I did comedy for a while, and then I I've taken a 10- or 12-year hiatus, but I'm back. Oh, yeah. Got divorced, and now I can do whatever the fuck I want.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Mine took about two days. I had been working, and I thought my arm was getting sore because all the lifting and stuff when I was telling my buddy. But that was the first sign. I just didn't know. And then I started losing my balance, and I was at the party, and then I sat down in a lounge chair, and I couldn't get up. My arm and leg quit working. That was it. Someone had to carry me to the car.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
No, but I am, you know, I've been homeless for a while, but I am going to recover. Don't worry.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
My brother took me in after my stroke, and I've been in Granbury sitting by myself 16 hours a day watching Kill Tony. Hell yeah. I love it.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
So what else do you do? Well, I haven't been able to do much, but thanks for asking. You know, I like to do a lot of stuff. I like to do a lot of two-handed shit, play pool, play guitar, you know, things like that that I can't do.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
I used to do a lot of stuff, but, you know, I still got one hand. I play darts.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
I got into a fight with a guy and he said, you know, you're in a wheelchair. And I asked this other guy in a wheelchair to get out of here. So I said, let's do it. Put your other hand behind your back and we'll do it.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
No, actually, I just started again. I don't have a problem quitting at starting. I have a problem with, you know.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
What do I mean by that? I quit all the time. It's just I can't resist the starting up again. But quitting, I can put it down no problem for a little while, you know.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
I don't hate her. I'm still madly in love with her, but I just know that I could never be married to her again the way she treated me.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Let's talk about it. You know, just when someone tells you you're the most important person to them in your life, And then all of a sudden they ghost you and treat you like you don't exist. You know, it's kind of a painful thing. But, well, she made me sleep on the porch one time.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Yeah, I ended up losing my house, all my money, and ended up, well, I had a career issue. I lost my career, and then I ended up being homeless. I bought an RV and it got stolen. How did they steal your RV? Long story, but I had met a person that lived in a nice kind of mansion in Dallas and said, not mansion, but, you know, it was a nice place. Yeah. Three stories.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
And they said I could park it out back and then... Anyway, it got stolen from the back. You know, they stole all my property and I had to stay with my sister. And then my car broke down and I couldn't find a job. Newark, Texas, if anyone knows where Newark is, if you want a job, you're going to work at the dollar store. That's about it, you know.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
It was insurance for hire. The guy that owned the house was mentally retarded, but he's kind of famous. Did you say he was mentally retarded?
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Was he like fully retarded, like totally retarded? Yeah, full on. And I love the guy. I love the guy.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Yeah. I go by Lee, but since my wife hated my name so much, I said I'm going by Lehman Merle Huber. We went to get our marriage license. She said, your name's Lehman Merle Huber, not Lee Huber? I said, yeah. She goes, I wouldn't have married you if I'd have known that.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
I told her, you don't deserve that last name anyway. So, you know, fuck you. I'm using the fuller name.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
No, no, that's why I had to buy the RV, because she... divorced me and took, you know, I gave her the house. And so I said, fuck it.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Yeah, he's known as the king of punk in the Dallas scene. He's written a book. He wrote a book? Yeah. And it looks exactly like a book you would think that he would write. Oh, my God. Red Band, this is good news for you.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
The pages are edible. He had autographs of every famous punk rocker you could think of. Black Flag, Rare Albums. His parents were rich, so they got him backstage passes of everything, I guess, and he got to know all these bands and So he's kind of famous in the scene. But anyway, he's a cool guy. I liked him. But this girl that told me about the room I could rent there was trying to get his money.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
And she was after him, telling him she was in love with him. Ah, we have now found out who stole your RV.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Her and her biker boyfriend robbed me. Her what boyfriend? Her biker boyfriend. Oh, I thought you said black guy boyfriend.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Yeah. Has anything good ever happened? No, the stroke is the best thing that happened to me in seven years.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Yeah, prior to that, life sucked even worse. But, you know, finally I got some attention, got to lay in a bed and get fed. You know, shit, when you're homeless, it's like, it's a move on up. No, but the real reason was that it brought my son and I, we hadn't had a relationship in a few years, and he came to see me, and it brought us back together. Now you guys can play catch.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
You and your son are close now? Where does he live? He lives in Allen. He's a school teacher and a football coach. Oh, awesome. Awesome. He was at Allen High School. Now he's doing middle school. Okay. All right, cool. What do you guys do together? Not as much as we used to, for sure. Right. But he's a busy guy, but mostly right now we just talk on the phone.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
I mean, he hasn't visited me in about five months or six months.