Brad Guy

Thanks.

But I can't help where my mind went.

And I think the desperate search for answers, that was the only thing that made logical sense because the actual event itself, because it was so confusing, um,

I couldn't really accept that as the truth.

There must have been something more going on.

I played a stupid game and played a stupid price.

Luckily, I don't feel that way anymore, but the guilt is still residually underneath everything I do.

And it takes a lot of hard work to rewire your brain where you remove your accountability from something that actually didn't happen to you.

Still couldn't move any part of my body, could only stare straight at the ceiling.

Everyone that came to visit me had to like hover over me.

It was still very demeaning.

And one of the doctors suggested, because they could see me sobbing every five minutes, just like, give me drugs.

they suggested i talk to a counselor and even then i had this old school frame of mind thinking that oh my god only mental people yeah so i had a chat to this woman and instantly couldn't keep my emotions inside couldn't make sense of anything it was a good way just to articulate or learn to articulate start to finish the event but i couldn't even get the words out uh

to finish the story, which is what then she suggested that once I recover physically, I actually do go see a therapist and, um,

everything started to compound then thinking I've broken my body and now I have to go to a therapist.

Like this must be a very extreme situation, which made me feel even worse about myself.

Obviously everyone's trying to help and I am grateful for that, but I accepted these as failures and like I have just destroyed my mind and body.

I can't sleep.

I can't go a minute without crying.

Then my body is broken.