Celia Contreras
👤 SpeakerAppearances Over Time
Podcast Appearances
It's like, if you're lonely enough, if I think you're going to kill yourself, it's free.
And it's legal to be topless in downtown Austin.
So there's some people who, like, it's like, this motherfucker needs a win.
They're not the best titties, but here you go.
But lately, $25 to $50 online.
We had a heart-to-heart about Lord of the Rings.
Just sign the guest book on the way out.
You want me to lie for you right now?
Dude, you told me to watch the one with the shadows in the background.
And I'm halfway through that, and I fucking love it.
But the thing is, like, I need a picture.
To be fair, by the time I have to watch it, we all know I'm an alcoholic.
But, like, I can't process new... Like, I can't watch something new if I'm writing jokes and or if I'm trying to fall asleep.
Otherwise, I'll stay up all night trying to watch it.
Or I'll just completely miss the show.
So I've actually tried to re-watch it, like, four times.