Busco Jones

So they say if you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life. So I smoke weed every single day. All right, thank you. A couple of claps. But hey, I do wish I would have been a coke head, to be quite honest.

At least for a little bit, because I would have got with like social media calls into higher value rooms with higher value people, like for better networking skills, would have done great for me. They say you can't make a hoe a housewife. Right, maybe true. Real fucking easy to make one a co-parent, I'll tell you that much. Right now. And if you're an AB, a single parent, you know.

I'm not saying the mother of my first child's a hoe. I'm just saying that she was pregnant the first night we got together. And we were both in our 20s, so we were both hoes. I've been Busco Jones. Thanks for your time.

It's mine. Oh, okay. But the timing, it was like the first or second week of us hooking up. So it was very fast. Yeah, we got in there and got it done pretty quick.

I mean, that's how that tends to work, yes, sir.

I got Chappelle'd. You know what I mean? When they whisper in your ear, and I was young and dumb. I don't know what that means. She said, told me where to come. She said, come inside me, and I just, well... It happens. Okay. Yeah. All right. Why is that called being chapelled? He had a bit about.

Sorry about that.

Roughly about 10 years now.

Mainly Dallas.

I do moonlight at a pizza shop, actually.

Basically, there's a small place in East Dallas that I used to work at when my daughter was born, and it's a small place. They need help sometimes, so I'll go in and manage for them.

S-C-A-L-I. S-C-A-L-I. N-I-S. N-I-S. You're going to have to go to Google or Yelp. Yeah, it's on Yelp. Dallas. Scalini's.

Yes, and sometimes a Monday morning shift. Okay, what do you do on the Monday morning shift? I take care of the whole fucking front of house.

Oh, she's no longer with us, but, yeah. Oh. And she came in a wig. She was... Yeah, she's no longer there, but, yeah. Okay, she got fired? I don't know if she fired... Some people, like, fire quit there. It's a weird... It's a small place.

I'm pretty good, actually. I'm pretty decent. I have a few on there, but nothing... The female, was her name RJ? That's RJ's me, actually.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, so, number one, it's a very small restaurant, about 20 tables. It was a Friday night. Right in the front row, you got two six-tops, two six-tops, but there are four top and a two top, so sometimes it's a small family and, like, a single lady. Lady was sitting there. This is, like, a rich East Dallas neighborhood, professional drunks. So, like, people are sauced 24-7.

So, sometimes you know, sometimes you don't. She was two glasses in deep. My server came over, who was basically a teenager, a little bit, 18. And she's like, I don't feel comfortable, blah, blah, blah. You need to go cut her off. I went to cut her off. And at the end of the day, she was meowing with the kids. She was what? She was meowing at the children. Like a cat? Like a cat.

What's wrong with that? What?

Notice in the use of the word bonded twice. She was a very creepy old lady. She was creeping out the four top. She was almost, she was definitely hammered. And I asked her to leave multiple times after explaining things before I picked up the phone and act like I was going to call the cops.

It was a white woman. Like, as soon as I did it, she basically just fleed. Like, she got... She knew she was drunk.

So Busco is not my real name. RJ is my name. My actual name is Richard. I've gone by RJ all my life. Busco, I started for comedy, just because I'm in real estate. So when people Googled my name, they wouldn't find dick jokes and memes. and I would have a chance to get their business.

Well, I'm not your average successful real estate agent at the end of the day. And right now, a lot of real estate agents ain't doing shit, number one. But no, not at all. Honestly, I took the job with half of the fantasy that they'll sell the place to me because it needs to be sold.

Do you have mayonnaise on your shirt?

Yeah, we're good. We'll be all right. I'm a discount realtor. I charge 1%, so I don't have to put on a suit and act like I care.

The nickname comes from a guy who died from being struck by lightning.

No, he... Yes, he named me Busco when we were in eighth grade. Okay.

In... I was in ninth grade, so... So he named you Busco.

Yes, sir.

No, it's all in good fun now. We're 20 years on. It's all in good fun. Yeah. It's more of an homage to him giving me the name as a nickname. Like the last name Jones was his last name. So Busco Jones. Oh, boy.