Brad Stulberg

than you are about the actual effort and your level of presence in the moment.

And this manifests in what I call if-then syndrome.

So if I just get 5,000 subscribers to my newsletter, then I'll be happy.

If I just publish my first book, then I'll be content.

If I just win that NBA championship or that Olympic gold medal, or if I just get that series B round of funding, then I'll feel like I have real self-worth.

And that is an illusion as old as time.

Literally stoicism and Buddhism were both in some ways created to address that illusion.

Modern science, we call this the arrival fallacy.

And it's just that, it's this notion that if I just do this, then I'll arrive.

And I think that heroic individualism often can perpetuate that by telling us that we need to get something out in front of us for ourselves to feel whole.

And groundedness is not about checking out into a monastery and letting go of striving and desire.

What it's about is trying to channel striving, desire, motivation, energy, drive in more skillful, productive ways.

So if you think about there's two ways to climb a mountain, and this can be a real mountain, but it can also be a metaphorical mountain.

You can think of this as career advancement, relationship advancement, you name it.

And one way is to constantly be thinking about the top of the mountain and thinking about the selfies that you're going to take when you get there and how good you're going to feel when you finally arrive.

The other way is to just be where you freaking are and to even enjoy the view from the side, to have fun as you're climbing.

And what I argue in the book and what the science supports is not only do you obviously feel better if you're having fun and you're grounded as you're climbing, but you also perform better.

Because carrying the weight of that anxiety to need to get somewhere is never, never, never, ever helpful.

Whereas if you can be free and you can be both good enough now and truly have self-confidence and believe that you're good enough now and want to get better because you're curious and it's fun, that kind of energy and drive is so much more sustainable.

The last thing I'll say, because I think that it is such a ripe topic for listeners of this podcast, is it's not all or nothing.