Caroline Foran

I stopped.

My brain was frantically looking for answers all the time.

Like, I would be Googling at night, like, what if it's this and what if it's that?

It just took all the variables down onto the table and was like, this is what it is.

and just try and sit with that.

And like that in itself was a huge learning.

And I'm still honestly still in it because it's a hard thing to accept.

There's a definitely, I think any other parents, autism parents will feel this and it's hard to say, but there is a grief to it.

Like grieving the experience you thought you would have, worrying about them, their future, the childhood they'll have, the relationships they may or may not have, like the difficulties they'll have.

There's such a lot in that.

But I am incredibly grateful

that my experience thus far had me be so connected to myself, like my mind and body used to be on opposite sides of the room and now they're so linked.

So like when I like feel it and when I feel that stress and that overwhelm and that feeling of like, I can't cope in this moment.

I'm so familiar with that I know what to do with it I don't need to change it and I like I do go back to the tools that help me like I do go back to the ASMR I will go for a walk and have that lovely bilateral stimulation in your head where it's just like side to side and it just feels you don't have to do anything you don't have to

I don't have to overhaul my whole life to access these tools.

And I don't have to change how I feel about the situation.

I don't have to be like, this is amazing.

I love the situation.

I think it's amazing, though, like the swimming and stuff.

I did dabble a bit.