William Montgomery
Appearances
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Because at one point when I was drinking and doing a bunch of cocaine, I would get on just to talk shit. And I was befriending people. So now when I logged back on, it was all these kind of, probably some nice people, but it was people I don't remember talking to. So I don't want to talk to them now.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
I had a Philly cheesesteak in Indiana. That was not good. I ate some egg rolls. Those were not good. It's been a really bad week for me with the food.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Yeah, you were dabbing your head with white bread. You were going up to everybody saying you were really hot, and you would dab your head with the bread. It was hilarious. It was hilarious.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Yeah, I don't know. Well, he's about, we're renting a car, and we're going to take the drive from Austin to Memphis in a couple of days.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
I like to drive. I, unlike Red Band, have very nice memories of Christmas, so I am really looking forward to going back to my parents' house on Christmas. How long of a drive is that? Nine and a half hours. Why wouldn't you fly? Seven hours if I take Adderall. And I might take some Adderall. So we'll see. Then I don't have to stop and I drive really fast.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
But if I smoke weed or something, then I drive slow. So if I just take Adderall, I get in the zone. Auto zone.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Damn, let me see them titties, bitch. Holy shit. No, seriously. Pfizer is about to release a new version of the COVID vaccine, and the worst part is that it includes a new YouTube album in the syringe. Quick housekeeping note, tonight's proceeds will benefit the defense fund of Harvey Weinstein. I'm going to start selling shirts to say I survived the Me Too movement.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Let's be honest though, considering I've only talked to four girls in my life, including my mom, I didn't really survive the Me Too movement. It's like being locked up at Rikers Island on 9-11 and later you tell someone, yeah, I was there. Okay, that's my team.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
It is so nice to be here. And I think this woman, after I tell you, it's literally, this is, Tony, my six-year anniversary of being a regular on the show. So, bitch, I think you really... Who's that, your man right there?
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Now I feel awkward because she really does have some really nice titties, it looks like. I mean, look at those things. So when y'all have sex, do you get on top of them? Or does he get on top of you? Great question. Keep asking. How do y'all do it? How'd y'all do it last?
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
You get on top. Oh, I bet your titties are really bouncing then.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
You were there that fateful night at the Squire Lounge. They were doing an open mic there, and it's when I was drinking a lot, and I would put my backpack behind me, and I had a notebook in there filled with jokes, and a homeless person stole my backpack that night.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Yeah, it was in there. You got it back, though. Yeah, I did not get it back.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
William, what else is going on in the world? I am praying to God I can convince Red Band to come to my parents' house at Christmas. Now, Red Band, y'all, grew up in not the best situation. He hates Christmas. And let's keep that between us. It's really not a good time for him. Again, he grew up in, like, this really poor family, and he wouldn't get presents or anything. So the guy hates Christmas.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
So I'm trying to... Get him to come to Memphis. Come on, Red Band.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Yeah, we get on Red Band's fucking phone one night, and Mitzi's after this, and we're all joking around about what our Instagram algorithms are, and I swear to God, Red Band gets his up, and it's all women and their children breastfeeding.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Well, I mean, it's going to be okay. Your mom is coming. I haven't told you that yet. Yeah, your mom's going to be there. We got to do mattress down in the bedroom I grew up in. So she's going to be really comfortable, but we don't even have to talk about that, though. Redman, please come.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Not a lot. Well, Tony, you're not going to want to hear this, but I actually now on Call of Duty, I started playing. Nobody wants to hear this, but. Now on Call of Duty, it's been a big part of my life the past week. Now on Call of Duty, I'm playing the zombies thing, and I realize that I'm really close to getting opal camouflage on my AK-47.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
When you say no one's going to- Which is like a big deal, Tony. I swear, it's a lot of time I've been putting into it. I'm not really good at the game, so don't ever look me up on there, but I put a lot of time in. People can look you up? They could. I'm not going to do my name out right now because I was trying to play with my brother the other night and these random people kept on getting on.
KILL TONY
#702 - MARK NORMAND + ARI SHAFFIR + SHANE GILLIS
All right. I live in Austin now. I'm kind of newer here. Austin's a wild city. It is very weird. I went to a house party a couple weeks ago here. Saw something I've never seen in my life. I walk in there. Back of the house, I saw two guys in the back doing competitive rock, paper, scissors. Just throwing down. I thought it was a Texas thing. I thought they were playing for money.
KILL TONY
#702 - MARK NORMAND + ARI SHAFFIR + SHANE GILLIS
I went to check it out. Turns out, just two deaf guys on cocaine talking to each other really fast. They're just like... We partied all night. We had a... They called it a silent disco. That's what we did. We fucking got down. Diddy's in trouble. You seen this? You heard about this? No, but one of the things he did I didn't think was a big deal.
KILL TONY
#702 - MARK NORMAND + ARI SHAFFIR + SHANE GILLIS
He would hire these escorts to come to the house and their job was to entice his guests to have sex with them and then he would film them having sex without their knowledge and apparently you can't do that. So... But when I read that, I was like, who is like, he goes, he would try to like use that as blackmail on people. And I read, I was like, who's, who's that blackmail for?
KILL TONY
#702 - MARK NORMAND + ARI SHAFFIR + SHANE GILLIS
You know, like if I get a phone call one day and someone's like, we have a video of you and Dr. Dre double teaming a hooker at Diddy's house. I'd be like, can you tag me in that? Like I fucking, you have the video? None of my friends believe me.
KILL TONY
#702 - MARK NORMAND + ARI SHAFFIR + SHANE GILLIS
What do you do for work? Side gig, I sell T-shirts at concerts.
KILL TONY
#702 - MARK NORMAND + ARI SHAFFIR + SHANE GILLIS
Merch, yes. This guy knows the technical terms.
KILL TONY
#702 - MARK NORMAND + ARI SHAFFIR + SHANE GILLIS
Where are you from? Chicago, originally. Lived here for a couple years. Yeah, Chi-town, the house.
KILL TONY
#702 - MARK NORMAND + ARI SHAFFIR + SHANE GILLIS
Chicago's pretty greasy, dude. It's not Philadelphia or anything. Whoa! Whoa. That's fine. It's fine.
KILL TONY
#702 - MARK NORMAND + ARI SHAFFIR + SHANE GILLIS
You say something nasty like that. I'm a big Bears fan. I hate the Packers. I'm very happy your Eagles took care of that last one. We're not talking.
KILL TONY
#702 - MARK NORMAND + ARI SHAFFIR + SHANE GILLIS
Tony, shut the fuck up. We're talking ball.
KILL TONY
#702 - MARK NORMAND + ARI SHAFFIR + SHANE GILLIS
She bartends here, Elena. Whoa! She gets all you guys drunk.
KILL TONY
#702 - MARK NORMAND + ARI SHAFFIR + SHANE GILLIS
What are your goals, Matt? Get married in March. Wow, okay. Trying to lock that down and then, you know, try to get less greasy, I guess, dude.
KILL TONY
#702 - MARK NORMAND + ARI SHAFFIR + SHANE GILLIS
Yeah, no, honest fear. I mean, it's a cliche. I hate spiders. I know it's gay. I don't like them. It's not good. Big spider guy? I like a spider. You like spiders? Sure.
KILL TONY
#702 - MARK NORMAND + ARI SHAFFIR + SHANE GILLIS
They are freaks, see? Yeah. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that. Greece, spiders, Puerto Rico. Don't like Puerto Rico. Okay.
KILL TONY
KT #720 - CARROT TOP
The way you're answering these questions is very suspicious. We spend a lot of time together. She pretty much does whatever I want her to do.
KILL TONY
#693 - JEFF DYE + RICK GLASSMAN
Yeah, I just moved to Austin. I was going to redownload the dating apps here. First thing that came up when I searched dating apps, Chispa, a dating app for Latinos. That shit's crazy. I mean, come on, look it up if you don't believe me. I mean, who? Imagine, imagine Cracker, a dating app for white people. You'd get fucking shot. Like, like...
KILL TONY
#693 - JEFF DYE + RICK GLASSMAN
I guess this is no longer Biden's America, this is Trump's America, whatever. Whatever the fuck you want to consider it. But I was thinking about it. Shit. Like, what if I created an app for fucking gingers? So I did. And we've got five users now. We're few and far between. My only match is two people.
KILL TONY
#693 - JEFF DYE + RICK GLASSMAN
One of them's in Scotland, and one of them lives back where I'm from in Portland, and I may or may not be related to them. That's my time. Thank you, guys.
KILL TONY
#693 - JEFF DYE + RICK GLASSMAN
Yeah. The middle names are my grandfathers, Joseph and Peter. Wow.
KILL TONY
#693 - JEFF DYE + RICK GLASSMAN
I think he was. He died like a long time before I was born. Right. Or one of them died a long time before I was born. The other one died like two years before I was born. Right.
KILL TONY
#693 - JEFF DYE + RICK GLASSMAN
I don't belong in Austin, Texas. I belong on like a cold, dreary island in fucking northern Europe. I don't belong here. Right.
KILL TONY
#693 - JEFF DYE + RICK GLASSMAN
I've only been here like a month and a half, but yeah. Okay. Where'd you come from? Portland, Oregon.
KILL TONY
#693 - JEFF DYE + RICK GLASSMAN
I was born and raised in Portland. Right. Great place. It's not that great.
KILL TONY
#693 - JEFF DYE + RICK GLASSMAN
In Portland, I worked in finance in a country club, and then here I was a FedEx driver for two and a half weeks. What happened? And then I quit because fuck that shit. Why? Because it just fucking sucked.
KILL TONY
#693 - JEFF DYE + RICK GLASSMAN
I delivered around here to the Google building and a bunch of apartment buildings, and it just fucking sucked, so I quit. And I have savings so that I can pay rent.
KILL TONY
#693 - JEFF DYE + RICK GLASSMAN
I'm not wealthy. That's not enough money to live on. No, it's okay. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's going to run out, you know? Yeah, you're doing just fine for a redhead. I'm trying to get another job. Do you have any pets? I have a dog. Yeah, what kind of dog? He's a German Shepherd Border Collie. He's like 85 pounds.
KILL TONY
#693 - JEFF DYE + RICK GLASSMAN
I'm neutral. I'm neutral on turtles. I don't know where that's coming from, but... Get older, dude. Get it.
KILL TONY
#693 - JEFF DYE + RICK GLASSMAN
No, because I feel like if I would, it would remind me too much of my sister.
KILL TONY
#693 - JEFF DYE + RICK GLASSMAN
Um, shit. I'm technically a British citizen. How did that happen? No, it's not nice. Sorry. You're way more important than me. Um... Worst country on earth. Tell us about it. Go ahead. Well, my mom's a British citizen, and then she moved here, and she never got her citizenship, so I'm technically a British citizen.
KILL TONY
#693 - JEFF DYE + RICK GLASSMAN
Yeah. I do actually have a kid, which is crazy. You have a kid? Unfortunately, yeah.
KILL TONY
#693 - JEFF DYE + RICK GLASSMAN
I know. Nobody wants to have sex with a redhead. It just sort of, like, happens, you know? Wow. She's about two years and two months. Wow. I've never met her.
KILL TONY
#693 - JEFF DYE + RICK GLASSMAN
I've never met her. You've never met her? No, I don't know.
KILL TONY
#693 - JEFF DYE + RICK GLASSMAN
How long were you with this girl for? Well, I mean, like, we don't... Shit, we don't... Fuck. All right. We only had sex, like, four or five times, and it was, like, two and a half weeks, and then she got pregnant. Well, she told me she couldn't get pregnant. Like, she told me she was infertile. So I was like, well, I wasn't worried about it.
KILL TONY
#693 - JEFF DYE + RICK GLASSMAN
Every time. I mean, I was 21 years old. Like, I'm fucking ginger. Like, she told me she couldn't get pregnant, and I was like, fuck it. This is awesome. And then... And then she got pregnant, and it's Oregon. The baby lives in Oregon, and abortion's legal, so I was like, hey, you should get an abortion. She's like, nah, I don't feel like it. I don't feel like it? Pretty much, yeah. Oh, my God.
KILL TONY
#693 - JEFF DYE + RICK GLASSMAN
She did trick me. How ugly is she? How ugly? Yeah. I don't know. She's probably like an Oregon 6, but like an Austin, Texas 2.
KILL TONY
#693 - JEFF DYE + RICK GLASSMAN
God, I hope not. I hope not, too. Well, she's probably... I seriously doubt she does. She's probably going to... She's too busy raising a child, so...
KILL TONY
#693 - JEFF DYE + RICK GLASSMAN
She's too busy raising your child. Biologically, she's mine, but emotionally, spiritually, she's not. Wow. Absolutely incredible.
KILL TONY
#693 - JEFF DYE + RICK GLASSMAN
I mean, I would love to, but it's either spend the next fucking 16 years of my life in Eugene, Oregon, or just fucking do what I want to do. And Eugene, Oregon, I went to University of Oregon. Go Ducks, I guess. Number one in the country in football right now. Fuck. But it's a shithole. It fucking sucks. Eugene, Oregon, fuck that place. It's either spend my life there or do the shit I want to do.
KILL TONY
#693 - JEFF DYE + RICK GLASSMAN
Yeah. I guess. I mean, I feel fucking terrible about it. You do? Oh yeah, big time. Amazing. It weighs heavy on my mind. Yeah, all the time.
KILL TONY
#693 - JEFF DYE + RICK GLASSMAN
That was good. She doesn't have my last name, though. Well, I mean, thank God for that.
KILL TONY
#693 - JEFF DYE + RICK GLASSMAN
Why does she hate you? Because I told her to get an abortion. Because I told her, okay, I fucking hate you. Why would you lie to me? Like, why would you do this to me? And she's like, well, if you don't want to be a father, then just fuck off. And that's what I did. Wow.
KILL TONY
#693 - JEFF DYE + RICK GLASSMAN
I don't even know if she has red hair or not. Shit. It weighs heavy on my mind. It's not a good thing. Golden ticket.
KILL TONY
#693 - JEFF DYE + RICK GLASSMAN
This is not the way that children are supposed to be born. I'll tell you what. This is why abortion should be legal.
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
There's a new sexual identity that's becoming very popular. It's called self-partnered, but it's weird because when I was growing up, they just called that jacking off. I'm over here twerking my ass off and y'all can't even make it rain? That is the disgruntled undercover cop in an all-black club.
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
This next one is a gastroenterologist about to retire, but he finds out he has one last colonoscopy to perform. Maine, I'm getting too old for this shit! Okay, I was going for Danny Glover, lethal weapon on that one. Fuck. An Air India flight had to turn around and go back to the airport because it smelled so bad in the cabin, and people were surprised by that. Okay, that's my time. Thank you.
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
Yeah, I mean, seriously, don't fuck it up. This is a big thing.
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
Tony! Okay, yeah. Who was that? I was going for Antonio Banderas or something like that. Oh, yeah. Tony, where's my horse, man? That wasn't as good. That's a spot on.
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
It's wonderful. I'm up to 80,000 meters on the row machine, Tony. I am not stopping. I'm doing it every day. I'm doing 10,000 fucking meters a day. Nobody's going to stop me doing this, Tony.
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
I'm feeling as strong as ever. I went to the fucking doctor last week. My blood pressure was okay. That was a giant concern for me. I thought my blood pressure would be horrible, but it was okay. What was it at? I think it was 150 over 140 or something. Is that good? That's good. That's great. That's what they told me.
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
Wait, hold on. So your wife's pussy is really that dry? I don't know. Are you serious?
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
It was, again, it was a lot of what I was doing. I think in high school, it's when you basically choose to just love on yourself. You don't need any fucking, you don't need any woman in your life. You don't need any man in your life. You just work on yourself. Wow. Absolutely incredible. Do you have a girlfriend? I do have a girlfriend, but I'm also self-partnering.
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
So I'm working on myself, and I'm also in a good relationship. So I'm doing two things right now. Wow, it's like a threesome. Self-partnering and I have a relationship. It's like a threesome. Yeah. Self-partnering and a girlfriend. I know, because I'm working on myself right now, and I'm also in a good relationship. So yeah, it's like I'm doing two different things right now.
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
What do you listen to when you row? America. America's first album, the album with Horse With No Name on it. The album's about 45 minutes long, and I row for about 42 minutes. All the songs, yeah, it's been America this past week.
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
I get off of the row machine and I, I curl up in a ball on the ground thinking I'm fucking dying. So I don't really listen to the last three minutes of it.
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
um incredible red band has been looking for a physical outlet uh he needs to exercise would you be able to train him to row i would love to if you would be willing red band seriously i try to talk to him about this all the time about getting better but it's like you refuse to i think you've gotten too used to being sedentary at your places where you live.
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
I tell people I'm 29. When I meet them, I tell everybody I'm 29.
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
Because you're silly, right? Yeah, oh, I love my sweet little nieces.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
I feel like we should ramp up President's Day just a notch. Like we should all be forced to kneel on rugs that face the Washington Monument and pray to the gods that we elected. So the buzz in Hollywood is they're making a prequel to Cliffhanger and it stars a volcano? Because volcanoes make mountains, Cliff. Okay, let's keep moving. Fuck.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
Elon Musk says that millions of people receiving social security payments are between 150 and 200 years old, with one person being 360 years old. Red band, I knew your mom was old as shit, but damn! Fuck! Germany is cracking down on hate speech. Seems a little ironic. Okay, this is my time, Tony.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
Tony, I felt so bad for the mime guy. He seemed genuinely not to talk about other stuff, but that seems sad. Tell me about it. I don't know. It just seemed like he was really feeling bad. It seemed like he was really depressed. And I want to say, thank God I'm still back off of the Call of Duty camo grind. Tony, I've literally, I've been doing the row machine. Guess how many miles?
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
Whoa. I am doing a shit ton more. It's wonderful. I'm listening to Blues Traveler exclusively. It's been a very therapeutic thing for me, Tony.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
I don't know. Well, I've looked up clubs. They have clubs here in town, so maybe one of these days.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
I need to figure out the logistics. You could have your own kayak.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
Yeah. And row. Maybe I'll start doing that. We'll see. I don't know, Tony. I'm figuring it out.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
It's at a gym. It's at a gym. It's not at my house. Maybe if I can get out of the one-bedroom apartment. Maybe at some point it's a dream to get a rowing machine. I get in my car today, Tony, and the fucking volume doesn't work. I'm trying to listen to some Blues Traveler. I was going to listen to Hook on the way over here, and the fucking volume's busted on the fucking Volvo.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
Correct. Yeah, I got the kind that you just put inside of your ear. Yeah, that would be headphones. It's a good kind to do. Tony, I swear, I don't think I've eaten enough food. I've been burning all these calories. I feel insane. I feel crazy, kind of. I had a Clif Bar on the way over here, but I don't think I've eaten enough. It's not good right now. I feel like I'm sweating. I feel...
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
I cannot believe y'all still have that fucking food up there.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
I cannot believe y'all still have him bringing the fucking food up there. What do you mean it got you sick? Like a year ago, it got me sick as shit. I ate one of the fucking cheeseburgers.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
No, I'm kidding. It's pretty good food. It's good. I don't know. I just didn't eat it.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
It's over by Inateck. I watched fucking... What is the office space last night? Yeah, it's right by Initech. It's very close to Initech. I took a picture outside of the building today. I did put the timer on my phone, but I'm standing right before the entrance of Initech. It looks almost the same, too, right?
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
Motherfucking state champion of Tennessee. I will be honest, there weren't a lot of people in the race, but the state champion of Tennessee.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
Yeah, it was wonderful. My mother and I, I don't think I've said this on here, but my mom and I met him when my mom was helping my brother move to town, and we meet Lance Armstrong up there, and my mom's talking to him, and she's like, yeah, William's dad rides a lot, not as good as you, obviously. And he looks at her, and he's like, yeah, no shit. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. It was kind of insane.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
I love the guy. I still love the guy, but it was insane. Nobody was insinuating my sweet father was fucking faster than Lance Armstrong. It was insane.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
Yeah, stupid white woman. Crazy thing to say. She's real racist, too. Yeah, stupid white woman.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
Well, I'm getting, nobody wants to hear this, but I'm getting back on the Aubrey and Buds because, Tony, I've been drinking protein shakes after I work out, and I've been going two and three days without shitting. So I've got to get back. But it's so weird, Tony. Everybody, again, be careful. This is really a warning. I used to love the Aubrey and Buds.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
I was eating them every day for probably a year, and then I had to stop. I overdid it. So now I'm looking at it every single morning, and I can't bring myself to open up the box. But I'm going to have to because I'm now at day two of not shitting. And I ate a bunch of food last night. Wow. Absolutely incredible.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
You should have done her laugh. That was so funny, the laugh you have.
KILL TONY
#697 - RFK JR + ARI SHAFFIR
We are sharp. Hey, this is Brad Pitt coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Keanu Doughty. Give it up for Tony Hatchcock!
KILL TONY
#715 - KID ROCK + MARK NORMAND
Rocky Top, you'll always be home freedom to me. Good old Rocky Top. Rocky Top, Tennessee. Rocky Top, you'll always be home sweet home to me. Good old Rocky Top. Rocky Top did us good. Rocky Top, you'll always be home sweet home to me. Good old Rocky Top. Rocky Top, Tennessee. Nashville. Nashville, the weirdest thing happened to me today. I flew in on Delta and we did not crash.
KILL TONY
#715 - KID ROCK + MARK NORMAND
I'm shaking down this bullshit! Virginia Giffrey, the girl Jeffrey Epstein gave to Prince Andrew to have sex with when she was 16, got hit this week by a school bus going 80 miles per hour. And my only question is, where in the hell did Hillary Clinton find a school bus that goes 80 miles per hour? You know that bitch ain't fighting those cool boys!
KILL TONY
#715 - KID ROCK + MARK NORMAND
And you know Keanu Reeves was driving that motherfucker saying, the bus can't go under 50 miles an hour! I don't know if anybody realizes this, but three out of the four coaches in the final four are Jewish. I mean, first it's Hollywood, then the banking system, now this. What's next, the right to vote? In response to the U.S.
KILL TONY
#715 - KID ROCK + MARK NORMAND
tariffs, Canada is imposing large tariffs on dog food and flamethrowers, which is bullshit because I'm gonna have to get a second job to pay for this shit. You know I love feeding Red Band's mom dog food. She fucking crawls around like a dog on her hands and knees and she fucking eats it off of my back, dude. And your mom can't get up there, Red Band. Okay, that's my time. Thank you, Tony. Wow.
KILL TONY
#715 - KID ROCK + MARK NORMAND
Nashville, it is so nice. I had a horrible time in the hotel last night. I ordered two large Papa John's pizzas, and then I got an alert 30 minutes later that it was canceled, and then I ordered a bunch of White Castle, and I ate the White Castle, Tony, and then about 30 minutes later, I get a text message, and it's my pizza at the front desk. What did you do?
KILL TONY
#715 - KID ROCK + MARK NORMAND
Ended up eating the two pizzas after the White Castle, so... Nashville, you're gonna make my ass fat up here!
KILL TONY
#715 - KID ROCK + MARK NORMAND
I know, but oh my gosh, it's so nice to be back in Tennessee. It really is.
KILL TONY
#715 - KID ROCK + MARK NORMAND
Well, I was, excuse me, Tony, I was a Pi Kappa Alpha at the University of Tennessee, and Tony, one of my fondest memories of the first time I foot a ton of funnel in my asshole, the first time I butt chugged, Tony, that happened up in Knoxville, Tennessee, about three hours away, so it really is so nice. I ended up... Wow. Ended up getting raped a couple times that night.
KILL TONY
#715 - KID ROCK + MARK NORMAND
Well, I think people in this audience might like to know I lost my virginity right outside of Sevierville, Tennessee! Oh, yeah! I was putting it in the first time right outside of Dollywood! But yeah, so that's a good memory. Did that. Got a couple of staph infections in my butt. Wow.
KILL TONY
#715 - KID ROCK + MARK NORMAND
I started doing the row machine a whole bunch. I've done 500, I've done 500,000 meters since January. And I got on the... The eBay, the Adidas eBay store. Shout out to Adidas eBay store. You can get everything for like half off, 75% off. So I've been going ham on eBay recently. But yeah, Adidas store. And they said if I mention it tonight, I might get a new sponsor, Tony.
KILL TONY
#715 - KID ROCK + MARK NORMAND
Everybody buy a pair of the basketball socks, please, on the Adidas eBay site after this, please. Because I told them I'm going to mention the basketball socks. If so, if there's an influx of the basketball socks, they will know it's because of me, Tony, but... Wow.
KILL TONY
#715 - KID ROCK + MARK NORMAND
Yeah, I sat next to some weirdo on the airplane who was telling me about how he's back in Austin. He has a lady with a family who he loves, and I'm thinking, this guy's getting catfished, and then he starts telling me about Sasquatches, how when Jesus comes down and saves everybody, the evil people on earth will still be around, and the Sasquatches are going to come out. It kind of
KILL TONY
#715 - KID ROCK + MARK NORMAND
So just waiting for that to happen. Toad. That guy was the weirdo.
KILL TONY
#715 - KID ROCK + MARK NORMAND
Maybe some people in Tennessee can feel me on this. Maybe some lightning balls. Maybe a little bit of funnel cake in this motherfucker. Maybe some candy apples. Okay, that's all I got. Tony!
KILL TONY
#715 - KID ROCK + MARK NORMAND
I don't know. I'm going to be hollering at Red Band, hopefully, and he's going to let me go out with his fucking ass. And then I'm going to fucking go back, order some Papa John's again, and then on purpose order the White Castle. I gorged myself last night. I actually just found out that if you vomit in between eating, you can eat a whole bunch more food. I had never done it.
KILL TONY
#715 - KID ROCK + MARK NORMAND
I'd always heard about that before. It's an eating disorder, which is very sad, but I was... stuffing myself last night, Tony. I was just so excited to be here in Nashville. So, if I can eat some motherfucker.
KILL TONY
#715 - KID ROCK + MARK NORMAND
It's good for my heart. My coach told me it's good for my heart. My rowing coach. Seriously.
KILL TONY
#715 - KID ROCK + MARK NORMAND
Yeah, it's like it puts pressure on your heart. I wear my heart rate monitor when I'm doing it. My heart rate goes way up right before I put my finger in my mouth. I get so nervous before I fucking make myself throw up, and my heart rate goes through the roof at the beginning part.
KILL TONY
#715 - KID ROCK + MARK NORMAND
I'm sorry, Kid Rock. I don't think I understand that one bad! Oh, because she's a fat bitch. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
KILL TONY
#715 - KID ROCK + MARK NORMAND
Well, Tony, that's weird because I don't think I'm ever going to stop eating White Castle.
KILL TONY
#701 - ANDREW DICE CLAY
Hi, everyone. I love you, Tony. Can I just start by saying I love you very much? You're my brother. But... Here's the thing. I did want to start talking about the Trump rally thing, because it's like, I don't want to keep bringing it up. Like, that needs to go away. It's just that it was so crazy to me that, like, the Trump rally, like, that was just so not set up for comedy at all.
KILL TONY
#701 - ANDREW DICE CLAY
The fact that you just, like, went out there, like, it wasn't set up for comedy at all. Like, you walked up there at the Trump rally, half the audience was like, oh, an abortion victim is speaking. We get to hear from a baby who was terminated at nine months. But I will say, to be clear, Tony Hanchcliffe is not racist, okay? He just looks racist.
KILL TONY
#701 - ANDREW DICE CLAY
Tony looks like the kind of guy who says the full N-word when he's singing along to Broadway show tunes. Tony, you were at what was considered the most disastrous Trump rally, and there was one where he got shot in the head. Two people died in Pennsylvania. Yours was the most upsetting.
KILL TONY
#701 - ANDREW DICE CLAY
At least when two people got shot in the head, at least we didn't have to hear Jennifer Lopez give a speech about it. Like, that was... And then the next day, do you remember Donald Trump pretended not to know who you were? This is a man who publicly admitted to being friends with Jeffrey Epstein. This is a man who wished Ghislaine Maxwell well when she went to prison.
KILL TONY
#701 - ANDREW DICE CLAY
On TV, he pretended not to know you, sucked Trump's dick, and then he pretended not to know you. Now you know what it's like to be a Miss USA contestant. So... And this was not the first time something like this happened. A little while back, Tony got in trouble for saying the C word. That's right. Some cunt got mad that he said chink.
KILL TONY
#701 - ANDREW DICE CLAY
You know, Tony was actually, he came here, like, you know, during the pandemic, you know. I love his, like, new look, being in Texas, like, being a more Western guy. I didn't know they sold cowboy boots at Build-A-Bear. Tony, I love you so much. What an honor to be on Kill Tony. What a trip. Thank you, guys.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
My favorite Kentucky Derby horse this year was Flying Mohawk. I love that name. And I think my least favorite name at the Derby this year was JonBenet Ramsey's Killer. I asked Red Band if he had a horse, what would he name it? And he said, there goes the neighborhood. That's pathetic, Red Band, you fucking idiot.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
A morbidly obese murderer on death row is arguing that his obesity will cause him to suffer when he's executed, and that's bad because... Rosie O'Donnell says she has a crush on Lyle Menendez, who, along with his brother, has been in prison for the last 35 years for killing his parents. I know this goes without saying, but Lyle, stay away from that crazy bitch! She'll ruin your reputation, Lyle!
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
It sucks, man. I was thinking that was for sure a minute. I was picturing more laughter for some of the jokes, but I was thinking it was going to be right at a minute. But I was three seconds short.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
Tony, I was on Facebook. I scrolled through. I had to follow these different Facebook pages, and I was scrolling through it, and I saw these shorts, and I'm like, I got to get these shorts. And I got the shorts. I got a... I'm doing the shorts. I'm still doing the row machine. I'm at 50,000 meters this month. Tony, I'm at 750,000 meters since January 1st. Whoa.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
I'm planning on hitting a million in June. I'm sponsoring, Tony, you're going to be proud of me. I'm sponsoring St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital. Whoa. For what? Each dollar I raise, I have all these different donors, and each meter I go, they're giving me a dollar.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
I have a couple different donors who are willing to do this. Big people who are down with helping children, sick kids. Why are you laughing at that, you fucking weirdo? You're about to be hooked up onto the same machines, dumbass, when you're dying in the fucking hospital. And I wish I was wrong. I'm trying to get you on the fucking row machine, dude.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
It was really funny when the girl was talking about all the death in her life with the car crashes. He was doing good at that. Red Band, you were pretty funny at that.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
No, I went duck hunting once, Tony. It was the saddest thing ever. Tell us about it. We need to know. Oh, my God.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
I was with my buddy Ben Jordan, and I remember we were hitting whippets on the way to his property in Tennessee, and Jordan was hitting him while we were driving, which was scary, and then we ended up shooting shotguns, shooting skeet, and I think that's why I have tinnitus right now, because we didn't have earplugs or anything.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
We ended up, he shot a couple of ducks, and I just remember thinking it'd be like two buddies up there flying, and then one of them just disappears. So I'm never going to participate again. I'll eat them, but I don't want to participate.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
Ho Chi Minh duck. Ho Chi Minh duck. Yeah. Keep going. Vietnamese duck. Donald. Okay. You ever had Korea City duck? Wait, Korea City's not a place. And that was sad. I'm sorry. I love the lighting guy tried to jump in on that one. Yeah, trying to help me. Thank you, dumbass. You kind of made it worse. You kind of made it worse.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
Yes. What kind of goose did you have? Oh, my gosh, it was a yellow goose. Ooh. Yeah, yeah, it was chocolate. Ooh, a chocolate goose. Yeah, it was a chocolate yellow goose. You ever have blue heron? Blue heron, yes, I love it. Wow, yeah. Do you?
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
Weirdly enough, that's what his mom was doing on my dick last night. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. It was like a gagging kind of that weird bird kind of shit. It was so weird.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
I'm sorry, Red Band. I've been trying to be nicer, but when you kind of went after the sick kids, I was kind of fucked up.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
Yeah, we talking lymphoma. We are talking brain cancers. We're talking bone cancers. We're talking... Different kinds of blood cancer. What's the real popular blood cancer? Lymphoma. No, but there's another one. Oh. What else is it? Leukemia. Leukemia, yes. A lot of leukemia.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
Shit, maybe a little skin cancer! No, I have skin cancer right now, so I shouldn't say that.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
I messed up with the duck thing. I was trying to think of different Asian cities, Tony, but it didn't work. What do you got, like melanoma on your arm, my guy? Well, I don't know yet. It's just an itchy pimple, and that's how the other one started. Really?
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
If you want. I'd love to see some. Be nice to me in there. I need some support in there. I get scared in there.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
I have made you motherfuckers $3 million since January. I get it. You have leukemia or something, but you're going to have to get out of the fucking bed. My uncle lives in Memphis. I have a dear uncle who lives in Memphis. He can live in his pool house. Live in the pool house because I get this bed. I'm going to be the first adult ever to be... I get it. Receiving the services at St.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
Jude's Children's Research Hospital, I will be the first adult. So you have to leave, little man, and go to my fucking uncle's pool house.
KILL TONY
KT #719 - HARLAND WILLIAMS
I'm going to fucking get my knife out of my pocket and run it along his foot and say, I don't think you want this thing in your fucking foot, dude. Get out of your bed, get into the wheelchair, get into my aunt's car and go to my uncle's pool house because that's where you're going to die, dumbass.
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
Kamala Harris just signed with a major talent agency, and in all honesty, I didn't realize blowing people to further your career was considered a talent. Harriet the spy died? Was she in too deep? I heard she was asking too many questions. Michelle Trachtenberg is dead!
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
Remember that show on VH1 called Behind the Music and how in every episode the band was hotter than ever, but offstage things were falling apart? Have y'all seen a Behind the Music lately? Yeah, who got the last laugh, VH1? Fuck you, VH1! Fuck you! Did y'all know Osama bin Laden made a skate video? Yeah, I listened to the audio book. It's pretty decent. Okay, Tony, that's my time.
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
See, how did the Harriet the Spy joke? That's a wonderful joke, and nobody's laughing. I'm telling everybody backstage, nobody's laughing backstage. We literally... Is this a horrible idea?
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
Yeah, I think she had a bad alcohol problem and had to get her liver fucking replaced.
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
Just Osama bin Laden, the idea. He literally had a skate video. People don't realize that.
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
Yeah, skate, like rollerblading. Who's a rollerblader?
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
Yeah, no, he's a really big rollerblader. A lot of people don't know that about Osama Bin Laden. They all think about 9-11, all this bullshit, but he's actually a really good rollerblader. There were actually some skateboard videos. People loved him skateboarding. It's really cool. Seriously. Wow.
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
And I literally, they made it into an audio book and I literally was listening to the audio book on the way to Cleveland on Friday.
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
It's some Middle Eastern sounding guy just kind of... Yeah. Just this Middle Eastern guy describing Osama. What I was listening to was skateboarding. It was a lot of skateboarding. Just the different tricks. They're like, okay, he's going up into the pool. He just dropped in. He did a 360 on the way down. Just a lot of stuff like that. Wow.
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
And I know a decent amount about rollerblading, skateboarding, what have you. So I was able to really...
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
Yeah. Are you and I going to go to the Barton Street Mall or Barton Creek Mall and go rollerblading in there?
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
Tony, I feel like we would go and then we'd be like, hold on, where's Red Band? And we look behind us and you're dying on the ground having a heart attack.
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
That's unbelievable. I picture Redman going uphill on rollerblades and just going backwards. There's no way. There's no way you would know how to fucking rollerblade up a hill. Seriously, there's no way. There's no way. No way. That would take a ton of strength. How do you even angle your feet on that one, Redman? You wouldn't even know how to do that.
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
His knees would, yeah, they'd buckle like a fucking house fucking falling.
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
That's why he's not allowed to exercise. That's why he has to stay on the couch all day, because his knees click in and out.
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
Well, I left Tony. I had a really good time last Monday just hanging out in Mitzi's, and I get back out to my car, and my car's gone. And I think, uh-oh. And then I come back here, and one of the nice police officers talks to me and tells me that they took my license plate as well. So I'm thinking this is some weird conspiracy. Somebody's getting my ass kicked.
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
And I make it to the tow truck place at, like, 2 a.m., and my license plate is off the car. I have to spend $300 on that. I had to spend $500 on the actual ticket. It was this nightmarish $800. I'm fucking $800 in the hole right now. I literally did buy a couple skateboards recently. Seriously.
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
so this isn't good but yeah and then i i finally have texas plates now though i had my tennessee plates on so they they ran the i didn't realize i had i had a newer tennessee license plate and i didn't realize the numbers and letters were different on it tony so they ended up running the plates so it said it wasn't for my car so they took the license plate that i'm at the toad truck place just sleepy and feeling really grouchy and there's no place to sit
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
But yeah, that happened last Monday, and then I went to Cleveland on Friday and Saturday, and it was a lot of fun.
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
It was a bunch of fun. No, it was not at hilarities. Oh, where were you? It was an improv. Now it's a funny bone. It's the what? Funny bone.
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
It's the funny bone. I mean, it was, let's just say something else, Tony.
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
Still just rowing. I have 19,000 meters since yesterday. Wow. Fucking three hours of sleep, go fucking row 10,000 fucking meters, listen to a bunch of Beck, his old school Beck. I'm back in my days of partying in fucking L.A., doing my blow. Wow. Wow. So it was exciting. And then I went back today. I'm addicted to it now. I get real addicted to stuff.
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
So when it was cocaine and alcohol, it was a real nightmare. But now I'm just addicted to the rowing. So that's luckily, I think, a lot more healthy.
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
Went through a giant puzzles phase. Yeah. And I actually bought a puzzle table. I fucking bought myself a puzzle table for Christmas and I haven't used it. It's sitting behind one of the doors. It's this wonderful puzzle table.
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
I was doing it on a little card table. No, I haven't done any puzzles. I just stopped and I've probably ate unopened puzzles at my place right now. Wow.
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
It just got so hard looking for the little pieces. Looking for the little pieces. You gotta look for the border at the beginning. That starts turning into a nightmare. It's like, okay, I'm looking for another border piece. Then you look for the specific colors and then it just starts becoming such a drag. And it's so nice Joel and Jesse are here tonight. It's so nice.
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
Prune juice. I'm currently addicted to prune juice. Tony, I had some squirts earlier. Yep. I fucking get back from Cleveland last night and I'm farting so bad. I had to sleep out on the couch. It was bad. I'm farting all the time if I don't drink my prune juice. Wow. All brain buds. That's another kind of doo-doo related thing. Super addicted to those things. Used to love Whippets.
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
Oh, yeah. First time I ever heard Phish, the band Phish. I was doing whippets in my buddy's Volvo in high school and then became a big... Is that what it takes to make Phish sound good? Yes. Yes. Uh, fuck. Board games. I was really into board games.
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
Yeah, I mean, Raisin Bread. That was a big one. I don't know. It was, uh... Yeah, thank you for whoever said that. That was a huge win. But actually, I was watching a video on YouTube about Dollywood, and they have this wonderful fucking raisin bread, and it was making me think last night I need to go to the store and buy some raisin bread. But I didn't. I held strong.
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
But it was the best-looking raisin bread at Dollywood. It almost broke my sobriety on that. Yeah, I have to stop doing this. Seriously. Wow. But right now, rowing's the thing. Rowing's the thing. With no end in sight. No end in sight. Now I want to get across the Atlantic. Really? That's my goal.
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
We would... Well, if we actually did it, there'd have to be boats around me, but we could maybe do that. How cool would that be?
KILL TONY
#711 - ANDREW SCHULZ + DERIC POSTON
No, I pretty much think I ain't ever going to stop rowing.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
Tony, first off, you know I'm not a virgin and you know I don't smoke a vape bin. And also just I hope the girl who's just on realizes that I think a lot of the time psychiatrists are psychopaths. So I hope she realizes that. I tried to join a gang, but I couldn't even pass a background check.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
Despite repeatedly saying you would never do it, Joe Biden pardoned his son Hunter, and I'm going to be honest, I had no idea that knocking up a stripper after having sex with your dead brother's widow was a crime. It also shouts out to Hagrid in the crowd tonight.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
Okay. Employees at a Planet Fitness recently found a guy who had been dead in a tanning bed for three days. The good news is he smelled like shit. The bad news, he had... God damn it, I messed it up! Red band, why'd you play the song? Okay, he was dead in the tanning bed for three days. The bad news is he smelled like shit. The good news, his skin had a nice glow to it. Okay, thank you.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
So nice to be here tonight. We love you, William. Tony, we had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Tony and I and Redman, we spent Thanksgiving together.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
It was wonderful. Tony actually brought some really good baked ham, and Redman brought a bowl of marshmallows, like the little... Little marshmallows. It was like the dumbest. It was like the stupidest thing. It was like what a little child would bring or something. It really was like the stupidest. But your ham, you did, Tony, was wonderful.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
And then I had a wonderful Native American heritage day after that. And Tony, that's where I actually got my hair done. I went to a little... So I was able to, I told him to do it in Rasta colors, but yes, it is for Native American Heritage Day. I was able to get it on Friday.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
Oh, fun. Yeah, it was fun. And then I've gotten to you're not going to want to hear this, Tony. I've gotten to prestige number seven and Call of Duty. We just experienced which Tony is is a pretty big deal. Most people I'm playing with in these in these game rooms or I don't know, prestige three or four or something. I'm a prestige seven right now. So, wow. Wow. Do you know about Call of Duty?
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
You're more of a Madden guy, right? Yes, sir. But Call of Duty, do you know about that at all?
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
Sketch, that was nice though, right? It was awesome. Yeah. What was nice? No, you were being nice saying there was a hairline. That was a nice thing, right?
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
Okay, help me, Tony. What's going on? You're doing good. You're doing good.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
Yeah, one time I was in Destin, Florida, Tony, and I was able to, they used to have those big spools that you could, big things of string for the kites, and I remember connecting two of those big spools together, and the kite got so high up in the air, and a storm came in, and I was having to hold the spool down by the sand because it was shocking me, Tony.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
It was up that high, so I got a kite up really high one time. Did you look like that before? No. No, it was when I started losing my hair and... Wow. I like the... Okay. Okay, that didn't make sense.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
I am. I am so excited. We are in the month of Christmas. We're in quarter four month of Christmas. It is my favorite time of the year. So Tony, get ready for it. I'm going to be getting even more Christmas Christmasy as we get closer to Christmas. So everybody get really excited for that.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
Oh, my gosh. I mean, you get family and friends coming together. All right.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
I mean, you get family and friends. I mean, sometimes you might get like a. Wait, Tony, hold on. My throat. I'm really still not doing good.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
I'm doing so bad, Tony, and I have this horrible fever right now. I'm doing really bad right now. It's getting really depressing.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
My mom's angel cookies. Really looking forward to those. I mean, we're talking.
KILL TONY
#696 - SKETCH + DAVE LANDAU
Because that's something I start thinking about, Tony. I'm like, oh my God, what if somebody before me is sick? It's like, I'm going to get fucking sick up in this motherfucker. Like, sometimes I'm not even... One guy could barely walk.
KILL TONY
#700 - WHITNEY CUMMINGS + KAM PATTERSON
I'm ambidextrous. I jerk off with my left hand and I write with my right hand. Sometimes I jerk off with my right hand and it feels like somebody else is doing it. Like my mom! But... Give my mom some credit, she had schizophrenia. She probably thought I was her pimp. Speaking of pimps, my name is Mr. G. I'm a ladies man. I'll prove it to you. I can take any woman here home with me tonight.
KILL TONY
#700 - WHITNEY CUMMINGS + KAM PATTERSON
I just need extra bus money. Austin is my home, but I've been gone for 14 years. No, I wasn't in prison. I was in Hawaii feeding cats. But I just bought my first house right down the street in East Austin. It's really a shack in between a bunch of multi-million dollar mansions. And my neighbors think I'm a squatter. Me and my cats, we squat every time we see my neighbors.
KILL TONY
#700 - WHITNEY CUMMINGS + KAM PATTERSON
Yeah, I think Hans Baum mentioned that a few weeks ago.
KILL TONY
#700 - WHITNEY CUMMINGS + KAM PATTERSON
I saw his set. Who did? I saw Hans Baum. Hans Kim mentioned that. What the fuck is that? Not me in particular, but he mentioned that white people have little lips.
KILL TONY
#700 - WHITNEY CUMMINGS + KAM PATTERSON
I've spent the last few years in Hawaii feeding hundreds of cats every morning on the most dangerous street in Honolulu, biting Hawaii gangsters while I feed and dance with street cats on the internet.
KILL TONY
#700 - WHITNEY CUMMINGS + KAM PATTERSON
They're armed with coconuts, Tony. And if you ever get a coconut hit in the back of your head, you're never the same afterwards.
KILL TONY
#700 - WHITNEY CUMMINGS + KAM PATTERSON
Well, I've always liked cats, and there are two million homeless cats in Hawaii. Okay.
KILL TONY
#700 - WHITNEY CUMMINGS + KAM PATTERSON
When I was a kid, I would talk like a robot and all the other kids would call me Gregory 2000. And my only friend was an orange cat. And me and this orange cat, we would sit on a lawn and I'd tell him my dreams and my hopes.
KILL TONY
#700 - WHITNEY CUMMINGS + KAM PATTERSON
Yes, Tony. I moved from Hawaii. I was basically banished from the island.
KILL TONY
#700 - WHITNEY CUMMINGS + KAM PATTERSON
Because I was attacked every morning while feeding cats. You were attacked by who?
KILL TONY
#700 - WHITNEY CUMMINGS + KAM PATTERSON
Well, there are many people that feed cats in Hawaii. Me in particular, they did not like because of how I look. There's a holiday in Hawaii.
KILL TONY
#700 - WHITNEY CUMMINGS + KAM PATTERSON
Okay. So in Hawaii, there's an unofficial state holiday called Kill Howley Day. And do you know what a Howley is? No. A white person, me. It was Kill Me Day. It was like The Purge, except all the victims were goofy-looking white guys trying to live in Hawaii. Okie dokie.
KILL TONY
#700 - WHITNEY CUMMINGS + KAM PATTERSON
I wrote a book about the University of Texas and Austin, and that was one of my reasons for coming back here. It's a special time. It's a special place here in Austin right now. The University of Texas are about to kill the Ohio State Buckeyes on Friday.
KILL TONY
#700 - WHITNEY CUMMINGS + KAM PATTERSON
No, Tony. Oh, okay. I don't blame you for- You're an indoor man. Yes, I just- I just bought my first house right down the street. It's really a shack in between a bunch of mulch. Yeah, we heard that.
KILL TONY
#700 - WHITNEY CUMMINGS + KAM PATTERSON
It was very inexpensive. It's a fixture upper. Ah, okay. Does it have a heater? Just one that I got from Amazon. Just my cats. They keep me warm. How many cats do you own? I've brought six from Hawaii. I plan to bring many more. My goal is to rent a private jet and bring hundreds of them. Like I said, there's two million in Hawaii. They can afford to lose a few.
KILL TONY
#700 - WHITNEY CUMMINGS + KAM PATTERSON
And Austin has a history of people coming here, escaping persecution. And they aren't human, but they're escaping persecution, and I like them a lot.
KILL TONY
#718 - JAMES MCCANN + KIM CONGDON
And by the way, if you love Ed and Eddie, you're going to love Alex's very racist cartoon. I've actually been a backer. I've given him a lot of money. It's a wonderful cartoon. Well, it happened. Virginia Giffrey got suicided this past week in Australia after having been hit by a school bus going 80 miles an hour a couple weeks before.
KILL TONY
#718 - JAMES MCCANN + KIM CONGDON
In the immortal words of Hillary Clinton, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again. So the Philadelphia Eagles drafted a guy named Jihad Campbell. My math may be off, but wasn't he born after 9-11, and they named him Jihad Campbell? He's an explosive linebacker, really willing to sacrifice his body. He'll fast, I mean, he's fast.
KILL TONY
#718 - JAMES MCCANN + KIM CONGDON
In college, I heard he banged 99 virgins, and if you think the New York Giants can tower over him, he will fly right into them, two at a time. If he launches into two people hard enough, a third might fall down, and folks will claim it was a controlled demolition. Also, there's a rumor Mossad knew about Jihad Campbell, but failed to warn the Patriots. Okay. I ain't taking no shit!
KILL TONY
#718 - JAMES MCCANN + KIM CONGDON
And for the record, this thing smells like shit, Tony! No, I'm kidding. Alex is so funny, but I swear I was smelling his ass, and I was like, oh, my God, is he going to let me wear this? And then he put it on me, and I'm like, dude, this smells like shit. It smells like eight fucking dogs living in the apartment with you.
KILL TONY
#718 - JAMES MCCANN + KIM CONGDON
It's so nice to be here. It's all the... It's all the rowing I've been doing, Tony. I'm at 200,000 meters already in this month, okay, Tony? Wow. I'm up to over 500,000 meters since January. Wow. So I am going, and then I almost broke my big toe, I think, a couple days ago. I was moving some piece of equipment, and it fucking fell right on my big toe. Oh, my goodness.
KILL TONY
#718 - JAMES MCCANN + KIM CONGDON
He also had a staph infection. Did he have a staph infection? Somebody else.
KILL TONY
#718 - JAMES MCCANN + KIM CONGDON
I have. I was in Virginia Beach, Virginia, this past weekend. It was a wonderful time. I ended up eating a whole bunch of seafood. And, Tony, I'm serious. I don't think I'm ever really going to stop eating the seafood. I love some seafood. I was eating some of the fried shrimp. Ooh. What are some other kinds of seafood? I was eating fucking fried flounder. Ooh. I was eating fried grouper.
KILL TONY
#718 - JAMES MCCANN + KIM CONGDON
Oh, my God. I was eating fried redfish. Wow. And hush puppies, which is also like a fried breading bread. But yeah, it was really good. And I walked on Virginia Beach and had a really good time. And honestly, I felt like I was in Mogadishu or something. It seemed kind of crazy. I'm looking out at the ocean. There's just big fucking ships cruising around everywhere.
KILL TONY
#718 - JAMES MCCANN + KIM CONGDON
And just the people on the beach. It's like, where am I? But I loved it in Virginia Beach. Everybody that came to see me was great.
KILL TONY
#718 - JAMES MCCANN + KIM CONGDON
It's just, I swear, I just had this feeling of where, what fucking country am I in? It just looked like crazy looking out.
KILL TONY
#718 - JAMES MCCANN + KIM CONGDON
Thank you so much, man. I think you could get away with it, because I feel like I can get away with it right now, so I think you could get away with it.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
A white woman is suing a fertility clinic because she gave birth to a black baby. And weirdly enough, the exact opposite thing happened to my mother. When she saw me come out, she said, oh, hell no! North Korea has outlawed eating hot dogs. Apparently real dogs were getting their feelings hurt.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
California Congressman Eric Swalwell, the guy who was fucking a Chinese spy, said Trump is responsible for the recent plane crashes. No, Eric, that would be Hillary Clinton. Hooters is thinking about filing for bankruptcy. They're trying to decide whether to file a Chapter 7, a Chapter 11, or a Chapter 36DD.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Thank you so much, Tony. I'm feeling stronger than ever on the fucking row machine. I'm now up to 91 miles since February 3rd.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Yeah, I'm feeling really good. And I swore I would not even bring this up. But last time I was talking, I was having the issues with not being able to doo-doo, and now recently I've been drinking on prune juice, which is like a miracle drink. I've been drinking big cups of it, and oh, my God, my stomach's hurting right now, Tony, from how much I have to shit. Wow.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
It's not in the freezer section, just by the other juices.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Think pure prune juice. I think, I can't think of the brand. It doesn't really matter.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Well, two days ago, Tony, I swear to God with the, and I think I've said this all before at one point, but the, how it was jettisoning out of my asshole. It was making the loudest, like it sounded like a jet noise, Tony. And I'm holding on to the toilet.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Yeah, something like that. And I'm thinking, hold on, I've been drinking a bunch of water. I thought water comes out from your bladder. I'm thinking, how's all this liquid in my colon or my butt area? So that part I didn't understand. Because when you drink water, isn't that in your... It's like your front part, right? Well...
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
So if you drink a bunch of water and you pee because it's in your front part, but is it the colon or whatever in your back part?
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
That's what I was thinking about. That's what I think my conclusion was coming to. Is it not two different places it goes to?
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Redban, have you been doing better? I can't tell if you look okay or not. Because now when I was doing real bad, I was wanting to make fun of you because I was not feeling good about myself. But now I feel so much better. Now I'm worried about it. Are you doing okay?
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Oh, my gosh. That's a really good question. I've never even thought about that. If I ate ice. Good question. I got to think about it. I don't really know. God. And Tony, you would have been so proud of Cam and Casey and I. We were in our first Hollywood movie. Tony, you would have been very proud of us.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
I don't know. It was fun. It was not a lot of pressure. It was a pleasure to be with Cam and Casey. Not a lot of lines. So the pressure wasn't on, so we'll see.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
I don't know. It was kind of crazy. I was a little pissed. Literally, we were supposed to be there for seven hours. It was four fucking days. Cam was not saying this shit correctly.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Yeah, I'm starting to write. They came out with the boxcar children. It was a bunch of books. I'm starting to write my first book, and it's loosely based off the boxcar children, Tony. That's what I've been spending a lot of my time doing. It's kind of like a children's book. I feel like I could maybe sell a lot more if it's for kids. So we'll see how it goes. I'm really looking forward to that.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Well, I just got a message from my mother that my dad's taking her to the emergency room right now. It's for the diverticulitis, I pray to God.
KILL TONY
#710 - KAM PATTERSON + TYLER FISCHER
Yeah, literally 10 minutes ago, got the text message, and my mom's saying she loves all of us, and I'm just trying to think, bitch, I'm about to go on fucking stage. At least wait till after I get off to tell me you're dying. No, but I think she's okay, yeah.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
He's like, I had no goddamn idea. Jesus Christ, Peter. And your brother kept it secret from me? Fuck.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
Hey, everybody! The best damn band in the land, everybody.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
Oh, yeah. Jim Norton. Tony Caruso. First time on Kill Tony. Wow. Tony Caruso, Jim Norton, welcome.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
Ladies and gentlemen, perhaps one of the greatest musical moments in the history of the show. They are on their feet here in the live music capital of the world.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
When Trump's people took over, they discovered Biden had budgeted $50 million for condoms in Gaza. I'd heard they do a lot of tunneling over there, but damn! They just found vomit in Denmark that is 66 million years old. Red Band, you never told me you did stand up for cavemen. Because what somebody does so bad is stand up to people in the audience vomit. That's what I was going for.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
So I've got a rebranding opportunity. Instead of Goldman Sachs, Goldman Sachs. It's not about your asset size, it's your circum size. A woman recently went blind when she accidentally put nail glue in her eyes instead of eye drops. I'm not a doctor, but here's some advice. Don't do that again, you stupid bitch. Okay, that's my time, Tony.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
Thank you so much. It really is so nice to be back. This is kind of a, honestly, this is a very cautionary tale. I was playing too much Call of Duty, and it made me depressed, Tony, so I stopped playing it, I think, three weeks ago. Now I'm back working out and reading books, trying to get out of my funk that I have in my brain.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
Because, seriously, if you're out there grinding for these camouflages on your weapons, It turns into this really sad, depressing nightmare. So if you're one of these people doing this, stop immediately. Start working out. Start reading books. Do something different for your brain. Because it really, Tony, turned very dark for me.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
Yeah. I really, Tony, was feeling horrible. In my brain, I was so horribly down, and I would like to think I'm going to blame it on the Call of Duty, and things are better now that I'm not playing the Call of Duty, but seriously, I was playing, I don't know, 15 hours a day.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
Well, there was one sweet guy on an Instagram post I did. He's like, oh, my gosh, I was going through bad times. Your comedies really helped me. I was going to kill myself or something. And then some piece of shit said, well, you should have killed yourself, then, dumbass. Because I don't know.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
Well, I got this at Disney World, and Tony, I went to Disney World at the beginning of the year. Nobody ever go to Disney World or Universal Studios in January because everybody was sick, and I ended up with the flu for two weeks, Tony. I got a 104 fever one of the nights, and I was almost getting in the ice bath in my bathtub, almost getting my girlfriend to put rubbing alcohol on my body.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
It just went down the next day, so I didn't have to go to the doctor. What's your favorite ride at D-World? It's a small world. I love that one. It's real nice. Just all the cultures coming together.
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
Whoopi Goldberg is so mad Trump got elected that she claims she is now refusing to have sex. Hey, Whoopi, I'm mad too.
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
Liam Payne, ex-member of the popular boy band One Direction, recently jumped off the third floor balcony to his death. One Direction, uh, yeah, straight down. An Oregon government official was recently suspended for hiring people based on their qualifications rather than their sexual orientation. Okay, that's a joke. Just literally the headline there. Okay, that's my time, Tony.
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
Tony, I had the best weekend of my life. I went down to Gainesville, Florida, and I did. I want to set the record straight. I did go to the University of Tennessee. I am a Tennessee fan, but in my heart, I grew up loving the Florida Gators, and I was able to go down. It really was such a pleasure, and I was able to go to the game, and Florida beat Ole Miss. I was able to get out on the field.
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
It was such a wonderful, it really was a dream come true. It was a wonderful weekend.
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
I really went to the game. It was wonderful. Some man, it actually was kind of scary, Tony. Some man, right when I sat down, somebody started saying, oh my gosh, this guy's having a heart attack. And it was some old guy just slumped over. And I'm thinking, oh my God, I haven't been to Gainesville in 20 fucking years.
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
And some old fucking idiot is about to mess up my experience at Ben Hill Griffin Stadium. But it ended up, it was okay. They ended up escorting him out. And then, Tony, I stayed at an Airbnb. Get this. The thing was, I don't know. It was the smallest television, Tony. It looked like a computer monitor or something. And I'm thinking to myself, aren't televisions pretty cheap now?
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
I mean, can't you get a pretty big television for like $200?
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
I know, yeah. It was very small. I was just thinking that as a woman, she could probably put a bigger television in here.
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
It was on a dresser. And there wasn't a lot of stuff in the dresser. I went through everything. In the Airbnb, I went through everything.
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
There was a bunch of kids' stuff, and it seems like the lady was staying there, and her kids were there, everybody was there, and I would look out the window some, and every now and again, somebody would catch me looking at them, and I'd have to... It was weird, yeah. Before I went to the game, I was just looking out of the blinds for a lot of the time.
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
He was very nice. He took Kevin to that church where his granddaughter was singing. He was very nice.
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
Yeah. Yeah. but the game was fun. The show I did on Sunday, it was fun, but there was this fucking, this horrible bitch. She was drunk, and it was some place. It wasn't like a comedy club. It was just some venue where they were doing this show, and they didn't have... I feel like at a comedy club, they would have kicked this woman out, and it was just me constantly...
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
Dealing with it, but it was wonderful because I genuinely, I'm thinking about my sweet dead grandparents probably hopefully smiling, looking down. I'm back in Gainesville, back where they were living. I'm doing a show. I was able to get out on the field at the Gator. And there's this stupid fucking bitch. She was 24. How do you know her age?
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
Because I asked her how old she was and I was telling her.
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
Yes, she was being very loud. So she was being just extraordinarily loud and like there was a punchline or anything.
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
Yeah, but it ended up okay. It was a really fun weekend.
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
Okay, well, that's good, and that also sounds like just some fucking idiot, maybe. That sounds like a dumbass, kind of.
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
yeah and then i hear a i hear waterfall i thought she vomited because she's gone i hear and it turns out somebody just dumped a cup of water over and i was so happy and i swear to god she walks back with a smile on her face with a filled up drink and i my heart drops because i really i thought she vomited on the ground and got kicked out because i heard this noise and then she was gone and i was like oh my god she's gone
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
And then she comes back with a filled-up drink. I'm like, oh, God.
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
Had really good seats. Luckily, we were in the sun for 20 minutes and then the shade. And it's scary because there's this man who was really mean to a woman sitting next to me. And he had this horrible scar on his nose. And I think I have another skin cancer on my face. So thank God we got back into the shade. Which is how the sun was going over the stadium.
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
Thank God I was only in the sun for about 20 minutes because I didn't have my sunscreen on.
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
I already apologized to her earlier via Instagram. She sent me a message on Instagram and so did her boyfriend.
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
He broke a bowl of mine one time. And then Sean tells me you brought me a bowl finally, so I thought you were about to give me a bowl or something.
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
No, it's the funniest thing. It was on the fucking table and he has his hand and there's nothing else around it. And he just drags his hand and it falls off the table. And I can't even believe what I'm seeing. There's nothing. It's like he almost intentionally, I know you didn't intentionally do it, but it was just the craziest thing I've ever seen.
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
Oh, yeah. It's Christmas time. If you need a cameo, I'm doing cameos for Christmas.
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
Yeah, I mean, I think that person, whatever fucking review you read, I think people were having fun. I think it was a wonderful show. So that dumbass saying, oh yeah, it really bothered me and my bitch that he kept on dealing with some, that's a fucking idiot. So that's what I do want to say there.
KILL TONY
#699 - LUIS J GOMEZ + JOE LIST
Does silencing your phone work? What do you mean by that? I mean, like, if he silences his phone, does he feel it?
KILL TONY
#699 - LUIS J GOMEZ + JOE LIST
You went over time limit. Do you put holes in your own condom?
KILL TONY
#699 - LUIS J GOMEZ + JOE LIST
He's fucking with us. You think he's gay too? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He just said he's like, I'm sixth grade coxinger, whatever the fuck he's... I'm fucking sucking cock on sixth grade, whatever he's doing.
KILL TONY
#699 - LUIS J GOMEZ + JOE LIST
It was on his dirty asshole. I claimed it for him, he shall pay me.
KILL TONY
#699 - LUIS J GOMEZ + JOE LIST
Check out The Secret Show every Thursday at thesunsetstripatx.com. Love you. We love you guys.
KILL TONY
#699 - LUIS J GOMEZ + JOE LIST
Is it a hookah bar also, like a restaurant? Yeah, is hookah bar allowed? That's the problem.
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
What's up, guys? So there's this video I know a lot of people have seen. It's of this primitive African tribe trying Fanta for the first time. And it's like, it's crazy. Like, they're trying to, like, open the bottle with their teeth, you know. Eventually, they cut it open with a machete. They drink the soda, and it, like, completely changes their life. Their eyes just light up, you know.
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
Like, they just completely change people from before they drink the soda and after. Like, they give something to their elders, like, oh, please try this soda. This is amazing, you know. And I'm just, like, thinking to myself while I'm watching this video, like, this is incredible. I just... I hope they don't let him try the grape flavor, because that's going to turn that village upside down. Yes.
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
We no longer herd the goat animal. We grow a yellow five crop now. Yes. We worship the god of high frutos corn syrup. That shit is good, my nigga. It's like, whoa, wait a second. Where did you guys hear that word from? Is that a side effect of the soda? What was that? All right, appreciate it, guys.
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
Um, I hang out with a lot of comedians, so it was just kind of a smooth transition for me to just kind of, like, go into it.
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
Drug dealer? Oh, oh. I retired. Never, never such a... Anyway, well, how did you end up hanging out with so many comedians? Drug dealer? No, I think just hanging out in Austin a lot. I mean, I've met a lot of guys from this scene, for sure. You know, I don't like to name drop. I don't like that type of shit, so... But, yeah, I know quite a few people. Okay.
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
So, you know, yeah, it was cool for me to do it, and it was easy. I've been writing for a long time, so... Getting on stage was just something I kind of wanted to try next. Okay, what do you do for a living? I work kind of like a stagehand job at the Moody Center, just like putting together like concerts and stuff like that, lighting, audio, video. It's pretty cool.
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
I just realized, yeah, under the Civil War helmet, I did not notice A, B. How dare you?
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
I'm pretty tall, so basketball. I know I look like a NBA 2K creative player right here, obviously. That was fun for a while, but now two months in, I'm trying to do comedy, so that's obviously what I do most of nowadays.
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
Real life, yeah, yeah. In college, I played for a little bit, so.
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
I got like a half-ride scholarship in California, so I was there.
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
Yeah, no, they didn't believe in me for a full-ride scholarship, so they're like, we'll pay halfway, and if you do all right, then we'll see how it goes, you know, so. They took a gamble on me, you know, it was fun.
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
I don't, I don't, no. When's the last time you had a girlfriend? It's been a while. It's been a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there you go.
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
Looking for love in all the wrong places, guys. You got no bitches?
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
I need the Pearl Harbor helmet and then I think I'll probably land something. That's what I'm missing. I knew it was something.
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
Last time I got a full ride was definitely before I started doing comedy. Once I started hopping in two months. So probably like two months. I'll say like two months for sure. Okay. Yeah. Okay. And how did that go for you? I think I got a touchdown for sure.
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
That was good. Oh, I would say, yeah, then I started talking and then it fucking ruins it.
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
Not too much, to be honest, not too much. It's just I end up saying some crazy shit. It's interesting.
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
That's fair. i'm gonna have to go with my granddad just died he was like 93 and he had like a 40 year old girlfriend when he died so r.i.p grandpa hell yeah how did he die uh he was he just got old age just kind of it was about that time so yeah no he was killing it though he was killing it you ever think about banging his ex-girlfriend
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
I didn't... You know, honestly, it's like, hey, look, from a football helmet to a fucking Civil War reenactment helmet, my guy is still... Hey, the CTA, you know, you still hold it down, my guy.
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
Carmelo Anthony has had quite the month of April. I mean, first he's inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame, and then he travels to a high school track meet and kills someone? He claims self-defense, which would be the first time Carmelo Anthony attempted defense. Everybody gives Santa all the props, but what about the Easter bunny?
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
He has to hop, hop, hop his ass to every Christian household in America. Santa's fat ass rides in a chariot, eating cookies and drinking milk. Meanwhile, the bunny is a one man band and all we leave them is nothing but, oh, and by the way, Jesus died and rose from the dead, so have some respect. The Pope died yesterday and it's kind of weird because he died the day after J.D.
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
Vance came to see him. I mean, it would make a lot more sense if it had been Hillary Clinton, but who had been the last person to see him alive, but J.D. Vance? And by the way, I heard after he died, they scheduled a meeting of the Cardinals and I had no idea the Pope had played professional baseball. Okay, that's my time, Tony.
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Not tonight, Tony. I'm at fucking 94 miles on the row machine already this month, Tony. Wow. 400 miles since January, Tony. Wow. I'm going across the Atlantic this year. Wow.
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
I know, Antonio Brown. It's so nice to see. What are you smoking there? Is that a blunt? That's the Anchor Cannabis. Yep, stayanchored.com. Can I hit your blunt with you, Antonio? Hit the za. And also, Antonio, Tony might remember this, Red Band might remember this, but it's so weird. White Russians were actually my favorite drink. I'm almost at four years sober here very soon.
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
But Antonio, maybe tonight, would you give me a little sip of your drink? Yeah, taste that.
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
You weren't gonna let me drink your White Russian, which I appreciate, but yeah, it'd be a nightmare, Antonio. It's been almost four years, man. I was about to kill myself.
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
How old were you when you figured out you could catch a football real good? That's a great question. That is a great question. Because it can be hard to catch footballs. I remember my hands were so small growing up. I couldn't catch the fucking football when my dad would throw it to me. I had really small hands, Antonio. Yeah.
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
Yeah, I have these tiny little hands. I don't even like showing them to people. Yeah.
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
In Antonio, people, not a lot of people know this, but Red Band's mom and I, who's kind of elderly now, we have sex with each other. What do you think about that? Antonio, he's got, like, this old-ass mom, and we fuck each other whenever I'm in Ohio.
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
Is this Snuffleupagus? I'm going through this weird Snuffleupagus phase right now, Tony, and this is perfect. Rebbein, thank you. That's adorable. You're welcome. I regret telling you, Tony, about your mom and I. Seriously, I really do. You gave me a present tonight. Wow, that is adorable.
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
Antonio, would you ever be willing to travel with me up to Ohio to have sex with Red Band's mom? Seriously. That would be great. Like maybe that's when I start drinking again. We could maybe do a sex tape or something with this mom. Would you be open maybe?
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
Do you remember the, it's the little toy, they have little pieces, Legos? Yes. Yes. Well, I have been looking on eBay, and I've been finding all of my classic Lego sets that I've had, and I've spent over the past, I think, month, all this rowing. The endorphins are flowing. I've spent over $15,000, Tony, on old Lego sets. They're all unopened. What are you going to do with them?
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
Yeah, I think we're going to open them up and... Antonio, this is what happens, man. I come up here, and I just start bombing, and it's just, like, turns into this nightmare. Like, it was fun at the beginning, and now it's like I'm bombing up here right now, and I've snuffle up, I guess, under my arm. I feel like I'm looking like an idiot in front of your ass.
KILL TONY
#717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE
You're saying you don't want to fucking fuck Red Band's mom with me? I can't believe you wouldn't be willing.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
How are you? I love it. All right. This is fantastic. I took the bus down here, and this family got on. They had, like, a baby in a stroller. And this kid had a golden earring on. And I'm not trying to tell you he had a parent, but it's kind of unfair, right? I mean, the kid can't even talk yet. And already he's cooler than me. Yeah. Yeah. Then I saw a bumper sticker on the way.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
It said, no farms, no food. This guy just hates everything. Say, do we have any Jesus fans here? All right, I love it. I'm a little embarrassed. I was raised thinking that he died for our sins. I just found out, apparently what happened is a bunch of guys killed him. I had a joke about masturbating too, but I'm going to save that for when it comes in handy. Thank you.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
How long has it been? It's been about two years before the pandemic, and then I rolled over and died during that for a little while. I'm trying to get back in. Okay. Where do you live? Boston. Really? Wow. Oh, yes. And you're just visiting? I moved here about a week and a half ago.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
I got shot down somewhere over the Pacific, and then I just kind of woke up here, so really.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
I've been bartending for a while, but I'm on a hunt right now. I just applied for a farm hand and a private investigator this morning.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
It does. Yeah, in sleuthing for a job, it definitely helps to dress the part on the computer. Wow.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
I don't. It just, it seems, you know, when you're a little boy, you want to be a cop and then you grow up and you realize you don't want to hurt anyone, but you like the whole, you know, adventure. Sorry, I don't. I'm harmless, you get me? I like sneaking around and saving the day, but like, you know, I don't want to kill anyone.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
Do you live in a van? I thought about it. But no, I did try living near the Charles River for a month just to see what all the hype was about. I wouldn't recommend it. I got like five minutes of good material from it, but, you know.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
There's definitely something mixed up spiritually, but I'm 31. I know, I know, I know.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
I've been writing in notebooks since I was 16, but I've always been too shy, and, you know, if anyone else wants to go first, you know, I'm happy to get in the back of the line. I wouldn't recommend it. You've got to speak up for yourself.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
I've kind of sequestered myself. I like to get high and play music. I'm trying to actually be more productive, so I'm kind of sober, even California sober right now. That means I haven't done any drugs in a week, and it's been a very long week.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
Pot, um... You know, mushrooms are great. A social drink is fine. But I've never dabbled really with anything.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
You might be on to something, my friend. Have you gotten that before?
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
No, I've gotten Jonathan Taylor Thomas blended with Cam from Ferris Bueller's Day Off and a little bit of one of the Baldwin brothers thrown in there. Yeah, I could see all that. You have a look. Have you always had bangs?
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
I am jobless. No, I gave myself a mullet during the pandemic, the barbershop shut down, and then like every three months I get wine drunk and I just wake up Dutch and I Look at that. Oh, yeah. You wake up Dutch? Well, you know, it's, yeah. What does that mean? It's like a perfect bowl cut in the front and then it has to grow in and look natural. You're such a fucking character.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
I was bicycling home and the sun was just setting. Where were you going home from? The bar.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
It was still bright enough. That's important because the person said that they were blinded by headlights, but it was still daylight, so... I'm not buying it.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
Actually, the only reason I got litigious is they left the car running. They left the windows up. They never got out. Instead, a mechanic across the street ran over and he made the call. But this person just left their car running over me. So I said, now I have to sue you. Like an apology, that's totally fine. It would have led bygones.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
No, no, no, they stayed in the car. It was running, and they just left the windows up. Like, they just, I think they were scared. I have to assume.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
That's true. I've got a very masculine pratfall, though, so they could probably tell. OK.
KILL TONY
KT #721 - JIMMY CARR
Y'all know I was eating some hot dogs. Y'all know I was eating the corn dogs. Y'all know I was eating Skittles. Y'all know I was eating M&M's. Y'all know I was drinking some Coca-Cola.
KILL TONY
#694 - SHAWN GARDINI + TOMMY POPE
Hey guys, what you're listening to currently, this is a commercial promoting the Pete and Sebastian show. Pete and Sebastian show chronicles the life of Pete Correale, comedian, writer, actor, and myself, Sebastian Maniscalco. And this is at no fly by night podcast. Someone didn't put us together and go, you guys should do a podcast.
KILL TONY
#694 - SHAWN GARDINI + TOMMY POPE
Disappointingly, now we're going to go back to whatever you were listening to before all commercials came on. Now I'm sorry that you have to go and listen to a science podcast that the guy is talking. You can fall asleep listening to what he was saying. This is cutting edge comedy coming direct to you in your headphones. Thanks for listening to the Pete and Sebastian show.
KILL TONY
#694 - SHAWN GARDINI + TOMMY POPE
I watched the Jake Paul, Mike Tyson fight this past weekend and say what you will about Jake Paul, but the guy works hard. I mean, seriously, he already has another Netflix event scheduled for May, but this time it's a one-on-one basketball. First to 20 wins 10 million and his opponent is none other than Kobe Bryant. Uh, this is my impression of an alien outing themselves.
KILL TONY
#694 - SHAWN GARDINI + TOMMY POPE
Shit, fuck, let me do that one more time. Let me start that one more time. This is my impression of an alien outing themselves as an alien. Uh, doctor, I have a hair ache. Okay, I heard, you know, like a person would say headache maybe, but an alien wouldn't know exactly what to say. I heard, I heard Santa might come early this year. The bad news, Boeing built his sleigh.
KILL TONY
#694 - SHAWN GARDINI + TOMMY POPE
Yeah, we got a little fucking bitch out there. Yeah, bitch. I mean, seriously. What do you think it's fucking easy yet, Tony? It's my six-year anniversary is in a couple of weeks. It's in December. Of being on this show. So, yeah, bitch, that's every fucking week almost for six fucking years. Yeah. You probably have never done anything in your life for six years, bitch!
KILL TONY
#694 - SHAWN GARDINI + TOMMY POPE
Well, I'm trying. Sometimes it's a disaster. Sometimes it's a disaster up here.
KILL TONY
#694 - SHAWN GARDINI + TOMMY POPE
Monitors and audio issues up here. Because, yeah, we actually ate dinner together last night, so I would be very offended if you tried to come in my fucking ass right now.
KILL TONY
#694 - SHAWN GARDINI + TOMMY POPE
Did they tell you that? Yes. Oh, my gosh. It was a wonderful Bananas Foster. Yeah. They lit it on fire in front of us.
KILL TONY
#694 - SHAWN GARDINI + TOMMY POPE
Tony, you got to come with us next time, would you? Are you going to be with us next time? Are you inviting me to dinner? Yes, I'd love to. Let's do it. It's been a little while. We need to. How many of you think I should have dinner with these guys next time? Seriously. I freaking invite his ass to church every fucking Sunday. He doesn't come to church with me on Sunday.
KILL TONY
#694 - SHAWN GARDINI + TOMMY POPE
Hallelujah. A bunch of that. Such a hallelujah. Yeah, I grew up in a Pentecostal church. I grew up with speaking in tongues. Can you give us an example of the tongues that you speak in? Keep going, keep going. I love you. Alapu. No, I don't feel it right now.
KILL TONY
#694 - SHAWN GARDINI + TOMMY POPE
I feel in a good mood, but I don't feel it right now. Because I've been in a kind of a crummy mood recently, Tony.
KILL TONY
#694 - SHAWN GARDINI + TOMMY POPE
Well, I think it does start with, what is funny, sir? Like, it's not fun feeling down. Do you ever feel down?
KILL TONY
#694 - SHAWN GARDINI + TOMMY POPE
Wow. I just, I like drag shows, and you look like somebody before they dress into the woman. Like, you look like... Because I can tell you'd be a good-looking woman if you did dress up in drag. I can tell you'd probably be a hot woman. Listen, you're right. So that was actually a compliment. It really was.
KILL TONY
#694 - SHAWN GARDINI + TOMMY POPE
Everything's fine. I took a shot at you because, Tony, I haven't been feeling that well. You would be proud of me if you understood Call of Duty, and I know you don't, and it's smart that you don't, but, Tony, I almost have diamond camouflage on 15 of my weapons right now. Wow, that's amazing. Diamond camouflage, 15 weapons, it's kind of a big deal. I've been playing so much.
KILL TONY
#694 - SHAWN GARDINI + TOMMY POPE
Have you beaten the game yet? No, it's like there's no beating a game. There's no end to the game? Yeah, you just play online and you can play forever.
KILL TONY
#694 - SHAWN GARDINI + TOMMY POPE
There's a lot of 50s. Do I hear 75? Do I hear 75? Do I hear 100?
KILL TONY
#694 - SHAWN GARDINI + TOMMY POPE
I have 300. I think someone's bidding up on the balcony.
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
My New Year's resolution is to read more obituaries of my haters! Oh, hell no! That's my impression of what the UnitedHealthcare vice president said when they told him he was being promoted to CEO! We don't give a fuck about that healthcare bullshit!
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
Country singer Brad Paisley's wife had a damaged vocal cord that prevented her from speaking for two years, and I'm just trying to figure out how lucky is that fucking guy? Y'all know that bitch be talking! I feel like I've tried every drug, and then someone brings up poppers the other day, and I forgot about that one. Hey, Red Band, what are those like again? It's like a gay drug.
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
I'm insinuating Red Band is gay. Okay, let's keep her moving. You look pretty gay on the fucking ground just a minute ago. Holy shit! You're way more flexible than I thought you would be. I just realized the animated cartoon Scooby-Doo Where Are You has a laugh track. Apparently Scooby-Doo was drawn in front of a live studio audience. Okay, that's my time, Tony!
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
And I think I would like to know, I did come here with four guns in my fucking trunk tonight. I'm staying at the La Quinta Inn right down the street. If anybody wants to come, James is coming. Okay.
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
I am the New Year's baby, Tony. I am actually going to, last night I was talking about, look at all these people that don't like the New Year's baby. It's like, what am I supposed to fucking do up here? Boo! It's like, what am I supposed to fucking do up here for some of these fucking people, Cody?
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
For Kiwanda. My sash was falling. But yeah, Tony, it is so nice to be here. Looking forward to 2025. It's on this year. What are you looking forward to in 2025? Well, Tony, I'm actually quitting comedy. I'm kind of sick of it now. And I'm going to start working on a train, a locomotive. I'm literally put in the paperwork a couple of days ago, Tony. Why? What?
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
Yeah, I'm going to work at a locomotive. I don't know. A lot of people don't know this kind of behind-the-scenes stuff. Red Band has been really mean to me recently. I'm going to work on a fucking train, dude. I'm done with this. That means you're going to quit stand-up comedy? Wait, Tony, I was just kidding. I never get it. Wow.
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
Please welcome to the stage comedian roaster and host of the kill Tony podcast Tony Hinchcliffe In the middle of the ocean right now, I think it's called Puerto Rico
KILL TONY
#704 - HEB ARENA NIGHT ONE
Happy Kwanzaa, son. Oh my gosh, Texas, it is so wonderful to be here tonight. I'm actually wearing this outfit as a sign of respect for the ancient Chinese tradition of Kwanzaa. And I would like, in accordance with the scriptures, to read some fortune cookies, if that's okay with you motherfuckers tonight!
KILL TONY
#704 - HEB ARENA NIGHT ONE
Spirit Airlines is going to start a frequent fighter discount where you earn a free trip after only four fights. Okay, I've got 20 in here, so let me... Do you want one of the condoms? Jimmy Carter will die on March 12th, 2025. Okay, I guess I'm... Fuck, that went up! Okay, let's... I'm celebrating closet tonight, y'all! Oh, this is a long one.
KILL TONY
#704 - HEB ARENA NIGHT ONE
Okay, let me... The way you talk about the hot Latinas in the movie Encanto will turn on your therapist so much, she'll ask to lie on the couch next to you. Okay, let's keep moving. Yeah, my hands are so sweaty right now, I'm sorry. In the year 2025, Eliza will surpass a thousand pounds. Okay, got y'all back with that fat bitch! You know her ass ain't celebrating Kwasa this year!
KILL TONY
#704 - HEB ARENA NIGHT ONE
As a part of Make-A-Wish, your son will wish he could perform the upside-down Spider-Man kiss, but sadly, Tobey Maguire says no. Okay, last one. Let's keep her moving. The waiter has a gun, and you must tackle them now. Now do it! Tackle them, dinner man!
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Walk out of the little river you're in. It was stupid. It was dumb.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
But when it drowns, what a waste. Who gets to eat it? The crocodile? Oh, yeah. The crocodile gets it. Maybe a little... Maybe a sweet little crocodile just got born and then it has a sweet little another baby to eat.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
So sick.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Er nennt sich Michael Gibson. Er hat es in der Wilden Kolumbien-Universität gedreht. Der Gibson-Method ist so leidenschaftlich. Ja, es ist schrecklich, weil es die Schnauze und die Freakie ausbreitet. Ich habe das gesehen. Es ist schrecklich. Und ich habe es gesehen, wo die Guts alle ausbalanciert sind. Und es ist so, Alter, was ist da los? Du bist verletzt. Verletzt.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Keine Anzahl von Arbeiten wird das helfen können. Und auch, du bist ein Tier. Totally. Yeah, first of all, you're an animal, which is bad enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't even talk or eat or use a fork. Yeah, I mean, where even is the closest hospital out there? I don't know. And you ain't finding it. And I'm sorry about that. Yeah. Like, I'm really sorry.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Whoa! They're getting you with a little... Oh my gosh.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Whoa, and that's the thing coming out? Oh, look at it. There it is.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yeah, I did too. It had a sharp point at the end. I got a little scared. He's always doing this, Chappelle. He's always showing us. He's always getting splinters somewhere in his body and it's like every freaking week he's showing us videos. He has Munchausen.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
He just does his hands on pieces of wood, just trying to get splinters all the time.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
That's why he was passed out in his office.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
I feel like our chairs are smaller. I feel like your chair... And you're taller than me. It's got to be the chair. It's fine. Yeah, we're in big man territory.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
We smelled alcohol.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
It was St. Patrick's Day yesterday. He probably had a wild night. Using the paddle. Paddling his boys. And then that's how I got the splinter. Using that damn thing. It's sick. It's sick, but that's what it is. That's karma. Chappelle Lacey, thank you so much for being on the podcast.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Happy to have you.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
I know, how has it been? You've been enjoying yourself?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yeah, I've read that. It's good. Yeah. He goes, day two. Written yet? No time like the present. Yeah. He's always bullying you kind of in the reading.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Well, he used to be a little freak. He was a little drug addict. And yeah, that's a great book.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
I don't want to spoil anything.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Doesn't he not remember writing Cujo? Yeah, he had like a real bad cocaine problem. Yeah, he was doing blow and drinking.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
I don't know. It sure wasn't on Alpo. He was trying to eat those people. He was starving.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
He was just doing what a dog does. Exactly. Dogs, they're animals. They're not humans. I mean, we watched a freaking Judge Millian yesterday, where some dudes tried to say his new puppy, the freaking neighbors, the neighbor has these three big dogs, and then when he gets in the backyard, he sees one of the big dogs pulling the puppy through the fence.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
I'm thinking, oh my gosh, this is horrible, but come to find out, they're lying to everybody. Oh no. That's why you gotta reserve your judgments.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yeah, people's court. I mean, they showed the picture of the fence and they were totally negligent. They had all these big spaces in the fence. And sure enough, though, their little love. So they never had a little dog.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
What were they trying to get? Emotional damages?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Oh, it died.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Oh yeah, it got eaten up. Oh, by a dog. Yeah, by the neighbor's dog.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yes, the puppy was over there playing and it's like, you gotta be careful. But when he said that about getting pulled through, I was thinking the freaking Sandlot. Yeah. Remember when the baseball gets close to the freaking hole in the fence and you see that fucking giant paw. Hercules. That's what they called the dog.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Wow. Wow.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
I feel like, Grant, what is up with the chair though? Haven't we had it where it's all level chairs? I can go switch the chair. Will you shrink it in post, Grant?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Probably up there with Charlie from All Dogs Go to Heaven. He's probably real good friends with Charlie. Remember Homeward Bound? Sassy. Sassy the cat. Doesn't she get porcupine quills in her? Somebody does. One of those motherfuckers gets the porcupine all in the face. Fate worse than death. Wow.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
And those are bad videos, seeing the animals who tried to mess with a porcupine and they have the quills all in their freaking face.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Go. Milo. Hotel for Dogs, the dog that gets the food off the conveyor belt. Air Bud. Fair enough. Air Bud's a really good one. He was so good at freaking basketball. And football. Oh yeah, football. He was great at football, too. Oh, he had a football movie? Mm-hmm. Oh, wow. He had a bunch of movies. Yeah, he was like a running back on the football team. He was gone. A couple yards and he's gone.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
There's like a little place. Wasn't there a little place on his back they could put the ball? And then he'd just run and it'd be hard to tackle.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
And I think he would have it in his mouth. He could throw it with his mouth. Damn. Who's that dog?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yeah, these are just animal actors. Really couldn't get a Milo?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
You want Milo? Milo and Otis, but now that I'm thinking about it, maybe Dunstan. Dunstan Chexen.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
That was a smart ape. That was the same ape that ripped Charla Nash's face off. Was the same ape from Dunstan Chexen.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
No.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yeah, I mean, if you can do it in post, we don't have to mess with the chair. And Chappelle, unless if Mr... Yeah, plus you got me in this fucking field, right?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yeah, it was after the movie.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Because he got on Xanax.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
He was doing green monsters. He was doing school buses.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yeah, he loved the school buses. And look, because he looks so sweet up there. Look, and we have the same hair color. That's why I think I like him. We kind of look like each other. Look at how sweet. It's like, yeah... Oh, wow. That sweet little Dunstan. Little Dunner.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Oh, yeah, it's a Pongo Damascus.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Did I say it right? Yeah, Pongo Damascus. Ja, sie haben Pongo Domescus nicht mehr benutzt, nachdem Stunst und Checks enden. Denn das war wirklich einer der größten Briefe von diesen.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yeah, I mean, seriously, Grant. We're starting off rocky today. What is going on, dude? Tensions are high. This isn't one of your iPhone videos anymore, dude. Yeah, we're not in your fucking backyard.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
They can drive.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
A lot of people don't know that, or they're afraid to admit it at least.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Er ist furchtbar.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Er hat eine Waffe. Oder ist das ein Teleskop? Das ist ein Teleskop, weil sie sehen können. Und dann macht er Ventriloquismus. Es sieht aus, als hätte er einen kleinen Ventriloquismus-Dummi, der sich wie er sieht. Das ist ein bisschen lustig. Das ist ein bisschen Jeff Dunham. Er war der original Jeff Dunham. Und Grant, war das in der... Yeah, wearing his little bow tie like Jeff likes to wear.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
It's so hot in here.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
You learn something new every day. I gotta look this up. I wonder where we can stream this.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Who do they have to pay?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Look at those eyes, though. Something's a little off with him.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Ja, denk an, wie er versucht hat, den kleinen süßen Shirt aufzunehmen und dann beginnt er, deine Haare rauszuholen. Es ist wie, komm raus, du, komm aus meinem Bett. Ich bin jetzt über das. Bitte, komm aus meinem fucking Raum.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Seriously, it's been doing good, but it's like, what's going on? I'm trying to dress you right now and you're pulling my ear. Get out of my fucking way. He's just slapping your ass. Yeah, I'm trying to help you here. I'm doing you a favor here. You don't know how to do this. You'd still be in the jungle if it wasn't for my bitch ass.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
I think so, chimp crazy. Where she has to wear the veil? Just Charla Nash.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
By Travis. Yeah. They did not talk to her, but they talk about that incident. Travis was big as hell. He was a big, big mongolo.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Wait, so that lady died? Ich glaube, sie hat ihr Gesicht verletzt. Und Finger vielleicht. Beide Hände und ihr Gesicht. Diese Frau da. Nein, nein, nein. Carla Nash. Eine andere Frau, aber sie spricht über diesen Fall.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
I mean, we've already started.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yeah, and you're not supposed to. At least that probably wouldn't hurt, right? Like a plane crash. Like if you're getting your freaking fingers eaten off by it.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yeah, you're looking at your fingers, but you're running out of your stomps on your fucking... Is that the lady whose face got eaten?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
I would go for the eyes. He wouldn't be able to get me like that. Even if he was barred out. Because I'd be barred out too. I would meet madness with madness. I would pop a Xanax too.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
I love getting barred out.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Ja, also für jemanden, der das hört, ist es nicht das Gleiche. Es würde schmerzen, wie ein Flughafen vielleicht nicht schmerzt. Aber deine Nase und Eier und Finger und... Wenn es ein Junge oder so war, würden sie wahrscheinlich deine Genitalien so haben.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Do it in post. Yeah, maybe in post. Is that too big? After we record it, then you can... Whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't know about that, G. Yeah, Chappelle's way too small there. Hold on, Grant, come on, man.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Ja, richtig? 1,3-mal... Hast du 25?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Ja, ja.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Wahrscheinlich dieser hier.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Ja, du schlägst ihn um den Mond wie Team Rocket.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Es wird ein Stern. Oh mein Gott, ich habe das vermisst. Ich fühle mich, als ob das in Filmen und so immer passiert. Wie wenn etwas in den Himmel geschoben wird und dann, ja, es wird ein Stern. Ich habe das nie gesehen.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Nicht überhaupt. Es ist alles nur so, oh, wer ist der nächste Superman? Ist da ein weiterer Superman-Film?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Und die Kinder sind alle auf ihren Telefonen jetzt. Yeah, they're on their phones. They don't even care anymore if they're watching something.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Hard to say. Oh yeah, the guy from Teen Titans was part monkey, wasn't he? Beast Boy. Thank you, Grant. Beast Boy, that's kind of a fun... I would love that name if I was a superhero. Beast Boy. Teen Titans. Mr. Beast is kind of like R Superman. Is that on the WB? R slash Superman. Yeah, what was... Nickelodeon?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Was it WB? It could have been Cartoon Network. Disney Channel? Cartolan. It's not Disney.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yeah, will you please take that down, please? It's a DC hero. Okay, I'm so sorry. I should have done that. See, Chappelle, this happens sometimes. It's like we have a nice picture of Michael and his boy. Yeah. Michael und his boy. Like his friend. Son. My point, but still, it's like, why do you cover that up with some weird detective chimpanzee? I don't get it.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
He's not even real. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We live in the real world, Gigi.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
We're not on Propofol.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Hitmonkey, oh, I don't know. Oh, that's better. Yeah, what is he? Yeah, it looks like he has a pistol and also he's got a katana. Yeah, a samurai sword. That's cool. Who is this? Alright, now I want to know a little bit more about this guy.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
We're back to Marvel.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
He's got the double sawed-off jacket.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Or is this a North Korean? Because I've heard they've been getting the different books from North Korea recently. Imports. Yeah, it sounds like their superiors are a little off.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
What about your cock? What did you say? He's talking about his balls earlier, now he's talking about his cock. We apologize, we really do. He doesn't always get like that. We tried to do an intervention, but he just walked right out.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Oh, the scientist there.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
He said, oh, I don't give a shit, it's St. Paddy's Day, I'm gonna drink J-Mo tonight. I would do it anyway. It was yesterday. Wow. He said, J-Mo, I go. We're like, what?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
That was our bad.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Big boy hours.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
We should have gave him one more day.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Maybe tomorrow.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Well, if he's willing. Yeah, yeah, I mean, if you're cool.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Well, his disease is out there in the parking lot doing push-ups right now.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
So it's bad. It's bad. That means it's bad.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
I don't know if I can take on something like that. But it's like, if that's your disease though, doing that, this seems like a real strong disease. So Grant, that's why we're here. You'll be okay. You're his friends, you're his family.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Damn, Casey, stop doing it so fast. I can't even do it at all. Clock's ticking, Grant. Yeah. I love this. Time is a flat circle.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Ohana means family, too. Yes.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Was ist das für Moana? Das ist von Stitch. Oh, Stitch. Gott, I gotta watch those movies.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Oh, we're the same year.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yeah, vacationed. Yeah, oh my gosh, hit it big. When I was like seven or eight and then we were vacationing some and it could have been... At the La Quinta? Yeah. Well, that's when I got into it. But yeah, no, it was... We could have, though. I think we did go to Phoenix one time. Together? I wonder if we saw each other in a store.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
If y'all saw me at the playground, you wouldn't even play with me. I'd be too little. It'd be really weird. What are we gonna play with him? He's one years old. And he's annoying. And I was definitely annoying, because I was a little baby. Yeah. I feel like this background gives me like
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
We'll just have it like this. And it still looks as crazy as ever, I think.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
They should have been bigger than they were. That's actually kind of nasty. Yeah, it's kind of disrespectful. Grant, the one on the far, on stage left is cut off. Show us his face, please.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Könnte die größte Band in Amerika sein. Könnte es sein. Wenn ihr euch wählen könntet, wenn ihr euch wählen könntet. Ja, schau dir das an. Auf der Crossfade, welches Haar würdet ihr euch wählen? Wenn ihr für irgendeinen Grund für einen Tag, welches Haar? Es muss Red Spikes sein, oder? Damn, I was gonna go with red. Yeah, so we're red spiked. I like the blonde bang. Yeah, I kinda like the bangs.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
I feel like I, cause I don't have a lot of bangs right now.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Recorded live in Austin, Texas, USA. It's the William Montgomery Show. Starring William Montgomery and the devious Casey Rockett. With the Tony Chin Orchestra. The William Montgomery Junior Dancers. As always, William is joined by the lovely Erica. I'm Casey Rockett. Und jetzt hier ist er, der große rote Maschine, der Memphis Strangler, William Montgomery. Das ist so cool.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Große Augen. Ja. Put that guy down.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Scary.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
So you'd be the girl. Look at that. And that guy's gone. Sure enough, the guy that they were trying to cut out is gone. Oh mein Gott.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Das ist ein bisschen furchtbar. Ich weiß. Er ist weg. Das könnte für uns passieren. Das ist, was Grant versucht, für uns beide zu tun. Also dann ist es nur er. Es ist nur sein Show jetzt. Ja.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Lassen Sie mich sehen, ob ich den anderen Schrank bringen kann. Das funktioniert, aber verrückt. Na, nein, ich meine, ich denke, es ist... Ernsthaft? Chappelle, weißt du, was sein Arsch am Abend macht? Was macht er am Abend? Willst du es ihm sagen? Ich sage es ihm. I don't even know.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Keiner auf der Kamera. Ihr seid krass. Ihr seid krass. Warum redet ihr immer darüber? Dieses Show ist nichts ohne William. Ja. Yeah, I mean, this shit, this is nothing without my fucking ass, okay? Yeah. Don't bring it up like that all the time, Gran, okay? I've been trying to play it cool. We have Chappelle in here, okay? Yeah.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
So please don't bring that up about how it's eventually going to be just you and Erika. It's like, what the fuck? Okay, we'll see. As a guest, I do feel uncomfortable.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yeah, he's trying to make moves. He's trying to pit us against each other. So one of us kills the other and the other one's wrapped up in the legal system.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
I think this is the storyline to Air Bud. I think you're right on one of them. Trial attorney. On one of them, yeah. Freaking a couple weeks ago, we walk outside to take a picture. And Grant's like, oh my gosh, Casey, what's wrong with your back left tire? And we go back there and it's deflated. Yeah, and he tried to trip me when I looked at it.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yeah, and he does that, and it's like Casey literally almost hits his head on the side of his freaking car on the metal, and then he literally says to Casey, I think I saw William out here earlier, and I look at Grant, I'm like, Ja. Oh. Oh.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yeah, and it's like, and then Grant, I swear to God, then I look at Grant, and he does this weird little smirk, where his eyes goes down a little bit, and he does like a smile. And I'm thinking, what the fuck?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Now little gears are turning. Wade, I'm so happy you said that. Yeah, that kind of makes a little too much sense. You gotta pay attention to the details. Occam's razor. Who's more likely to do it? William, my dear friend, or Grant, the newcomer?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
And by the way, y'all's new guy out there was pretty rude earlier. I know. Putting all our cards on the table right now. It's kind of weird, because I whispered kind of a loud whisper. I was like, hey man, what's up? And he doesn't even look. And he doesn't even have any headphones in or anything. So he heard me. He's typing the monitors off.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yep. That explains a lot.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
That's not right. And that is piss. And that's poop. The red one. It's piss and poop and he's trying to put them in our food. Yeah, he turns into freaking Terry Nichols when he leaves the freaking... Isn't that the guy's name? He was helping freaking... What's his name? The guy who blew up the Oklahoma City?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
I'm a part-time data analyst and I've been staying up super late looking at all the quandaries. In Excel-Spreadsheets. I never even learned how to do Excel-Spreadsheets.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Texas isn't far from Oklahoma.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
He was a Branch Davidian. He was in Waco. He really was in the early 90s. That's pretty close. We should go see it sometime. I don't know. That's like a thing where I wish there was a museum. I don't know if there's a museum though.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
I know. It got burnt to the ground with the people in it. Yikes. Waco, home of Baylor University. We could shoot some baskets.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Till Koresh do his part.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
They got him. That was Grant's sensei kind of person. I don't know what word they were using.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Actually, we don't need to talk about it anymore. He didn't say anything. He's gone totally silent. And this room's feeling a little stuffy and I know those are gas tanks. Oh, shit. Keep it down. It's sleepy time, boys. You would never.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Okay, well, we won't bring it up again, Grant.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Sorry about the Waco thing.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Well, we forget to not bring it up. Yeah. Yeah, I think about all the time, like, what if he was Jesus, like, for real, and then we just burned his house.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
That's the gas you're gassing us with. Oh, he's like the Mad Hatter. I hate shit like this. Oh, it's getting bigger. Great.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
I've been coding. I had one class in Excel and I'm like, bitch, get this shit out of my face. I don't even get it. You're adding and subtracting by putting numbers in boxes? Where'd you go to college? I went to Georgia Southern. Most people, they see a computer, they run away from it. I run towards it. I run towards the fire.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Tell my family I love the hell out of them.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yeah. To the Academy. Yeah. Thank you for the opportunity.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Leslie Nielsen, so great. All the Police Academy, Steve Guttenberg. Who was also really good in The Big Green about the soccer team.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Don't get us started on the all said words.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
There we go. My favorite joke of all time. Are you asking me a question?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
She's riding a horse. So sick. Who writes shit like that? So one of the twins is on a horse and says that to somebody? She's on a horse, the other twin goes, Ashley, when's lunch? And she goes, are you asking me, equestrian? Yeah. Come on.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
PETA would have a field day. Yeah, which is bullshit. They got you bagged and tagged. You're done.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Ja, sie sind wie die Scientologen. Ich denke, Peter geht nach Leuten wie Scientologen. Du wirst einen Abu-Grid erwachen. Oh, schau dir das an. Bist du mir eine Frage gefragt? Ich habe es mir sicher gemacht.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
When we were younger men. Remember when we did that? Yeah, we did.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
That guy's so good. He is really good. He's like opening a piece of paper.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
That sounded like a piece of paper. What is your best noise you can do, Chappelle? Ah, jeesh.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
William does a great gunshot. I do a great gunshot.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
It's like from kind of far away or something. Like you're in the desert. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Okay. Yeah. I have never, we have never spoken with anybody who grew up in the desert in New York, swear to God. So it really is... Das fühlt sich gut an. Ja.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Sie haben die richtigen Augen dafür. Ja. Das ist ich. Ich bin ein Waiter und ich trage einen großen Teig. Ich trage einen großen Teig von Trinken. Okay, also das ist meine Vorstellung. Ups. Ah. Ups. Was ist das? Irgendwas wie einer der Trinken, der auf die andere Hände schlägt oder so?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Ups, sorry.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Danke, Leute. Ich kann sehen, dass ihr einen Bloody Mary habt und einen Mr. Cerberus. Ja. Kannst du die Leute kurz holen oder kannst du es holen? Es ist wahrscheinlich ein schweres Ding. Könntest du das für mich holen? Entschuldige, ich habe meine Hände voll hier.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Ja, Körner, Leute hinter mir.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Das ist, was ich immer gemacht habe. Als ich ein Dischwasher war, fühlte es mich, als ob ich Teil des Teams war. Wenn es eine wirklich bescheuerte Nacht war, konnte ich immer Körner sein. Und ich hatte mein backwärtses Haar an und so. Ich hatte mein kleines Apfel an.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
It's in Statesboro. It's by Savannah. South Georgia. Oh, okay. That's where I'm at home. That's my pillow.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
In Denver.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
No, a place called Meadowlark Kitchen, which is now a pizza place because they let me go back there to look at the dish pit and it looked totally different. I had to go back and look at the dish pit last time I was in Denver. You said, can I come back here? And they let me. I was like, I worked in this motherfucker. I had shed blood, sweat and tears back in that motherfucker.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Okay, you don't need to fucking blow my cover a little bit. I should do that with my own... I pled. I wanted to go see it.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
In documentaries, like true crime documentaries, and they go, I used to live here when I was a kid. Can I go see my old room? And it's just some little kid's room now. Now there's just... Es ist nur ein älterer Mann in ihrem Zimmer. Meine Mutter wurde hier getötet.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Das ist lustig.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Oh, ja. Es wäre lustig für ein Wohnzimmer, weil sie alle gleich sind. Es ist wie ein Cookie-Cutter-Kollege-Wohnzimmer. Das müsste meine Küche sein.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Oh yeah, code, binary. And I mean, we're talking about multiple hidden layers on this freaking thing.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yes. Nah, fuck. I've lost close people in my life and they haven't come back yet, so no. Okay, fair enough.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
I wouldn't say it here.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
There's so many. Why didn't I see one? I think certain things have to happen for you to become a ghost, though. I think it's theoretically not everybody. Not everybody gets to be a ghost. Und du solltest sagen, sind da irgendwelche Geister in diesem Raum mit uns heute Abend? Das solltest du sagen.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Ja. Ja, ja, ja. Who's freaking, by the way, that guy, his co-person, one of the people with him, his wife did a murder for hire on his ass.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Trying to get his ass murdered. She got in trouble. She paid someone in jail for it. She paid someone in jail to get out of jail and then murder him. Yeah. Smart lady. It's brilliant. Yeah, yeah.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
How would I get there on this? How did you get to... Where I am today. Great question. I... A guy like me, and I've said this for years, I'm just as comfortable with a good book. Yeah, you just gotta find what you're enjoying. I love a reader. I'm an avid reader. I love a reader.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Wow. No, yeah. She offered him like a grand or something. It was like a couple grand. I would hope.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Sure. Pull the trigger, it's that easy. Payday, payday, payday.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
No, that's our main man. That's Baggins.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
He's really glowed up. Yeah, because he used to look scary to me. He used to look like a little kid. Like a ghost? Reid Hintzerling. I went to church with the Hintzerlings. The Hintzerlings. Yeah, the father was the preacher and they came over one time and I was playing like something on N6 Turok or something and my mom started freaking out that I was playing that in front of Reid Hintzerling.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Because it's violent? Yeah, because it's violent and the dad's a preacher and it's just turning up. But he looked just like Zach Baggins. But Reid, you'll never hear this, but...
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
It was Episcopalia, and there was this one woman who would stand up and speak in tongues, and she had what my father called the Dovenator 5000, which was this long pole, and it had like a dove on the end of it, and she would do it around, like during songs. Was it a real dove? No, it was just like a cutout.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yeah, it was like you were at a festival or something.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
She just does it between her hands and it looks like the dove's flying.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Wow. That was a good bass line.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
That's another noise. Well, it's not ready, but... That's another noise. It's like Tina Whalen from Talking Heads. Oh, got it, got it. Good morning. I've never been able to do any kind of musical instrument sounds. I gotta practice or something.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
It's guns or busts for you.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
The symbol. Yeah, the symbol. Kind of a one trick pony there.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Okay, that's pretty good.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
We needed a third layer.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Grant, hit it.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Ich habe. Ja, mein Vater ging zu einer Megachurch. Also wie Andy Stanley, Joel Osteen, wie eine Megachurch. Und dann habe ich auch an verschiedenen Stellen zu einer pentecostalen Kirche gegangen, wo sie in Tönen sprechen würden. Ja. Und sie würden manchmal die Steine machen.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Carcosa.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yeah, I went to lots of church camps when I was a kid. Lots of revivals. Yeah. All the kids are crying. They're like, why are you making us little kids cry? We're 10 years old. We don't need to be crying.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yeah, you have no, you shouldn't have trauma like that. Yeah. I went to a couple and I just remember my buddy, I can never say the name, but my buddy were there and I would go with my friend, when I would go to something like that, it would always be my buddies and we'd kind of mess around and my one friend, we were just messing around one night
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
And he ends up looking up in this window and it's the girls taking showers. Whoa. And I was like, I think we laughed, but yeah, it was not good. He was looking at the naked girls taking showers at the church.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Hell no, I was scared. I'm sure I was hysterically laughing, but I would have been too scared to, well, I did not. But that's like 80s fun. That's what people did in the 80s and 90s, to have fun, though. We were having a good time at the church camp. We're looking at naked chicks. I'm kidding. I was not. Maybe I was. I don't know, but I did not. Your hands are dirty here. I can't remember.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
This reminds me of one of my data setups.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Guilty by association. No, no, no. Doing something and not stopping it or live on the same street. Did you pull him down from the damn window? No, so fair enough. I hear what y'all are saying. Just following orders, huh? Yeah. I was just following orders. Yeah, if I didn't stand there and shut up, he was probably going to punch me or something. So I had to chill.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yeah, William, that's what you saw? Yeah, just like blowing air into there and they're like, what's that noise? Who are those little freaks? Look at his little boner. Yeah, I got a little thing coming out of there and they're like, what is that?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yeah, you just tie the string on there. Well, you got to put your thing in there and then tie a string. I'm kidding. What am I even talking about? Tie a string through your pants and make it kind of like jackass style. Like Chris Ponios. That's so cool.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Oh, wow. There you are. Oh my gosh. I was just following orders. Yeah, sorry. My buddy's gonna punch me really hard if I don't look.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
My friend's gonna not trust me after this. He's gonna light me up. Yeah, yeah, God. Wow. But one of the little church camps, we went to some, it was only like a day church camp, and it was the most fun thing ever, though, because it had a mud pit. But I was always scared that there'd be snakes in it or something, because it was literally this big-ass mud pit. What do you do in the mud pit?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
No, I'm not as good with people as I am with typing.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
They worship. What do you think?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Oh my gosh. And it had like a little slide. It was like on a hill. It was just a mud pit. And I was always thinking, God, I hope there aren't snakes in here because I'm having so much fun in the mud pit. Wow. Would you do like challenges? Like it was like an obstacle course? No, it was just like a time. Just a mud pit. Just chilling. Yeah, people just hanging out in the mud pit. Wow.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
We're doing a live switch. I think Grant just wanted to show his finger on the camera because he's going to show us the video, Chappelle, it sounds like, of him literally getting surgery earlier today. Don't poke my friend.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Oh, so this is what you were doing. Good way to get MRSA. Yeah, it's probably really gross. Looking back at it now, it seems very, very gross.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
MRSA is like an illness where you can lose limbs, right?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
It's like a flesh-eating... Staph infection. Yeah, it's like that. It's a type of staph. Like a flesh-eating bacteria. I got it one time.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Oh yeah, you can get in the mud, get in the bathroom, Planet Fitness. Locker room, yeah, locker room thing. You're really susceptible when you get whipped with a wet towel. That wound, you better pour some iodine on that immediately. Yeah, rat tail. This thing's hurt. But yeah, staph infection. I almost got my leg cut off. No, I don't think so, but it was really bad. It was? Oh, it was very scary.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
I was talking about Grant, talking about wanting to pass out. When I took my pants off and looked at it, I wanted to die. I just was like, Lord, strike me down up in my dorm room right now.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Kill me now. I can't deal with this. I'm too weak. Because it was painful or it was ugly? Ugly. And also hurt. It was horribly ugly.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Huge, yeah. It was horrible. It's like, God, I'm not strong enough. I'm so sorry. You taught me to be strong, but I cannot be strong right now.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
My sin is envy. I'd love to have a stinky leg. Ah, well, Casey, be careful what you wish for, dude, because it's in the abstract, it's maybe like a cool sounding thing, but I swear, when it's on your leg, it is really bad. Vanity. I'd love to have a stinking leg. No, be careful. Smell that?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Because you have stinks in there because there's pus and stuff.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yeah, it's like sickening. Give me stinky limbs, God. Make me reek. Gosh, Casey, don't pray that. Make me reek. Casey, don't.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
You have discovered the secret surprise. So cool. Is that Fonzie?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
He was on, yeah, he's on Dilaudid.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
I was just trying to speak backwards.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Oh, der Dance-Bewegung. William brauchte keine Praxis für sein stankiges Bein. Nein, ich habe es einfach bekommen. Es war Gott gegeben. Ja, ich habe es einfach bekommen. Und vertraue mir, ich habe nicht dafür gebeten.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Er hat mich getestet. Er hat gesehen, wie ernst ich war. Du bist ein Akkord. Du bist ein Mörder. Well, I was an Acolyte and he saw that and then I think that's why he was testing me. So I just got to keep moving forward when I start sensing these tests. I just have to keep going forward because then I'll, oh God, I don't even want to think about it.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
He's gone. He's on pills? And he's on pills like frequently, but he's really on pills today. He can barely stand.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
If I stop moving forward, then that, oof, something bad's happening.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yeah, something really bad. I mean, I'm sweating thinking about it right now a little bit. I wanna be your stinky boy. Grant, who was that?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
The fappening? Yeah. The plants make us beat off. Is that like gooning? The plants are making everybody jerk their shit. Yeah, gooning is adjacent. I was looking up reviews on Adidas socks last night and some comedian freaking in the comment like doing the review of the socks is like, yeah, it's perfect for gooning. Perfect for gooning in.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
I think it's just jerking your shit. Is that what it is, Grant? Do you know about gooning? One second. How do you think you got that splinter? Gooning with this fucking piece of wood. The wooden toilet. Jerking off a new wooden sock.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Sind die schlecht?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
We had to do the needle like Pulp Fiction just to get him to turn the camera on. Damn. Yeah, so thank you, Grant, for getting up. He was on the ground.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Ja, wenn es ein Wiener oder ein Schaft ist, will ich das nicht sehen. Da ist ein schönes kleines T-Shirt. Das ist nicht so schlecht. Das scheint sicher.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
It's Gen Z. Is that what it is? Gen Z?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Was ist edgierig? Es ist ähnlich edgierig. Also das ist, wo ich denke... Surfen. Wenn du masturbierst oder so, bevor etwas passiert, stoppst du. Und dann musst du stoppen. Und dann wirst du ein bisschen warten. Und dann machst du es wieder. Und bevor etwas passiert, stoppst du. Und dann machst du das immer noch. Warum? Ich weiß es nicht.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Es sieht so aus, als würde das viel Zeit aus deinem Leben nehmen. Weil ich nur versuchen, zu poppen. Yeah, I don't give a shit.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
What do you mean goon? I'm not trying to goon for an hour. That sounds like a nightmare to me. I'd be just as happy with a good book. Yeah, I'd rather read for an hour versus gooning. I'm ready for bed. Oh mein Gott! Nein, ja, das ist großartig. Cool, es war so schön, dich zu sehen und wir sind... ...vielfach fertig. Ich denke, Chappelle... Lacey, thank you so much for being on the podcast today.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
So y'all look that up and where can people find you?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
And then we have to think our mercenaries real quick. Ashley Belfield, Beef, Ben Hashim, Bobby Beltman, Brendan Riley, Bryce Scar, Daniel Hunter, Danja Fox, Destiny A. Ford, Dingleberry Harry, do uncles kiss on the lips? Oh, that's my favorite one. That's got it going on. Warlock. Warlock. I almost messed that one up. And then Anthony Whiplash-Markinson. Thank you all so much. Alrighty, bye.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Wenn er gefadet ist. Er produziert und sitzt auf dem Boden, das ist toll, gleichzeitig. Ja, ja, er wird gefadet da drin und dann macht er alle Trinken. Wenn ihr bemerkt habt, waren alle Trinken heute ziemlich gut gesetzt, weil gestern sah es so aus, als wären sie alle, es war wie verrückt. Yeah, free for all. I thought he was playing Jumanji in here yesterday. I walked in there.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Thanks for joining us for this week's episode of the William Montgomery Show. Send your questions, artwork and manifestos to thewilliammontgomeryshow at gmail.com Leave William a voicemail at 737-471-1098 737-471-1098 And never miss an episode of The William Montgomery Show by subscribing to The William Montgomery Show channel on YouTube and anywhere podcasts are sold.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Check out William online at william.f.montgomery1 on Instagram. For more William Montgomery, check out Kill Tony on YouTube and check him out live at the Comedy Mothership in Austin, Texas every Monday night. Find more of me, Casey Rocket, at patreon.com slash caseyrocket. Follow me on Instagram at caseyrocket.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
This episode of The William Montgomery Show was recorded at Record ATX Studios, right here in the heart of Austin, Texas. The William Montgomery Show is produced by William Montgomery. The anthem is sung by William Montgomery. The drums are sung by William Montgomery. The words are sung by William Montgomery. Thanks for joining us. See you next time. Who the fuck said that?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
I'm trying to have fun tonight.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
But we love Jumanji.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Do you remember the name of the factory? We were actually, weirdly enough, talking about the factory in Jumanji yesterday. Do you remember it by chance? Nein. The Pierce Shoe Factory. War es nicht Pierce? Perrish. Perrish. Perrish. Perrish. Gott, warum will ich immer sagen, Pierce auf das verdammte Ding.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Tut mir leid, ich will immer nur sagen, Pierce. Die Intentionen sind hoch. Die Intentionen sind hoch, die Emotionen sind übergebrochen.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Holy shit. I did not realize that. And it's like, what does that mean? Was the director like trying to go for something there? Was there like, is there a hidden meaning behind that, I wonder? I don't get it. It's a wink to the audience.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yeah, I'm David Spade. Yeah.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
I don't think he was in the reboot. He's Robin Williams.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Es ist knapp. Sieh, das war originally David Spade. Ja. Der Mann auf der linken oder rechten Seite. Auf der rechten.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Und ich habe gehört, dass sie ihn wirklich bekommen, weil er wachsen kann. Viele Leute wissen das nicht, aber ich denke, David Spade kann einen hellen Mustache wachsen mit den Mutton Drops, weil ich denke, er hat blondes Haar. Ja, er hat es.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yeah. Yep. I'm 30. Okay, that's good. That's good Jumanji age.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
95, and then it came out, yeah, right around. So you would have been just a little guy watching it. Yeah, they brought me, I was fresh, I was still, my mom was still licking the stuff off me.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Ja, das ist ein schöner Hintergrund. Er hat uns gestern erschrocken. Wir haben gestern einen gemacht und er hat uns mit den Hintergründen erschrocken. Es war wie, es ist fucking... Ja, er hat uns runnen. Er hat uns auf unseren Händen.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Mm-hmm.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
14. No way.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Wow. And Grant, do you want to show, it sounded like you did have a picture or a video or something. Do you want to show us real quick what it looked like? And what did you, Grant tells me he has a sliver, he got a sliver in his finger this morning. And I'm thinking, what is a sliver? And then he's talking about Splinter.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
What?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Das sieht so aus, als würde ich einen String an die Ecke tragen.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Um ein paar extra Inche zu bekommen. Ja, ja. Balloon that thing? So cool.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
So Grant, what is this? Is this before or after surgery with the string on your finger?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
You are sweet, you allowed that woman to do that, because that looks like a ton of... Trash!
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Seriously.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Grant?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
It's horrible mildew in it.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Could you imagine if that sliver got in your balls? That would be a bad place to get one of those. Different story. So Grant, you're saying that the piece of wood is in that middle picture above my head. I was picturing a thing sticking out, like jutting out of your finger, but it got in. That's the picture with the wood in it, correct?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Do you have a video of her tying off your finger? No. Because I would like to see that.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Why the tourniquet? Was there blood at all?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
The upper dermis?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
So I don't really understand that. Did she charge you money to do all this stuff to you? No, it was free. 50k. You paid $50,000 today?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
That's what I wanted to know. He's screaming like Requiem for a Dream.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Is it okay?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Well, William loves gore. Yeah, yeah.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Mm-hmm. TR. In Chappelle, by the way, Chappelle, Casey's only kind of kidding. There have been times in the past I have watched some pretty nasty videos. Well, I guess I do bring them up kind of frequently, but I don't really go out of my way too much. Yeah, I guess I watch them some.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
They get stuck in your head. So you'll be having a conversation and you're like, what about that Egyptian guy that got eaten by that shark? Es ist immer ein Gedanke weg. Okay, fair enough. Du bist sehr korrekt. Ich habe versucht, mich zu verteidigen, aber du bist völlig korrekt. Es ist immer so.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
16.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Yeah. Yeah, he goes like, hashtag iPhone 16. Wow. Taken by iPhone Pro, filmed on iPhone.
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
Was?
The William Montgomery Show
Shapel Lacey | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 173
How long were they following? Oh my gosh. Why didn't somebody help it? They must be on a little van or something. And it's slowly going back in the water and then it finally drowned. That's nature. I know. We can't control that. We have to let them exist that way. I know. And it was so sad. It's like, dude, you got a long neck. You got long legs. Walk up out.
The William Montgomery Show
Redban | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 177
And it's like...
The William Montgomery Show
Redban | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 177
Thanks for joining us for this week's episode of The William Montgomery Show. Send your questions, artwork, and manifestos to thewilliammontgomeryshow at gmail.com. Leave William a voicemail at 737-471-1098. And never miss an episode of The William Montgomery Show by subscribing to The William Montgomery Show channel on YouTube and anywhere podcasts are sold.
The William Montgomery Show
Redban | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 177
Check out William online at william.f.montgomery1 on Instagram. For more William Montgomery, check out Kill Tony on YouTube. And check him out live at the Comedy Mothership in Austin, Texas every Monday night. Find more of me, Casey Rocket, at patreon.com slash Casey Rocket. Follow me on Instagram at Casey Rocket.
The William Montgomery Show
Redban | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 177
This episode of The William Montgomery Show was recorded at Record ATX Studios right here in the heart of Austin, Texas. The William Montgomery Show is produced by William Montgomery. The anthem is sung by William Montgomery. The drums are sung by William Montgomery. The words are sung by William Montgomery. Thanks for joining us. See you next time.
The William Montgomery Show
Redban | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 177
Recorded live in Austin, Texas, USA. It's the William Montgomery Show. Starring William Montgomery and the devious Casey Rockett. With the Tony Chin Orchestra. The William Montgomery Jr. Dancers. As always, William is joined by the lovely Erica. I'm Casey Rockett. And now here he is, the big red machine, the Memphis Strangler, William Montgomery.
The William Montgomery Show
Redban | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 177
That's horrible.
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
How many people have you kissing by today, Grant? I have zero kisses so far, so I'm not feeling the hottest, but. 0 for 30. Yeah, lots of pinches.
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
Are y'all getting the smooches?
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
Yeah, what are you drinking? Some green beer in there? What's going on in there? No, a bag of stuff just fell down. I had the mic muted, but it's still loud enough that you guys hear around the corner. Yeah, what's going on? Are y'all like hoarding stuff in here?
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
He said it's to prepare for the Sasquatch rapture. Well, good luck. It seems on the level.
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
Here you go. So what happened? How's that?
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
Ooh, the suspense.
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
Yeah.
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
I don't think it's directed at me. I don't think it is. Is it directed at me?
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
This is not the first time, bro.
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
I certainly didn't mean to cut you off. It was just that I knew that we didn't remember the name. It was Parrish Shoot Company.
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
Yeah, you have to explain everything step by step. That sucks. I would want to start at like age 30.
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
Dude, I appreciate you giving them pro tips.
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
That's okay.
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
Yeah, sometimes they're not in there. Thank you so much. Yeah, no problem. I'll try and make a note to have those there more often. Maybe a couple sandwiches too next time. What do you think?
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
Right, Grant? No. Thank God. He was in here earlier. Doing what? He was lurking. That's what the thing that fell. He was putting stuff away in this.
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
Yeah.
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
I mean, honestly, I don't think I was as scared of her until you guys started talking about all this. Look at different angles. Cause that's pretty good lighting. Yeah.
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
It's daytime in a public setting? Is that what you guys said? No.
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
Not when you're terrified.
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
Okay, I'll do it. Cool.
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
You guys willing to tell me like the premise? Wendy Tundra.
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
Is it called Windy Tundra?
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
Did you guys write roles for yourselves in the script?
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
Is this, like, span, like, a long time period, like, as he gets older?
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
Yeah. A hundred years, and then he gets in the crash.
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
Oh, I don't. You just pass them off to, you know, the education system.
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
Yeah, make her do it. Do you think they care? I think they're alive. That's my job. Keep them alive. They're done.
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
Patrick's Day. It's the 217th annual St. Patrick's Day. Yes. It's the 217th one? I think so. I have to look that up.
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
The floor? We haven't done a floor update yet. Yeah, it seems like the contractor did fuck up, did own up to it, and is going to fix it. Holy shit. Oh my gosh, it is a St.
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
Yeah, I know. St. Patrick. You guys got the memo, no wearing green in front of the green screen. That's a good call.
The William Montgomery Show
Happy St. Patrick's Day | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 172
It was called the Brighton Hotel Bombing.
The William Montgomery Show
Val Kilmer Lives | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 176
No.
The William Montgomery Show
Ezra Miller Started a Cult!? | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 180
All right. Bye, everybody. Thanks for joining us for this week's episode of The William Montgomery Show. Send your questions, artwork and manifestos to the William Montgomery Show at gmail.com. Leave William a voicemail at 737-471-1098. And never miss an episode of The William Montgomery Show by subscribing to The William Montgomery Show channel on YouTube and anywhere podcasts are sold.
The William Montgomery Show
Ezra Miller Started a Cult!? | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 180
Check out William online at william.f.montgomery1 on Instagram. For more William Montgomery, check out Kill Tony on YouTube and check him out live at the Comedy Mothership in Austin, Texas every Monday night. Find more of me, Casey Rocket, at patreon.com slash caseyrocket. Follow me on Instagram at caseyrocket.
The William Montgomery Show
Ezra Miller Started a Cult!? | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 180
This episode of The William Montgomery Show was recorded at Record ATX Studios right here in the heart of Austin, Texas. The William Montgomery Show is produced by William Montgomery. The anthem is sung by William Montgomery. The drums are sung by William Montgomery. The words are sung by William Montgomery. Thanks for joining us. See you next time. Who the fuck said that?
The William Montgomery Show
Ezra Miller Started a Cult!? | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 180
I'm trying to have fun tonight.
The William Montgomery Show
Ezra Miller Started a Cult!? | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 180
Recorded live in Austin, Texas, USA. It's the William Montgomery Show. Starring William Montgomery and the devious Casey Rockett. With the Tony Chin Orchestra. The William Montgomery Jr. Dancers. As always, William is joined by the lovely Erica. I'm Casey Rockett. And now here he is, the big red machine, the Memphis Strangler, William Montgomery.
The William Montgomery Show
Ezra Miller Started a Cult!? | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 180
Ezra Miller.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Do not say a word. Don't say shit. That's Omerita. That's criminal code. Yes. Yeah. Don't say shit. That's what John Wick abides by. Omerita.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Really?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
omerta yeah google it gg john wick it's the criminal code with the little coins it's called omerta and then you give somebody if you're gonna hurt them or or no it's like a brotherhood of like the traveling assassins damn so that's like a more badass version of the like the women the traveling pants traveling pants sisterhood of the traveling pants john wick is the sisterhood of a traveling pants for boys quote me on that g
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
So you make the noise and then it attracts the ghost or something? That's what I've heard. Or does it repel it? Pull it up. Yeah, because we need to know today. We got to find out. We don't want anybody bandersnatching when they should not be bandersnatching. Yeah.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah, yeah. What are these guys? What are the gold face guys?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Wow. Don't see nothing. Don't say nothing if you don't hear nothing. Wait.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
If you don't see nothing, don't say nothing, and you sure as hell ain't hearing nothing. But don't say nothing either. Unless the last thing you want to see is just coming right for your eye. And you don't, just in the freak of me holding your ass down, just fucking Casey beating your ass in the fucking bathroom at the fucking jail place. Just, I mean, really holding you down.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
I've continued to do the row machine, so your ass is down. And Casey is getting your ass. I'm freaking wet towel on your bitch ass. And then every now and again, I'm like, Casey, watch out. You just hit me, dude. Those things hurt. Careful on your backswing, man. Yeah, dude, you accidentally hit me on that last one. It's dying in the bathroom.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
And then fucking Mike's just, yeah. Wait.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
And then you just toss one of the little hockey puck things and it, like, goes in. Yeah. Game point. Yeah. Game point. Get a win by two.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
scared yeah gosh i'm reading the freaking i'm reading the freaking martin luther king he got shot and now i'm waiting i'm seeing what happens they're after the dude right now what are you are you talking about the boat Yeah, well, I'm reading one called Hellhound on His Trail, and the dude shot poor Martin. It's very sad, and now they're looking for the man.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Well, I think some FBI files just got released that a lot of people think that guy didn't do it. That it was somebody else? Well, it's very strange, Casey, because at the very beginning of the book, the guy who's going by Galt, last name Galt the whole time, and I'm just so confused. I'm like, I thought the dude's name was something else.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
It's basically the vocal equivalent of a Ouija board.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
But apparently he was in jail for a long time and somebody met his ass on the night before he escaped and nobody ever met up with them. Like nobody ever visited him and he doesn't even say much about it. But I'm immediately thinking that seems weird. What does that even mean?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
He escapes prison. No. And then he ends up going to like L.A. and he's living in L.A. and then driving back and forth to Los Angeles. goes to New Orleans and goes back to LA and then finally goes to Memphis and is up in the place. So I don't know, but yeah, I bet it's somebody else.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
So we have to get the right information on this brand. It's like really scary.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
It's hard to keep them together. There were a lot of assassinations at this time in history.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
What, is he the guy that started the Braveheart War or whatever, the thing in Scotland? Yes. Yeah. That was William Wallace. But close.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
What are those things called when you cut somebody and you cut their mouth and it looks like they're smiling? A Glasgow smile. Yeah, Glasgow, yeah. I'm going to be there in October. Hopefully I don't come back with my mouth like a freaking accordion. Don't even put that out into the universe. You're fine. But don't even say that. Whoa. Grant, what were you doing?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Is that a spell?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
That was nothing. No, what was that message? That's like a message thing, right? What are they asking us? What did somebody ask? What did somebody just say?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Okay. Pass? Yeah. Yikes, dude. Come on. It's South by Southwest week, man. I'm trying to have fun today. How's it already getting into Bandersnatches? I know, right? I know. And then that, God, that picture.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Well, I'm getting about who said that because maybe they're the people that might be involved in the future. You're even asking about about it right now.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
This place is going to be yours, Casey. This whole place is going to be yours one day. But it's going to be audio only because I won't be able to show my beautiful little face anymore. Yeah, you'll have to get rid of all the cameras, but yeah, hang on to these things where it's just people talking to them, but the cameras have to get out of here.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Sure. In a good way. Well, I could use my newfound wealth to just get absolutely shredded. What, like get a personal trainer or something? Yeah, and implants. Oh, and implants. Isn't that what our guy, Musk, doesn't he have fake six pack? Is that real?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Pull that up, G. That shit freaks me out. I'd rather just go natty. Yeah, you gotta go natty, thousand percent. Just get a little creatine. Is creatine, I think that's something people take when they're working out. Just get a little creatine in your system. It's totally legal. Oh, he just got chest implants. Yeah, maybe just the chest implants. Yeah, something seems off there.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
He better have sunscreen on. That dude's going to get skin cancer. I mean, look at that. I'm not wearing hockey pads. Yeah. Kind of damn dark night body. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. What is that insinuating that there's actually some... Like alien or something inside driving him?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Like Master Blaster from Mad Max?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Oh, yeah. What, is that the person who drinks the sugar water at the beginning? Or then somebody else?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
remember that guy so freaky oh he scared the hell out of me i watched that at the francis's house i was like dude get me out of y'all's house right now i can't even fucking stay here anymore yeah it ruined the whole evening that honestly did scare the daylights out of me too and master blaster look at that little guy rest in peace yep he died in ukraine Isn't that crazy? What was it?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Both of them together. Was he still doing the thing where he's riding on the guy's shoulders and they're fucking in Ukraine thinking they're not going to be like a really tall target? I know. I know. Right. Well, they brought him in as like a USO thing to like cheer up the troops master blaster. And then they ended up putting him on the front lines. What a fucked up situation that would be.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
It's like you're going to, yeah, make people happy. It's a big conflict going on. And then they're like, okay, go to the front lines. It's like, what? Yeah, wait a second. There's something wrong with the paperwork at least. Yeah, like I'm willing to go. I accept that maybe I'm going to have to fight, but the front lines? It should be like I'm fighting for morale.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Like I'm on a tank like way back there. Yeah, I want to be at the back. I don't want to be at the front.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
One shot. Double death. Double kill. Double kill. And they threw him a fucking parade. Damn. That's probably a big ass casket they had to make for those guys. Because hopefully they were buried together, I guess, right? Wouldn't they have wanted that, probably? In life and in eternity, as above, so below. Well, were they like brothers or just good friends?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
How was the movie? And wait, hold on. For anybody that doesn't see, Casey has these wonderful bowling shoes on today. I, um... Oh, the bottoms aren't as pretty to look at, but beauty is truly on the inside. Looks like dancing shoes. You could probably go up to the broken spoke and fucking dance in those things.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
I think they were just like, it was one of those weird things where they just happened to just be the best of friends. And it just worked out. It just worked out. Through thick and thin. The one guy was really big and strong and could carry him. The other guy was like the brains, maybe, of the operation. And he could tell him where to walk and... Damn. It's like what? It's like the Ratatouille.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
It is a total. That is probably where they got the idea for Ratatouille. I never even thought about that. It probably is.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
I know, it's bullshit. It's like, at least make some fucking Kraft macaroni and cheese. Make anything. I know. Or even, like, some marbled steak. Yeah, get some marbled steak. Cook it really good over an open flame. Make some mashed potatoes with that shit. It's like, dude, you're not even making anything. We're starving. We're on the front lines with y'all. Come on, y'all are eating good.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
I want to eat good, too. I know. Well, that's what, you know, that's why they're losing the war, both sides. I know. That's going to turn into a quagmire in really quick time. I know. Well, hopefully it doesn't turn into a Lois. I know. God, could you imagine that annoying voice? Peter! Yeah, God, what a voice that woman had.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Or whatever. She's always saying the craziest shit. Casey, you have to talk like that when you go across the pond. Have you thought about that? That'd be funny maybe if you went with some different accent for some of the time. Yeah, well, wait, so you're saying, like, do different impressions or different kind of British accent? Just throw them off.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Just start at the very beginning talking in a British accent. They're like, hold on, this dude's from Britain? And I'll go, just kidding, mate. Yeah. You thought I was from Glasgow now. Yeah, and then they're like, hold on, he's still doing it. Is he actually from over here? I thought he was from America. This dude's from over here?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
And then they're going to be blown away. I know.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
And then everybody gets their Zippos out and does that and doing that. God, talking about Zippos, you got to be careful with those things, dude. I've been having to put so much fuel in mine recently. I got one for Christmas and I just light it all the time. So I got to keep on refilling it.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah, it's like I live in a prison right now. It's like every time I light it, even if Erica's in the other room, it's like, I can smell the lighter, and it's like I'm just sitting at my little table lighting the... Yeah, it's fun to look at, and I can do that, and it's still... Well, you're like one of the X-Men.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah, my gosh, I press the button, and it's like a flame that you can do real fast, and it's still lit. Can you do the thing where you flip it open and do it on your pants really quickly? Nope, I gotta look up a YouTube video. Seriously, I cannot do any tricks with it. Trick or treat. And then just light a freaking... Cherry bomb. Yeah, cherry bomb. Throw it at somebody.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
God willing.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
like what kind of stuff like how you're talking or the joke like the subject matter um just kind of more like lifestyle stuff like bangers and mash and shit that would be good and i also think maybe bringing up freaking maybe some people like it maybe some people don't but just bringing up like the royals i think there's still a lot of british people that are intrigued by it i'm sure and i'll talk about princess di oh
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah, and so he just goes in there and dumps the beer.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Respectfully. Respectfully. Yeah, respectfully. And then maybe at one point you can bring up the guy that she was having the affair with. But it can be like a moment where everybody's like, whoa, like you're hearing.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
And then we're like, no, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Or something. But everybody's going to be like horrified.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah. So cool. What is that guy's name? Sirhan Sirhan. Oh, that's right. It was a Middle Eastern guy. It was a Middle Eastern guy. And he was on cocaine, I think. So they were probably having fun. She died doing what she loved, getting zootered and talking about Arsenio. I know, Arsenio Hall, fucking that television show. That was big in the mid-90s when she went out. Maybe I meant Arsenal.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Oh, yeah, Arsenal, not Arsenio. Yeah, Arsenal. That's a big football club. What is the guy? Can you do a picture of the guy, please, Grant? Like, maybe put it on the other side.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Wasn't he, like, super hot? Wait, that's what that guy looked like?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
I think everybody in the car died. Wait, why did I think he was a hot guy? He's a dog.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Okay. The bodyguard didn't die. She wasn't getting along with the prince and it's like, bitch, do your thing.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah, she was busted. Who was that? Fergie?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Not Fergie, Camille. It's like, dude, why are you cheating on Princess Diana, man? What is it?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Princess Di, you dropped the ball, big boy. Yeah, God. And then Fayed gets in the picture. Yeah, maybe just a little bit bring up Fayed, but then just like, oh, no. Oh, my gosh. I'm kidding.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Hopefully you guys get some good rest tonight. Yeah, hope you're sleeping well. Wait, that's not yours is better. Mine sounded weird or something. Why did mine sound weird like that?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
You don't practice, man. You've got to put some hours in. Okay, okay. Look, I'm not hating. Sorry you weren't sleeping well last night. Wait, the first part was messed up. Maybe the second part wasn't as bad. That's what, do you ever watch the television show, Casey? White Lotus? Yeah, I watched the first two. I haven't watched the new one. Ooh, it's fun. Is it?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yes, but the father of the Southern family where the Arnold Schwarzenegger son is in it. Yeah, Patrick. Oh, he's wonderful. He's very unlikable. He does a wonderful job at that. Is he British? No, but the father, I guess, was in Harry Potter or something. And it's they're doing like a heavy, heavy southern accent. And I'm like, what is this fucking dude, Australian or something?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
But he's a British guy. And like sometimes it's OK. And then other times it sounds like an Australian person or something. It's not believable. No. But I still enjoy the show. I still have totally enjoyed the show, but it's just the guy's accent. But I can't even imagine. They're acting and they're speaking another language. I know. I can't even imagine that. Yeah.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
And did she also bandersnatch her shoes? She did. She had a size nine. See, y'all are bad and I love it. And I love it. That could, that very easily could be true love.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
That's funny.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
I want that to be my ringtone. Sorry, I got to take this. And this was a British singer in a girl band. Grant, show them the actual video. I can't keep doing the context clues.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
I bet he's back there reading a freaking Mad Magazine or something. Yeah, trying to connect to A and B or whatever on the last page. It's a picture of a big boob. And he goes, oh, hot. Oh, hot. Hell yeah.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Huh?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Not even South by Southwest week? Uh-uh. Come on. We're having fun today. Stop.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah. I mean, seriously, Grant. All right. Here we go. Thanks, dude.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
What a disaster. She did that really bad. She really bombed on that. It was an all-time epic fail. Yeah, that's horrible. What a fool. She's probably dead right now. She's probably not even still alive anymore. Because of that? Yeah, she probably walked off a bucket. She was probably by, like, an ocean at some point, like, accidentally fell off the edge of the sidewalk into the ocean.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
She's just that dumb. That's what you're saying, right? Yeah, it's like she's walking, like, probably a cliff or something over in England just on the sidewalk, and then the ocean's right there, and she's like, oh, that's pretty, and she accidentally walks towards it or something stupid. And then...
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah. And hotel. We've been to one one time when we were with Duncan. He was staying at a four season and yes, stole the towel. I have a bunch of towels, but I need, I like the shoe thing. We just, I don't have enough room for the shoes.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah, going, I don't know, even 30 or 40 or something. That's probably a catastrophic, just an unmoving wall just slamming right into it in your car. You're done. Heaven and heaven. Yeah, really stupid. It's like, bitch, obviously somebody drew the tunnel in black paint. It's not even a tunnel, dumbass. There's a bucket of paint right next to it. Open your eyes. Yeah. It's like, what?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
You just got pranked so bad. We didn't mean for you to die. Obviously, we apologize for that. But like, we didn't think somebody would be so stupid to actually think this is going through this mountain. Yeah. We thought you might stop the car, get out of the car and go, OK, guys, you freaking did it. Yeah. And then we run out of the bushes kind of laughing or something like, oh, we almost got her.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah, we're we're knocking you up. We take you to the club. But instead, we're just still behind the bushes and just a fiery crash. And we still maybe knock each other a little. But it's generally a oh, my God, like we would do the initial like, but like, that's not too bad.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah, once that thing blows up or there's fire engulfing it, we're like, wait, do we have a fire extinguisher? Like, we don't really have anything. Yeah. Well, we did not plan ahead for somebody to pass. No, that's why you got to be careful. There's a lot of these pranking things you see online. Be so careful. We did.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Casey, we saw something that actually was kind of funny, I thought, the other day.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
It was the stupidest prank I've ever seen. What was it?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah, it was horrible. We watched the other ones. Yeah, it was so stupid.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
And there's like 15 other people wearing the Target shirts with the thangs.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah, the main manager's freaking out because the guy comes in like he's running shit. Like corporate called him in and he's with like 15 other people are wearing the uniform and he's telling them all where to go. And the actual manager's freaking out. Like, who are those people? That was pretty funny. Print culture is getting so good. I know, that was a good one.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
I know. I got too many shoes these days, dude. They're not selling on fucking eBay, Casey. Well, yeah, your stock's all backed up because I remember you were trying to, what do they call it, quantum loading, where you're trying to back catalog the shoes.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
He's just trying to eat a coney, like eat a chili cheese dog, and suddenly he's fucking airborne. They know how to do it over there. They know how to do it over in Japan with that shit. I love it.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
But they have to. I mean, don't they work? They work like 70-hour weeks. It's a big corporate structure over there. Corporate is king in Japan. Yes, it is. If you don't work for Toyota or Nagasaki. Nagasaki. I think it's meant to say Kawasaki. Oh, yes. Kawasaki. The motorcycle company. Yes. Not Nagasaki. The city that was tragically destroyed.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Or the very yummy hibachi place in Memphis, kind of by my parents' house. It's called Nagasaki. It is a really good one. And Benihana's. Oof. Well, shit. Casey and Memphis, you got to be careful to Benihana because that's where the freaking gypsies hang out. Uh-oh. Yes. What do you mean by that?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Well, a lot of these gypsies at Memphis are, I think, kind of a retro kind of gypsy, and they dress up like the people in Grease, like the movie Grease. They're like transients? Yeah, they live in... Caravans? Yeah, caravans in the RV parks. And I never had any beef with any gypsies, so I don't care. Do you mean like actual like the Roma, like Italian people? Yeah, Roma shell gypsies.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
We got Irish settlers. We have a melting pot. It's a melting pot over there. And a lot of the women dress like this. So that's how you know they're a gypsy.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
I don't know. Good question. Cultural thing. It's like a cultural deal. Cultural thing. Somebody making the food right in front of them. I don't know. It's really kind of nasty. No, I'm kidding. It seems fine. I'm sorry.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Prank stuff. Your attitude is spoiled. And my big fat Greek wedding. Or no, not that. What's it called? My big fat gypsy wedding.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
I was back cataloging, but I was just doing my own shoe size because I thought, well, if I can't sell the damn things, at least I'm going to be able to wear them. But then it turns out not a lot of people have my shoe size, so I just have ended up with a bunch of these things, and they're all over the place, man. We have a little closet, a little storage area outside, shoes only out there.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
That's actually a pretty fun show. That's a show. It's a television show. I've been watching a bunch of that. I can't stop. Oh, I know what you're talking about. I've seen trailers for that. Yeah, they're just the biggest characters. There was a guy yesterday named Pee-wee who was a big fan. There's Pee-wee! There's Pee-wee! How'd you even get Pee-wee up so fast? Yeah, he got that...
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
I wasn't looking and it scared the shit out of me. I was like, where? Oh shit, peewee's right behind me. Yeah, no, there's peewee. And orange is his favorite color and that's the tuxedo he got. He got it out of a bag.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Okay, so that's a cultural thing.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah, she's a gorger, Casey. Do you know what a gorger is? You're a gorger. You guys are speaking a different language. We're gorgers. I'm a gorger? We're gorgers.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
According to these people, we're gorgers. Grant, you're a gorger.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
We're like townies. Yes. Okay. In the gypsy community, we would not really fit in that well. But I think there's a chance. Like if we were nice to them or whatever, I think we could infiltrate.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
And like little jewels. I have jewels in my book bag right now for cripes sakes. You could actually, I know you could actually probably do well. Again, we both probably could. I think we both would end up being ingratiated.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
We could be entertaining when we go put the asphalt on somebody because we would probably go around and fix people's driveways. That's what I think a lot of gypsies do. Just for fun. Yeah, just helping everybody out, making them laugh when they're digging out the driveway and putting new concrete on. People would love it. Yeah, I'd be like, hey, guys, hey, listen up. We got a little break.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
What if worms could scream? And they go, okay, this guy's kind of funny. I know, I know. And then they start slowly putting down like their hard hats and like things and like, okay, maybe I'll stay a little while. Maybe I'll, what's he up to? What's he saying? And I go, anyways, so dating's been hard, but not like that.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah, yeah.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
So I do some of the funny voices you were telling me to do. Oh my gosh. And they'd be like, okay, can he come with us tomorrow? And then that's when we get, that's when we're like in. We are in. And we are marrying, with Erica's permission, we are marrying into the family. Into the gypsy family. I mean, what? I think. I don't know. It could be interesting getting into a gypsy family. I don't.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
It could be very interesting. There'd be cultural differences.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah, traveler life. You get your RV, you travel around. In a caravan. In a caravan. People need community these days. There's not enough community. We need more caravan. I would love to travel in like an envoy.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
GG.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Shoes only. Shoes mandatory inside. You got to wear them inside. Well, granted, your shoes are, it's an unusual size. They're size men's large, right? Yes. Men's large. Men's large. And a lot of people are looking up, I don't know, 10 and a half, 11, 11 and a half, 12, whatever. They're not looking up small, medium, large. Yeah. Meet me in the middle. Yeah. Speaking of meeting me in the middle.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
So you're not saying necessarily a GMC Envoy, you're saying an Envoy like a crew. Yeah, just like a caravan of all my best friends and we're cooking communal style every night.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Van life. Well, be careful. You don't want it to end up like a freaking Gabby Petito. I'm walking.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
This is me walking. No, Casey, it would be good if we had a good crew of people. We're not going to have to worry about a freaking Brian Laundrie. We'd have to keep our freaking eyes and ears. We'd have to keep them open. We'd have to keep them watching. Looked like he needed to do some laundry. He looked like he'd stink.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah, and then he's murdering that sweet girl, but it's like, what, did she not have any friends?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Hold on. What did you pour out or what did you do? Oh, oh. I never do that on the podcast. I was being so vulnerable.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
I'll be ready next time. I'm sorry. That's on me. That's my bad. Wow. Now I understand how Brian Laundrie felt. I bet Gabby was doing that to him the whole car ride. Just not reciprocating when funny things were being said.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
That's what happened. Okay, no Knucks? Yeah, then just fucking hits her ass. And then they catch that happening in Utah. And then the cop lets him spend money on his hotel room. I know. Because I watched that, too.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
For sure. They give me a nice La Quinta Inn. Yeah, they'll give you a spot to freaking stay. And then her ass, where was she staying? In the van or something? I don't even know where her ass was.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
He said, get lost and stay that way.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
And then she like hitchhikes. Like literally, what did she do? I wonder. I don't even know.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
I know. That's when it can be hard when you really think it's true love like that. But unfortunately for Gabby Petito, this guy had something else coming to her ass. This guy had something else coming to her ass. And...
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
But I guess she beat the shit out of him. I know she was fighting with him. And also he played it cool because I remember on one of the videos, the guy's like, oh, who was that? Rob Zombie or something like that. He comments on him listening to Rob Zombie. Yeah, he goes... He goes, oh, you get to listen to your own music in your patrol car? He's like hitting it off with him really good.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
She master manipulator. That's a master manipulator. He goes, oh, you got good taste in music. What's that smell? Oh, it smells good in here. Yeah. It's chirping him up. Oh, God. It's brutal. But we got to live and learn. We cannot let her her death go and happen in vain. We cannot let that happen. And now her YouTube video has more views than ever. So that's the silver lining.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
That's what it said at the end of the documentary. I was like, what? So this is all like a good thing? Yeah. So she was a failure when she was alive. And now after she's dead, she's getting a bunch of views. Why even talk about that part? Don't even bring that part up.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
What does that even entail? Like this was, she achieved her dream through death? Yeah. By being murdered? Yeah. Yike-a-rooska. Yeah. Well, that's a freaking society we live in, dude. It's all about likes and share-me-nows and forget-me-laters. Yeah, share-me-nows.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah, send us a new Galaxy Note S. Yes, we do need some Galaxy Note S's around this mob.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Damn. Yum.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
And this little pigsty, we need a couple Galaxy Note S's in this mob.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
And Gigi could get one too, but it needs to be a Galaxy, what, 6S Note.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
The one that folds in half, but then you realize you got the wrong model and you broke your phone in half.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah, but it seems like people would accidentally shut those the wrong way all the time. Whoops. I thought it went sideways, too. You freaking snap your shit.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Like what, Grant? Your wiener? Would you admit to us if you ever got your wiener stuck in a Galaxy S Note? Like what, Grant? Your butt cheeks? Don't. Stop validating that. Go on. It's funny. Yeah, what's the bit? What would happen? What's more likely to happen? It shut on your thing up front or you accidentally stick it in your area up back? You close your butt cheeks with it like a clothespin.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
So it'd be up front. So you'd put your thing in there and then shut it. So you wouldn't put it up in the back. It would be the up front.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
You're welcome. He said, thank you.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Like even then it had like girth to it. Yeah. But so gross. Because a lot of kids don't at that point. A lot of people don't have girth at that. Is that how that works down there? It's flat Stanley. Yeah. Down there.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
For a boy. Until you're like 14. Yeah. Well.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Not yet. It has to blossom. Yeah, it looks like a little peewee. It looks like a little... It's really small and thin.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Not mine, though. Yeah, if you get real cold, mine would go up in me. So it wouldn't even look like... If it was really cold outside or the bathtub got really cold, then it would kind of go up in me and then it'd be like... Somebody give me a towel before I get out of this bathtub.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Was it true you used to have to like kind of trick it with peanuts to come out every once in a while? Like, come here, papa. And I got really good at doing up the water just enough with my peanut where it would do like a little splashing thing and then it would slowly start coming out a little. Yeah, it's coming out. Mama, look.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Say it like you mean it.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah, what else you got back there? Did you notice they have a new screen out front, Casey? Touch screen. I missed it. Touch screen. Did you touch it? For what?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
And it was stuck on my peepee. And then somebody was able to get it off. I'm sure that was a feeling of relief.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
i go well that was the reason to say ouch oh then everybody laughed they talk about it all the time that will well now i get why they bring it up at thanksgiving and holidays or whatever because that would be hilarious yeah it was really funny back then and my my thing was pretty thick for my age but it still it still was able to get caught so if you're a little kid or whatever be so careful with the freaking money clips could never be too careful
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah. Because sometimes, I mean, think about it, Casey. What if nobody was around you? What if you were out in the woods or something? What are you doing then? I'd have to saw my thing off. Yeah, you'd have to get a pocket. Like a bear trap. Not like the dude on 48 Hours. Yeah, 127 Hours. Yeah, 127 Hours. You'd have to fucking do that with your thing.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
You can play games on it. You can draw pictures.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
I'm shooting flares and nobody sees it. Yeah, yeah, just fuck. One of the flares doesn't work and it starts smoking around and you're like, oh my gosh. Oh, I know I can't breathe and my girthy thang stuck. Yeah, I'm going to have to do something here. I'm going to have to do something. Grant, what would you do? Would you rather cut off your thang or your arm?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
I'm going to have to make a decision soon. Yeah. I mean, I don't have food. I don't have water. Something's going to give soon.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
I'm going. Are you talking about in the Lobbys?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
It's like, what is this movie? This is kind of nasty. Yeah, and you have to watch it be done. Yeah, and his thing's just caught in a freaking between a rock and a hard place. Okay. All right, South by. South by.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
We're going to get a contract, I think, by the end of this week. I think so, too. And I do think if we were to start maybe prank stuff a little bit, but maybe just go into a freaking Walmart or something. Well, there's a lot of industry around. If we could get like a really good prank, I bet word would spread. Yeah, we would need like right now is when eyes, the correct eyes could get on us.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Seriously. South by Southwest week. What? It's the second week. Correct. Ran out of two weeks. Reggie. Yeah. So we're second week. So we're like full, full bore ahead.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Well, I was thinking, what if we did a freaking thing with a money clip and like,
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Something, holy shit, something crazy happened back there. And it was an accident. Yeah, this thing got stuck on my penis. Then you show everybody the thing stuck on your thing. It's my actual penis. It's not a prosthetist. Yes. That's how it would have to work. I mean, right.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
That would be, Casey, one of the worst saw traps. I mean, I thought... There's horrible ones on that movie. There's horrible ones. Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, there's a money clip on your dang wiener.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
And then it's like, what do you do? I don't know. I don't know.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
I'd just be like, what? You're kidding.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
And I go, Rogan, you're going to want to see this.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah. Yeah. Damn. Ooh, yeah. Oof. I probably would. Yeah, I would run into the green room, and I would go, Rogan, Rogan, Rogan, please help.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah, and then you have to show him, and he's like, wait, what? How did that even happen?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
And I pass.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Don't talk like that. Don't put that into the universe, man. Come on. That's how I pass away. It was just shock. I was so shocked to see my girl. I get sepsis. I get Munchausen by proxy. Brutal. Yeah, just the thing on your thing. You would get sick, probably. I'd want to vomit just right when it snapped on my thing. It'd make me want to vomit. Yeah. Oh, speaking of that. Oh, man. Penis whistle.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Smart move. gosh wait casey this is gross we live there's some girls that lives where we live and i noticed erica at first noticed there was a pile of vomit i thought it was maybe wet cat food but it was definitely someone's meals And there's this girl that walks around that something's wrong with her. But I think she lives by herself. So it's wonderful. Good for her. But she's yakking.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yes. We said we didn't know exactly. But then, yes, it was busters. And then we come in there. It looks like a fucking Dave and Buster's in here right now. And it's like, we get it. We're at the end of quarter one right now. You got to have numbers strong or whatever. But it's like, I don't know why you necessarily have to do that to us. It's a real Hail Mary.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
It's sickening. I cannot not look at it. I have to look at it.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Oh, no. Like crazy. Like when I took the SATs and that girl pissed in her chair and went, sorry, I'm really sorry. Yeah. Yes. It's probably similar. It's probably very similar to that.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
And every day. Yeah. The day before I saw her and I'm like, what is she just looking at the ground? Because I didn't see any vomit coming out. Oh, she does it all the time. I saw her leaning over.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Why isn't she just puking the toilet?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
I did wave at her the other day, though, and she waved back at me. So that was really nice of her. Well, that is nice considering how sick she is. I know.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
It sounded like the time we went to a Vegas freaking all-you-can-eat buffet and I go into the men's bathroom and it is just, it sounds like somebody is opening up cans of freaking cranberry sauce.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Like just thick, big things and just dumping them in the toilet. So I was thinking they are getting their money's worth. They're playing this correctly. They're gorging themselves and fucking going back for seconds. Would you do that, Grant? For cash, Grant? Yeah. Really? How much? Like puke and then go get more food for money?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
We're giving you $100.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
But are you cool with 30, or does it need to be more? Yeah, I'm wondering what your price range is. I mean, I think 30 bucks is pretty solid.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So $70 buffet, and then plus 30, so we hand you a $100 bill, you'd be open for that? I mean, a $70 buffet is a pretty nice buffet, isn't it?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah, so it's weird limbo. It's maybe not that good of a buffet, actually, now that we're thinking about it, because it's like a really weird time we're taking you today. It's a lot of eggs, too, Gigi. So hopefully, like, scrambled eggs, and then it's also like cheeseburgers, I think, because it's like maybe that's a lunch thing they're doing, but it's like not even very good cheeseburgers.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah, and somebody came in before and maybe mashed a couple of them on the top. They broke the yolk. Yeah, they're breaking the yolk and stuff. This is weird.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
I'll be interested to see how it turns out.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah, but we're just saying you got to be cool with the food because you might be thinking, oh, it's $70. It has to be like this really good buffet. But we're just saying at the point when we're taking you during the day, it's like kind of in between. Yeah, it's like a weird limbo.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
And not the dance little freak. Yeah, limbo. I could never fucking do that. I could never. And how do people do it on roller skates?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
God's gift to the earth. Select few. Only some people, because I can't do it when I don't have roller skates on, much less if I had roller skates on. Yeah, I'd bust ass. Yeah, I saw some video of some girl busting ass on a freaking skating rink, and her fucking arm is like the bones coming out.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
And it's like, I don't know. Y'all get a bunch of foot traffic through here, but it's like, I don't know. What is your conversion rate? How many people see y'all just Dave and Buster's shit in the lobby and then actually go to a Dave and Buster's after? That's what I want to see. I want to see those numbers.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Like, bitch, why did you go out there? What were you thinking, bitch? Yeah.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Hopefully not. Yeah, that would be effed up if they were going into it thinking I'm going to break my arm. Yeah. You think James Frankus thought that he was going to get his wiener stuck in that canyon? Hell no. No, no, no, no. He was too freaking. He knew what he was doing. And look at this lady. He was a pro. He was a pro.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Oh, my gosh. With Portland.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
She will love it.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Gator's worth it. And she'll love putting her little snout in this area with how that feels. Oh, my gosh. Very sweet. Least I could do. She's going to love it. I had Gator on the mind all weekend. Stop. Well, thanks so much. Well, I knew it was so sad leaving her today at the freaking apartment. It was so sad. It is what it is.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
You guys will be reunited soon, and you're going to go watch some concerts with her all week. I know. Well, we have been watching on, it's called like smooth jazz. And then it shows like a backyard or something. It's just this jazz music. I can listen to that for five hours at a time. It's these scenes that are slowly changing, but they're doing like low key music.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
And I think this would be fun to watch tripping on asset. I think this would be like a primetime thing to watch tripping. It's on YouTube. It's on YouTube. I don't even know what you look up.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
I thought you weren't going to bring up Brennan Taylor right now.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Look up the Leave Britney Alone thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Chris Croppers. Chris Crapman.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
No, I mean, Erica brought up Brendan Taylor. It is some guy I really enjoy his food reviews, but he's wearing a Tennessee Vols hat during one of them where he's eating at a Bojangles, and I'm thinking, this guy's kind of a poser right now, a little bit. But I love him. I love his brother. I think they're so funny. But yeah, it was a little weird. He had a Tennessee hat on.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
I'm like, this dude's not a fucking Tennessee fan. Poser, poser, poser. Don't do that right now. You're done. Yeah, you're done in my eyes. So sorry. But thank you for, thank you. Yeah.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yes. And thanks for coming out.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
To Bojangles. And it actually looked really good. They had lots of biscuits.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah, they had these wonderful biscuits. Never seen. They're really good. The sausage is good and the egg. Oh. Yum. Yum. I love a sausage, egg, cheese biscuit. Well, this was so much fun. It was so much fun that we are reunited again, Casey. I know. I'm so happy to be back. I missed you guys like crazy. I was on the road. You've been busy, baby. Yeah.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Thank y'all. Cincinnati, Rochester, and William's been out there too, and he loves you guys too. I'm trying. Yeah, it's been fun. And we got to think our mercenaries. We have got to think, y'all. Robert Bushell, Ruby Jewelsparkle, Shaney Shaney Kai from the Big Island, SatRack, Sergio, Shiva, Steve, Fournier.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
What is your conversion rate, Grant, like monetarily speaking? We're about at 30, 32. It's low. Really? It seems kind of low. Yeah, a little bit low. So that's 32 people or percent?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
The Kill Tony Facebook group, the gaming crooner, the wizard, Vander Weed, Vicious McFisty, White Magic, William and Casey the Cats, William Guerin, William Ramsey, Worm Drive Show on YouTube. Choose your own adventure.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Zombie Warlock, Anthony Whiplash-Margensen, Ashley Belfield-Beef, Ben Hashen, Bobby Beltman, Brendan Riley, Bryscar, Daniel Hunter, Danja Fox, Destiny A4, Dingleberry, Harry, Do All Uncles Kiss on the Lips, Dovah King, Dr. B. Dugan, Eli Slug, Gators Godmother. Gators. Goldie Maystar. Grant's Worst Nightmare. Early at WS. LOL. I love Big Macs. I poison his Big Mac. Jenny. Jay. Jess. Joe Kife.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
John Shaw. Justin Threckle. Captain Chaos. Casey's mom. Kyle Heath. Larry. Lawyer Joe. Loomis Becky. Nice Wizard. Nissan Pappy. Robert Buschel. And Ruby Jewel Sparkles. We love y'all.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Then I'm going to come see you in Australia. Love that. And look at my Instagram. I'm all right at keeping up with it on there.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Bye.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah, it might not be a bad idea, but it might be. I don't know. Something's obviously wrong. I mean, if your number is at 30% grant, we are at the end of quarter one. We need the conversion to get higher. We're not going to be able to keep on doing business.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
We will take our business elsewhere if we don't see at least 45 by Q2. Please, Grant, and thank you. You're really listening to us, right?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Does Mike listen to us?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Welcome to the show. Yeah, everybody, welcome to the South by Southwest edition. Had to do it to him. Of the show. Casey's been singing some, and he was just, correct me if I'm wrong, what are you doing there, like clearing your throat?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
I mean, it is me. Well, Mike doesn't have all the shit in his office. You have all the food and drinks in your office, so you know where the respect is in this situation. Prison rules. You have all the ramen and extra pillows. And I didn't want to say this, but I swear to God, I see Mike for a second. Casey Grant and I are speaking a little bit out front. And I see Mike for like a split second.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
And he like, I swear it's like he's floating into his office. He looked like fucking Nosferatu. Like not literally like, but when he's a vampire, like floating, it's like he kind of smiles a little and is floating into his dark office. Holy shit. And he just says hello in passing. Yeah, Grant, tell him to be a little nicer to people. Yeah, and stop floating like that because that's creepy as hell.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Really? That's interesting how that's turned out. What do you think he's doing at night around here? You think those are his vans out front? You think he's getting people in his vans and maybe drinking blood at night? They're basically mobile blood banks. Yeah, I mean, and we're right by the blood place down the street on Lamar. There's that freaking blood place. It's been here since 1951.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
drawing blood together since 1951 it's just like we are blood family so much is that what it is yeah it's called we are blood yeah it's really weird i looked at it today we were driving past i'm thinking what is this fucking place like vampire like seriously is it like vampires worker i know mike would get a kick out of that oh yeah he'd love if he could fucking get his foot in the door at that place but i think it's hard oh it's daytime job it's grandfather down
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
What do you mean? He can go out? You think he can step in the sun?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Open your eyes and ears. Well, how's he going to get to the business? It's fluorescent lights. Fluorescent lights? Well, that's how it works then. I guess they have a bunch of fluorescent lights at the blood place. Interesting. Huh. That's interesting. Yeah. Oh, so I guess my shit's fully freaked now. So that's kind of cool.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
So if you're listening to this, you're scared of vampires, never go to, like, a grocery store. I feel like grocery stores have a bunch of fluorescent lights. Like, don't go to a grocery store. Even a David Buster's, it's questionable, Grant. I see why you did that for your friend.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah, at a Dave & Buster's. He's getting kids, probably. There's a bunch of kids there in the freaking stall of the bathroom. You could drink blood. You could get somebody in the stall of a Dave & Buster's bathroom. Easily. And they'd probably throw you a fucking parade. Yeah, thanks for getting rid of that kid. That kid was so annoying today. Yeah, it's like they'd probably sell it.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
You'd probably be a hero at the fucking place. They'd carry you like Rudy. Gosh, man, I wish. I want to be carried like that at least once in my life. Me too. It's almost like bittersweet watching that movie thinking, I love that this happened to somebody else, but it's probably never going to happen to me. So it's like, how do I feel about it?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Oh, quandary. It's a moral quandary.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
I got to feel happy, but it's also jealous a little bit. Sure. It's never going to happen to my ass. I'm going to tell you something right now, and I'm not just trying to gas you up. You have a better body than Rudy does. Stop. Come on, man. You know I've been rowing some. You're gassing my ass.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Not like you're a bonehead. I meant like airhead. No, I get it. I get it.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Like, hold on, like the candy? Yeah, they go, Mom, he's doing it again. And then your head, you know what I'm talking about? And now it gets bigger. It's like a party trick. It shoots to the roof. Yeah, it goes up on like a balloon string. That's the only thing connecting is a balloon string. I only say that because I know you're a fun-loving guy. I know. Well, thank you.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Yeah. It's called like, yeah, vocal burst. Vocal burst, quandary. See, that was almost, that almost had a different feel to it. Vocal fry. Bandersnatch. Damn, that's what a Bandersnatch sounds like? I'd always heard people, Grant talks about the fucking Bandersnatches all the time.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Whoa, that's a weird picture. Get that picture off. What is that?
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Something's wrong with that picture. I don't know. Something seems off or something. I'm sorry. I did not look at the crotch of that. Five pictures taken moments before tragedy. Yeah. It's just my balls coming out. There's giant balls coming out of the fucking.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Pull the screw up. Why did I immediately notice that? I immediately noticed the giant testicles. The guy looks like you, too.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Whoa.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Okay, well, that's like the worst thing I could have found out. Seriously, I'm not even kidding. That's like the worst thing I could have found out. Yeah, that's worst case scenario, especially during South by.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Because it's so weird when I'm on the row machine, it feels like my testicles go inside of my body. So it would be totally different than that because those are like big ones like hanging. Like with me, it would actually be like, wait, does he have any? Maybe they're just nesting. Like they're like hibernating and getting bigger when they go inside.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
I know they get too cold because the fans hit them and they're like, okay, we got to go up in you. All right. Sorry. Just trying to get some rest. I know. And I'm like, OK, whatever. Do what you got to do. I'm listening to America right now. What got you kickstarted on the American train? Because I had a playlist and I was I love the two blues traveler songs, but it's like I had enough.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
And I don't want to do that because but anyway. And you're talking about the hook.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
yeah hook oh my gosh i love that song but i had to stop listening to it because i was listening to it way too much so then i'm like okay i'm on this thing about 40 minutes let me look for some albums sure and then i somehow got to america i don't know how i got to america from the playlist i was creating but you're a better man for it i'm a better man for it i think i actually did cat stevens one day and i was like yeah this is almost making me a little too sad on this thing
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
I don't need to be feeling sad right now. So I went to America. You just slowly start to stop rowing because you're just getting a little bit too depressed. Yeah. And we do not need that right now. No. What America needs more than ever, especially during South by. Is community. A thousand percent. We need community. We need. We need respect. We need.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
But my car, I don't know what is going on, Casey. The inside of the car is breaking, slowly breaking. What happened? We don't know. Something weird happened, Casey, because it's not Erica. It's not me. But there was a new part broken off into the car and it looked like it was neatly placed in a cup holder.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
well you do do you leave your windows open all the time because you do at the studio sometimes no not all the time okay because i get worried about dust getting in there but yeah then just i will be honest was blazing a little bit and i'm not trying to hotbox a motherfucker right now i'm not trying to hotbox so i had the windows open and then i think the new guys the new guy does he have uh uh dyed hair grant
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Oh, it's fine. You had something. You were doing something. You've been on the road for weeks. You had something to do. You're chilling, man. And it worked out. You guys are the best. Yeah, worked out. But you did miss the guy. He has this cool looking, like the tips are bleach blonde. Who is it? Where do you find these freaks, Grant? These absolute circus freaks.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
Is that true, Grant? West Quad, yeah. Okay. You called that one, Casey. Holy shit. No shit. I know it was. I know a little freak when I feast my eyes upon one. Well, he busted us. So I did. I hotboxed for a second because I had to do the windows up because it's like I'm blazing in there listening to some Toots and the Maytals and freaking.
The William Montgomery Show
Magnetic Money Clip | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 171
And then this dude walks out and he's parked right next to us. And I'm like, okay, roll them up. We got to roll these things up. This guy's going to smell the reefer. Next thing you know, 5 to 10 in Leavenworth. Yep. Just screaming at Erica. Oh, my God. You're going to the women's prison. Do not say a word. Do not. I'm going to have to trust you. We're about to be separated for a long time.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Yeah. Wonderful. Yeah, a couple places.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
And I kept losing money. I've never had less luck on the slots than I did in Australia.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
That was the particular one where everything, I would put in a dollar for a spin. It would be like, congratulations. Yeah. You've been awarded $19. Yeah.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
I went, I get it. They call it having a slap. Really? Yeah. We're going to go to the pokies. We're going to have a slap. Yeah. And I go, have a slap. Count me in. Pokies. We're going to go to Macca's. It's what they call McDonald's.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
After that first show in Sydney, I sat down with my wonderful manager lady who was with me named Betty, and she helped me change all the stuff to Australian stuff.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Oh, nice.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Yeah, they would go, okay.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
They're like little rats, Grant. You love them. Looks like their breath stinks, like, in a good way.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Yeah, they get in your bends.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
They're so funny. You guys would hate them. I got a stuffed animal of one.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
I did not. Sadly, I wish.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Not Jojo Sheila. Not Jojo Sheila. Anybody but Jojo Sheila.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
And it's by some trees. And I left my apartment door open for like 10 seconds to put my luggage inside.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
And it's only one story, but we can hear it through the wall.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Come on, man. Stop having a party. It's a Wednesday. I will say this, and this is not about the mosquito.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Mm-mm-mm. What?
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
I met Nathan Fielder. How is he? I met him on the street.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Yeah, she did like hook up with some guy. I saw that.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Were they like, oh my God, get Nathan away from this freak?
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Seriously?
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Nasty. And if they were saying that, Do not tell me because it'll be something I think about all week.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Well, this makes me not even want to reveal the exact circumstances about us meeting.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
I am going to tell you after, but I will say he was very nice. And that is all I'll say about it.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Yeah, it's like an urgent care. CVS has, if you have a flu or need a flu shot, it's basically for flu stuff. I'm in there, and I got a fever like crazy, and I'm shivering. Oh, God. And I look up, and I go, am I having a titular fever dream right now, or is that Nathan Fielis? And it's him, and he's in this beautiful gown.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Just like that.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
He's in this beautiful gown, and he says, what's up, dude? He said, what's your trouble? And I said, I'm really sick. And he said, well, come on, man, get over it.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
And that was so nice that he saw you and could tell you weren't doing good. And he was so nice and helped her ass out.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
He invited you? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Did you have time?
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Right.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Oh, thank God. Yeah, he was nice. We, you know, am I on the rehearsal seasons three through six?
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Because somebody needs to get in his ear a little bit. He needs to have somebody wheel it in. Nice, smart person to be. Yeah.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Yeah, you got to be nice.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
He's awesome. He's like my best friend now. Except you guys, of course. So it probably goes like, oh gosh, I shouldn't even rank.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Yeah, don't even rank. Don't even do a list right now.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
No, again, I don't need to hear any rankings because I could get mad, too. We don't need any ranking.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
No, it's been a couple of weeks since we've seen each other.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Yeah, just layer me.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Well, so there's this production company, a little backstory, that has been getting... Because Mickey Mouse is in the public domain now. Popeye. They did a Winnie the Pooh. They did a Grinch. I saw that. Yeah, there's a Grinch. It's called The Mean One.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Yeah. The only thing, I just thought he would have talked a little different because he looks like him in a weird, scary kind of way, but he talks not. What is Popeye even? Hey, how's it? Popeye even talked.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
And they're exploring the canning factory. And he doesn't like it. But one of them is Olive Oil's daughter.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
They are, you know, aware of the charming stories circulating about this place.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Yeah, look at that.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
And it just made me think of this. A lot of girls say they're looking for the man of their dreams. Not me. The man of my dreams is really scary.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
You need to.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Yeah, it's funny. Do it. Try it out.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
I'll try it out. Well, sorry to bring the podcast to a screeching halt by running material.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Do you remember Debbie Wilson from MADtv? Grant, will you pull this up?
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Yeah.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
It's Debbie Wilson.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
I wrote it in the dream. You're kidding.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
So that's why you had to write it down.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Wait, when did you have the dream?
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
I think Nathan said, go out. He said, tell the world. He said, tell the world what we did here.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Oh, my gosh. What made you just think that?
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Well, Grant, I mean, from my perspective, I mean, you're crushing it, man.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
No one thinks I'm crushing it. You're doing awesome.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Stop. Why'd you just say that? Nobody thinks I'm crushing it. Stop.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Wouldn't mind having her wrapped up in a present that doesn't hurt her.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Oh, with some milk and cookies.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Well, tomorrow is actually going to be a great day for you. And I went to one of those Zoltar fortune machines.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
All right.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
And you could tell maybe you've seen some better days in the past. She's old as shit. But still looking good. Yeah.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
In Vegas.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Oh, my gosh, and you could do that to people every now and again. After you give them a cookie, you could do the heart symbol.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Oh, no. I envy people that do the heart thing. That's so crazy. I wish I could do it more. You can do it right now.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Casey, are you serious?
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Grant, will you screenshot this, dude? I mean, there's rules, man.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
You got it? Got it.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Or pretzels?
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
I figured out I was in Vegas and I didn't sell any tickets this weekend. And I figured out I don't want to point fingers, but my managers didn't put my shows on my website for the last six months. Really? Just no one knew I was in Vegas. So the Sunday shows had like, 80 people at the first one and like 90 people at the second one. It's a 400 person room. Really? It's like, what is happening?
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Yeah. On Sunday, I went to like share. I don't remember why. What's the actual website? Cause that's not like something I do, you know, it's not really my job. Yeah. We got it figured out. We got it figured out. But yeah. Thanks for everyone who's come to see William and come see me lately. It's been so fun. We love seeing you on the road.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
I have one that I go to and dreams a lot. It's like this haunted mansion that I've never been to in real life. But I go to it in my dreams all the time.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
I do too. Hopefully that's where I die. I know. I wonder.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
I feel like that was the whole last movie. If that's even possible.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
We love you, Shiva.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Bye. Bye. Thanks for joining us for this week's episode of The William Montgomery Show. Send your questions, artwork, and manifestos to thewilliammontgomeryshow at gmail.com. Leave William a voicemail at 737-471-1098. And never miss an episode of The William Montgomery Show by subscribing to The William Montgomery Show channel on YouTube and anywhere podcasts are sold.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
For more William Montgomery, check out Kill Tony on YouTube. And check him out live at the Comedy Mothership in Austin, Texas every Monday night.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
The William Montgomery Show is produced by William Montgomery. The anthem is sung by William Montgomery. The drums are sung by William Montgomery. The words are sung by William Montgomery. Thanks for joining us. See you next time.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Recorded live in Austin, Texas, USA. It's the William Montgomery Show. Starring William Montgomery and the devious Casey Rockett. With the Tony Chin Orchestra. The William Montgomery Jr. Dancers. As always, William is joined by the lovely Erica. I'm Casey Rockett. And now here he is, the big red machine, the Memphis Strangler, William Montgomery.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
So Casey, turkey meat in the past, historically for me, turkey meat, if it's too thick, it can have the weird pieces and gross me out, even though I do enjoy a nice turkey sandwich.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
That makes me kind of happy. I know.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Hello, crawlers.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Yeah, they're going to revolt and they're going to hold you responsible. They're going to drag you into the streets like Gaddafi.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
It's like we just have to put our heads down because they're going to come after Casey. Now they're going to be like, wait, did you all used to work with Grant?
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Let's not do that.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
What if we turn into a reaction channel for Grant's channel?
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
We're trying to get serious.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
We're trying to talk about the future of not only this podcast, of the city of Austin.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
No. I got to stop showing my face on this part.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Go back to Gaddafi. All right. Now that makes me look.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Oh, yeah. Libyan?
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Did y'all, let me ask you this, did you end up buying that deli slicer?
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Damn.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Damn.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Maybe zero. Maybe not even eight. Wow.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Half a little person.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
Yeah, could you imagine if you had just a harem of the little people that like to eat candy and stuff? You know their teeth are probably getting messed up. And then a dentist is expensive. I still, we both, we both got to go, Casey. I haven't been to a dentist. I know.
The William Montgomery Show
Popeye Goes Rogue | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 179
I missed you guys. I was in Australia. Then I was in Moon Tower. Then I was in Philadelphia. I was in West Nyack, New York. Then I was in Vegas. I was in Los Angeles. Damn.
The William Montgomery Show
Jessie Johnson & Joel Jimenez | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 170
He got it.
The William Montgomery Show
Jessie Johnson & Joel Jimenez | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 170
What? Let's see. What?
The William Montgomery Show
Jessie Johnson & Joel Jimenez | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 170
They should be normal.
The William Montgomery Show
Jessie Johnson & Joel Jimenez | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 170
My answer would be I'd like to keep both of them. You didn't say that was an option.
The William Montgomery Show
Jessie Johnson & Joel Jimenez | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 170
Well, Erica will still be able to see.
The William Montgomery Show
Jessie Johnson & Joel Jimenez | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 170
Anne Frank couldn't make sound. No.
The William Montgomery Show
Jessie Johnson & Joel Jimenez | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 170
I get them confused sometimes. Oh, all these women from history are the same to you. None of them can drive, so...
The William Montgomery Show
Jessie Johnson & Joel Jimenez | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 170
Like an evac.
The William Montgomery Show
Jessie Johnson & Joel Jimenez | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 170
That's what I'm thinking of.
The William Montgomery Show
Jessie Johnson & Joel Jimenez | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 170
Oh, yeah.
The William Montgomery Show
Jessie Johnson & Joel Jimenez | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 170
And you guys got huge. Yeah.
The William Montgomery Show
Jessie Johnson & Joel Jimenez | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 170
I hate this.
The William Montgomery Show
Jessie Johnson & Joel Jimenez | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 170
That's your thing.
The William Montgomery Show
Jessie Johnson & Joel Jimenez | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 170
I fucked a guy.
The William Montgomery Show
Jessie Johnson & Joel Jimenez | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 170
Wait, that was good.
The William Montgomery Show
Jessie Johnson & Joel Jimenez | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 170
Yeah.
The William Montgomery Show
Jessie Johnson & Joel Jimenez | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 170
You said it in Spanish?
The William Montgomery Show
Jessie Johnson & Joel Jimenez | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 170
A bit of soul food, yeah. Wow, so leprechauns be talking about, I just had soul food.
The William Montgomery Show
Jessie Johnson & Joel Jimenez | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 170
Nick shortstop.
The William Montgomery Show
Jessie Johnson & Joel Jimenez | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 170
Jeez, we're doing a show here. He looks really good.
The William Montgomery Show
Jessie Johnson & Joel Jimenez | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 170
That one up here is a fragment.
The William Montgomery Show
Kyle Legacy | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 174
Recorded live in Austin, Texas, USA. It's the William Montgomery Show. Starring William Montgomery and the devious Casey Rockett. With the Tony Chin Orchestra. The William Montgomery Junior Dancers. As always, William is joined by the lovely Erica. I'm Casey Rockett. And now here he is, the big red machine, the Memphis Strangler, William Montgomery. Kyle Legacy, is that what I should call you?
The William Montgomery Show
Kyle Legacy | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 174
Du könntest es!
The William Montgomery Show
Kyle Legacy | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 174
Thanks for joining us for this week's episode of The William Montgomery Show. Send your questions, artwork and manifestos to thewilliammontgomeryshow at gmail.com. Leave William a voicemail at 737-471-1098. And never miss an episode of The William Montgomery Show by subscribing to The William Montgomery Show channel on YouTube and anywhere podcasts are sold.
The William Montgomery Show
Kyle Legacy | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 174
Check out William online at william.f.montgomery1 on Instagram. For more William Montgomery, check out Kill Tony on YouTube. And check him out live at the Comedy Mothership in Austin, Texas every Monday night. Find more of me, Casey Rocket, at patreon.com slash caseyrocket. Follow me on Instagram at caseyrocket.
The William Montgomery Show
Kyle Legacy | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 174
This episode of The William Montgomery Show was recorded at Record ATX Studios, right here in the heart of Austin, Texas. The William Montgomery Show is produced by William Montgomery. The anthem is sung by William Montgomery. The drums are sung by William Montgomery. The words are sung by William Montgomery. Thanks for joining us. See you next time. Who the fuck said that?
The William Montgomery Show
Kyle Legacy | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 174
I'm trying to have fun tonight.
The William Montgomery Show
CJ Landry | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 178
How nice.
The William Montgomery Show
CJ Landry | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 178
Recorded live in Austin, Texas, USA. It's the William Montgomery Show. Starring William Montgomery and the devious Casey Rockett. With the Tony Chin Orchestra. The William Montgomery Jr. Dancers. As always, William is joined by the lovely Erica. I'm Casey Rockett. And now here he is, the big red machine, the Memphis Strangler, William Montgomery.
The William Montgomery Show
CJ Landry | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 178
Thanks for joining us for this week's episode of The William Montgomery Show. Send your questions, artwork, and manifestos to thewilliammontgomeryshow at gmail.com. Leave William a voicemail at 737-471-1098. And never miss an episode of The William Montgomery Show by subscribing to The William Montgomery Show channel on YouTube and anywhere podcasts are sold.
The William Montgomery Show
CJ Landry | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 178
Check out William online at william.f.montgomery1 on Instagram. For more William Montgomery, check out Kill Tony on YouTube. And check him out live at the Comedy Mothership in Austin, Texas every Monday night. Find more of me, Casey Rocket, at patreon.com slash caseyrocket. Follow me on Instagram at caseyrocket.
The William Montgomery Show
CJ Landry | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 178
This episode of The William Montgomery Show was recorded at Record ATX Studios right here in the heart of Austin, Texas. The William Montgomery Show is produced by William Montgomery. The anthem is sung by William Montgomery. The drums are sung by William Montgomery. The words are sung by William Montgomery. Thanks for joining us. See you next time. Who the fuck said that?
The William Montgomery Show
CJ Landry | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 178
I'm trying to have fun tonight.
The William Montgomery Show
CJ Landry | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 178
Could you recognize? That was so good.
The William Montgomery Show
CJ Landry | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 178
Are you a musical?
The William Montgomery Show
CJ Landry | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 178
Like hardcore.
The William Montgomery Show
CJ Landry | The William Montgomery Show with Casey Rocket Ep. 178
It was so good.