Cameron Frisk

Thank you, sir. Fuck yeah. I don't know about you guys, but I'm kind of tired of divorced people getting remarried, acting like I should give a fuck again. You need to come to the rehearsal. You got to come to the rehearsal. Bitch, it's your third wedding. The fuck are we rehearsing? You've walked down the aisle to live in on a prayer three times.

Different groom, same finger, figure it the fuck out. But Cameron, I know it's important, you gotta fit it into your schedule. You gotta fit it into your schedule. How about you fit into your first wedding dress? And I'll fit it into my schedule. Yeah, all those wedding cakes are adding up, mom, you fat bitch. Yeah, my mom loves that joke. Yeah, my mom's always wanted one thing, too.

It's just for one of her children to be successful, which has always hurt, because I'm an only child. I was like, all right, let me spitball you this idea. How about you have another kid and give this one to a mom that won't fuck it up? How about that? I'm Cameron motherfucking Frisk. Thank you, guys.

Yeah, I literally went to this girl's third wedding. It's insane. White trash people love just fucking, I don't know, destroying vows with people. It's crazy. Yeah.

I apologize.

A year and eight months. Let's go. Where are you from? I'm from Ojai, California. Oh. What's your fallback plan? Fallback plan? Go back to doing construction like I already was.

No, there's no standup in Ojai. So I was going to like Ventura and then driving to LA a bunch when I was in California.

Yeah, I drink a PBR.

Chewing tobacco, PBR, all the good stuff. Right, absolutely. What do you do for work? Well, now I'm a barista because I quit construction when I moved here.

Trans lesbian women, yes.

No, a lot of lesbians, but you've been there. There's hot women that work there. Wait, I've been to the coffee shop in Ojai? No, to the one in Austin where I work now. Prana. Oh, okay. You work here. Yeah, I work. I know I do. I was a house painter for like 14 years and moved here. Literally couldn't get a job doing anything. There's jobs everywhere. Couldn't get hired.

And then that place was the only place that hired me.

They didn't want me, I guess. Did you try? I did try. I applied to like 300 jobs. It's crazy.

Dream job? Well, obviously this, but I don't know, probably owning a contracting business to build shit if this doesn't work out.

It didn't work for me.

I had too many offers. That was the problem.

There's so many hot girls. This town is full of hot women.

No, I brought my girlfriend here. I brought Santa to the beach. I'm an idiot. What the fuck is wrong with you?

She works in tech, so she's crushing it. Wow. She works in construction tech.

She sells it, I build it.

Yeah, well, don't cheat on her. That'll do it. Don't get married to her quite yet.

Uh... To keep things exciting. I don't know. She's a badass. She's fun. I don't know. If you made more money than her, what would your answer be? We'd be on a boat. Yeah, we'd be doing funner things, I think.

What do I do for fun? I skate.

Roller skating? No, it's not gay, Tony. We're skateboarding.

That'll land you a job.

No, we don't even write their names on coffee cups.

It's nice. My body doesn't hurt after the other day. But it is weird, like, now everything's about sustenance, because at first, like, sustenance and fruit was gay when you're on the construction site. So it is weird being in, like, a pink apron, being, like, selling coffee now.

My buddy's dad just died in a motorcycle accident, and then he got super religious after it happened. And he's like, Cameron, I accept Jesus as my one true father. I'm like, nice, now you got two dads that don't talk to you, jackass. He's like, you wanna come to church? He's like, I'd rather ride on the back of your dad's motorcycle when he crashed, I'm not gonna lie to you.

Everybody tells me my mustache makes me look racist. I was like, wait till you hear my mouth. You're gonna love it. Now, a little bit about me, I do, I hate reverse cowgirl. Unpopular opinion, I do, I hate reverse cowgirl. That's just because I love fucking straight cowboys. Where my fellas at? Horns up, boys. Listen, I came here to suck dick and tell jokes, and I'm all out of jokes, fellas.

I didn't get these tonsils removed for nothing. Let's get this golden ticket over with.

Second time. I was on like a month ago.

People have been coming to my work now and coming and being like, hey, I saw you on Kill Tony.

I work at Prana, the smoothie coffee shop. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Everybody in my hometown hit me up, which was pretty cool. What's your hometown? Ojai. Ojai. California.

Yes. The energy vortex.

Yes. Very famous hot chicks. Yes. I don't know if they're famous, but tons of hot chicks there for sure.

What he said, yes. Yeah, okay. Smoke shows, all of them.

I've been traveling. Like, I went to Africa last year. That was the craziest thing I've probably done in a while. What made you go to Africa? I'd never been out of the country other than, like, Canada for one hour. And me and my girlfriend were like, I was like, I want to go to New York. And she's like, how about Africa? And I was like, perfect.

I... Very suspicious. She was kind of a hot commodity there. I did talk to, like, one of the chiefs there, and I was like, get a load of this thing right here. I was like, I'll trade her four goats. And he, like, laughed. He's like, ha-ha, three. And I was like... It's not bad. Three goats is a lot.

Yeah, of course. He's the man.

Yeah, he has a crippling gambling addiction and I hang out with him.

He's an earful to talk to.

We were just hanging out and talking, and he was frantically pacing, looking at his phone. It was on like 5%. And he was just tweaking. He's like, I don't know. I think my phone's going to die. Should I pull out? I might lose $100. And I was like, you just have my charger thing, because I kind of wanted to see the gambling continue. Did he win? I don't think so, no. Wow. I didn't see him finish.

It was basketball.

Did he tell you guys about his cartoon he made? Oh, wow.

Maybe the most racist piece of animation I've ever seen. It's crazy, honestly. Keep going. I don't know what it's called, but it's pretty much Ed, Edd n Eddy with a lot more N words in it. It's fantastic, but it's hard to watch. I love it. Wow. And this is like a comic book? No, it's like full on, like he drew out the cartoon, like not by hand, but digitally and then made it into a thing.

Took him months. It's like an actual cartoon.

I think he just told me to look it up and I just went in that little rabbit hole. And yeah, it was very interesting. That's for sure.

It was pretty much, I swear to God, it's just pure racism, most of it. Like, that was pretty much the plot line was Ed, Edd, and Eddie, but they're black. Okay.

At the moment, I might have a child in Denver, Colorado. What makes you say that? Well, when I was like 14, some girl had sex with me on a boat. How old are you now? I'm 27. Okay. So go ahead. And then she got pregnant, but she had a boyfriend at the time. Never said anything to me and moved to Denver, Colorado. And then I would stalk her Instagram and keep updates on the photo of the kid.

to hopefully it started looking like her husband and not me. That's what I was rooting for. And it's a girl? It's a girl, yeah.

She looks like the cutest little Civil War baby you've ever seen. No, I don't know. Honestly, she deleted her Instagram, and I've lost all contact at this point. Wow. What a sad end to a stalker's story.

Maybe. I don't know.

I live in an apartment. It's not bad. One bedroom. I got a fireplace now, which I didn't have in California.

Barely, yeah.

Well, rent's a lot cheaper here. It's like $2,000, and you don't have to live in a garage like you do in California, which sucks.

So I have a fireplace now. Okay.

Moving up.