Bryan Greene

As they say in the biz, let's get some synergy going.

And I hope you don't mind, I'm putting a few commercials in after the break, so I can cover a few of the costs associated with making it.

Even people who fuck off for a living gotta get paid.

Let's listen to those sponsors, and we'll get back to it after the break.

And now we turn our focus to the darker side of television psychics.

Her name is Sylvia Brown, and she is the worst of the worst.

Four months after Sean disappeared, the Akers appeared on the Montel Williams show with self-proclaimed psychic Sylvia Brown.

Had real long, dark hair.

And, strange enough, Hispanic, but he had dreadlocks.

Then Sylvia Brown confirmed their worst fears.

Is he still with us?

Thankfully, Sean Hornbeck was found last week alive and well.

His alleged abductor, Michael Devlin, is not Hispanic, and he didn't have dreadlocks at the time of the abduction.

But she was terribly wrong about the most important detail of all.

Hearing that was one of the hardest things we ever had to hear.

She was the queen of daytime psychic drama.

She would tell distraught parents whether or not their missing child was alive or dead.

This reaches beyond prognostication, gentle and broad questions to make you believe that someone's talking to your loved one who has passed away.

And this is certainly not calling a psychic friend's hotline to figure out whether or not that blonde bartender at your local pub is ever going to give you a hand shandy in the back of your Honda Accord.

Oh, no, no, no, no.