Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.TV and now on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. If you want to check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website, go to TonyHinchcliffe.com. everything Golden Pony, including his tour dates, at TonyHinchcliffe.com.
If you want to check out the Sunset Strip or get some Death Squad merch, go to DeathSquad.tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.
And now, please rise for the singing of your national anthem by Kill Tony legend Aphrodite.
Oh. Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight. The ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming. And the rocket's red glare. The bombs bursting up in the air Gave proof through all the night That our flag was all, all there Yeah, yeah Does that star-spangled banner yet wave O'er the land of the free and the whole
Hey, this is Redneck coming to you live from the YouTube Theater here in Los Angeles, California for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony H. Glenn!
Los Angeles, who's ready to have the best fucking night of their lives tonight, huh?
Yeah! Yippee! Fuck yeah!
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Chapter 2: Who performs the national anthem and what is the audience's reaction?
Both of our legendary artists are here drawing tonight's episode. Since episode very early on, the tens of episodes, Ryan J. Ebelt is here, and Austin's own Chris Rogers is here. They both have blank slates, and their drawings begin now. A lot of fun stuff lined up for this one, folks. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible.
You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? I'm gonna be bringing out your guests throughout the night, and slowly but surely, we're gonna start with one guest right now, and I absolutely could not be more excited. This is a guy that I have had the pleasure of doing comedy with for over 17 years.
He is one of my favorite human beings, one of my favorite comedians, one of my favorite comedic actors. This is his first time ever being a guest on Kill Tony. You know him from the Righteous Gemstones, from Workaholics. Ladies and gentlemen, the great and powerful Adam Devine!
Oh, yeah, baby! Let's fucking go, LA!
Yeah! Let's fucking go. Adam Devine. Hey, everybody. All right. We're in it. Welcome to Kill Tony. We have another guest joining in just a few minutes. He's running, traffic's fucking still crazy here in L.A. Adam, how are you, my friend? Really good. Thanks for having me, man. This is going to be fun. We're going to have a blast. Yeah, yeah. We're going to meet some people.
Thanks for being here, guys. I think they're excited. This place is wild. How's the fucking balcony doing tonight, huh? Yeah. Woo. That's a passion. How about just the lower bowl? All right. All right, you rich fucks.
God damn.
We got some fucking energy in the damn house tonight. I am so pumped for it. We are going to have a blast. Now, I'm going to pre-pull a name. Adam, you might not know how it works, but over 200 human beings signed up for the opportunity to get 60 seconds on this stage tonight. You know your time is up when you hear the sound of a kitty.
That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. Unbelievably scary. How frightening is that? So I pre-poll a name, but to start tonight, how many of you were at the show on Friday? That's a pretty good amount, which means a lot of you might not be in the know with what happened with the rematch of Rick Diaz and Hans Kim.
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Chapter 3: What special guests are introduced during the show?
Can we get subtitles on this big screen, please?
I have a song, okay?
You have a song?
Yeah, let's do it.
Okay. You know what? Before you do that song, just hold one second. I want to bring up a second guest to join the panel. All right. I want him to be here for this. Ladies and gentlemen, another one of my favorite comedians, another one of my favorite comedic actors of all time, and the current frontrunner for Guest of the Year 2024. This is the return of Harlan Williams. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Here he is, ladies and gentlemen. Fuck yeah. He's back. He's back.
Wow, what a treat. Holy crap. Look at this, huh? She couldn't decide if she wanted to be a Smurf or Barney, for fuck's sake.
Look at you. Look at your hairstyle. Did you just wake up or something?
Oh, my God. No, I just woke up.
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Chapter 4: How does the audience react to the performances?
Instead of saying finna, I say I'm going to.
Instead of nigga, I say nigger. You know, I just... I just don't get it, you know?
Yeah. Yeah. I've been with my girl for nine years. Yeah. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, no kids, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. Because she's got that natural birth control, you know what I'm saying? Miscarriages. Miscarriages. Yeah. Oh, on Mother's Day, too. Fuck yeah.
Happy Mother's Day. Not to me, though.
Hey, that's my time, guys. Thank you so much. Seven. E. Seven. Welcome to the show, my friend. Thank you. How did that feel up there? Uh, felt pretty good. Yeah. Felt pretty good. Wasn't bad. How long you been doing stand-up? Uh, little over a year now. What do you do for a living? Just a warehouse working, man. What kind of warehouse?
Something like UPS, but worse, you know.
Okay. Yeah. All right. Mysterious. So you, like, basically carry shit around all day? Yeah, pretty much. And you miscarry stuff at night?
Yeah.
Nice.
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Chapter 5: How does living with family impact your life choices?
Explain to all of these people wearing Dodger hats how they could be one bad cell away. I had to move back in with my mom. I just asked you if you lived with your parents and you said no. No, it was last year. So when you sold weed, because that seems like a thing that doesn't happen anymore, did you sell weed at like a Med Men or? Yeah, it was through a company. It was like a delivery service.
All right, hell yeah.
Thank you for your service. Yeah. So if you don't work and you're living with your mom, I'm guessing your mom. I live with my girlfriend. So your mom's your girlfriend.
That's hot. What does your girlfriend do for work? She works for the Red Cross.
Wow, the Red Cross. Does she drive blood around? Yeah. Holy fuck, she ever get in a car accident and there's blood everywhere? In 1973?
So she is supporting you? At the moment, yes. I am looking for a job. What are you qualified for? What can you be good at? Um... Other than selling weed, what else have you done in your 27 years on planet Earth? I worked in restaurants. My dad had a restaurant. Okay. That was in LA? In the Bay Area. All right.
Okay.
Okay. What was it? What kind of food, my guy? It was, uh, it was like a, it was a pub and restaurant. Like a pub and grill.
What was it called? Like one of those British, like the upside down seahorse clit or something?
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Chapter 6: What experiences shaped your career in comedy?
So it was an Irish pub. Yeah. Any black guys sucking cock inside?
Yeah.
Well, I don't think the black guy was sucking. I don't think he was sucking.
Oh, I think he bends over and sucks it a lot. I'm glad you said it.
Amazing.
So what kind of food did you serve? Irish pub? What did you have? Shepherd's pie, my guy? And what else? Oh, my guy.
They had these really good funnel cake fries. Oh, wow.
It was delicious.
Did you smoke weed through them? Yeah. The way you whispered it.
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Chapter 7: What are the challenges of being a caregiver?
Elliot Page. She is my guy. Yeah, she is my guy. My guy, yeah. Have you ever thought about transitioning because you're so close to the middle? It's only like a, it's a small step. I thought it would be a lot cheaper. It's one small step away. I'm almost there. Okay, sorry. All right, what else? What do you do for fun? You seem like the kind of guy that likes playing chess against himself.
Yeah, it's kind of the kind of guy that owns a skateboard but never steps on it.
That's right, I got it.
Chapter 8: How do personal experiences influence your comedy routine?
I like to take mushrooms and go on walks. That's what I've been doing lately. Wow.
What happens?
Man of the people. Any chance you walked by a cemetery yesterday and thought you saw a fucking zombie walking around? You're like, no, I just have to be tripping my balls off because that can't possibly be. What do you do when you walk? I like to lightly stalk people. Not with malicious intent, no. I'll just follow people for a while. They kind of dictate my journey. Just wherever I end up.
You ever halfway murder someone? No, I usually commit. So, like, if I... Am I doing it? I'm doing it. So you marry them and then kill them?
Yeah. I like that. I like that.
I love it. Do you have any special moves in the bedroom? I mean, your girl is paying your rent. She's fully supporting you. I'd imagine you're stuck eating pussy all the time. Oh, yeah. And always putting the toilet seat back down. But anything else in the bedroom that you do? Dane is dropping in from the ceiling, fan. If I know anything about Dane... Yeah. Oh!
You ever have trouble finding her golden snitch? No, I'm pretty good at it. We've been dating for eight years now, so I'm familiar with the territory. Okay. What's a special move that you do? Well, lately, we... So, not lately. I've known this my whole life. So, my penis is curved, but it curves down... Which makes it perfect to hit the G-spot. That's not what the G-spot is.
It's actually the opposite. Yeah, you're going the wrong direction.
Can you believe it? This guy's got no job and he has a Bentley. Fuck me.
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