Caroline Foran

Like anxiety is all up here.

Depression feels very like a gravitational pull down.

But it was almost a symptom of the anxiety because I so desperately did not want to continue living if that's how life was going to be.

Because I didn't leave the four walls of my apartment.

I couldn't go to the shop.

I couldn't even be in my... How long did that last for?

That was a really intense period of a few months.

It was, I think I remember like Easter 2014, it all, I really felt like this is not going to right itself, like I have a weekend off.

And then it was.

I definitely did go out, but I was going back to my parents' house and sleeping with my mom in the bed with her.

You're depressed because in that situation you so don't want to feel that anxiety and at the time for me anyway I did not believe that I would get over it nothing was helping I really thought this is hopeless so and then you get depressed because of that because you're like I don't like I can't get up and do this every day I physically can't feel this way and I think like that feeling you had to stay inside as awful as it is that was your body really trying to protect itself.

Yeah.

Yeah, like self-compassion.

Like when you go outside.

So I remember some of my most visceral panic attacks.

I'm in like a shopping center in Dundrum shopping center when, you know, there's so many different things going on.

I was already in the throes of anxiety.

My boyfriend, now my husband at the time, he was like, come on, we'll go out for like something to eat.

And I just really wanted to try for him.

But it's like you've lost like a layer of protection.