Brian S. Lowery

Second prize, set of steak knives.

Third prize, you're fired.

It's a little bit like that, except there's no second prize.

And it turns out, as you might imagine, that has a way of focusing your mind.

So I was really, really focused on doing good research, getting my papers published, doing well in the classroom, and all the other little things you need to do to get tenure.

And seven years later, I made it.

I made it.

Thank you.

And it was a huge relief, and I was so excited.

I was so excited.

But that question came up.

Is this it?

Is this really all there is?

And I reflected back, and I thought about the time I spent in undergrad,

five years in grad school, the tears, and there were a lot of tears, the seven years of trying to get tenure.

And I had expected, I had hoped that when I made it past that, when I succeeded, when I went through that threshold, life would feel different.

I would feel fulfilled.

It would feel meaningful to me.

My life would feel meaningful.

But it turns out that wasn't what happened.