Carson Olshansky

See, just it's great that you have game. Tessa does not have any. Tess is in the car, like, you know, looking at that little mirror that's like in the flip visor and being like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Like, why did you say you too when she said enjoy your handbag? Why didn't you ask her one question? Like, what is wrong with you? You now have the handbag and you have the teapot.

See, just it's great that you have game. Tessa does not have any. Tess is in the car, like, you know, looking at that little mirror that's like in the flip visor and being like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Like, why did you say you too when she said enjoy your handbag? Why didn't you ask her one question? Like, what is wrong with you? You now have the handbag and you have the teapot.

Are you feeling good? No. Okay, cool. Tessa doesn't feel good either. She feels insane. She sneaks home. She like sneaks in the handbag in her tote bag. She like tells her dad where it is. And later her dad is like, it's a little bit smaller than I was expecting. Do you think mom will still like it? And Tessa's like, I never thought she would like it.

Are you feeling good? No. Okay, cool. Tessa doesn't feel good either. She feels insane. She sneaks home. She like sneaks in the handbag in her tote bag. She like tells her dad where it is. And later her dad is like, it's a little bit smaller than I was expecting. Do you think mom will still like it? And Tessa's like, I never thought she would like it.

And her dad's like, I also said to get the cream one. And Tessa's like, I really think she'll like the olive green one better. But truly, I think she would hate it even if it was custom designed for her. And her dad's like, okay, don't worry about it. By this point, it is Christmas Eve. Tessa is like sitting in her room replaying the conversation with her crush when her mom comes in. Okay.

And her dad's like, I also said to get the cream one. And Tessa's like, I really think she'll like the olive green one better. But truly, I think she would hate it even if it was custom designed for her. And her dad's like, okay, don't worry about it. By this point, it is Christmas Eve. Tessa is like sitting in her room replaying the conversation with her crush when her mom comes in. Okay.

Her mom sees the teapot like on the little table and is like, oh my God. Everything in that store is a waste of money. I do not want you spending your money in there on stupid little things. And Tess is like, okay, thank you. And her mom sighs. And you know when your mom, like, starts off with, like, a light conversation and then her face becomes very serious?

Her mom sees the teapot like on the little table and is like, oh my God. Everything in that store is a waste of money. I do not want you spending your money in there on stupid little things. And Tess is like, okay, thank you. And her mom sighs. And you know when your mom, like, starts off with, like, a light conversation and then her face becomes very serious?

And her mom is like, well, my friend also said that Erica works in the choppy shop across the street. And Tess is like, that's crazy. I didn't know that. And her mom's like, babe, it's like not healthy for you to drive out there day after day and like spend all your money on stupid things so that you can like pine after Erica.

And her mom is like, well, my friend also said that Erica works in the choppy shop across the street. And Tess is like, that's crazy. I didn't know that. And her mom's like, babe, it's like not healthy for you to drive out there day after day and like spend all your money on stupid things so that you can like pine after Erica.

Is there anything more mortifying than like this conversation in your mind? Probably, but I'd have to work hard to think of it. The conversation with your parents about a crush is bad. Conversation with your parents about a crush that you're failing at is worse.

Is there anything more mortifying than like this conversation in your mind? Probably, but I'd have to work hard to think of it. The conversation with your parents about a crush is bad. Conversation with your parents about a crush that you're failing at is worse.

Right. It's like you can imagine that they've had a similar kind of conversation before. Yeah. And Tessa's like, I know that she's not wrong, but this is like awful. Yeah. The next day they drive to her aunt's house. Tessa sits in the back with a wrapped handbag. They arrive. For the most part, everything's great. Tess is drinking Prosecco. She's like, this is fine. Everyone else's gifts go great.

Right. It's like you can imagine that they've had a similar kind of conversation before. Yeah. And Tessa's like, I know that she's not wrong, but this is like awful. Yeah. The next day they drive to her aunt's house. Tessa sits in the back with a wrapped handbag. They arrive. For the most part, everything's great. Tess is drinking Prosecco. She's like, this is fine. Everyone else's gifts go great.

Everyone likes them. Her dad opens a nice new polo. He hates it. He's like, what an extravagant waste. These are the wrong colors. He puts it on. It looks great. Everyone's rolling their eyes. The very last person to open their present is her mother. Are you worried? What's...

Everyone likes them. Her dad opens a nice new polo. He hates it. He's like, what an extravagant waste. These are the wrong colors. He puts it on. It looks great. Everyone's rolling their eyes. The very last person to open their present is her mother. Are you worried? What's...

Tessa's mom picks it up. She pulls off the wrapping paper. She pulls out the handbag. And there is just, like, silence. Yeah. Everyone in this room, right, extended family, is looking at this handbag. Mm-hmm. And then Tessa's mother, her shoulders begin to move and she begins to cry. Oh. And Tessa is like, oh my God, I fucking told him. Like I told him that this was wrong.

Tessa's mom picks it up. She pulls off the wrapping paper. She pulls out the handbag. And there is just, like, silence. Yeah. Everyone in this room, right, extended family, is looking at this handbag. Mm-hmm. And then Tessa's mother, her shoulders begin to move and she begins to cry. Oh. And Tessa is like, oh my God, I fucking told him. Like I told him that this was wrong.

I told him that this would break her. Like she's broken. She's crying. She can't even do the fucking bit that they usually do. This is so bad. And then her mom is like touching the embroidered pigs and she's like, they're so beautiful.

I told him that this would break her. Like she's broken. She's crying. She can't even do the fucking bit that they usually do. This is so bad. And then her mom is like touching the embroidered pigs and she's like, they're so beautiful.