Bruce Buffer

I had a bad dream last night where I was being chased by Ronald McDonald and I had to change my undies when I woke up.

I didn't go through puberty when I was supposed to, so I took T shots to get my balls working just a little bit, and it's terrible.

Yeah, puberty lied.

Puberty told me that I would break five feet, get a deep voice, and get some muscles.

I was at an open mic last night, I was gonna try something new, and I almost got scared and didn't, but then I remembered if something scares you, that means you should do it.

So I tried it, and now I have a coke habit.

Thank you!

Heath Cordes.

I bet your coke, I can't even imagine, did you really try cocaine?

No.

You'd be a dangerous little coke doer.

Yeah, I know.

You wouldn't even have to lean over the coffee table.

You could just walk right up to it.

Yeah.

No one notices when I take it from their pockets.

You are adorable.

I've never seen anyone's lanyard go all the way to their cock before.

Unbelievable.

You are truly fucking your own self right now.