Brad Stulberg

So they think I wrote this book because we're all going through this pandemic and outside of people in book publishing, that makes sense.

But the truth is it takes like three to four years to publish a book.

So the manuscript was mostly done before the pandemic.

And I think what the pandemic has shown is that, yes, while we experience these things differently, suffering is universal and anxiety is universal and it ebbs and flows for different folks at different times of their lives.

And yet it is part of the human experience.

Yeah, I'm glad that you asked, and I wasn't sure.

I didn't want to go in this direction because it can take time to explain, but let's do it because I think it's important.

So as you pointed out, OCD is often portrayed in movies and books as hyper-organization or being a neat freak or having to have everything perfectly in order.

And while OCD can manifest that way, that's certainly not the only way it manifests.

And that's probably not even clinical OCD.

So actual clinical OCD is defined by an intrusive thought or feeling that constantly bombards you.

So in my case, that intrusive thought was I might harm myself.

or I might be like this forever.

And then the feeling that accompanies that thought is 10 out of 10 anxiety, despair.

So it's this web of like a really shitty feeling with a really shitty thought.

And then with OCD, the compulsion is trying to make it go away.

So for some people that compulsion is counting to 10, or if I just wash my hands, then I'll never get sick and I won't die.

My compulsion was very internal.

So what I did is I tried to problem solve my way out of it.

So I'd go Google depression and suicidal ideation and try to convince myself that I wasn't actually going to do it.