Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is the context of the Kill Tony podcast episode?
Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.tv, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out TonyHinchcliffe.com for everything The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe. You can also check out ShopSquad.tv for Death Squad merch, hats, mugs, whatever. ShopSquad.tv.
And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.
Hey, this is Brad Beck, coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hitchcock!
Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? All the land, everybody. How about one more time for them? There you go. That is Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa, Nachos Belgrande, Michael Gonzalez on the drums. That's Matt Muehling on the electric guitar. John Dees on the keys. And this is indeed the one and only Dee Madness live in the flesh. We are here. We are live.
The number one live comedy podcast in the world. And we're very excited. We have an amazing episode for you. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show, huh? Every single week, I have two of the funniest comedians in the world on this show.
This is a special one because not only are these two of the greats, not only are these two guys up for guest of the year right now, but it's also two of the younger bucks that fucking just moved here from the East Coast. Ladies and gentlemen, two of the greats. Make some noise for the great Joe DeRosa and Tim Butterly. Joe DeRosa tripped on his way out. Absolutely perfect.
Millions of people saw it. Millions of people saw you trip. You tripped. You could have done anything and you tripped. The second you came out, you son of a bitch. The internet's laughing at you right now. That was never there before. Why did you add that stage? That is true. There is a little lift there that wasn't there before. Why is there a lift now?
Well, we have a brand new custom table and it comes all in one giant. This whole thing's a part of it. It's a chunk. Boy, you're all zipped up for 98 degree weather. Oh, my friend, I got news for you. Look at that. 70 degrees. Flat. 54% humidity. 70.7. Because I knew you were going to talk shit about this light windbreaker being fucking zipped up. Light windbreaker?
Why do you have it zipped above your Adam's apple wrist? I like it like that. I like it like that. That's how I like it. I protect my neck so that people don't see these little rolls that you have there. I did those on purpose. Hey, whose neck am I? Joe DeRosa's neck. Make some noise for the great Tim Butterly is here, everybody. The newest resident of Austin, Texas, fresh this week.
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Chapter 2: Who are the featured guests on this episode?
Again, look at Red Band right now. Look at Red Band representing Palm Springs. Look at this.
And then you're making fun of me. Do you realize how fucked up that is? Red Band didn't say anything. No, it was the audience.
Oh, I see. You're right. You did make fun of him.
You're twice the weight as me. What the fuck are you talking about?
Twice. The weight as a Red Band, ladies and gentlemen. Let's get back to this molestation thing that you tried to fucking segue into Red Band's fat jokes, which doesn't really work. That's like me calling Joe DeRosa gay. Like, I'm gayer than Joe DeRosa. That is true. So you calling Red Band fat really doesn't work at all, even though when you're not here, he is morbidly obese. Right.
But you, my friend, I mean, you have hours to live. So I want to get this interview. I want to get to it here. This is absolutely incredible, Todd. By the way, real quick. Oh, wow. Okay. You go right the fuck ahead, Todd. Do whatever the fuck you want. Welcome to Kill Todd, everybody. Brought to you by carbohydrates. Jesus fucking Christ. Good Lord. Sorry, you're right. Go ahead, Todd.
You're goddamn right. Son of a fucking bitch. I want to talk about you getting molested. Okay. The world wants to know. So take us through it. Who was it exactly? It was my third stepdad. Your third stepdad. Wow. I know steps are rough for you, but stepdads, that's incredible. Holy shit. I've had more dads than I've had girlfriends. Okay, let's just stick with the interview, Todd.
This whole fucking riffing thing in between everything really isn't cutting it for me. So let's talk for a second because I need to gather information about this. It's your third stepdad. Yes. So what's wrong with your mom? What is going on there? How many stepdads have you had? Five. Jesus Christ. She marries all these guys? Well, yeah, that's how they became my stepdad. Yeah, but that's crazy.
Does she know you don't have to marry every fucking guy that throws it in her fucking dilapidated, dilapidated, I want you to hear, dilapidated vagina? I need to make sure you hear me talking about your mother's vagina very clearly. That makes no sense there whatsoever. I'm just being fucking bombarded from every angle from fat guys. All right. So, your third stepdad.
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Chapter 3: What are the unique features of the Kill Tony format?
That is true.
Yeah. Todd, I will say I thought your material was excellent. Oh, thank you. I actually thought I think you because it actually did happen. I think you have to figure out a way to make the audience realize, like, no, you're telling the truth at that point, because when you switched into the real like I thought you were just going for shock value.
I was like, oh, none of this part actually happened. The first thing did. But the whole thing was fucking great. I think you just have to figure out how to. push that second part into the audience believing like, oh no, he's really like, this is for real. He's opening up about this, but making it funny.
Okay, thank you. I appreciate that.
Yeah.
I will say the profuse sweating is getting you halfway there. Yeah. Yeah, it's believable with the sweating. You are a moist, moist little pudding ball. I'm getting that, yeah. But you're happily married now, right, Todd? I am married. I've been married for 18 years. Wow, 18 years.
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Chapter 4: How does the audience engage with the show?
Wow. And what does your wife do for a living? She is a... I'd imagine she professionally is a air fryer. Is this an air fryer you got married to? I love that you think he would use an air fryer. No, she must be a professional what? A microwave repair woman? What exactly does she do for a living? A grocery store cart pusher?
LAUGHTER
She must be a fantastic chef, right? Does she cook for you? She does, yeah. Yeah, what does she make? What did you have yesterday for dinner? What did I have yesterday for dinner? We had, well, I was flying down here. We had Eggo waffles. Oh, perfect. I'm not saying. Perfect. I'm sure your doctor would be proud.
I'm sure your doctor's saying you're not getting enough Eggo waffles for dinner on a Sunday evening.
My favorite part of that was watching him mentally scroll through which dinner yesterday.
And landing, with all the pressure, millions of people inevitably watching this, you landed on Eggo waffles being the answer. I was trying to impress you. It was actually store brand waffles. It wasn't even Eggo. Wow. Wow. Wow.
Have you had any pedo thoughts or like gay things in your head since being molested?
Great question. Red band with a great question. Always the best questions. Have you had any pedo thoughts? He's definitely had pedo thoughts. I've had Cheeto thoughts, but no pedo thoughts. Wow. So incredible. What ended up happening to this third stepdad? Have you ever checked in with him?
Yeah, he died.
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Chapter 5: What humorous anecdotes does Celia Contreras share about hitchhiking?
Make some noise for Celia Contreras, ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry, I'm on a rape whistle because I like to blast off a little tune before I get started. I went hitchhiking recently and all my friends and family said stupid-ass shit to me. They're like, what if you get raped or kidnapped? Y'all see me, right? If somebody raped or kidnapped me, that motherfucker earned it. Do you know how hard it is for guys to fuck me with my consent?
I have to spread my legs as far as I can, send them down there with a Call of Duty headset and give them directions. you're gonna go six clicks to the north. You're gonna go through the main tunnel.
Chapter 6: What challenges does Celia face with her comedy career and personal life?
The two smaller tunnels on either side are dead ends. And at the end of the night, they still jizz on my thigh, and at that point, I just want them to go home, so I'm like, good job, soldier. He did your country, pal.
Woo!
Wow. Exactly a minute. Celia Contreras is back on the show. Hello, Celia. How are you?
I'm going through a lot right now.
Chapter 7: How does Celia balance her comedy with personal struggles?
Okay. But it's not good.
Okay. All right.
I wasn't supposed to be here. I was supposed to fly back to Phoenix. I live there. I moved back. Uh-huh. But my friend fucked me over, ghosted the show he asked me to be on.
Chapter 8: What insights does William Montgomery provide about his military experience?
So I was supposed to leave Saturday or Sunday, and now I'm here until Friday.
Okay. And then you're going to Phoenix.
Yeah.
And you're going to do a show there.
Well, I live there now.
Oh, you live there now.
Yeah.
Okay. So you're back in Phoenix.
Yeah. I love Austin and I love Texas, but my heart belongs to Arizona. I'm sorry.
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