Bron Lewis

And then it got a bit better, but she was still a pretty grumpy baby and I was kind of taken aback by how unnatural it all was for me.

Like I thought I was going to be much better at it.

Oh, absolutely.

You think, well, if this thing isn't natural to me, am I good at anything?

And you go, oh, God, I thought it was going to be –

And I look at my sister and there's a point of comparison.

Look at the mums in mother's group and you're like, well, their babies aren't screaming and they knew that they had to have more food and then you just become... Because it's the most important thing you feel like you're ever going to do and if you get it wrong, you're like...

What was the point of me doing anything?

So I kind of was thrust in this little bit of a dark space but a fast dark space, if that makes sense, because I was constantly trying to problem solve, constantly just moving, moving, moving, moving.

And the only way I could get her to stop crying was by walking.

So I just walked the streets of Brunswick, hence when I screamed over Sydney Road, don't have a baby or whatever I said to her.

I know you're definitely pregnant.

So Olive was fast and chaotic and then on Olive's first birthday I found out I was pregnant with my second daughter, Edie.

And that I was excited for like a moment and then I was terrified because I was like, oh, shit, I have to start again.

I have to start this again.

And what if it's harder?

What if it's five months of not stop crying?

And what if I get this even worse and then all of it's – I don't have all these – and so that nine months –

was dreadful because I was just worried that I was going to have a monster again.

And then Edie was born and she was the happiest, chubbiest, most lovely baby.