Callan (Johnny B)

Block, block, block.

I don't agree with the former co-teach bro-teach I don't know and in these sensitive times I don't want to mislabel anyone but which description does he prefer bitter old queen or widely despised empathy vacuum Anyway we're here to talk about my touts amazeball spring economic statement on future growth growth This will be terrible I'll be outlining three different scenarios baseline adverse severe

Right, so these are forecasts about expected progress for the year ahead.

Go on.

Baseline prediction.

I finally figure out the difference between ring fencing and earmarking.

I think I'll have to go to a man with piercings either way.

Adverse.

This is when I'm confident enough to use Ibex core lingo, such as headwinds, upward and downward pressures, dynamic and evolving landscape, and rugby dads with Mont Blanc pens they never use will be nodding along.

And severe?

What's that scenario?

Well, that's me trying to spin a soft landing with the backside of the economy's trousers ripped on this dance floor of overspending.

Did you actually say to the media with a straight face, if it wasn't for the war, we'd be in a good position?

Excuse me, I think I should get marks for the parallel universe in which our economy is flourishing.

That's like me saying if there were no calories in Cadbury's cream eggs, I'd have them for breakfast.

Or that Fianna Fáil would be a good party if it wasn't full of rancid old lads who were over the blood gravy limit of 50mg per 100mls by noon.

You should have called your three adolescent rebel TDs the Bisto Kids.

And where did you learn the word stagflation that you've been bending around all week in terms of...

I've been workshopping loads of new words to describe how we're banjacks since I'm probably going to be saying it a lot and I don't want to repeat myself.

Sluggish slumps, doom loops, credit crunch.