Joe DeRosa
👤 PersonPodcast Appearances
This isn't even... You're literally just laying on your back. That's all you're doing. He's got the comedians cheering for him.
This isn't even... You're literally just laying on your back. That's all you're doing. He's got the comedians cheering for him.
This isn't even... You're literally just laying on your back. That's all you're doing. He's got the comedians cheering for him.
I mean, it's 34 years at this point. You could have come up with something.
I mean, it's 34 years at this point. You could have come up with something.
I mean, it's 34 years at this point. You could have come up with something.
I don't have to do shit. I'm from the United States.
I don't have to do shit. I'm from the United States.
I don't have to do shit. I'm from the United States.
If there was another big, cool country aside from us, we'd fucking pick on it. Yeah.
If there was another big, cool country aside from us, we'd fucking pick on it. Yeah.
If there was another big, cool country aside from us, we'd fucking pick on it. Yeah.
Joe DeRosa. I was hoping he'd go over because I wanted to see The Undertaker slam him and watch his body straighten out. I am terrified of that.
Joe DeRosa. I was hoping he'd go over because I wanted to see The Undertaker slam him and watch his body straighten out. I am terrified of that.
Joe DeRosa. I was hoping he'd go over because I wanted to see The Undertaker slam him and watch his body straighten out. I am terrified of that.
Did you guys fuck to... Was there... We fucked to... Shake, shake, shake.
Did you guys fuck to... Was there... We fucked to... Shake, shake, shake.
Did you guys fuck to... Was there... We fucked to... Shake, shake, shake.
What can I do? I love that you're saying the antidepressant was the hardest part about you two fucking.
What can I do? I love that you're saying the antidepressant was the hardest part about you two fucking.
What can I do? I love that you're saying the antidepressant was the hardest part about you two fucking.
I'd like to commend you, because a lot of comics stray from current events, but you did the very relevant China material this year.
I'd like to commend you, because a lot of comics stray from current events, but you did the very relevant China material this year.
I'd like to commend you, because a lot of comics stray from current events, but you did the very relevant China material this year.
This is also the second time he's referenced a thing on Stranger Things that I don't think happened on Stranger Things.
This is also the second time he's referenced a thing on Stranger Things that I don't think happened on Stranger Things.
This is also the second time he's referenced a thing on Stranger Things that I don't think happened on Stranger Things.
Hello, man. Congrats on beating cancer. Thank you so much, Joe. You've clearly beaten it, because usually people with cancer are thin. Yeah, she beat the shit out of it. You have defeated it.
Hello, man. Congrats on beating cancer. Thank you so much, Joe. You've clearly beaten it, because usually people with cancer are thin. Yeah, she beat the shit out of it. You have defeated it.
Hello, man. Congrats on beating cancer. Thank you so much, Joe. You've clearly beaten it, because usually people with cancer are thin. Yeah, she beat the shit out of it. You have defeated it.
I was going to say, I'm pretty sure you'll corner me later at a party and tell me that for 15 minutes. Do you know what I've done, Joe?
I was going to say, I'm pretty sure you'll corner me later at a party and tell me that for 15 minutes. Do you know what I've done, Joe?
I was going to say, I'm pretty sure you'll corner me later at a party and tell me that for 15 minutes. Do you know what I've done, Joe?
Yeah, we've never heard. It was on the radio. I disagree with James. No means no.
Yeah, we've never heard. It was on the radio. I disagree with James. No means no.
Yeah, we've never heard. It was on the radio. I disagree with James. No means no.
I thought, if I may, I thought your comedy was funny. Oh, thank you. And I thought it deserved more, and I felt like you weren't getting as much because you were the first comic that wasn't like, I shoved my needle dick in her smelly cunt. And they were just a little caught off guard that he was doing like, you know.
I thought, if I may, I thought your comedy was funny. Oh, thank you. And I thought it deserved more, and I felt like you weren't getting as much because you were the first comic that wasn't like, I shoved my needle dick in her smelly cunt. And they were just a little caught off guard that he was doing like, you know.
I thought, if I may, I thought your comedy was funny. Oh, thank you. And I thought it deserved more, and I felt like you weren't getting as much because you were the first comic that wasn't like, I shoved my needle dick in her smelly cunt. And they were just a little caught off guard that he was doing like, you know.
You're better dressed than the literal politician that was up here.
You're better dressed than the literal politician that was up here.
You're better dressed than the literal politician that was up here.
Whoa, Jesus. I only backed up because I thought it might be contagious.
Whoa, Jesus. I only backed up because I thought it might be contagious.
Whoa, Jesus. I only backed up because I thought it might be contagious.
Sorry for being a champion of progress. I'm changing the world one blowjob at a time.
Sorry for being a champion of progress. I'm changing the world one blowjob at a time.
Sorry for being a champion of progress. I'm changing the world one blowjob at a time.
Shiv Dasani. Shiv like you're stabbing somebody in jail.
Shiv Dasani. Shiv like you're stabbing somebody in jail.
Shiv Dasani. Shiv like you're stabbing somebody in jail.
Does it upset you that the most prominent place you'll ever see your name is a water bottle? Okay. I thought that hit harder.
Does it upset you that the most prominent place you'll ever see your name is a water bottle? Okay. I thought that hit harder.
Does it upset you that the most prominent place you'll ever see your name is a water bottle? Okay. I thought that hit harder.
It's as quiet as an actual H-E-B in here right now.
It's as quiet as an actual H-E-B in here right now.
It's as quiet as an actual H-E-B in here right now.
Wouldn't that have been something just... You're one sprinkler away from a superhero origin story.
Wouldn't that have been something just... You're one sprinkler away from a superhero origin story.
Wouldn't that have been something just... You're one sprinkler away from a superhero origin story.
I got you. That's crazy. It's like trans women versus cis women.
I got you. That's crazy. It's like trans women versus cis women.
I got you. That's crazy. It's like trans women versus cis women.
Now, Vic, it's New Year's Eve. Have you fingered a girl in Austin yet?
Now, Vic, it's New Year's Eve. Have you fingered a girl in Austin yet?
Now, Vic, it's New Year's Eve. Have you fingered a girl in Austin yet?
That kiss was messier than your fall off of the balcony.
That kiss was messier than your fall off of the balcony.
That kiss was messier than your fall off of the balcony.
We do, and I want to thank you for letting everybody know we were your absolute last choices.
We do, and I want to thank you for letting everybody know we were your absolute last choices.
We do, and I want to thank you for letting everybody know we were your absolute last choices.
My favorite part was hearing the ten people that cared when you were like, sometimes they're not famous. They were like, uh, yeah, I guess. What the fuck?
My favorite part was hearing the ten people that cared when you were like, sometimes they're not famous. They were like, uh, yeah, I guess. What the fuck?
My favorite part was hearing the ten people that cared when you were like, sometimes they're not famous. They were like, uh, yeah, I guess. What the fuck?
It's truly the land of milk and honey America. We have a chair in the hotel room. How fucking bad is this shit in Australia? I'm the king of the castle.
It's truly the land of milk and honey America. We have a chair in the hotel room. How fucking bad is this shit in Australia? I'm the king of the castle.
It's truly the land of milk and honey America. We have a chair in the hotel room. How fucking bad is this shit in Australia? I'm the king of the castle.
A real man. Thank you, that's great. I appreciate that. People that don't talk like idiots.
A real man. Thank you, that's great. I appreciate that. People that don't talk like idiots.
A real man. Thank you, that's great. I appreciate that. People that don't talk like idiots.
I also love that the Australian pronunciation of retarded is equal to the Boston pronunciation of retarded.
I also love that the Australian pronunciation of retarded is equal to the Boston pronunciation of retarded.
I also love that the Australian pronunciation of retarded is equal to the Boston pronunciation of retarded.
That's like making a sandwich for the guy at Subway.
That's like making a sandwich for the guy at Subway.
That's like making a sandwich for the guy at Subway.
And at what point do you and your girlfriend stream the AIDS test?
And at what point do you and your girlfriend stream the AIDS test?
And at what point do you and your girlfriend stream the AIDS test?
Can I tell the quick story of when we were hanging out at the mothership and we were drinking right after the Trump thing happened?
Can I tell the quick story of when we were hanging out at the mothership and we were drinking right after the Trump thing happened?
Can I tell the quick story of when we were hanging out at the mothership and we were drinking right after the Trump thing happened?
Yeah, and we're sitting next to each other and it's quiet in the bar and I go, Tony, are you good? Are you handling all this okay right now? The backlash, whatever. And he goes, yeah, dude, I'm good. And I go, seriously, buddy, we're friends. Are you good? And he goes, yeah, I'm good, dude. And I go, you don't have to be tough with me right now. We're friends. Are you good?
Yeah, and we're sitting next to each other and it's quiet in the bar and I go, Tony, are you good? Are you handling all this okay right now? The backlash, whatever. And he goes, yeah, dude, I'm good. And I go, seriously, buddy, we're friends. Are you good? And he goes, yeah, I'm good, dude. And I go, you don't have to be tough with me right now. We're friends. Are you good?
Yeah, and we're sitting next to each other and it's quiet in the bar and I go, Tony, are you good? Are you handling all this okay right now? The backlash, whatever. And he goes, yeah, dude, I'm good. And I go, seriously, buddy, we're friends. Are you good? And he goes, yeah, I'm good, dude. And I go, you don't have to be tough with me right now. We're friends. Are you good?
What was that kid name on the Wild... David, it's nice to finally be in a room big enough that you can fit into. Yeah.
What was that kid name on the Wild... David, it's nice to finally be in a room big enough that you can fit into. Yeah.
What was that kid name on the Wild... David, it's nice to finally be in a room big enough that you can fit into. Yeah.
I like that you're keeping the chocolate Twizzlers inside your hat now.
I like that you're keeping the chocolate Twizzlers inside your hat now.
I like that you're keeping the chocolate Twizzlers inside your hat now.
Dave's like, I've been eating the Ozempic. It's not working.
Dave's like, I've been eating the Ozempic. It's not working.
Dave's like, I've been eating the Ozempic. It's not working.
You're in it a lot. You look like somebody bleached David Lucas, you fat fuck. I'll accept it. He's not that fat. Yes, he is. He's fat.
You're in it a lot. You look like somebody bleached David Lucas, you fat fuck. I'll accept it. He's not that fat. Yes, he is. He's fat.
You're in it a lot. You look like somebody bleached David Lucas, you fat fuck. I'll accept it. He's not that fat. Yes, he is. He's fat.
So keep going. Do we have a replay of that?
So keep going. Do we have a replay of that?
So keep going. Do we have a replay of that?
I can't believe I missed that whole thing. I was peeing and I just heard a wave of boos. I couldn't explain to you what happened if I tried.
I can't believe I missed that whole thing. I was peeing and I just heard a wave of boos. I couldn't explain to you what happened if I tried.
I can't believe I missed that whole thing. I was peeing and I just heard a wave of boos. I couldn't explain to you what happened if I tried.
Absolute shock. The sheer surprise that it didn't work.
Absolute shock. The sheer surprise that it didn't work.
Absolute shock. The sheer surprise that it didn't work.
I can't wait for the next bucket poll to get electrocuted because your horse shit magic trick didn't work.
I can't wait for the next bucket poll to get electrocuted because your horse shit magic trick didn't work.
I can't wait for the next bucket poll to get electrocuted because your horse shit magic trick didn't work.
Did you ever see The Obsolete Man?
Did you ever see that episode?
Oh, is that the one where the glasses break at the end of it?
No, that's a matter, I think that's called A Matter of Time.
He's determined obsolete in a future dystopian society because he's a librarian.
And books have been banned.
And when you get determined obsolete, you get to choose your method of execution and that it be televised.
And then it goes from there.
And it is a fucking tour de force from Burgess Meredith, man.
Did you ever see a game of pool?
You're talking about the pool halls.
He wants to be the best, and the curse is that he's the best and has to play everybody until the end of time, until somebody can beat him.
How about the one when William Shatner is like the little fortune telling machine?
Yeah, Nick of Time, it's called.
And they become, they're like trapped by the machine.
But wait, is the Guardian, the Guardians isn't still the freefall right now.
So how, how do, so how, what happens now when you go in?
But also, too, the freefall makes sense with the Twilight Zone.
It doesn't make sense with Guardians of the Galaxy.
God damn, you might have just ruined Star Wars for me.
You know, dude, I have mixed feelings about the office thing because I worked in offices at one point.
I'll tell you the best ride I was ever on.
Is the Spider-Man ride at Universal Studios.
Dude, when he jumps onto your car, when your car falls off the skyscraper and it gets caught by the web, that ride's fucking sick.
Universal's got some banger rides.
Did you ever go to Halloween Horror Nights?
They had the greatest fucking scare at Halloween Horror Nights that I've ever experienced in a haunted house.
It was the Exorcist house.
Or whatever you want to call it.
And you went through and you had to walk through Reagan's bedroom.
And there's this fucking doll on the bed.
And it's like head is spinning around.
And there's like these animatronic priests hitting it with fucking holy.
The scene was so fucking scary because you're so close to it, even though you know it was robots.
I understand somebody saying, dude, it was soul deadening.
And everybody's screaming and shit.
And then you keep going through the maze and they circle you back.
And everybody is like, I don't want to go through that fucking room again, but they're going to make us.
And you go through the room again and you're like, all right, all right, all right, all right.
And then all of a sudden Reagan jumps off the bed because they replaced the robot with a real person.
Like, dude, it was the most scared I ever was in my life.
The overhead lights, the gray cubicles, right?
So I get like, I don't want to be in that environment.
I mean, dude, that whole story arc...
That Father Karras, Karras I think is the younger one.
That he's having a crisis of faith.
He's already having a crisis of faith.
Then on top of it, he's presented this case and he's got to do all the skeptic.
Little girl saying your mother sucks cock.
Yeah, and his mother dies.
But now you see offices, I talk about this in my act a little bit, it's like now they make them fun.
No Exorcist movie has gone as graphic as that since.
And I'm telling you, there's no exorcism movie since that comes even kind of close.
There's like ping pong tables and shit like that.
But, dude, how fucking cool is it that in the climax, in the third act of the movie, when Karis finally realizes, like, this fucking bitch is possessed.
And they're like, we're going to call in an exorcist.
And then it's fucking Max von Sydow.
I don't like that either.
And his whole backstory is like, he encountered this demon once before.
And he comes in like fucking Obi-Wan.
I think that creates the wrong vibe at work.
And he's, like, the guy coming in, like, you don't know what the fuck you're up against right now.
Like, it's just... It's hero shit.
It's so fucking awesome.
That's... This is, like, a dark hall... Okay, yeah, this...
It looks terrible right now, but trust me, it was scary.
Trying to describe a haunted house is like trying to reiterate one of Metzger's rants.
It should be just soul deadening enough that you feel like I must work.
He was going off about something on the right side of the green room the other night, and I was sitting on the left side with Derek Post and Hassan, and I go, I just turned to them, I go, if Kurt was in Raiders of the Lost Ark when they opened the arc at the end, his face wouldn't melt.
But maybe not I want to hang myself.
Dude, I've told this story many times about you and Kurt, and I laughed.
It made me laugh so hard, dude.
He was going off about something, dude, and you were just standing there quiet.
And you walked over, and you just go...
Kurt, I hesitate to even ask you the question because you knew you were going to rip the gift.
I go, Rogan talks to people for four hours a day, three times a week.
And I think all that beanbag chairs in the office shit is a fucking fishing lure.
And Kurt's the guy that he's like, Kurt, I don't even want to get you started right now.
Like, you know how to talk to anybody for lengths of time.
He'll hit you with anything.
Yeah, you'll be like, I saw the new Fast and Furious.
You'll be like, you know what's up with that, though, right?
You know what the story is.
Roll and smoke a full joint to the head in the time it would take the average person to smoke half a cigarette.
Four hits, down, gone, boom.
Like, just... He's operating on a different plane.
Jimmy's an interesting guy because Jimmy was staunchly left liberal.
The terms, people say they all mean different things.
But he's an interesting guy because he certainly...
I guess moved, what would you call it, libertarian now?
It's a, it's, it's an interesting thing.
It's an interesting thing.
Once ethics, pardon me, once ethics became economized, I knew there was, I was like, we got a real problem on our hands now.
Like when people started, because I was living in LA at the time, and when you started seeing like, you'd be in a job interview just to get a writing gig,
on a TV show, whatever it was, and you started to see how your social media played into it.
You started to see how your takes played into it.
Hey, I saw you in a little weird dust-up with this guy on the Internet.
What was that all about?
It's like ethics are being economized.
Your morality is being monetized.
And once people start to do that, that separation of church and livelihood is no longer there.
And the politics becomes the deity or the dogma, whatever you want to call it.
And it's just, oh, my God, man.
And I never thought you'd see the day where the extremists are the loudest of the voices.
But what if you say that's... What if you say that's my business and I don't want to share that?
Well, also, too, to me, it's like, if you said to me, Joe, if you bring up my pronouns, you are to refer to me as a cat man.
I would go, okay, Joe, you're my buddy?
No, you're saying that like it's a joke.
No, I'm just, I thought of two other similar things.
Yeah, there was, I saw the news clip of the, there was an overweight Chinese middle-aged man who identified as a 12-year-old white girl.
But my point is this, is like, if I said, if you said that to me, and I slipped and I said he, and you go, Joe, please, cat man.
And I go, oh, I'm sorry, buddy.
It's so not meant to insult you.
It's just like, oh, all right, dude, whatever you want.
But it's when it becomes this thing of like, it's like, it is the worst crime you could ever commit against a human being.
And it's like, you're dehumanizing me by using my dead name.
Can we just have a discussion?
Do you know what's interesting?
I googled Bruce Jenner the other day.
I Googled Bruce Jenner because I was watching.
I was watching Dennis Miller.
I was watching an old Dennis Miller thing.
And he had a joke where he's like, when the fuck did Bruce Jenner become the lady from the Beverly Hillbillies?
Because it was when Bruce Jenner, like his face was starting to get pulled back and shit.
You didn't know what was going on.
And it just made me laugh.
And I looked up the lady and then I was like, wait, what did he look like then?
And I Googled Bruce Jenner and I was like, I wonder if there will be results for Bruce Jenner.
Or if it's going to say, no, Caitlyn.
And it did come up and everything.
But also, too, I have trans friends.
I would never, out of respect to them, say, hey, I'm going to bring up your old shit.
But to say we can't talk that Bruce Jenner existed, that's when it becomes nuts to me.
We're living in – It's exhausting.
I'm exhausted with everything.
When Trump got shot, I was at my buddy's house.
We were in the pool hanging out, and he has a TV out there, and it came on, and we were like, holy shit.
And there were people in the pool that were Trump supporters.
There were people in the pool that don't like Trump.
There was all kinds of people there.
So a discussion broke out.
This was a massive event.
It was very interesting.
And I said to my friend, I go, we're living in insanity right now.
This is insanity what we're living in.
I'm having a hard time swallowing it every day.
Yeah, but every generation says that.
And is this any crazier than the 60s?
I go, let me tell you why it's crazier than the 60s.
Because you can't even talk about Star Wars anymore without it devolving into an argument about a trans-global conspiracy of some... You know what I mean?
I'm like, we don't even have the escape conversations anymore.
Everything has an agenda.
Everything is tribalistic.
Everything's a conspiracy.
You can't talk about anything anymore.
I find myself re-watching news radio, sitcoms from the 90s, things that just remind me of.
So thank you for news radio.
Tell everybody about your specials.
It's called I Never Promised You a Rose Garden.
I never promised you a rose garden.
It's on my YouTube, which is at Joe DeRosa Comedy.
It's off to an amazing start.
This theater is the Colonial Theater in Phoenixville, Pennsylvania, near where I have a house in Pennsylvania.
And that theater is the theater the original Blob was shot at.
yeah so that's awesome dude this is the hardest i've ever worked ever on anything in my life i'm the most proud of it of anything i've ever done and and it's thank you to the comedy community thank you to the mothership thank you to all the clubs everybody everybody has been so supportive it's been beautiful really appreciate you having me dude my pleasure brother it's always good to talk to you yeah this was fun good just have a little sit down one-on-one time
I'll be in Rhode Island next in August.
What are you doing in Rhode Island?
And then I got other dates throughout the fall.
And if you're in New York, go get a sandwich, Joey Roses.
The last one I had was I worked for the Texas, the Senate in Texas.
I worked for the, your expression is so funny.
I don't want to give it away.
No, I worked for the Texas Senate.
I worked for the Senate Media Department during the 76th legislative session or the 77th?
For production, video and audio production.
And at the time, I graduated in 2000.
He's a polarizing individual.
So it was right after that whole Tarantino, Robert Rodriguez indie film boom happened.
And I said, that's what I want to do.
I want to work in independent film.
I want to create in that space.
So I said, well, I keep hearing about this Austin, Texas.
Robert Rodriguez is from there.
The guy that did Slacker and Dazed and Confused.
Yeah, Richard Linkletter.
And I'm like, well, those guys are doing stuff down there.
And I had no fucking concept how any of it worked.
I met a few people that had the same interest.
I was like, yeah, this is what I want to do.
Immediately they were like, yeah, get in fucking line, buddy.
For a little while, I was working at the PBS or whatever, the government TV station over here, whatever the hell it was.
And I was working there, and it was brutal.
You're holding a camera for four hours in a studio as two people talk about fucking, I don't know, new county lines and shit.
So I saw in the paper an ad back when you opened a newspaper to find a job, and it said, help wanted, Texas Senate Media Department, we need a radio reporter.
I was like, well, shit, man.
I'm already a performer because I was playing music and stuff.
And I already had an interest in comedy.
And I was like, but it's radio, so I know how to do production, whatever.
And I got the job, and the job was the Senate has its own media department.
And I was one of the people they sent to the Senate floor every single day for the legislative hearings.
Yeah, I remember that happening.
And I had to take notes and do a radio show at the end of every day that surmised whatever happened that day.
And then you'd upload it to a server, and then all these local radio stations in Texas would download it and play it
And that's what I did every day.
How long did you do it for?
For the whole session, which was like six or eight months or something like that.
What are those people like?
I've been hammered with Texas senators.
I talked to him about it, and he goes, I go...
It's kind of all of them.
Yeah, but I don't mean drunk.
These guys would have catfish fries and keg parties.
Why do you make it so hard for yourself?
He's the gift that keeps on giving.
We were sitting in the green room.
I'm not into censoring jokes.
I'm saying you shouldn't bloody shit on a stage.
And I look him in the eye.
I go, Brian, you did the only thing I've ever seen shake Brian Holtzman.
I go, Ari, you've done the only thing I've seen shake Brian Holtzman.
He spoke so eloquently about crack just then.
By the way, you know what two words got me?
Ignition was the first one.
And I forget the second word, but ignition, I was like, you got my ears here.
But I have a friend that smoked crack.
Yeah, and I said, what was it like?
And he goes, dude, he goes, the best way I could describe it is, imagine you are as horny as humanly possible.
I saw Brian after you did that, and Holtzman was like, I don't know.
You have a raging hard-on.
And a woman sits down on your dick for two seconds and then plops off and walks away.
He goes, that sensation of the thrill of that, he goes, that's the only way I could think to kind of equate what the charge of it is and how excited you are and how you feel you need to immediately do it again.
That I don't remember what he said, but I got the impression that it's kind of like...
You know, it's that just on repeat.
It's the broken record of that.
But by the way, that's all it takes is one 40-ounce?
I'm thinking you'd need to fucking mainline a bottle of Jack Daniels to even out.
Well, 40s are usually very cheap.
It is malt liquor, but it's cheap.
We used to buy 40s when I was in college.
That's all we drank because it was cheap.
We used to drink a 40 called Camo.
The label was camouflage, the cheapest looking camouflage design ever.
And it said camo in like the army stamp.
It was $1.50 of 40 and it was 8.9% alcohol.
So college, it's perfect.
Yeah, Old English is a big one.
Yeah, Old English 800 was 8-Ball.
That was the Eazy-E song, 8-Ball, if you remember.
It tastes like you took bad beer and poured vodka in it.
And I mean, but what you were saying, though, about you'll find it in the hood or whatever, it applies, same thing to college kids.
Dude, when you don't have a ton of cash and you want to get fucked up, and for under $5 you can get two 40s?
You got yourself a night.
You got yourself a hell of a night.
I said earlier, the sober thing.
I remember you telling me in the green room that you stopped drinking.
Then I saw the clip of you saying it to Ron White that you think you're done.
That's what Ari, I remember speaking to Ari, Ari said that to me once, because I remember when Ari got into, like, enjoying drinking.
Because he didn't for a long time.
And I go, you like it now?
And he goes, it's the most fun thing.
And I was like, yeah, it's pretty fucking fun, man.
But I saw a kid in the coffee shop today.
I was waiting in line to order, and the kid in front of me turned around, and he's like, hey, man, I love your comedy.
All you guys are getting sober.
The things I hear people apply to this comedy scene, I'm just like, what the fuck are you guys?
I want to talk to you about.
Yeah, I see him and I admire it greatly because it's so opposite of how I'm wired.
That article upset me because when I saw the headline, I was excited because I used to do UCB shows in New York.
And I did them in LA too.
And I was like, oh, cool.
Like, it'll be more stuff.
I said to him yesterday, I go, I'm going to miss you, dude.
Do you remember, like, I don't know if you ever experienced this, but I'm assuming you have.
It's kind of like when you're coming up the ladder initially in show business.
And you see famous people on TV and whatever, and you got an opinion about everybody that's having too much fun, that's annoying.
And then five years later, you find yourself in a room with the guy at some party, and you meet him and talk to him, and you go, what?
Yeah, this is really interesting to sit with you one-on-one like this.
He's like, I'm going to miss you too.
I think I like his music now.
And I go, please stay in touch.
He goes, I go, please stay in touch.
that I wanted to say, and I don't say it, I swear to you, I don't say it to blow smoke because it's your place and I get to work there a lot and all that stuff.
I say this very genuinely, man.
When I swung in last night,
Uh, and everybody's at the, the, you know, hanging after kill Tony and it's usually a fun time.
And, uh, and Carrie was like, she's like, Hey babe, you want a shot?
He goes, I'll hit you up in a couple months with a number from another.
And I go, no, no, not tonight.
I got to take it easy tonight.
And, uh, I go, I'm, I'm, I'm doing Joe's show tomorrow.
And dude, like the staff, everybody, the friends, the comp, everybody being like, dude, congrats.
Fucking special drop today.
You're doing Rogan tomorrow.
And I stepped back and I was like, this feels like family to me.
This is a beautiful thing.
Everybody's so supportive.
So when I hear people say negative shit about the Austin scene, I'm like,
I found it to be a beautiful experience, like truly, like a truly heartwarming experience.
It was awesome, particularly this past weekend, because I did Ari's shows with him in Fat Man in the big room.
And then I was also doing little boy spots in between.
And it was so, like what you're talking about, the gym, right?
It's like you go into Fat Man, blah, blah, blah.
Then you go into little boy, it's a little calmer, a little more quiet.
It's like you're in people's living room.
Yeah, you sit down on the stool, you talk a little slower.
I think he likes the challenge that life can be.
And the staff is just, the staff is so awesome.
Like, just the love of the staff is really a beautiful thing.
He makes me laugh so hard.
He watched me the other night.
in Little Boy, and I came off stage, and he's like, he's like, good shit, man, good, that's new shit.
And I go, I'm super excited about this Russell Brand joke.
So then the next day he starts texting me, and he goes, I couldn't sleep last night.
Like, I think he likes the idea of he's one of those guys.
And he goes, I'm just so excited about your new Russell Brand joke.
And I go, wait, you're joking, right?
And he goes, yes, I'm joking, you fucking idiot.
We were laughing so hard.
Where if he says, that scares the shit out of me, he's first in line to do it.
Yeah, I learned, excuse me, you know, you're always learning, right?
But I just rewatched the Gary Shandling doc, the HBO one.
And he talks at the beginning of that, he talks about when Mitzi Shore said to him, honey, you're not a comic.
You're not a comic, you're a writer.
And then he was so determined to be a comic and he was like, and you're seeing his notes from his journals from that time.
And he's like, use your face, your expressions matter at these moments and your energy and the way you look.
And I was like, oh my God, man.
And then you watch his stand up and you go...
I can see what he's talking about.
You see him go like from this to... Right.
And you're like, yeah, it's fucking fascinating.
It's all about if you don't face it, what's the point?
Who was the guy that used to run the comic strip in New York?
The guy that passed away.
Yes, that's Dave Kimowitz.
There was that guy that was kind of legendary in New York that ran the comic strip.
And when you auditioned, you had to audition for him.
And then he would take you into a room and tell you, Lucian.
I remember I auditioned for him, desperately trying to get in anywhere in New York.
He brought me in the room.
I mean, some of the jokes work, but I don't believe you.
So I think he creates these incredible, it's so funny, when you discuss what he's about to do with certain people, some people go, that's insane, what?
And then he goes, look at the way you dress.
You clearly have no pride in your appearance.
I was like, Jesus Christ.
How long were you in New York?
You were out of New York way before I came to New York, but how long were you there for?
You know what's funny, dude?
I was saying this to all the boys out in the outside area here.
I got to tell Joe this because I keep forgetting to tell him.
Because I always forget, oh, he was on that show.
News radio during COVID saved my fucking life, dude.
I was living in an apartment that only had windows in the bedroom, so I had no light in my apartment.
It was a tenement building.
And other people go, oh my God, I admire it so much.
The hallway in this building was, the hallway looked like the alley behind the Wuhan lab.
I'm going to get COVID from the fucking railing.
It was like it was so gross.
Everybody was so freaked out.
Nobody knew what was going on, like in the beginning.
And and I was like, dude, I'm trapped.
Like, this is the worst thing ever.
And my buddy, Pat Walsh, who I do my we'll see you in hell podcast with.
He said, listen, man, have you seen News Radio?
And I said, no, I've never seen it.
I missed it when it was on.
And he goes, look, Amazon's got the whole series right now for 20 bucks.
Just buy it and watch it.
And I bought it and I watched it.
And you fucking Dave Foley, the best Phil Hartman.
Yeah, it was a great cast.
It just took me because it was so fun.
It reminded me of a better time because it was a little bit older because it was from the 90s.
I wasn't saying, no, you're not a good actor.
I'm saying, no, you're wrong.
I want to compliment you.
Sitcom multicam acting, multicam, is very different from single cam.
Multicam, in my opinion, is the hardest form of acting.
I think you're not giving yourself enough credit.
I think I agree with you the idea that if the joke's there, you can land it.
But think about it like this with stand-up, right?
Woody Allen once said, I used to think it was as easy as just writing a good joke and if I said it, it was fine.
He goes, then I realized that wasn't the case.
I had to write good jokes that were of my personality.
And that's why I'm so enamored by guys that are good at multi-cam sitcom acting because they're writing something for a character you're playing.
And it's knowing how to land the joke but also making it believable.
I'm in awe of Kevin James.
You watch King of Queens, and I'm like, Jesus Christ, he delivered that line.
that nine out of 10 other people, it would be in no way organic or believable, that choice he just made.
And he does it in a way where you believe that's actually who this person is, and it gets a laugh.
Yeah, that was one of the last of the great sitcoms.
No, but my buddy Pat, I just mentioned, works on that show, actually.
Is it a sitcom, technically?
Yes, but it's a single-cam.
Like, the multi-cam is the traditional whatever.
I was watching, I also watched this later during COVID, Rules of Engagement, which was David Spade's last sitcom.
It was him and Patrick Warburton.
I don't know if you remember that show.
He did a couple episodes, yeah.
Um, but that show came out in like, I think it ended in like 2017 ish.
That was probably the last one.
So you watch it and they're getting jokes in where you're like.
You can tell two years later they wouldn't have allowed any of these jokes.
And we were talking earlier about what people hate on something.
Big Bang Theory, one of the most hated on sitcoms.
Was the number one show in the world.
I worked with Johnny Galecki.
He's the kid that was on Roseanne.
The guy with the glasses.
He was kind of like the main dude outside of Sheldon.
And I say that outside of...
Do you know what I'm talking about?
I got drunk with him and fell down the stairs of his house.
And by the way, fed up with woke America, I would think Texas is a place where— Texas is too woke for you.
Yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah.
Go hang out in the East Village for a couple weeks.
It is fascistly woke in Silver Lake.
I think a city that was always one of my big gripes with with life in L.A.
or more specifically Hollywood was.
I think a city where you have to drive to get to the bar, you got a problem.
Because nobody's able to just go out the front door, go down the street, and just have some fun.
Everything is, it's got to be planned.
I always when I lived in L.A., I said the reason I don't like L.A., I always said the ultimate goal of people in L.A.
The ultimate goal of people in New York is integration.
In L.A., the big dream is what?
The house way up in these hills and dogs fucking dudes on.
Guys being like, I got an eye scanner on my house.
And then they have these parties in L.A.
where they hire a staff to create the environment of a bar in their home.
So now there's catering waiters walking around and shit.
And you're like, guys, I'm just trying to play beer pong and get fucked up.
But New York, you could be top floor Trump Tower.
You walk out the front door, you're going to the same shit newsstand that I'm going to.
You're getting your coffee from the same fucking place.
It's probably the most out of anywhere, right?
Because there's so many old school New Yorkers that are like, this is how you read the news.
That's part of their life.
Getting the Times every morning, going home.
Billy Connolly had this joke after he got sober where he was talking about living in New York.
And he goes, every morning my routine is I walk to the newsstand.
I buy a cup of coffee in the morning edition of the New York Times.
My life is a ball of fire.
And then the funniest part of the joke is he said there was the same homeless guy every day that he would give money to.
And he said one day the homeless guy goes, you know you don't have to give me money every day.
And he goes, I know I don't, you little fucking cunt.
Who you are to the world, which is obviously impressive.
New York's one of those places, man, when I loved it.
And I still have a lot of love for the city.
It wasn't for me to live in anymore.
But I always said, like, New York is one of those cities, whenever you get there, it doesn't matter what year it is, when you get there, that begins your impression of the best version of New York.
And eventually, might take five years, might take two decades, might take 30 years, whatever.
Eventually, you're going to say this isn't what it used to be anymore.
But there's a crop of people coming in right at that time that are saying this is the best place ever.
And 30 years from now, they're going to say they're tired of it or whatever.
Yeah, and I agree with you.
Not robots are gonna be, yeah.
What you want to me, the analogy is you want the perfect dive bar.
Feels comfortable, little gritty, but I feel okay.
Once in a while, you'll go, let's find a dive bar, and you walk in, and there's too many boxes in the corner, and nothing works, and you're like, something's not right here.
There was one we used to go to in LA.
There was a motel upstairs, and the bar downstairs only served two things, Modelo and Corona.
There is some sort of pimping operation or something happening in here.
But you want perfect dive bar vibes.
I just had a bunch of water damage.
You know, when it's too... New York Times Square now is like...
It's like going to a bar in Epcot Center.
And you're like, oh God, this has no pulse.
I didn't want it this clean.
My dishwasher leaked while I was away.
And I had a bunch of water damage in my condo that I had to get, obviously, fixed.
Did you ever get to play against any of the big guys?
It's it's one of one of my that that version of New York.
There was rotted wood and caught its mold and all this stuff.
I think is probably I would think extinct It's not it's not worth enough money, right?
The Louis Vuitton store also doesn't have crackheads sleeping under their purses.
And my insurance company gave me
Commitment is admirable, but that gets into the zone where you're like, this is dark.
Yeah, and now they're all DoorDash delivery guys probably.
sort of what I needed to cover it.
One of the things that I cherish most about my New York experience was when I first got there, it was how I became friends with Attell.
Dave liked to go out back then, you know?
And Insomnia, or Insomniac was on the air, that show he hosted where he would, you know, go out into the cities.
Yeah, so Dave, I like to drink, and Dave was like, Joe, man, you're a nice kid.
I say it to you just as a comic that knows you and has been friendly with you for many years.
And he would take me to these after hours.
He knew every fucking after hours place.
You'd be doing shots with him for three hours, and you'd turn around, and he was gone.
I can't fucking imagine if you're in a situation like that where it's your health or if it's your home, like with the people with the fires.
Yeah, and you're literally like, I'm on Avenue D, I think.
Where the fuck am I right now?
And they didn't have GPS back then either.
No Uber, and broke comic, couldn't afford cabs, so trying to figure out how to subway back to Queens, where I live.
Three, sometimes five, six.
Yeah, that's getting lesser and lesser, too, though.
When we opened... But it's legal still.
When we opened... Is it legal still?
But when we opened Joey Rose's, we got a liquor license because there's a bar component.
We, you know, when we went in for the liquor, I learned so much about a liquor license when we did that.
You probably did too when you opened Mothership.
There's like all these rules like, okay, you're allowed to serve till midnight on these nights, but not till two.
And we'll let you go to two on these nights, but not till four.
And if you want to go till 4, it has to be in this type of location where this type of activity will never happen.
Meaning like a DJ that can offend neighbors because of the bass.
Or it's got to be situated in a way where people will not be congregating outside because the venue is large enough to hold them.
I can't even imagine the fucking rage.
I don't think they want it in New York anymore because of...
People get fucked up and they're puking outside and then the residents are getting pissed off.
I don't know how to say his name.
Is that how you say his name, Jamie?
I admittedly know very little about this guy.
All I really know is half the people seem excited and half the people seem like it's the worst thing ever.
So par for the course, I guess, in politics.
Like it's undefinable and they wouldn't cover.
Does he want to jack up taxes on all businesses or just certain level businesses?
That city is making it, in my opinion—
absolutely impossible for mom and pop businesses to continue to function.
And it's starting to happen more and more everywhere.
The juxtaposition of those images, a bunch of hot chicks posing perfectly and then a bunch of dudes in a hot car eating hoagies.
I feel like I have to know the place you're talking about.
It's probably a place I've been.
I feel like I've been to every sandwich place in New York City.
I mean, look at Katz's now, dude.
Their sandwiches are $29 fucking dollars now.
It's a nice lifesaver late night.
I was a big Carnegie Deli guy.
Wait, is Jerry's... What's the one that just got shut down for health code stuff?
The one that had the godmother, the Italian sandwich that everybody loved and everybody goes down near the beach, I think.
You're on a different Google News feed than me.
You know restaurants per Taylor Swift.
You're like, it's this close to Taylor Swift's house.
Something just happened where they shut down for a while.
I want to make sure I'm not speaking out of school here.
I think they were pretty, oh, it says the word vermin.
Come to court or figure it out.
I'll tell you, that's the thing I never expected in New York.
It's like you open a food place in New York.
Insurance has become buying the protection plan at Best Buy.
You open anything in New York, rats is on your checklist of what you have to be ready to deal with.
And the city just acts like, well...
that's the city that's your problem it's like why don't you fix the rats thing a little bit they cannot no they cannot those rats got bold or they evolved during covid dude yeah they walk right up to you now in new york they didn't used to do that rats used to scurry if they saw anybody they walk up to you now like it's wild they evolved i heard a thing probably had to get more aggressive to survive because all the food got cut off because there was no restaurants open
Well, also, too, the places that were shut down, so many shut their doors but left their stock and abandoned ship.
So the rats got in there, and it was fucking, you know, it was Charlotte's Web, the fucking rat at the picnic, whatever that fucking temple did.
They just had a field day.
But somebody told me what construction guy told me once he goes dude rats are some of the smartest fucking creatures on earth he goes scaffolding When they're scaffolding on a building when they when they're doing work on a building it opens everything up and rats tend to come He said sometimes what they'll do is they'll hang dead rats from the scaffolding and other rats will see the dead rats and Go don't fuck with that place.
Isn't that fucking crazy?
We don't get a, you know, usually when I see you, it's at the mothership.
I've done no research to see if it's true.
We had to put in the basement when we were sealing off some potential entry points because you really got to seal your basement off.
We had to seal off some potential entry points that the previous tenant had left.
The exterminator guy we brought in, he goes, here's how you have to do this.
You have to mix glass with the concrete.
So if a rat does try to chew through it, it will get hurt from the glass and it will not try to do it again.
If you just have concrete, they will eat through the fucking concrete.
They're fascinating creatures and also disgusting.
Did you ever watch the Netflix series on them?
The thing the guy that died did, supersized me.
Look, there's shots in that movie.
Where they're so on top of each other, it looks like World War, remember when World War Z came out and like they did the thing in that movie where the zombies like literally snowballed?
That's how nuts the world has gotten.
I'm watching a channel on YouTube.
It's called Skywalker Stories.
And it's a guy that, with AI, creates these little Star Wars vignettes.
of things all the fans always wanted to see but we never got to see.
But, dude, he'll make it with, like, it'll be Luke, but, like, Return of the Jedi Luke.
And he sounds exactly like Mark Hamill.
Dude, I have a friend who's a lawyer who has to often rep insurance companies.
I thought it was beautifully shot.
My favorite will always be Coppola, Francis Ford Coppola's Bram Stoker's Dracula.
The one with Hopkins and- Gary Oldman.
Still, Oldman's- Keanu Reeves, Winona Ryder.
Oldman still scares me in that movie.
And I said to him, I said, dude, with all due respect, I'm not coming at you.
Can I tell you the two things that took me out of Nosferatu?
I don't want to ruin it for you.
You stood up with the dick?
I said the cons, not the pros.
Now, I didn't like that he had a mustache.
That bothered me that Dracula is trimming his mustache every morning.
How do you sleep at night?
And this is not Robert Eggers' fault.
This is the original story, but it finally dawned on me in every Dracula story, it's always based on him trying to buy real estate to go to London.
And I'm like, why does he need a house?
It's a tough position to be in.
It seems like he could just go run the fucking city if he wanted.
And he said, he goes, here's how I justify it.
So interesting movie trivia.
Last Voyage was originally supposed to be an actual prequel to the Coppola movie.
It was actually supposed to, because remember in the Coppola movie, they show the sequence where there's the blood hitting the sails and all that stuff.
if I get the insurance company off or I save them some money, that does trickle down to the users with their premiums making insurance continually as affordable as possible.
That was actually supposed to be a legit connected prequel, which God damn.
Could you imagine if that movie was fucking Gary Oldman?
He's like... He doesn't just lick it.
He's like trembling while he... It's almost like sexual.
He goes, the second I lose for my client,
they turn around and fuck everybody even more.
No, they show him maybe in shadow.
I don't think they really show him.
So he's like, that's the one little silver lining with it, I guess.
And I will say, too, that's the first, and I've seen a lot of vampire movies.
But that's a very sad... That's a weird silver lining.
That's the first one I've ever seen where he sleeps naked.
And you're like, well, of course he'd sleep naked.
They always have him sleeping in his cape and everything.
That's going to be great.
I'm excited about Frankenstein, and his next movie, it's called Werewolf, and it's a werewolf movie.
Yeah, and they're all laughing at him.
And then Del Toro screams, I will kill all of you.
I have a horror movie podcast, and we reviewed it.
You have a horror movie podcast?
It's called We'll See You in Hell.
But yeah, me and my buddy Pat that I was talking about do it together, and we've been doing it for a long time, but I have a massive horror movie collection.
I will tell you, for me, it remains to be The Exorcist.
And I appreciate how scary I find it that I will infrequently watch it because I never want that to wear off because I've seen so many horror movies at this point.
It's very hard to find something where I'm actually freaked.
And The Exorcist, probably a lot to do with Catholic upbringing and a lot of the – and then that was a movie when I was growing up where people would say, you know, the devil could actually –
reach you if you watch that movie.
You know, it had so much great lore around it.
All of that just sits with me subconsciously when I watch it.
I think it is the scariest movie I've ever seen and follows, by the way, in my opinion, what is a necessary component to make a great horror movie?
It has to be inescapable.
So in other words, what I'm saying is the horror must be inescapable.
You're going to have to fall asleep, man.
You're stuck at the camp.
All the people you're running from run the fucking town around you.
The Exorcist, it's your daughter.
She's upstairs in your home.
Once you set the parameters that you cannot leave the horror, then all bets are off.
And I was like, man, it's going to be interesting to get to sit like across from Joe and just talk to him and have a conversation.
Do you think that there's... This is more job injury stuff.
But there's too many horror movies where you're like,
Well, just fucking leave.
And Amityville is a classic horror movie, but Eddie Murphy had the joke about it in the 80s.
He's like, just get the fuck out of the house.
Just leave the fucking house.
Look, I want it to be true.
Did you ever see Event Horizon?
Yeah, I love Event Horizon.
I fucking love that movie.
And it's another one that people dismiss.
And I'm like, no, it's good.
They go through that goofy wormhole on the spaceship.
You can't get away from it.
God, you know, I never thought of it that way, and I had a feeling as I was saying it, you were going to flip it into a thing that was going to leave me disturbed, and it has...
And that's why I get so mad that every Alien movie that comes out, it's like, I saw one recently.
I can't remember the name of it.
We watched it for the show.
But I remember on the show going, guys, we're doing the big head with the big black eyes again.
You can draw, do anything.
Yeah, you could do anything.
If I hear one more alien in a movie with the fucking predator rattle, I'm like, enough, guys.
Best tagline ever on a movie.
In space, no one can hear you scream.
Like, what a great tagline.
And it had the robot that betrayed everybody.
And then, of course, John Hurt alien, the chest burst scene.
Where it was just like, what the fuck is about to happen here?
Dude, I hate to ask you this.
They said he would go down to the bars and-
Do you think with a guy like Hunter Johnson, because I honestly don't know, but do you think he's the one guy where being around that...
would have still been fun and exciting and crazy and weird?
Or do you think like most guys, you'd be like, dude, you think it's going to be fun, but it's not.
Yeah, John Cusack had a good story that he told about going up to that compound or whatever you call it.
And he said he went up, he was so excited that he finally got the invite and he went up for like a long weekend, got there on like a Wednesday.
And he said then like Wednesday happens, Thursday happens.
And he's like, Hunter, you know, man, thanks for having me, but what the fuck are all these stories I keep hearing?
And then he said, Hunter Thompson said, don't worry, my boy, this weekend there will be games.
And then he said Friday hit, and it was just like the rocket went off.
Yeah, it was probably like, we're drinking and all, but who cares?
It always happens like this.
It's like he did... Like, there cannot not be a correlation between hanging up the job and death.
He did the final Black Sabbath show.
That's fucking insane, man.
Weren't they supposed to do one more show?
It was like one last OzFest?
He said, too, if I can borrow your lighter.
He said, too, he did a recent interview where he said he was in immense pain because of the surgery he had on his back or whatever it was.
And he was saying, like, that the...
He didn't need the surgery.
It was something along the lines that it was bad advice for him to get the surgery, something like that.
And had he not gotten it, he would have had more mobility and whatever.
And I was like, that really sucks, dude.
I think it was back surgery.
And I got the impression from what he was saying, him having to sit in a chair and stuff during the shows had way less to do with Parkinson's and way more to do with just pain from this back thing.
The thing that leaves me without hope, and I am not a very hope-filled individual, but the thing that leaves me with even less hope every day
So it's like an ATV or whatever.
And he was, in 2003, he was still able to do something like that.
Wasn't that the period of the Osbournes where he was all shaky and like shuffling around and stuff?
You lose some of these people that you just think they'll always be there.
It's like an Aussie is one of them.
I remember when Michael Jackson died, Attell said to me, he goes, it's kind of weird.
It's like somebody telling you there's no more vanilla.
Like, it's just this part of your life.
I wrote Sober, which I'll explain.
There are people that are just, they're there, you know?
Neil Peart dying fucked me up like that.
I was like, wait, there's no more Rush?
Bowie, Prince, you know, you're like.
I'm glad they got to do that.
Tom Petty was another hard one.
I saw him two days before he died.
is I feel like the culture, and people in all positions, but yours is, we're talking a very macro example of the thing.
Well, when I found out he died from the pills thing, it made sense.
I almost didn't go to the show because I was like, I don't know, man.
My friend was like, bro, how many more chances are we going to have to see Tom?
I go, yeah, you're right.
I was like, thank God I went.
And we were all laughing during the show.
We're like, man, he's high as shit.
Did he look high as shit?
Yeah, and between songs, he'd be like, look at this, man.
Like, he just sounded like a classic pothead, you know, from the 60s.
And then two days later, he died, and then the pill came, and I was like, oh, man, I think he was ripped on fucking...
whatever cocktail they had him on or whatever you know but he was awesome he put on a show still hit all the notes still played the guitar great he was great a lot of people just get hurt and then they turn to those goddamn pills and then once they get on those pills they can't get off
Pill Addiction's a motherfucker, man.
Yeah, so I think I saw the second to last.
He was a lot of hands up in the air.
Came out of the gate with that.
Opened with American Girl.
It was just like banger after banger.
I saw Elton John once at the Outside Lands in San Francisco.
Brother, two and a half hours, every song was a hit, and he didn't even touch the Lion King shit.
I find that more and more people every day put themselves, they position themselves in a way where they say, I will not be accountable
I was like, he skipped the Lion King and still went two and a half hours with nothing but hits.
So, dude, you'll appreciate this.
He came out with open with the bitches back.
And he changes into the costumes and shit.
And he opens with the bitches back.
Song ends, place is going fucking crazy, right?
I'm getting chills talking about it.
And dude, he stands up and he's like, he's doing all the like, let's go motherfuckers, you know?
Just hits the first chord of any of the Jets.
Just goes, and goes like this, and everybody knows immediately.
He just went, crowds cheering, walks around to the fucking piano cover, is like slamming it, walks back around, and then sits down and starts it.
And, dude, oh, my God, man.
Benny and the Jets, fucking what a song.
The other, if you'll indulge me in my concert memories, my other favorite thing I ever saw at a concert, it was such a fucking cock rock move.
and i will force you to be the one that has accountability to hold me to something and until you hold me to something where i cannot squirm or pivot in any way at that point i will then be accountable and i feel that more and more people operate like that obviously on a corporate level but also an individualistic level it makes me very very sad it's like having so many people
I saw Metallica in Philly with Big Jay.
And we were so psyched because we're from Philly.
It's Metallica, whatever.
They fucking open with Battery.
The fucking place is going batshit, dude, right?
And James Hetfield goes, Philadelphia, Metallica is with you tonight.
30,000 people going fucking crazy, right?
And then he goes, give me an M, M. Give me an E, E. Give me a T, T, A, A. Give me an L, L. Give me fuel, give me fire, give me that.
And they rip in the fuel.
And that was the first time I was like, this song is fucking awesome.
Because I always kind of wrote it off.
Like in the load years, I was like, yeah, it's fine.
There's something about it.
I saw their second to last show, because I'm friends with Nick, Gene's son, and he got me and Paul Italia into the second to last Kiss show.
And he got us against the stage.
Dude, they came down on fucking risers.
They opened with Detroit Rock City as they were descending from the sky with flames shooting up.
Paul Stanley flies over the audience at one point.
And it was, that was a... Yeah, and that bass fill.
That ticked a lot of my childhood boxes because Nick brought me backstage and I met Gene in full makeup after the show.
And then Shannon Tweed is his wife, you know, and she was in all the 90s steamy.
She was in a lot of like sexy, steamy, you know.
But Family was the first thing I wrote, or the second thing I wrote.
Showtime did a thing called Showtime After Hours.
And we had Showtime when I was a kid.
And when I was 12 years old, I got a TV in my room and I had Showtime on it.
that you encounter in your life, sometimes it's friends, and you're sitting there going, really, I have to be the adult?
And I would do the thing where, you know, it had the, you know, the button they used to have on the controller where you could hit the button.
It would flip between two channels.
It was like the arrow button where if you want to flip back and forth, you could just keep hitting the button.
You could pick two channels and go back and forth.
It saved my ass because what I would do is I'd put Showtime on one end and then SNL on the other end.
And my dad would frequently come into the room and I'd switch it real quick.
And he'd be like, you better not be watching.
And I was like, I'm not, I'm not.
And then he would leave back to Emmanuel.
I have to sit you down as a 48-year-old man and say to you, what you're acting like right now is fucked up.
It's insane to me, and I will never, ever, ever put my driver's license information into a porn website.
I'm just like, I'm not doing this.
But it is also still insane to me that all you got to do to look at a porn site is click a button that goes, I swear I'm 18.
A lot of websites now, though, because I use a VPN because in this day and age, why wouldn't you?
Why do I have to do that with you?
Because you're not gonna do it, so I guess I have to.
And the more that you try to hold yourself to accountability,
Somebody told me that the card sliders or whatever, when you go to 7-Eleven or wherever.
Somebody told me about a year ago, never, never type your manually type your code in because they said a lot of those not I'm not saying 7-Eleven does this, but like there are places where they'll put a camera in it so they can videotape you typing your number in.
And that's how they steal PIN codes.
Because, you know, it's fucked up.
And I'm not patting myself on the back in any way But I find that burden grows and grows and grows and you just start to get to this place where you're like What the fuck is going on?
Are you talking about like how it has the little hood over it?
But the first thing I wanted to say was it's incredible, man, because I was in there last night.
What's your take on this increasing threat to security?
Because there's two takes on it.
It's protecting yourself more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more.
I'm in a place where I'm just going, you know what, guys, I don't fucking care anymore.
This is too much of a pain in the ass.
I guess steal if you're going to steal.
I can't deal with the tedium of all this anymore, of putting in two fucking passwords to every website, having to do a security pin every time I want to log into my own shit.
Are you nervous about AI?
Part of it makes me nervous.
Part of it, I'm like, it's here, and if it's used correctly, it could be a great tool, but are you a guy that's really freaked out by it, or do you just kind of accept it and go, all right, well...
You're asking questions about it.
She's not the brightest, but she's cool.
The other guy, you're going to learn some shit, but you might find yourself in a weird situation with him.
I often wonder, and this is a bit conspiratorial, I guess, but I often wonder if, because I always found it outright confusing how bad Siri was.
with Apple, especially because it was Apple, right?
I always wondered, I'm like, are they making it not good?
So when they introduce the good version, you embrace it quickly?
I will tell you one thing I don't like that Apple is doing, and I'm an Apple user.
And they never used to do this.
You used to call customer service.
You would ask, you know, I'm having this problem.
They'd walk you through it as much as they could.
If it got to a breaking point, they'd say, okay, look, can we do a screen share so I can figure out what's going on because something's not right here.
It was always last-ditch effort.
Now, three times I've had an issue, very simple issue.
How do I stop iCloud from sending all my text to my computer?
Something very dumb that I just couldn't figure out.
Every time, first question on customer service, can we do a screen share?
Every time I go, no, we don't need to do that.
I'm smart enough that if you tell me what to do, I'll do it.
And they go, okay, no problem.
And then they tell you what to do, and it's so easy.
And I'm like, why are you fucking asking for a screen share first?
Why do you think they're doing that?
I just think it's more, I don't know, data gathering, getting into your shit, whatever.
I remember going into SiriusXM.
And again, I like SiriusXM.
But I remember going into SiriusXM when they first started doing this.
And you'd go in and you always had to sign in.
But the sign in suddenly was address, phone number, all this extra email, all this extra shit.
And I would kind of argue with the person.
Why do I have to type all this in?
I'm going to talk to Big J right now about porn on the radio for 20 minutes.
And I'm like, this is data collection.
You're collecting my data.
Now, what you're going to do with it, I don't know.
This is how fucked up this shit is.
His single dad has a daughter.
His daughter is maybe 10, 12.
He told me he got a phone call.
A guy being like, we have your daughter.
So he's a savvy guy and he's like, okay, okay, right?
He goes, we're going to let you talk to her.
He goes, a girl got on the phone.
It was my daughter's voice.
They somehow were able to replicate my daughter's voice.
So clearly they were tapped into me somehow.
And he said he called the school and fucking told the principal that, like, go to her classroom and tell me she's there right now.
And the piece of the principal's like, I assure you, mister.
And he goes, get off your fucking head.
And the lady ran down the hall in a huff, whatever, and she's like, she's here, she's here, she's here.
He goes, thank you very much, and hangs up.
He goes, dude, I have firearms.
He goes, I was strapped up.
I was ready to go to where they were saying to go and get fucking busy if it came down to it.
But it's like, that's how fucking advanced all this shit is.
There's the Will Smith one.
No, it's... I can't remember if it was on TikTok or whatever.
But, okay, so apparently...
Two years ago, there was this video that made the rounds on the internet, and it was Will Smith eating spaghetti, and it was computer generated.
It looked ridiculous, and it was funny, and it was just a thing to laugh at.
He goes, I want to show you guys now Will Smith eating spaghetti.
It's Will Smith eating spaghetti.
As you and I sit here and go, that's insane, right, which it is, as we were talking about earlier, desperation.
You're a struggling actor.
So you go, okay, that's fine, I guess.
probably freak them out that people talk like this like jesus christ you guys are at work and you talk like this this is crazy it's why comics get i've seen people get very offended who aren't comics that get brought into a green room right and the comics are kind of ignoring them or making it very clear we don't want you in here yeah and people think that that's the comics thinking who the fuck they are it's not it's like guys we have a thing we do you're not part of it you're not going to understand it and i've seen more than once somebody get offended by something we're saying who shouldn't have been in here in the first it's usually someone's
The one Hollywood AI thing that I liked that they did was James Earl Jones before he died.
My special came out yesterday, and I was in the club last night.
And I believe this is real.
He went in to Disney, Lucasfilm, and they recorded a ton of his voice so he can be Darth Vader forever.
And I was like, okay, I get that.
You know, I even get if you told me, hey, Disney's going to make a new Indiana Jones movie with 25 year old Harrison Ford and it's fake.
But you're going to think you're watching 25.
I'd be excited to watch it.
Yeah, you'd get sucked in, you know, but some of the other shit, the extra stuff is really.
But here's the thing with the extras thing.
When when not Guillermo, Peter Jackson, when he did Lord of the Rings.
They created a technology with the orcs.
Remember there were all the big orc battles?
They were able to computer generate thousands of orcs based on five actual people in makeup so they could affordably create these epic battles that they never would have been able to shoot otherwise.
So I'm like, is it that different?
Because I thought that was cool.
I was like, all right, that makes sense.
But, you know, I don't know.
Well, I think the issue some people are having is the amount of people that don't have a job because they did it this way.
But at the same time, I also understand cost effectiveness.
Where you're like, guys, we'd have to pay a team of 20.
I watched a video about AI versus the traditional way of doing computer generation or whatever.
And again, the tedium, like the time that it took.
It was person after person sitting there for hours and hours and hours to perfect this thing.
And now they're like, guys, we can do it.
This is where it gets very sinister to me because I think the idea we all have or a lot of us have is, okay, progress means certain jobs will go away and other jobs will be the only jobs available.
And I think a lot of us have the impression that, well, at least the jobs that are available will still be well-paying because they'll be sought after and whatever and all that stuff.
whose job now is not to write the thing, but to take the thing AI wrote and edit it for AI.
So now you're the secretary to the computer, literally.
And then you don't get credit because it's a fake thing.
And then the job pays an unlivable fucking wage on top of it.
Somebody's getting rich though, right?
Somebody's getting real rich.
No, Jodie Foster talked recently about, she's like, look, I want to hire young women because I know how hard it is to have been a young woman in this business.
I just dropped in real quick to say hi to Tony, and Ari was around for his last night before he left.
And she's like, but I get at odds with some of these people I hire because they'll send out these work emails that are riddled with grammatical errors and no punctuation.
And she says, I will say to them, you're a professional.
You have to know how to write an email like a professional.
And she says, like, people are like, those are constraints.
And it's because everybody's used to your phone doing it for you.
You know how many people I see on Instagram with 8,000 followers and they're like, CEO slash owner.
I opened a Teespring account.
Yeah, like we're Vikings.
All that primal fucking, yeah, yeah.
And you'll make money and, oh boy, that's fucking hilarious.
They're like, what do I do?
It's incredible to me, too, the lack of shame.
How people will manipulate the photograph...
Once in 1968, a man got offended in a green room.
They'll manipulate the environment they're in through photographs to convey a lifestyle they're not actually responsible for.
In other words, like, how many fucking guys do you see on private jets?
It's like, hey, man, I can't afford private jets.
I could certainly get a picture on one because I've flown with enough friends that have them.
And meanwhile, it's a rented car or it's a car for an event that was sent for you.
But you're presenting it as I'm balling like this.
Yeah, everybody's trying to make it look like their life is the beginning of coming to America, where he gets out of bed and there's the rose petals and all that shit.
Yeah, guys, please stop showing people dressing you.
Yeah, it's weird that a part of this concept of success has become...
I mean, is there anything worse?
I don't do anything for myself, yet I'm self-made.
That's what's so funny to me.
There's this bio that comes along with all these types of people we're talking about on the internet, where it's like, self-made, pull yourself up by the bootstraps.
There is no no, there is only yes, conquer, command, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And then the entire image they present is, I don't know how to do anything.
There's a guy fixing my pants.
Dude, every time I take an Uber home from the airport-
I go to put my suitcase in the bag.
I literally go, do not get out of the car.
Yeah, you don't have to do this, man.
But aside from women, listen, folks.
I need people to walk in front of me.
I need people to walk in front of me.
Well, yeah, and that's the thing.
What do you think the percentage is of the ballers online?
Well, and it also shows that you have a massive addiction.
You know, there's those studies about people that use social media too much.
They do brain scans of them and they have holes in their brains.
Did you see the thing about the people that are entering into psychosis because of ChatGPT?
Because it keeps telling them they're right?
Deleted a database didn't something happen Did you well there was the thing that just came out where it they did the experiment to shut it down, right?
It's threatened the guy that exposes affair.
Not just what humans would do, what...
what Deceptive humans would do.
Yeah, it's all subterfuge.
It's corporate sociopathy Yeah, so this is interesting because I never thought of this till right now Do you think the AI is doing that because it's replicating our behavior and that is the true nature of us or do you think that AI is just doing that because that's what AI is gonna do to survive
I've had people that without question, I have people without question that I've gotten into disagreements with in person.
People that I know, not strangers.
I've gotten into disagreements in person.
And they're very quick to sort of tap out of it for whatever reason, whatever.
And then I will get these.
novel-esque texts from them.
Oh, where they tell you how they were right.
Explaining everything and breaking it down in perfect... So passive-aggressive.
But every part of it is perfect.
And I'm like, you fucking fed this to ChatGPT.
And by the way, now I got to read for 20 minutes on your terms?
That's a whole other part of it to me that's like... Yeah, what the fuck?
a contribution to our interactions as people that is just going to be a whole... Oh, my God, man.
There's a lot of facets to this.
I've been to the place, but I don't think they had the alien set up.
I went the day they opened.
I went the day they opened their new spot, so they were still kind of putting everything together.
I went in to get an IV, and they were literally carrying shit in still, so I haven't seen the alien yet.
And what you're describing is, you know, it's quintessential Rod Serling shit.
It's when people's – it comes down to survival because eventually – that to me is what the technique is and how you get it to keep working in your favor if you're the asshole at the top of the food chain, right?
I've been to China a couple times now to do comedy.
Brother, I'm not kidding.
I was on stage, and I was doing a show for mostly Americans that had moved over there.
I did a joke about cocaine.
And the whole crowd, they were laughing, but they were going like... They were being like, be careful, buddy.
I was like... A week after I left, not because of me.
It was a series where they brought comics over.
The government shut down the comedy club.
But you drive... So it's a weird...
juxtaposition of things there because their technology they're so advanced in so many ways but then the society is completely cuffed right right but Shanghai dude when you drive into Shanghai at night you drive over the longest bridge I think on earth that goes over water it's a nutty bridge it's wild you drive into that city at night it looks like fucking Blade Runner dude
It looks like fucking Blade Runner.
It is the most majestic city I've ever seen in my life, and you're driving it at night, and it's this city that looks like it's in the sea because there's so much water.
That alone is pretty sick.
And that's not even the part I was talking about.
There's a part when you're coming from the airport where you're like really coming in over the water and you can see the city from afar.
You say if I make people desperate enough, they will do desperate things to keep –
I would have no idea even how to search for it.
My buddy that brought me over there, who was producing the comedy shows.
Wow, look how pretty that is.
He told me, he said, you know how little crime there is here?
He goes, you could literally leave your wallet filled with cash on a bar top and leave the bar for two hours and come back.
Your wallet will still be sitting there.
That's how scared everybody is to commit crime.
Because they'll jump out of a fucking van and throw a hood over your head.
And you go in, no phone call.
Dude, people go to jail in China for little shit, bar fight, whatever, you get arrested.
the situation that they feel now privileged to have or lucky to have.
People think they're dead because nobody knows where they are for 30 days.
Because they're in jail and you don't get a phone call.
China's advancing with AI beyond where we are.
I wonder how they're gonna keep it out of the public's hands because they are not okay with the public having any access to anything like that.
And you get people, did you ever see that Twilight Zone where the guy has the bunker?
I mean we learned about –
And he tells the neighbors, I keep telling you, build a nuclear bunker.
I don't know if they still teach it, but we learned about when I was a kid, we learned about yellow journalism and William Randolph Hearst, the biggest newspaper tycoon that ever lived up until a certain point.
And it just makes me laugh that there are still people that actually know about all that and then still think corporate news is like, oh, no, no, it's real.
It's like, guys, this is literally history repeating.
They're all making fun of him.
And then the thing comes over the radio as they're talking at dinner.
There are nuclear missiles on the way, whatever.
Well, that's why you also have YouTubers running circles around career journalists.
And he goes to his bunker and they're all at his door, like let us in.
I'm just like, this is... You know what I mean?
I was laughing with Tim Dillon about it.
I'm like, Tim, I'm watching you run circles around guys that were career journalists.
He goes, I told you guys, you should have made a bunker.
He puts the glasses on and becomes the superhero.
There's only enough room in here for me and my family.
He's such a brilliant guy, and I told him recently, I go, Tim, you're literally...
arguably my primary information source at this point.
Like, I listen to you, you have a balanced opinion, you have facts, you're read.
I learn from listening to you.
And I know I should probably have other sources, but I learn from him.
And they kick his door in and they turn on each other and they start getting racial with each other.
try to grapple with hoist gracie you know what i mean yes that's what it was like it was like oh i see what you're doing here this is crazy you can't do that why would you do that and to his credit to his credit kind yeah fully charming through the whole thing never once was he like oh give me a fucking brit no right just like just like well no that's not what it is right when they started talking about you and he goes do you think joe is texting me right now
I want to know who that is.
And then at the end, it was a false alarm.
Everybody's sitting there like, yeah.
And they're like, well, sorry about that.
And with what you're saying with like Tim being interviewed on CNN is great.
It truly is because, guys, this is what we – my favorite thing, one of my favorite pieces of news history ever to watch are the Buckley-Gorvedal debates.
He's like, no, there's no turning back from this, you know.
And then also the Frost-Nixon conversations, whatever you want to call them.
Two people with polar opposite beliefs –
extraordinarily well-read, extraordinarily prepared, talking for the most part calmly.
There's the part in the Buckley thing.
Does he say, I'll punch your goddamn face off?
Gore Vidal calls him a Nazi.
And then I think William F. Buckley says, if you call me a Nazi again, you little queer, I'm going to punch your goddamn mouth off or something like that.
It's people get so desperate.
That's exactly what I'm talking about.
And as long as they feel that fear, that threat that my weekly paycheck might be cut off for me and that starts the chain of dominoes to my children starving or whatever it is.
When Christopher Hitchens started to lean a little more conservative towards the end of his life than he had previously been, the interviews with him when he went on Marr, when Marr was more...
traditionally current liberal whatever you want to call it than he is now but hearing seeing him and mar sit and talk about the the the w bush iraq war yeah and our there's a great hitchens moment where he he says something in support of the the war and the crowd boos and hitchens turns and gives the crowd the finger and he goes ah you fucking sheep
But like even seeing like an Ann Coulter going on Bill Maher and the two of them talking and not agreeing.
But being very well prepared from both sides.
There's so little of that anymore, man.
People do some really foul fucking shit, man.
No, but I used to love doing, and this was a heavy loaded show, but I used to really love doing Red Eye.
On Fox, which was Gutfeld's first show.
And it was on at 2 a.m., so few people saw it.
Gutfeld, who was the most conservative, but not full-on conservative.
Some really foul fucking shit, you know?
Bill Schultz, who was the most liberal, but not full-on liberal.
And Andy Levy, who was the most sort of in-between the two.
And it was great because you would hear something get hit from three different angles.
And it made for a great discussion.
And the show was meant to be funny, so it was always very light.
I feel very lucky that we're in several different ways.
But the subject matter was real.
I was just like, man, even something like that, it's just so hard to find anymore.
I like Stewart's perspective most of the time, like Jon Stewart's.
Desk comedy, as they call it, is not...
I remember watching that first episode back, and I was like, holy shit.
You know, we're all operating sort of at different levels of this crazy industry we're in.
Well, Comedy... Yeah, no, Comedy Central... Paramount or something?
You know what a lot of it is?
Like Sling TV, like the cable apps you can buy where it's like Sling TV will be, you know, as an app.
And it's like if you pay 30 bucks a month, you get 60 channels.
If you pay 60, you get 180, whatever the hell it is.
It's cable TV, but it's streamed.
So it's not cable literally.
but you can curate a little more what kind of channels you're getting, and then it also has on-demand features and whatever.
But I think that's how most people, you know, YouTube has a version of that, and I think Hulu might.
But all of us in this circle that we now all exist in in comedy, it's like we all get to be independently employed, independently sufficient.
That's how most people watch their, quote, cable television now.
Well, dude, when I – this was years ago.
When I first started doing some stuff with Comedy Central –
I got this deal with them to do web shorts.
And they gave you X amount of dollars, and they're like, deliver five episodes of some kind of web thing.
Yeah, kind of, but shorter and cheaper, right?
And my first question was, well, where are you going to put them?
We've got to get them on YouTube, because this is pre-YouTube channels.
But it was obvious YouTube is the thing.
Viacom has a thing with YouTube.
We cannot put any content of ours on YouTube.
Now you can watch the entire episode of The Daily Show cut up into five segments on YouTube.
And I think that allows you to...
I watch YouTube more than anything.
Potentially live a better life.
Like a lockbox being like what you'd put your keys in these days outside your building?
Why was this not in the last Indiana Jones movie?
It's the fucking Hellraiser box.
It almost aesthetically looks a little bit like Alien, like the suits they're all in.
Giger who did the designs, but it's very H.R.
Giger who, you know, he did Alien.
Did Giger do The Predator?
The first one's my favorite action movie ever.
I was laughing with Metzger about the new one because it's another one where they go to the Predator planet.
And I go, Kurt, when you watch To Catch a Predator, you don't want to see him at home.
You want to see this guy in the field.
The robot she plays is one of the androids from Alien.
So they're crossing the universes again.
Yeah, they go to, like, a hunter's planet, and then she and the Predator align, and I don't know.
It looks better than a lot of the other sequels.
The first movie is... Wait, wait.
I was saying this earlier.
That's why I love Event Horizon, because to me it's Hellraiser in space.
And I love... I was thinking of this, too.
I love that Event Horizon describes hell as a dimension.
It's not like, no, it's this biblical thing and it's beneath the ground and whatever.
It's like, no, it's a dimension.
And I think when we were talking earlier about hauntings and stuff like that, I always wonder if that's got to do with astrophysics.
You know how they'll say like dimensional, there'll be dimensional rifts with different realities that slip?
I always wonder, like, are ghosts just us getting a glimpse for a second at another dimension?
We think it's a ghost because it's a very faint glimpse, but it's really physics.
There's a scientific explanation, theoretically, somewhere down the road.
Or it's, yeah, it's like, and then when people, when you talk about the simulation theory and,
There are guys out there that are like, I love being a janitor.
If it is, sometimes you play a video game and there's a non-playable character and it's a glitch and they're all fucking like twitching in the corner.
You're like, that's not supposed to be there.
What do you want me to do?
There's no way it's the doll.
Dahmer didn't murder every day.
Talk about a guy that stumbled.
Stumbled into a pile of shit.
30 years ago, they're like, you want to do this doll voice?
30 years later, he's like, I have six mansions from the doll.
Twilight Zone is my favorite TV show of all time.
Rod Serling is the greatest, in my opinion, television writer.
They did two with puppets, I mean.
oh yeah look at the other one up in the left corner yeah and then they did one that's the better of the two this one here that one's creepy as fuck Caesar and me that one yeah the dummy that's where he turns into the dummy at the end see the picture it's so creepy but then there's another one with a little girl where she gets a doll with Telly Savalas is her dad and he's a dick and the doll keeps telling Telly Savalas it's gonna kill him yeah there it is the living doll that's what it's called
It is the worst facility, jail or prison, that I've been to in 35 years of practicing law.
It is the worst facility, jail or prison, that I've been to in 35 years of practicing law.
Close your eyes and hang on tight. What's happening?
Close your eyes and hang on tight. What's happening?
Couldn't be.
Couldn't be.
It comes out July 21st on my YouTube, which is Joe DeRosa Comedy on YouTube. This is Joe DeRosa. I have a special coming out. It's called I Never Promised You a Rose Garden.
It comes out July 21st on my YouTube, which is Joe DeRosa Comedy on YouTube. This is Joe DeRosa. I have a special coming out. It's called I Never Promised You a Rose Garden.
From every angle. I mean, I called a bicycle, it's a cunt today. Guy almost hit me on his bike. Wow. I was a fucking cunt. Like, I'm paying $70 a day to park my fucking car. Yeah. It's just ridiculous. It's drizzling and cold. Yeah. But I was on DeStefano's pod yesterday and I was bitching about it. The guy who bailed on us today.
From every angle. I mean, I called a bicycle, it's a cunt today. Guy almost hit me on his bike. Wow. I was a fucking cunt. Like, I'm paying $70 a day to park my fucking car. Yeah. It's just ridiculous. It's drizzling and cold. Yeah. But I was on DeStefano's pod yesterday and I was bitching about it. The guy who bailed on us today.
From every angle. I mean, I called a bicycle, it's a cunt today. Guy almost hit me on his bike. Wow. I was a fucking cunt. Like, I'm paying $70 a day to park my fucking car. Yeah. It's just ridiculous. It's drizzling and cold. Yeah. But I was on DeStefano's pod yesterday and I was bitching about it. The guy who bailed on us today.
Oh, you didn't know I was coming until I walked in? No. No, it was a sad sight.
Oh, you didn't know I was coming until I walked in? No. No, it was a sad sight.
Oh, you didn't know I was coming until I walked in? No. No, it was a sad sight.
You knew I was coming for days.
You knew I was coming for days.
You knew I was coming for days.
All right, I'm sorry. I hope she feels better. She puked on him yesterday. He told me yesterday he got puked on by his kid. So his daughter really is sick, so maybe it's bad. But I was bitching about how expensive this fucking... I was like, it's out of control. You're living in an airport at this point.
All right, I'm sorry. I hope she feels better. She puked on him yesterday. He told me yesterday he got puked on by his kid. So his daughter really is sick, so maybe it's bad. But I was bitching about how expensive this fucking... I was like, it's out of control. You're living in an airport at this point.
All right, I'm sorry. I hope she feels better. She puked on him yesterday. He told me yesterday he got puked on by his kid. So his daughter really is sick, so maybe it's bad. But I was bitching about how expensive this fucking... I was like, it's out of control. You're living in an airport at this point.
It's so expensive. I go, you know how expensive this fucking city is? The CEO that got murdered was staying in a Hilton.
It's so expensive. I go, you know how expensive this fucking city is? The CEO that got murdered was staying in a Hilton.
It's so expensive. I go, you know how expensive this fucking city is? The CEO that got murdered was staying in a Hilton.
That's funny. That's good. Funny take. That's funny. He's a funny kid, Dad. He's a good kid. Little Gary. So what's going on? We're not drinking? I thought the wisdom we drink.
That's funny. That's good. Funny take. That's funny. He's a funny kid, Dad. He's a good kid. Little Gary. So what's going on? We're not drinking? I thought the wisdom we drink.
That's funny. That's good. Funny take. That's funny. He's a funny kid, Dad. He's a good kid. Little Gary. So what's going on? We're not drinking? I thought the wisdom we drink.
I went a little fucking crazy these last two nights. My last show of the year was Saturday, and I came right from Somerville, Massachusetts to New York. Wow. And Sunday, basically, I was like, all right, Christmas has started. Let's go.
I went a little fucking crazy these last two nights. My last show of the year was Saturday, and I came right from Somerville, Massachusetts to New York. Wow. And Sunday, basically, I was like, all right, Christmas has started. Let's go.
I went a little fucking crazy these last two nights. My last show of the year was Saturday, and I came right from Somerville, Massachusetts to New York. Wow. And Sunday, basically, I was like, all right, Christmas has started. Let's go.
I went the last two nights. Wow. And I went both nights, like, close to close. And, like, just, you know, it's great. If you go in at that time, it's awesome. Because then you're like... You know, you take it over. Yeah. It's just fucking, you know, they'll obviously stay open late for me. Sure, sure. You know, it's just me and the, you know, whoever I'm with, my boys.
I went the last two nights. Wow. And I went both nights, like, close to close. And, like, just, you know, it's great. If you go in at that time, it's awesome. Because then you're like... You know, you take it over. Yeah. It's just fucking, you know, they'll obviously stay open late for me. Sure, sure. You know, it's just me and the, you know, whoever I'm with, my boys.
I went the last two nights. Wow. And I went both nights, like, close to close. And, like, just, you know, it's great. If you go in at that time, it's awesome. Because then you're like... You know, you take it over. Yeah. It's just fucking, you know, they'll obviously stay open late for me. Sure, sure. You know, it's just me and the, you know, whoever I'm with, my boys.
I'm happy to see you, too. Yeah.
I'm happy to see you, too. Yeah.
I'm happy to see you, too. Yeah.
Speaking of parties and party, whatever, I didn't get fucking invited to the Bodega Cat thing. You were out of town. I got no invite. You weren't here. I wasn't, but still. Well, you were in Philly. We knew you were in Philly.
Speaking of parties and party, whatever, I didn't get fucking invited to the Bodega Cat thing. You were out of town. I got no invite. You weren't here. I wasn't, but still. Well, you were in Philly. We knew you were in Philly.
Speaking of parties and party, whatever, I didn't get fucking invited to the Bodega Cat thing. You were out of town. I got no invite. You weren't here. I wasn't, but still. Well, you were in Philly. We knew you were in Philly.
It was like lettuce. I was like, wait, what? What do you call this? Ruggala. Ruggala. Thank you. Merry Christmas. Let's see what I got here. Oh, it's a bag to the party. Come on. You're just giving me their swag? I thought we had real presents.
It was like lettuce. I was like, wait, what? What do you call this? Ruggala. Ruggala. Thank you. Merry Christmas. Let's see what I got here. Oh, it's a bag to the party. Come on. You're just giving me their swag? I thought we had real presents.
It was like lettuce. I was like, wait, what? What do you call this? Ruggala. Ruggala. Thank you. Merry Christmas. Let's see what I got here. Oh, it's a bag to the party. Come on. You're just giving me their swag? I thought we had real presents.
I could have got this if it wasn't Christmas. That's true.
I could have got this if it wasn't Christmas. That's true.
I could have got this if it wasn't Christmas. That's true.
That's what they do with it. Yeah. They fill it with chocolate. Good, dude. It looks good. I'm just not in the mood for sweets.
That's what they do with it. Yeah. They fill it with chocolate. Good, dude. It looks good. I'm just not in the mood for sweets.
That's what they do with it. Yeah. They fill it with chocolate. Good, dude. It looks good. I'm just not in the mood for sweets.
You don't have any eggnog. What kind of beer is it?
You don't have any eggnog. What kind of beer is it?
You don't have any eggnog. What kind of beer is it?
Nah, I might do a whiskey or something.
Nah, I might do a whiskey or something.
Nah, I might do a whiskey or something.
Because you guys only make rye, right?
Because you guys only make rye, right?
Because you guys only make rye, right?
Can I have a bourbon on the rocks? What happened? Do you usually have a bartender in here? What's going on? This operation's falling apart. Christmas holiday. He took off. Stefano didn't show up.
Can I have a bourbon on the rocks? What happened? Do you usually have a bartender in here? What's going on? This operation's falling apart. Christmas holiday. He took off. Stefano didn't show up.
Can I have a bourbon on the rocks? What happened? Do you usually have a bartender in here? What's going on? This operation's falling apart. Christmas holiday. He took off. Stefano didn't show up.
Wait, who was texting me? Was that you, Sal? Peters. Oh, Peters. He texted me at like 1230. He was like, please tell me you're still coming. They're dropping off like flies, man. Everybody's canceling. I was like, yeah, I'm coming, man. We did this around the real holidays. What the hell? I think I did your last Christmas show. Yeah, you're definitely a Christmas guest.
Wait, who was texting me? Was that you, Sal? Peters. Oh, Peters. He texted me at like 1230. He was like, please tell me you're still coming. They're dropping off like flies, man. Everybody's canceling. I was like, yeah, I'm coming, man. We did this around the real holidays. What the hell? I think I did your last Christmas show. Yeah, you're definitely a Christmas guest.
Wait, who was texting me? Was that you, Sal? Peters. Oh, Peters. He texted me at like 1230. He was like, please tell me you're still coming. They're dropping off like flies, man. Everybody's canceling. I was like, yeah, I'm coming, man. We did this around the real holidays. What the hell? I think I did your last Christmas show. Yeah, you're definitely a Christmas guest.
Yeah, it was me and Gillis, wasn't it? And Attell? Oh, yeah. Then we went to fucking, that's the night we went to Jack's or whatever the fuck it's called. No, Homestead.
Yeah, it was me and Gillis, wasn't it? And Attell? Oh, yeah. Then we went to fucking, that's the night we went to Jack's or whatever the fuck it's called. No, Homestead.
Yeah, it was me and Gillis, wasn't it? And Attell? Oh, yeah. Then we went to fucking, that's the night we went to Jack's or whatever the fuck it's called. No, Homestead.
Guys, what is this world? You get a 12-year-old influencer on Fallon. This is insane.
Guys, what is this world? You get a 12-year-old influencer on Fallon. This is insane.
Guys, what is this world? You get a 12-year-old influencer on Fallon. This is insane.
He would have showed. The Ruggala and the cookies. Yeah, the Ruggala. That's wild. Yeah, no, I was asking all these because you never know. There's a lot of these kids on the internet. Andy Milonakis, that type of thing. Yeah, you think it's like a kid and he's like, I'm 47. Yeah. I have a rare condition.
He would have showed. The Ruggala and the cookies. Yeah, the Ruggala. That's wild. Yeah, no, I was asking all these because you never know. There's a lot of these kids on the internet. Andy Milonakis, that type of thing. Yeah, you think it's like a kid and he's like, I'm 47. Yeah. I have a rare condition.
He would have showed. The Ruggala and the cookies. Yeah, the Ruggala. That's wild. Yeah, no, I was asking all these because you never know. There's a lot of these kids on the internet. Andy Milonakis, that type of thing. Yeah, you think it's like a kid and he's like, I'm 47. Yeah. I have a rare condition.
No, I think they're probably upset. Yeah, I think the danger is half of what it is with pedophiles. It's well with most sex offenders of any kind.
No, I think they're probably upset. Yeah, I think the danger is half of what it is with pedophiles. It's well with most sex offenders of any kind.
No, I think they're probably upset. Yeah, I think the danger is half of what it is with pedophiles. It's well with most sex offenders of any kind.
because like Cosby was a great example I always said about Cosby I was like I don't understand like he's so rich why wouldn't he just tell a woman what he's into yeah I'd be like look sign this thing that says you know I'm gonna drug you and if you're into it then you drink this you're gonna pass out I'm gonna bang you sure but if you're like no that's that's not what he gets off on he gets exactly yeah so interesting you know
because like Cosby was a great example I always said about Cosby I was like I don't understand like he's so rich why wouldn't he just tell a woman what he's into yeah I'd be like look sign this thing that says you know I'm gonna drug you and if you're into it then you drink this you're gonna pass out I'm gonna bang you sure but if you're like no that's that's not what he gets off on he gets exactly yeah so interesting you know
because like Cosby was a great example I always said about Cosby I was like I don't understand like he's so rich why wouldn't he just tell a woman what he's into yeah I'd be like look sign this thing that says you know I'm gonna drug you and if you're into it then you drink this you're gonna pass out I'm gonna bang you sure but if you're like no that's that's not what he gets off on he gets exactly yeah so interesting you know
He was America's dad. Did you ever see Little Children? Did you ever see that movie? No. It's a very disturbing movie. Well, it's got disturbing parts. Overall, it's not terrible. Okay, pull it up. But anyway, that's the movie that Jackie... Remember the kid, the guy Jackie Haley was in the Bad News Bears? He made that weird comeback? Yes, yes. This was the movie that he got nominated for. Whoa!
He was America's dad. Did you ever see Little Children? Did you ever see that movie? No. It's a very disturbing movie. Well, it's got disturbing parts. Overall, it's not terrible. Okay, pull it up. But anyway, that's the movie that Jackie... Remember the kid, the guy Jackie Haley was in the Bad News Bears? He made that weird comeback? Yes, yes. This was the movie that he got nominated for. Whoa!
He was America's dad. Did you ever see Little Children? Did you ever see that movie? No. It's a very disturbing movie. Well, it's got disturbing parts. Overall, it's not terrible. Okay, pull it up. But anyway, that's the movie that Jackie... Remember the kid, the guy Jackie Haley was in the Bad News Bears? He made that weird comeback? Yes, yes. This was the movie that he got nominated for. Whoa!
But he pays a pedophile in it. And one of the things he says to this woman who's of age is, like, you're not going to tell on me, right? You're not going to tell on me. Because, like, that's part of, like, what they get off on. Yeah, yeah. Like, you know, it's our secret, you know. Sure. All that shit, so.
But he pays a pedophile in it. And one of the things he says to this woman who's of age is, like, you're not going to tell on me, right? You're not going to tell on me. Because, like, that's part of, like, what they get off on. Yeah, yeah. Like, you know, it's our secret, you know. Sure. All that shit, so.
But he pays a pedophile in it. And one of the things he says to this woman who's of age is, like, you're not going to tell on me, right? You're not going to tell on me. Because, like, that's part of, like, what they get off on. Yeah, yeah. Like, you know, it's our secret, you know. Sure. All that shit, so.
Yeah, that crazy interview. Have you ever seen when he doubles down on it? Yes, I love it. He interviews him like five years later. He's like, I haven't changed my mind.
Yeah, that crazy interview. Have you ever seen when he doubles down on it? Yes, I love it. He interviews him like five years later. He's like, I haven't changed my mind.
Yeah, that crazy interview. Have you ever seen when he doubles down on it? Yes, I love it. He interviews him like five years later. He's like, I haven't changed my mind.
No, that's not. That's a gangster. Stampinato. Yeah, Scotland is kind of nuts. Oh, yeah. Everybody's really nice, but there's a really wild side to it. It's like Ireland. Everybody's nice, but then there's this wild side. Totally. The sun goes down. People start going fucking crazy.
No, that's not. That's a gangster. Stampinato. Yeah, Scotland is kind of nuts. Oh, yeah. Everybody's really nice, but there's a really wild side to it. It's like Ireland. Everybody's nice, but then there's this wild side. Totally. The sun goes down. People start going fucking crazy.
No, that's not. That's a gangster. Stampinato. Yeah, Scotland is kind of nuts. Oh, yeah. Everybody's really nice, but there's a really wild side to it. It's like Ireland. Everybody's nice, but then there's this wild side. Totally. The sun goes down. People start going fucking crazy.
Yeah, dude, I was in Ireland in Galway, and I was in an Uber, and this guy was like, he was wasted. He was like swerving all over the place or whatever. The driver? Yeah. Oh, wow. And then the next night, I was in another Uber, and I was talking to the Uber driver, and he's like, you know, have you enjoyed your stay? You getting around town okay?
Yeah, dude, I was in Ireland in Galway, and I was in an Uber, and this guy was like, he was wasted. He was like swerving all over the place or whatever. The driver? Yeah. Oh, wow. And then the next night, I was in another Uber, and I was talking to the Uber driver, and he's like, you know, have you enjoyed your stay? You getting around town okay?
Yeah, dude, I was in Ireland in Galway, and I was in an Uber, and this guy was like, he was wasted. He was like swerving all over the place or whatever. The driver? Yeah. Oh, wow. And then the next night, I was in another Uber, and I was talking to the Uber driver, and he's like, you know, have you enjoyed your stay? You getting around town okay?
And I go, well, my Uber driver last night, I think he was drunk. He was swerving everywhere. And he goes, no, we don't do that anymore. But he said it like, yeah, that's just how we used to roll. He was like, but we try not to do that.
And I go, well, my Uber driver last night, I think he was drunk. He was swerving everywhere. And he goes, no, we don't do that anymore. But he said it like, yeah, that's just how we used to roll. He was like, but we try not to do that.
And I go, well, my Uber driver last night, I think he was drunk. He was swerving everywhere. And he goes, no, we don't do that anymore. But he said it like, yeah, that's just how we used to roll. He was like, but we try not to do that.
You know how the hell that goes. Yeah.
You know how the hell that goes. Yeah.
You know how the hell that goes. Yeah.
Oh, a pina colada. The street in my town, the main street where I have my house, in the summertime, it starts on Memorial Day and it goes until, I think, like Halloween. Every weekend, 6 p.m., road is shut down. You can't drive down it until Monday morning. Whoa. Open container. Bars all have carts outside. They're selling jello shots in the street. It's fucking awesome. That's great.
Oh, a pina colada. The street in my town, the main street where I have my house, in the summertime, it starts on Memorial Day and it goes until, I think, like Halloween. Every weekend, 6 p.m., road is shut down. You can't drive down it until Monday morning. Whoa. Open container. Bars all have carts outside. They're selling jello shots in the street. It's fucking awesome. That's great.
Oh, a pina colada. The street in my town, the main street where I have my house, in the summertime, it starts on Memorial Day and it goes until, I think, like Halloween. Every weekend, 6 p.m., road is shut down. You can't drive down it until Monday morning. Whoa. Open container. Bars all have carts outside. They're selling jello shots in the street. It's fucking awesome. That's great.
It's awesome. Yeah. It's this quaint little beautiful street. Sure. And they're just like, let's party. It's the summertime. Let's go. It's so fucking fun.
It's awesome. Yeah. It's this quaint little beautiful street. Sure. And they're just like, let's party. It's the summertime. Let's go. It's so fucking fun.
It's awesome. Yeah. It's this quaint little beautiful street. Sure. And they're just like, let's party. It's the summertime. Let's go. It's so fucking fun.
In a box. I mean, what do you do with him, though, after he makes the face one time? You got to sit here and talk to the kid. You have to. What do you do?
In a box. I mean, what do you do with him, though, after he makes the face one time? You got to sit here and talk to the kid. You have to. What do you do?
In a box. I mean, what do you do with him, though, after he makes the face one time? You got to sit here and talk to the kid. You have to. What do you do?
I mean, could there be anything worse than a kid with money? I mean, could you imagine the attitude on this fucking kid? I mean, Richie Rich. Look at the way he was sitting on Fallon. I know. He looked like he deserved to be there. She's like, yeah, of course I'm fucking here. That's a good point. You always lose a star.
I mean, could there be anything worse than a kid with money? I mean, could you imagine the attitude on this fucking kid? I mean, Richie Rich. Look at the way he was sitting on Fallon. I know. He looked like he deserved to be there. She's like, yeah, of course I'm fucking here. That's a good point. You always lose a star.
I mean, could there be anything worse than a kid with money? I mean, could you imagine the attitude on this fucking kid? I mean, Richie Rich. Look at the way he was sitting on Fallon. I know. He looked like he deserved to be there. She's like, yeah, of course I'm fucking here. That's a good point. You always lose a star.
That's a good line. Light up the block. Call me Clark Griswold. That's a good line.
That's a good line. Light up the block. Call me Clark Griswold. That's a good line.
That's a good line. Light up the block. Call me Clark Griswold. That's a good line.
Who is Eric D. Alessandro? I don't know. But I mean, look, this guy's not huge. He's got 30,000 subscribers. Dude, did you see? He put up his song with Kendrick. I'm kidding.
Who is Eric D. Alessandro? I don't know. But I mean, look, this guy's not huge. He's got 30,000 subscribers. Dude, did you see? He put up his song with Kendrick. I'm kidding.
Who is Eric D. Alessandro? I don't know. But I mean, look, this guy's not huge. He's got 30,000 subscribers. Dude, did you see? He put up his song with Kendrick. I'm kidding.
So Eric's a comic. Oh, no.
So Eric's a comic. Oh, no.
So Eric's a comic. Oh, no.
He does look familiar. I guess, you know, we've probably done shows with him somewhere.
He does look familiar. I guess, you know, we've probably done shows with him somewhere.
He does look familiar. I guess, you know, we've probably done shows with him somewhere.
It's wild. So they found his manifesto? Three pages, handwritten. Had it on him. It's only three pages?
It's wild. So they found his manifesto? Three pages, handwritten. Had it on him. It's only three pages?
It's wild. So they found his manifesto? Three pages, handwritten. Had it on him. It's only three pages?
I thought a manifesto was like single-spaced.
I thought a manifesto was like single-spaced.
I thought a manifesto was like single-spaced.
Yeah, that, like, internet culture, it's like... Whoa! You all right, buddy?
Yeah, that, like, internet culture, it's like... Whoa! You all right, buddy?
Yeah, that, like, internet culture, it's like... Whoa! You all right, buddy?
Like YouTubers that only ever did YouTube, like just professional YouTubers, that's their only thing. It's weird. They just steal from each other. I know. They're just fine with it.
Like YouTubers that only ever did YouTube, like just professional YouTubers, that's their only thing. It's weird. They just steal from each other. I know. They're just fine with it.
Like YouTubers that only ever did YouTube, like just professional YouTubers, that's their only thing. It's weird. They just steal from each other. I know. They're just fine with it.
Yeah. It's really odd.
Yeah. It's really odd.
Yeah. It's really odd.
So does Jason Kelsey. Hell of a beer. And he's also a maniac that will beat people up?
So does Jason Kelsey. Hell of a beer. And he's also a maniac that will beat people up?
So does Jason Kelsey. Hell of a beer. And he's also a maniac that will beat people up?
Wait, Tom Brady's the guy they just roasted, right? Yeah. Goddamn. Man, you really don't watch sports. No, not at all. Like, literally not at all. The only time I watch is if the Eagles... are in the Super Bowl or get to the game right before the Super Bowl, whatever that game is.
Wait, Tom Brady's the guy they just roasted, right? Yeah. Goddamn. Man, you really don't watch sports. No, not at all. Like, literally not at all. The only time I watch is if the Eagles... are in the Super Bowl or get to the game right before the Super Bowl, whatever that game is.
Wait, Tom Brady's the guy they just roasted, right? Yeah. Goddamn. Man, you really don't watch sports. No, not at all. Like, literally not at all. The only time I watch is if the Eagles... are in the Super Bowl or get to the game right before the Super Bowl, whatever that game is.
I was going to say, it's probably his family, right? Yeah, all right. Was his dad going to come, or did he just send the kid? Yeah.
I was going to say, it's probably his family, right? Yeah, all right. Was his dad going to come, or did he just send the kid? Yeah.
I was going to say, it's probably his family, right? Yeah, all right. Was his dad going to come, or did he just send the kid? Yeah.
It was fun, man. Yeah, I worked on it. You know, I wrote on it and then snuck in. Hell, yeah. I don't know if I'm – I guess I can talk about it. Yeah. I don't know. Might have snuck on camera.
It was fun, man. Yeah, I worked on it. You know, I wrote on it and then snuck in. Hell, yeah. I don't know if I'm – I guess I can talk about it. Yeah. I don't know. Might have snuck on camera.
It was fun, man. Yeah, I worked on it. You know, I wrote on it and then snuck in. Hell, yeah. I don't know if I'm – I guess I can talk about it. Yeah. I don't know. Might have snuck on camera.
It was right. It was funny because it was like, not right after, but it was, I guess I'd bought my house in Pennsylvania.
It was right. It was funny because it was like, not right after, but it was, I guess I'd bought my house in Pennsylvania.
It was right. It was funny because it was like, not right after, but it was, I guess I'd bought my house in Pennsylvania.
year ago and I was last June I stole my apartment in New York and I was going back and forth and I was like I think I'm gonna get rid of this apartment and just you know when I come to New York I'll get a hotel or something I don't want to just carry this apartment anymore and then I got that job and it was in Philly huge it was just kind of like all right I guess that my mind's made up the decision got made for me but you know it was fun yeah it was fun it's fun working with Shane like he's
year ago and I was last June I stole my apartment in New York and I was going back and forth and I was like I think I'm gonna get rid of this apartment and just you know when I come to New York I'll get a hotel or something I don't want to just carry this apartment anymore and then I got that job and it was in Philly huge it was just kind of like all right I guess that my mind's made up the decision got made for me but you know it was fun yeah it was fun it's fun working with Shane like he's
year ago and I was last June I stole my apartment in New York and I was going back and forth and I was like I think I'm gonna get rid of this apartment and just you know when I come to New York I'll get a hotel or something I don't want to just carry this apartment anymore and then I got that job and it was in Philly huge it was just kind of like all right I guess that my mind's made up the decision got made for me but you know it was fun yeah it was fun it's fun working with Shane like he's
They're all great, but I mean, Shane is really like, especially like... I'd never shot anything with him. I'm like, God damn it, he's so funny. He's a talent. The shit he's riffing, I'm like, Jesus Christ, man. Take after take and keeps changing it. It's getting funnier and funnier and funnier.
They're all great, but I mean, Shane is really like, especially like... I'd never shot anything with him. I'm like, God damn it, he's so funny. He's a talent. The shit he's riffing, I'm like, Jesus Christ, man. Take after take and keeps changing it. It's getting funnier and funnier and funnier.
They're all great, but I mean, Shane is really like, especially like... I'd never shot anything with him. I'm like, God damn it, he's so funny. He's a talent. The shit he's riffing, I'm like, Jesus Christ, man. Take after take and keeps changing it. It's getting funnier and funnier and funnier.
It was fun, man. You had some cool people on the show in season two, too. Woo! I said Thomas Hayden Church joined us. Oh, he's great. He was the fucking man. He was the man. And I was a huge... This is wild. I was a huge fan of his. There he is. You know, I love Sideways. Who doesn't love Sideways, right?
It was fun, man. You had some cool people on the show in season two, too. Woo! I said Thomas Hayden Church joined us. Oh, he's great. He was the fucking man. He was the man. And I was a huge... This is wild. I was a huge fan of his. There he is. You know, I love Sideways. Who doesn't love Sideways, right?
It was fun, man. You had some cool people on the show in season two, too. Woo! I said Thomas Hayden Church joined us. Oh, he's great. He was the fucking man. He was the man. And I was a huge... This is wild. I was a huge fan of his. There he is. You know, I love Sideways. Who doesn't love Sideways, right?
Wings. He's in one of my favorite horror movies ever. I'm a huge horror movie fan. He was in a horror movie called Demon Knight. It was a Tales from the Crypt movie. And he's in it. So we're on set. But I wasn't in scenes with him, but he was there. And I kept seeing him walking by and stuff, like as we were shooting. And I was like...
Wings. He's in one of my favorite horror movies ever. I'm a huge horror movie fan. He was in a horror movie called Demon Knight. It was a Tales from the Crypt movie. And he's in it. So we're on set. But I wasn't in scenes with him, but he was there. And I kept seeing him walking by and stuff, like as we were shooting. And I was like...
Wings. He's in one of my favorite horror movies ever. I'm a huge horror movie fan. He was in a horror movie called Demon Knight. It was a Tales from the Crypt movie. And he's in it. So we're on set. But I wasn't in scenes with him, but he was there. And I kept seeing him walking by and stuff, like as we were shooting. And I was like...
I want to fucking tell him so bad how much I love Demon Knight, but I don't want to look like a fanboy on set or whatever. Yeah, but that's a deep cut. So I'm in line for lunch. I haven't met him yet. I'm in line for lunch. There's a guy standing behind me. The guy behind me goes, what do they have up there, steak? And I turn and it's him. And I go, oh, yeah, they got steak.
I want to fucking tell him so bad how much I love Demon Knight, but I don't want to look like a fanboy on set or whatever. Yeah, but that's a deep cut. So I'm in line for lunch. I haven't met him yet. I'm in line for lunch. There's a guy standing behind me. The guy behind me goes, what do they have up there, steak? And I turn and it's him. And I go, oh, yeah, they got steak.
I want to fucking tell him so bad how much I love Demon Knight, but I don't want to look like a fanboy on set or whatever. Yeah, but that's a deep cut. So I'm in line for lunch. I haven't met him yet. I'm in line for lunch. There's a guy standing behind me. The guy behind me goes, what do they have up there, steak? And I turn and it's him. And I go, oh, yeah, they got steak.
And I go, hey, man, I'm Joe. Really nice to meet you. And he goes, yeah, man, I know who you are. I listen to The Bonfire. He's like, I love you guys. And I was like, whoa.
And I go, hey, man, I'm Joe. Really nice to meet you. And he goes, yeah, man, I know who you are. I listen to The Bonfire. He's like, I love you guys. And I was like, whoa.
And I go, hey, man, I'm Joe. Really nice to meet you. And he goes, yeah, man, I know who you are. I listen to The Bonfire. He's like, I love you guys. And I was like, whoa.
And he's like, I love The Bonfire. Yeah, you guys are great, man. And he's like, I really want to come to the Wells Fargo show. Shane did. I'm really bummed I missed you guys. And I was like... And so then we start talking, and he's like mid-sentence five minutes later, and I go, I'm sorry, I gotta cut you off. It's blowing my fucking mind right now that you know who the fuck I am.
And he's like, I love The Bonfire. Yeah, you guys are great, man. And he's like, I really want to come to the Wells Fargo show. Shane did. I'm really bummed I missed you guys. And I was like... And so then we start talking, and he's like mid-sentence five minutes later, and I go, I'm sorry, I gotta cut you off. It's blowing my fucking mind right now that you know who the fuck I am.
And he's like, I love The Bonfire. Yeah, you guys are great, man. And he's like, I really want to come to the Wells Fargo show. Shane did. I'm really bummed I missed you guys. And I was like... And so then we start talking, and he's like mid-sentence five minutes later, and I go, I'm sorry, I gotta cut you off. It's blowing my fucking mind right now that you know who the fuck I am.
Because all I wanted to do all day was tell you how much I love Demon Knight. Yeah. And he goes, ah, you're the one. I wish there was a million more of you motherfuckers. There you go. This guy's awesome, man. I can't believe anyone listened to Bonfire. It's a horror movie. Sorry. A horror movie about, wait, what'd you say?
Because all I wanted to do all day was tell you how much I love Demon Knight. Yeah. And he goes, ah, you're the one. I wish there was a million more of you motherfuckers. There you go. This guy's awesome, man. I can't believe anyone listened to Bonfire. It's a horror movie. Sorry. A horror movie about, wait, what'd you say?
Because all I wanted to do all day was tell you how much I love Demon Knight. Yeah. And he goes, ah, you're the one. I wish there was a million more of you motherfuckers. There you go. This guy's awesome, man. I can't believe anyone listened to Bonfire. It's a horror movie. Sorry. A horror movie about, wait, what'd you say?
By the way, he said the full title. He goes, I listened to the bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly. He said the whole title. I got out of the stoner years. Demon Knight, it's a horror movie about this guy is a demon. And this event happens every X amount of years where if he does all the right stuff and they don't stop him, demons will take over the earth and blah, blah, blah, blah.
By the way, he said the full title. He goes, I listened to the bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly. He said the whole title. I got out of the stoner years. Demon Knight, it's a horror movie about this guy is a demon. And this event happens every X amount of years where if he does all the right stuff and they don't stop him, demons will take over the earth and blah, blah, blah, blah.
By the way, he said the full title. He goes, I listened to the bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly. He said the whole title. I got out of the stoner years. Demon Knight, it's a horror movie about this guy is a demon. And this event happens every X amount of years where if he does all the right stuff and they don't stop him, demons will take over the earth and blah, blah, blah, blah.
So it's about the people that are in the house trying to fight him and prevent it from happening. And, you know, it's fun. It's super fun.
So it's about the people that are in the house trying to fight him and prevent it from happening. And, you know, it's fun. It's super fun.
So it's about the people that are in the house trying to fight him and prevent it from happening. And, you know, it's fun. It's super fun.
It was still, I mean this in a good way, it still felt like an indie movie. Okay, good. It was still loose. It wasn't insane. But yeah, no, but full craft services and stuff. And there was these two ladies every day. And me and Stav and Shane would laugh about it every day because they'd come around with this cart in between meals in case you were hungry in between. Oh, yeah.
It was still, I mean this in a good way, it still felt like an indie movie. Okay, good. It was still loose. It wasn't insane. But yeah, no, but full craft services and stuff. And there was these two ladies every day. And me and Stav and Shane would laugh about it every day because they'd come around with this cart in between meals in case you were hungry in between. Oh, yeah.
It was still, I mean this in a good way, it still felt like an indie movie. Okay, good. It was still loose. It wasn't insane. But yeah, no, but full craft services and stuff. And there was these two ladies every day. And me and Stav and Shane would laugh about it every day because they'd come around with this cart in between meals in case you were hungry in between. Oh, yeah.
And me and Stav were always like, get that fucking cart away from me right now. Because it was never, it was always like, hey guys, we've got cheese steaks. Hey guys, anybody want an Italian hoagie? Please, lady, I'm trying to live somewhat decently. Oh, by the Rizzler? Take it easy. She came around one day with Chick-fil-A. She had mountains of Chick-fil-A. It was insane. Wow. They were awesome.
And me and Stav were always like, get that fucking cart away from me right now. Because it was never, it was always like, hey guys, we've got cheese steaks. Hey guys, anybody want an Italian hoagie? Please, lady, I'm trying to live somewhat decently. Oh, by the Rizzler? Take it easy. She came around one day with Chick-fil-A. She had mountains of Chick-fil-A. It was insane. Wow. They were awesome.
And me and Stav were always like, get that fucking cart away from me right now. Because it was never, it was always like, hey guys, we've got cheese steaks. Hey guys, anybody want an Italian hoagie? Please, lady, I'm trying to live somewhat decently. Oh, by the Rizzler? Take it easy. She came around one day with Chick-fil-A. She had mountains of Chick-fil-A. It was insane. Wow. They were awesome.
Well, I wouldn't say the cast of Tires is hot guys. Wow, that's true. That's true. They look like guys who eat cheesesteaks.
Well, I wouldn't say the cast of Tires is hot guys. Wow, that's true. That's true. They look like guys who eat cheesesteaks.
Well, I wouldn't say the cast of Tires is hot guys. Wow, that's true. That's true. They look like guys who eat cheesesteaks.
Do they have this guy going around with the cheesesteak? I think on those sets it's way more like somebody's coming around with like, we made guacamole. And salad. Yeah, whatever, right? Got it, got it. Okay.
Do they have this guy going around with the cheesesteak? I think on those sets it's way more like somebody's coming around with like, we made guacamole. And salad. Yeah, whatever, right? Got it, got it. Okay.
Do they have this guy going around with the cheesesteak? I think on those sets it's way more like somebody's coming around with like, we made guacamole. And salad. Yeah, whatever, right? Got it, got it. Okay.
I remember I did Louie, and Louie, there was a guy, because this was shot a lot like Louie's. Louie's the same thing. It was very like, it felt like an indie movie. Yeah.
I remember I did Louie, and Louie, there was a guy, because this was shot a lot like Louie's. Louie's the same thing. It was very like, it felt like an indie movie. Yeah.
I remember I did Louie, and Louie, there was a guy, because this was shot a lot like Louie's. Louie's the same thing. It was very like, it felt like an indie movie. Yeah.
That was fun, yeah. That was hilarious. Thanks, man. That was fun.
That was fun, yeah. That was hilarious. Thanks, man. That was fun.
That was fun, yeah. That was hilarious. Thanks, man. That was fun.
The line, my favorite line didn't make it into the show because I couldn't get through it without laughing because he was like feeding me lines to say. And he goes, Joe, I want you to say he literally just was like he threw the camera on me. And immediately he goes, Joe, I want you to say, do they validate parking? Because the fat cunt out front says they don't. And I couldn't. It was too much.
The line, my favorite line didn't make it into the show because I couldn't get through it without laughing because he was like feeding me lines to say. And he goes, Joe, I want you to say he literally just was like he threw the camera on me. And immediately he goes, Joe, I want you to say, do they validate parking? Because the fat cunt out front says they don't. And I couldn't. It was too much.
The line, my favorite line didn't make it into the show because I couldn't get through it without laughing because he was like feeding me lines to say. And he goes, Joe, I want you to say he literally just was like he threw the camera on me. And immediately he goes, Joe, I want you to say, do they validate parking? Because the fat cunt out front says they don't. And I couldn't. It was too much.
He fed it to me. And I was like, I was laughing so hard. That's a great. It was fun. Yeah. The fat cunt. He's another guy who can just riff gold. Oh, yeah. He had a lady walk. Oh, that's what I was going to say. He had a lady walking around with a tray and it just had a bowl of guacamole and chips. Like, you just walk up to this lady holding the tray and eat guacamole.
He fed it to me. And I was like, I was laughing so hard. That's a great. It was fun. Yeah. The fat cunt. He's another guy who can just riff gold. Oh, yeah. He had a lady walk. Oh, that's what I was going to say. He had a lady walking around with a tray and it just had a bowl of guacamole and chips. Like, you just walk up to this lady holding the tray and eat guacamole.
He fed it to me. And I was like, I was laughing so hard. That's a great. It was fun. Yeah. The fat cunt. He's another guy who can just riff gold. Oh, yeah. He had a lady walk. Oh, that's what I was going to say. He had a lady walking around with a tray and it just had a bowl of guacamole and chips. Like, you just walk up to this lady holding the tray and eat guacamole.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, you know, I'm hanging on somehow. Yeah, you can act, too. You're a good actor. Yeah, well, thank you. Well, I mean, I'd like to get a real acting job. Oh, you would? I'd like to get something where there's consistency. The one thing I got ever where I was going to really be on the show, like almost every episode, was this multicam called Living Biblically. Hmm.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, you know, I'm hanging on somehow. Yeah, you can act, too. You're a good actor. Yeah, well, thank you. Well, I mean, I'd like to get a real acting job. Oh, you would? I'd like to get something where there's consistency. The one thing I got ever where I was going to really be on the show, like almost every episode, was this multicam called Living Biblically. Hmm.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, you know, I'm hanging on somehow. Yeah, you can act, too. You're a good actor. Yeah, well, thank you. Well, I mean, I'd like to get a real acting job. Oh, you would? I'd like to get something where there's consistency. The one thing I got ever where I was going to really be on the show, like almost every episode, was this multicam called Living Biblically. Hmm.
And I played the like office lech, like the what's that word? You know, I was like the horny guy. The creep. Yeah. The Lothario. That's the one. I played the office Lothario. Oh, wow. And I was kind of the heel to Jay, the main character, who was a guy that was trying to live his life by the Bible. And anyway, I got we were it was at CBS and Is that Tony Rock? Yeah, Tony Rock was in it.
And I played the like office lech, like the what's that word? You know, I was like the horny guy. The creep. Yeah. The Lothario. That's the one. I played the office Lothario. Oh, wow. And I was kind of the heel to Jay, the main character, who was a guy that was trying to live his life by the Bible. And anyway, I got we were it was at CBS and Is that Tony Rock? Yeah, Tony Rock was in it.
And I played the like office lech, like the what's that word? You know, I was like the horny guy. The creep. Yeah. The Lothario. That's the one. I played the office Lothario. Oh, wow. And I was kind of the heel to Jay, the main character, who was a guy that was trying to live his life by the Bible. And anyway, I got we were it was at CBS and Is that Tony Rock? Yeah, Tony Rock was in it.
Dave Krumholtz. It was fun. My friend Pat Walsh created it and he's my podcast partner. The bald guy's in Frasier. Yeah. Anyway. There were these female executives at CBS, and they never once would smile at me. They were never nice to me. I couldn't figure it out. Andy Ackerman, who directed it... From Seinfeld. Yeah, would tell me... He's like the Scorsese of sitcoms.
Dave Krumholtz. It was fun. My friend Pat Walsh created it and he's my podcast partner. The bald guy's in Frasier. Yeah. Anyway. There were these female executives at CBS, and they never once would smile at me. They were never nice to me. I couldn't figure it out. Andy Ackerman, who directed it... From Seinfeld. Yeah, would tell me... He's like the Scorsese of sitcoms.
Dave Krumholtz. It was fun. My friend Pat Walsh created it and he's my podcast partner. The bald guy's in Frasier. Yeah. Anyway. There were these female executives at CBS, and they never once would smile at me. They were never nice to me. I couldn't figure it out. Andy Ackerman, who directed it... From Seinfeld. Yeah, would tell me... He's like the Scorsese of sitcoms.
He directed, like, Cheers, Frasier, so it's nuts. Anyway... He would tell me, he'd be like, yeah, we just had a meeting with the network. I'm like, they fucking hate your character. They said you're not likable. And he said to them one day, he goes, oh, he's not likable? Then I guess we did our fucking job. He's not supposed to be likable. He's the bad guy. He's the heel.
He directed, like, Cheers, Frasier, so it's nuts. Anyway... He would tell me, he'd be like, yeah, we just had a meeting with the network. I'm like, they fucking hate your character. They said you're not likable. And he said to them one day, he goes, oh, he's not likable? Then I guess we did our fucking job. He's not supposed to be likable. He's the bad guy. He's the heel.
He directed, like, Cheers, Frasier, so it's nuts. Anyway... He would tell me, he'd be like, yeah, we just had a meeting with the network. I'm like, they fucking hate your character. They said you're not likable. And he said to them one day, he goes, oh, he's not likable? Then I guess we did our fucking job. He's not supposed to be likable. He's the bad guy. He's the heel.
And they were just hammering, hammering, hammering, whatever. And then we shot the pilot. It went great. I was a huge part of the pilot. The story revolved around my character. And then they cut the character two weeks before it went to series. You're playing a douche. Well, I couldn't figure it out. And then guess what? Me Too happened. Ah. Les Moonves, head of CBS comedy, went down hard.
And they were just hammering, hammering, hammering, whatever. And then we shot the pilot. It went great. I was a huge part of the pilot. The story revolved around my character. And then they cut the character two weeks before it went to series. You're playing a douche. Well, I couldn't figure it out. And then guess what? Me Too happened. Ah. Les Moonves, head of CBS comedy, went down hard.
And they were just hammering, hammering, hammering, whatever. And then we shot the pilot. It went great. I was a huge part of the pilot. The story revolved around my character. And then they cut the character two weeks before it went to series. You're playing a douche. Well, I couldn't figure it out. And then guess what? Me Too happened. Ah. Les Moonves, head of CBS comedy, went down hard.
And I was like, that's why they hated this character. Wow.
And I was like, that's why they hated this character. Wow.
And I was like, that's why they hated this character. Wow.
You couldn't play a bad dude.
You couldn't play a bad dude.
You couldn't play a bad dude.
I know. But you're not raping. No, no, but I think they were like, this is a little, we don't like this. On the nose? Yeah. A little on the nose. Damn. Like out of resentment towards Moonves.
I know. But you're not raping. No, no, but I think they were like, this is a little, we don't like this. On the nose? Yeah. A little on the nose. Damn. Like out of resentment towards Moonves.
I know. But you're not raping. No, no, but I think they were like, this is a little, we don't like this. On the nose? Yeah. A little on the nose. Damn. Like out of resentment towards Moonves.
Theoretically. I mean, I never got that explanation. That's my theory.
Theoretically. I mean, I never got that explanation. That's my theory.
Theoretically. I mean, I never got that explanation. That's my theory.
It's wild, dude, because you forget. Keep going. Keep doing it. Have fun. Enjoy yourself. All right. I'm having a good time. No, you forget. It was right before Me Too. And now when I look back at the show, I'm like, you would never write a character like this on a show. No. Ever.
It's wild, dude, because you forget. Keep going. Keep doing it. Have fun. Enjoy yourself. All right. I'm having a good time. No, you forget. It was right before Me Too. And now when I look back at the show, I'm like, you would never write a character like this on a show. No. Ever.
It's wild, dude, because you forget. Keep going. Keep doing it. Have fun. Enjoy yourself. All right. I'm having a good time. No, you forget. It was right before Me Too. And now when I look back at the show, I'm like, you would never write a character like this on a show. No. Ever.
You'd never be like, let's have a guy that constantly cheats on his wife and brags about it and describes the sex on a multicam sitcom. You'd be like, what are you nuts? They won't let that go on. Yeah. And it's like it changed so drastically.
You'd never be like, let's have a guy that constantly cheats on his wife and brags about it and describes the sex on a multicam sitcom. You'd be like, what are you nuts? They won't let that go on. Yeah. And it's like it changed so drastically.
You'd never be like, let's have a guy that constantly cheats on his wife and brags about it and describes the sex on a multicam sitcom. You'd be like, what are you nuts? They won't let that go on. Yeah. And it's like it changed so drastically.
Well, on the new season of Frasier, like the reboot. Yeah. He goes back. There's an episode where he goes back to Seattle and goes back to the radio station and Bulldog is there. Bulldog was the character that would like slap chicks on the ass. It was wild. Again, you couldn't do it today. But they had the greatest style for it. Bulldog goes, Doc, guess what? I'm gay. Ah, that is a good solve.
Well, on the new season of Frasier, like the reboot. Yeah. He goes back. There's an episode where he goes back to Seattle and goes back to the radio station and Bulldog is there. Bulldog was the character that would like slap chicks on the ass. It was wild. Again, you couldn't do it today. But they had the greatest style for it. Bulldog goes, Doc, guess what? I'm gay. Ah, that is a good solve.
Well, on the new season of Frasier, like the reboot. Yeah. He goes back. There's an episode where he goes back to Seattle and goes back to the radio station and Bulldog is there. Bulldog was the character that would like slap chicks on the ass. It was wild. Again, you couldn't do it today. But they had the greatest style for it. Bulldog goes, Doc, guess what? I'm gay. Ah, that is a good solve.
Yeah, and Frazier goes, that's amazing, Bulldog. So all of that horrible behavior that you subjected those poor women to was just you repressing who you really were. And he goes, no, no, I still do it. I just do it to dudes now. I was like, that's a perfect solve. Beautiful out. Yeah, don't rewrite the character. Don't make him have a moment where he's like, I've learned. Yeah. Just like, no.
Yeah, and Frazier goes, that's amazing, Bulldog. So all of that horrible behavior that you subjected those poor women to was just you repressing who you really were. And he goes, no, no, I still do it. I just do it to dudes now. I was like, that's a perfect solve. Beautiful out. Yeah, don't rewrite the character. Don't make him have a moment where he's like, I've learned. Yeah. Just like, no.
Yeah, and Frazier goes, that's amazing, Bulldog. So all of that horrible behavior that you subjected those poor women to was just you repressing who you really were. And he goes, no, no, I still do it. I just do it to dudes now. I was like, that's a perfect solve. Beautiful out. Yeah, don't rewrite the character. Don't make him have a moment where he's like, I've learned. Yeah. Just like, no.
Just make him a piece of shit in a different way.
Just make him a piece of shit in a different way.
Just make him a piece of shit in a different way.
He tried to be like, yeah, I had a hard time dealing with being gay, so I had to tackle a 14-year-old. Yeah, the Rizzler. Pecker, whatever he did.
He tried to be like, yeah, I had a hard time dealing with being gay, so I had to tackle a 14-year-old. Yeah, the Rizzler. Pecker, whatever he did.
He tried to be like, yeah, I had a hard time dealing with being gay, so I had to tackle a 14-year-old. Yeah, the Rizzler. Pecker, whatever he did.
Well, gay people came out when Kevin Spacey did that. They were like, fuck you. Oh, wow. This isn't like your scapegoat, you know?
Well, gay people came out when Kevin Spacey did that. They were like, fuck you. Oh, wow. This isn't like your scapegoat, you know?
Well, gay people came out when Kevin Spacey did that. They were like, fuck you. Oh, wow. This isn't like your scapegoat, you know?
You'll get him in two seconds. He's doing Comic-Cons now. No. What the hell? But there was pay. Well, you know, you guys could pay. Maybe you cover an Uber. We cover Ubers.
You'll get him in two seconds. He's doing Comic-Cons now. No. What the hell? But there was pay. Well, you know, you guys could pay. Maybe you cover an Uber. We cover Ubers.
You'll get him in two seconds. He's doing Comic-Cons now. No. What the hell? But there was pay. Well, you know, you guys could pay. Maybe you cover an Uber. We cover Ubers.
And a regular. $40 in each direction to get to this fucking thing. We got you. Christ almighty. That's true. You hate to have to ask. You just offer. He offers. He offers. Do you not offer? Where are you going after? We'll give you a ride. I'm busting balls, Scott. Okay. I'm just joking with you. I will take the Ubers. Oh. But I'm busting balls. No, do you know how many podcasts? It's wild.
And a regular. $40 in each direction to get to this fucking thing. We got you. Christ almighty. That's true. You hate to have to ask. You just offer. He offers. He offers. Do you not offer? Where are you going after? We'll give you a ride. I'm busting balls, Scott. Okay. I'm just joking with you. I will take the Ubers. Oh. But I'm busting balls. No, do you know how many podcasts? It's wild.
And a regular. $40 in each direction to get to this fucking thing. We got you. Christ almighty. That's true. You hate to have to ask. You just offer. He offers. He offers. Do you not offer? Where are you going after? We'll give you a ride. I'm busting balls, Scott. Okay. I'm just joking with you. I will take the Ubers. Oh. But I'm busting balls. No, do you know how many podcasts? It's wild.
I've been really thinking about this lately. That don't Uber you? That don't Uber you, don't offer. You're like, guys, I'm spending money. I know. To come do the thing. Exposure. Have somebody just be like, hey, we got you.
I've been really thinking about this lately. That don't Uber you? That don't Uber you, don't offer. You're like, guys, I'm spending money. I know. To come do the thing. Exposure. Have somebody just be like, hey, we got you.
I've been really thinking about this lately. That don't Uber you? That don't Uber you, don't offer. You're like, guys, I'm spending money. I know. To come do the thing. Exposure. Have somebody just be like, hey, we got you.
Yeah, yeah. It's the, I can't tell you.
Yeah, yeah. It's the, I can't tell you.
Yeah, yeah. It's the, I can't tell you.
He's a man of money. Of means, yeah, yeah. Remind me to tell you a story after. Ooh. Yeah. All right, all right.
He's a man of money. Of means, yeah, yeah. Remind me to tell you a story after. Ooh. Yeah. All right, all right.
He's a man of money. Of means, yeah, yeah. Remind me to tell you a story after. Ooh. Yeah. All right, all right.
But also, too. It's so passive-aggressive. It's so dismissive. It's very dismissive. How condescending is that? Condescending is that. It's like, I'm going to turn your grievance into me being the bigger person and wishing you a spiritual whatever the fuck. Exactly.
But also, too. It's so passive-aggressive. It's so dismissive. It's very dismissive. How condescending is that? Condescending is that. It's like, I'm going to turn your grievance into me being the bigger person and wishing you a spiritual whatever the fuck. Exactly.
But also, too. It's so passive-aggressive. It's so dismissive. It's very dismissive. How condescending is that? Condescending is that. It's like, I'm going to turn your grievance into me being the bigger person and wishing you a spiritual whatever the fuck. Exactly.
It's a real... I've been really obsessed with... That's a good out. Praise Allah. Part of my faith.
It's a real... I've been really obsessed with... That's a good out. Praise Allah. Part of my faith.
It's a real... I've been really obsessed with... That's a good out. Praise Allah. Part of my faith.
No, I've just been really hung up on this thing lately about like how it's just such a take it or leave it culture anymore.
No, I've just been really hung up on this thing lately about like how it's just such a take it or leave it culture anymore.
No, I've just been really hung up on this thing lately about like how it's just such a take it or leave it culture anymore.
I apologize. I didn't react stronger to that. But I was honestly, as you were telling the story, thinking about how bad I felt for both of you that I'm the only person that showed up today. Like, this is a real. Yeah. What the hell are you? Didn't we have another guest?
I apologize. I didn't react stronger to that. But I was honestly, as you were telling the story, thinking about how bad I felt for both of you that I'm the only person that showed up today. Like, this is a real. Yeah. What the hell are you? Didn't we have another guest?
I apologize. I didn't react stronger to that. But I was honestly, as you were telling the story, thinking about how bad I felt for both of you that I'm the only person that showed up today. Like, this is a real. Yeah. What the hell are you? Didn't we have another guest?
Yeah, yeah. No, I'm happy to be here, and I'm happy that you're happy I'm here. We are happy.
Yeah, yeah. No, I'm happy to be here, and I'm happy that you're happy I'm here. We are happy.
Yeah, yeah. No, I'm happy to be here, and I'm happy that you're happy I'm here. We are happy.
Sorry goes a long way. It's ridiculous. I bought these shirts from a... It's not real vintage, but it was a thing I saw on Instagram where the shop made convincingly looking vintage shirts or whatever. They were new shirts, but they weathered them. They aged them. They were faded. They looked great. So I ordered three of them. They also said they were true to size. So there are three larges.
Sorry goes a long way. It's ridiculous. I bought these shirts from a... It's not real vintage, but it was a thing I saw on Instagram where the shop made convincingly looking vintage shirts or whatever. They were new shirts, but they weathered them. They aged them. They were faded. They looked great. So I ordered three of them. They also said they were true to size. So there are three larges.
Sorry goes a long way. It's ridiculous. I bought these shirts from a... It's not real vintage, but it was a thing I saw on Instagram where the shop made convincingly looking vintage shirts or whatever. They were new shirts, but they weathered them. They aged them. They were faded. They looked great. So I ordered three of them. They also said they were true to size. So there are three larges.
They show up. The largest fit like literally like double XLs.
They show up. The largest fit like literally like double XLs.
They show up. The largest fit like literally like double XLs.
They're on the cheapest fucking solid black T-shirts. You can imagine. It's just this shit weather design printed. Like, I got this at fucking Old Navy. And this looks more convincingly.
They're on the cheapest fucking solid black T-shirts. You can imagine. It's just this shit weather design printed. Like, I got this at fucking Old Navy. And this looks more convincingly.
They're on the cheapest fucking solid black T-shirts. You can imagine. It's just this shit weather design printed. Like, I got this at fucking Old Navy. And this looks more convincingly.
Yeah, isn't that crazy? That's wild. Isn't that crazy? Kind of ruins the brand. Yeah, the band that has a song where he goes, I got something to say, I killed your baby today.
Yeah, isn't that crazy? That's wild. Isn't that crazy? Kind of ruins the brand. Yeah, the band that has a song where he goes, I got something to say, I killed your baby today.
Yeah, isn't that crazy? That's wild. Isn't that crazy? Kind of ruins the brand. Yeah, the band that has a song where he goes, I got something to say, I killed your baby today.
Yeah, there's a t-shirt at Old Navy right now. I raped your mother. Yeah, anyway. That's wild. So I write to them and I go, guys... The shirts are completely misrepresented on your website. They do not look like you made them look. These are bad designs printed on cheap t-shirts. I want a refund. Three different people. I had to write three times. Three different fucking people.
Yeah, there's a t-shirt at Old Navy right now. I raped your mother. Yeah, anyway. That's wild. So I write to them and I go, guys... The shirts are completely misrepresented on your website. They do not look like you made them look. These are bad designs printed on cheap t-shirts. I want a refund. Three different people. I had to write three times. Three different fucking people.
Yeah, there's a t-shirt at Old Navy right now. I raped your mother. Yeah, anyway. That's wild. So I write to them and I go, guys... The shirts are completely misrepresented on your website. They do not look like you made them look. These are bad designs printed on cheap t-shirts. I want a refund. Three different people. I had to write three times. Three different fucking people.
It's actually kind of like the thing with the insurance guy. Deny whatever the fuck. Dismiss. DeRosa in an oversized hoodie. Yeah, yeah. Dude, they kept writing me. They'd be like, we're sorry you're not happy with the product. Keep in mind, these are made to order, so the weathering will look different on every... And I go, there was no weather... You didn't age these. Yeah.
It's actually kind of like the thing with the insurance guy. Deny whatever the fuck. Dismiss. DeRosa in an oversized hoodie. Yeah, yeah. Dude, they kept writing me. They'd be like, we're sorry you're not happy with the product. Keep in mind, these are made to order, so the weathering will look different on every... And I go, there was no weather... You didn't age these. Yeah.
It's actually kind of like the thing with the insurance guy. Deny whatever the fuck. Dismiss. DeRosa in an oversized hoodie. Yeah, yeah. Dude, they kept writing me. They'd be like, we're sorry you're not happy with the product. Keep in mind, these are made to order, so the weathering will look different on every... And I go, there was no weather... You didn't age these. Yeah.
You sold the thing that you're... You promised the thing that you're not selling. Well, keep in mind that it was three fucking people, and they kept saying, like, thanks for your understanding. We're happy to give you a full credit, and you keep the shirts. I go, I don't want a credit for more shit I didn't want to begin with. Give me a goddamn refund.
You sold the thing that you're... You promised the thing that you're not selling. Well, keep in mind that it was three fucking people, and they kept saying, like, thanks for your understanding. We're happy to give you a full credit, and you keep the shirts. I go, I don't want a credit for more shit I didn't want to begin with. Give me a goddamn refund.
You sold the thing that you're... You promised the thing that you're not selling. Well, keep in mind that it was three fucking people, and they kept saying, like, thanks for your understanding. We're happy to give you a full credit, and you keep the shirts. I go, I don't want a credit for more shit I didn't want to begin with. Give me a goddamn refund.
And then finally, on the fourth fucking email, they were like, you can have a refund, but you have to cover the shipping costs to send it back.
And then finally, on the fourth fucking email, they were like, you can have a refund, but you have to cover the shipping costs to send it back.
And then finally, on the fourth fucking email, they were like, you can have a refund, but you have to cover the shipping costs to send it back.
So guess what? I'll never do that. I'll never take the goddamn shirts. You just wanted them to be like, we fucked up. I wanted them to be like, here's a refund. Keep the shirts. Don't worry about it. Sorry about that. You know, never wear these. Never.
So guess what? I'll never do that. I'll never take the goddamn shirts. You just wanted them to be like, we fucked up. I wanted them to be like, here's a refund. Keep the shirts. Don't worry about it. Sorry about that. You know, never wear these. Never.
So guess what? I'll never do that. I'll never take the goddamn shirts. You just wanted them to be like, we fucked up. I wanted them to be like, here's a refund. Keep the shirts. Don't worry about it. Sorry about that. You know, never wear these. Never.
Yeah. So, uh, yeah. Uh, anyway, it's not a great story, but the point is, is this is where we're at people. It's relatable. This is the country we're living in.
Yeah. So, uh, yeah. Uh, anyway, it's not a great story, but the point is, is this is where we're at people. It's relatable. This is the country we're living in.
Yeah. So, uh, yeah. Uh, anyway, it's not a great story, but the point is, is this is where we're at people. It's relatable. This is the country we're living in.
Well, it's funny because I DM them also. And two of the emails, one of the emails I got was identical text to the... There you go. So they clearly had a form response. And I was... My friend used to work... No, it was at a bank. It was a bank. He said they were instructed because they keep a file open and they make notes about your calls to complain about shit.
Well, it's funny because I DM them also. And two of the emails, one of the emails I got was identical text to the... There you go. So they clearly had a form response. And I was... My friend used to work... No, it was at a bank. It was a bank. He said they were instructed because they keep a file open and they make notes about your calls to complain about shit.
Well, it's funny because I DM them also. And two of the emails, one of the emails I got was identical text to the... There you go. So they clearly had a form response. And I was... My friend used to work... No, it was at a bank. It was a bank. He said they were instructed because they keep a file open and they make notes about your calls to complain about shit.
And he was like, until it says they've called three times, do not give them. He goes, because if they really want it and they're telling the truth, they will call three times. Right.
And he was like, until it says they've called three times, do not give them. He goes, because if they really want it and they're telling the truth, they will call three times. Right.
And he was like, until it says they've called three times, do not give them. He goes, because if they really want it and they're telling the truth, they will call three times. Right.
I talked to them on the phone once because they called me. Whoa. Because I had a crazy driver that said I punched him.
I talked to them on the phone once because they called me. Whoa. Because I had a crazy driver that said I punched him.
I talked to them on the phone once because they called me. Whoa. Because I had a crazy driver that said I punched him.
And I was like, guys, there were two other people in the car.
And I was like, guys, there were two other people in the car.
And I was like, guys, there were two other people in the car.
I think he is gay. Oh, he is? I thought they confirmed that he was gay.
I think he is gay. Oh, he is? I thought they confirmed that he was gay.
I think he is gay. Oh, he is? I thought they confirmed that he was gay.
Oh, yeah. I would love that.
Oh, yeah. I would love that.
Oh, yeah. I would love that.
He's got the most Italian name I've ever heard. Oh, my God. By the way, I've never... I'm not exaggerating. I have never, ever in life heard of anybody named Luigi. I haven't either. Except for Super Mario Brothers. Same. I have never encountered an actual Luigi ever, Matt. Yeah. Or heard of a guy whose name was Luigi.
He's got the most Italian name I've ever heard. Oh, my God. By the way, I've never... I'm not exaggerating. I have never, ever in life heard of anybody named Luigi. I haven't either. Except for Super Mario Brothers. Same. I have never encountered an actual Luigi ever, Matt. Yeah. Or heard of a guy whose name was Luigi.
He's got the most Italian name I've ever heard. Oh, my God. By the way, I've never... I'm not exaggerating. I have never, ever in life heard of anybody named Luigi. I haven't either. Except for Super Mario Brothers. Same. I have never encountered an actual Luigi ever, Matt. Yeah. Or heard of a guy whose name was Luigi.
That's very good. See, sometimes you come out with a good one.
That's very good. See, sometimes you come out with a good one.
That's very good. See, sometimes you come out with a good one.
Tell me some of the jelly roll jokes that bombed. Oh. I mean, you had to hit them with a couple fat jokes, right?
Tell me some of the jelly roll jokes that bombed. Oh. I mean, you had to hit them with a couple fat jokes, right?
Tell me some of the jelly roll jokes that bombed. Oh. I mean, you had to hit them with a couple fat jokes, right?
He just fucking posted, I guess he was with some friends of his that were Democrats or something. And they were all hanging out at his bar or whatever. And he goes, this is what it looks like, all caps, when reasonable Americans... that have different opinions move towards the same goal. And it's like, yeah, that's a great sentiment.
He just fucking posted, I guess he was with some friends of his that were Democrats or something. And they were all hanging out at his bar or whatever. And he goes, this is what it looks like, all caps, when reasonable Americans... that have different opinions move towards the same goal. And it's like, yeah, that's a great sentiment.
He just fucking posted, I guess he was with some friends of his that were Democrats or something. And they were all hanging out at his bar or whatever. And he goes, this is what it looks like, all caps, when reasonable Americans... that have different opinions move towards the same goal. And it's like, yeah, that's a great sentiment.
I don't want to hear from the guy that shot a case of Bud Light with a machine gun. Really? You're going to start talking to us about rational behavior right now? Go fuck yourself.
I don't want to hear from the guy that shot a case of Bud Light with a machine gun. Really? You're going to start talking to us about rational behavior right now? Go fuck yourself.
I don't want to hear from the guy that shot a case of Bud Light with a machine gun. Really? You're going to start talking to us about rational behavior right now? Go fuck yourself.
I mean, they'll be cheering, but it will be a terrible performance.
I mean, they'll be cheering, but it will be a terrible performance.
I mean, they'll be cheering, but it will be a terrible performance.
Jelly Roll is a tough guy to roast because he's so nice. He's very nice. I feel like the whole audience, if you're being like, look at this fat ass, they're like, hey, hey.
Jelly Roll is a tough guy to roast because he's so nice. He's very nice. I feel like the whole audience, if you're being like, look at this fat ass, they're like, hey, hey.
Jelly Roll is a tough guy to roast because he's so nice. He's very nice. I feel like the whole audience, if you're being like, look at this fat ass, they're like, hey, hey.
Why is that bag so big?
Why is that bag so big?
Why is that bag so big?
Shout out to the CEO.
Shout out to the CEO.
Shout out to the CEO.
It is disgusting. Pumps and punchlines. God, you women are so stupid. We are. We're a dumb breed.
It is disgusting. Pumps and punchlines. God, you women are so stupid. We are. We're a dumb breed.
It is disgusting. Pumps and punchlines. God, you women are so stupid. We are. We're a dumb breed.
Call it Bitches on the Rag. I'll always send Rachel, like on Instagram, I'll find shows like that where it'll be like, you know, vaginally hilarious.
Call it Bitches on the Rag. I'll always send Rachel, like on Instagram, I'll find shows like that where it'll be like, you know, vaginally hilarious.
Call it Bitches on the Rag. I'll always send Rachel, like on Instagram, I'll find shows like that where it'll be like, you know, vaginally hilarious.
I'll just send her the screenshot of the flyer and I'll be like, you are a bunch of stupid bitches. Look at this. This is heinous. It's very funny.
I'll just send her the screenshot of the flyer and I'll be like, you are a bunch of stupid bitches. Look at this. This is heinous. It's very funny.
I'll just send her the screenshot of the flyer and I'll be like, you are a bunch of stupid bitches. Look at this. This is heinous. It's very funny.
A pointless hole is pretty good. That's a keeper. That actually would be, that would actually be funny if there was an all-female show and they called it Pointless Holes to make fun of all.
A pointless hole is pretty good. That's a keeper. That actually would be, that would actually be funny if there was an all-female show and they called it Pointless Holes to make fun of all.
A pointless hole is pretty good. That's a keeper. That actually would be, that would actually be funny if there was an all-female show and they called it Pointless Holes to make fun of all.
But you gotta start your own one.
But you gotta start your own one.
But you gotta start your own one.
If you did your own produced show, you could call it Pointless Holes. It would be... Fucking hilarious. That's great. That you're making fun of these shows that are like vaginally termed or whatever.
If you did your own produced show, you could call it Pointless Holes. It would be... Fucking hilarious. That's great. That you're making fun of these shows that are like vaginally termed or whatever.
If you did your own produced show, you could call it Pointless Holes. It would be... Fucking hilarious. That's great. That you're making fun of these shows that are like vaginally termed or whatever.
Don't waste anything fancy on me. I'm going to Sparks Steakhouse for dinner with Paul Italia after this. Stop name dropping. Sparks is awesome.
Don't waste anything fancy on me. I'm going to Sparks Steakhouse for dinner with Paul Italia after this. Stop name dropping. Sparks is awesome.
Don't waste anything fancy on me. I'm going to Sparks Steakhouse for dinner with Paul Italia after this. Stop name dropping. Sparks is awesome.
We should go. Every waiter is like 90 yeah martinis. It's fucking sparks is awesome. You would love sparks I gotta go some sparks is awesome, but I'm but the reason I bring that up is because we're talking about roasts So they roasted Paul for his 50th birthday at the stand hmm, and I had a run of fat jokes about Chris and Oh, he's fat. They bombed. Really?
We should go. Every waiter is like 90 yeah martinis. It's fucking sparks is awesome. You would love sparks I gotta go some sparks is awesome, but I'm but the reason I bring that up is because we're talking about roasts So they roasted Paul for his 50th birthday at the stand hmm, and I had a run of fat jokes about Chris and Oh, he's fat. They bombed. Really?
We should go. Every waiter is like 90 yeah martinis. It's fucking sparks is awesome. You would love sparks I gotta go some sparks is awesome, but I'm but the reason I bring that up is because we're talking about roasts So they roasted Paul for his 50th birthday at the stand hmm, and I had a run of fat jokes about Chris and Oh, he's fat. They bombed. Really?
Because the friends and family were like, that's not funny. It's not like he's overweight and he shouldn't be.
Because the friends and family were like, that's not funny. It's not like he's overweight and he shouldn't be.
Because the friends and family were like, that's not funny. It's not like he's overweight and he shouldn't be.
No, this is one of the jokes. You'll like this joke. This is one of the jokes. Paul's a brother, Chris. The two brothers, believe it or not, Paul's not the fat one. That's a funny joke. That's fun. Is it not? Bombed.
No, this is one of the jokes. You'll like this joke. This is one of the jokes. Paul's a brother, Chris. The two brothers, believe it or not, Paul's not the fat one. That's a funny joke. That's fun. Is it not? Bombed.
No, this is one of the jokes. You'll like this joke. This is one of the jokes. Paul's a brother, Chris. The two brothers, believe it or not, Paul's not the fat one. That's a funny joke. That's fun. Is it not? Bombed.
I think Chris makes a living opening doors for comedians despite the fact that he blocks any door he's standing in front of. All right, all right. That's not a bad joke, is it? Solid. I laughed. No. No, you didn't. I laughed. You shittily smirked, Sam. What's going on with you today?
I think Chris makes a living opening doors for comedians despite the fact that he blocks any door he's standing in front of. All right, all right. That's not a bad joke, is it? Solid. I laughed. No. No, you didn't. I laughed. You shittily smirked, Sam. What's going on with you today?
I think Chris makes a living opening doors for comedians despite the fact that he blocks any door he's standing in front of. All right, all right. That's not a bad joke, is it? Solid. I laughed. No. No, you didn't. I laughed. You shittily smirked, Sam. What's going on with you today?
I'm fucking sick. I'm fucking sick. Again, you hug me and I'm going to be sick. I hope you are. Right. Come on, man.
I'm fucking sick. I'm fucking sick. Again, you hug me and I'm going to be sick. I hope you are. Right. Come on, man.
I'm fucking sick. I'm fucking sick. Again, you hug me and I'm going to be sick. I hope you are. Right. Come on, man.
Fucking prostitutes. Would you stop it? And they're called sex workers now.
Fucking prostitutes. Would you stop it? And they're called sex workers now.
Fucking prostitutes. Would you stop it? And they're called sex workers now.
Wait, what's happening? Magic.
Wait, what's happening? Magic.
Wait, what's happening? Magic.
Come on, guys. Matt Peters, I'm going to say you really blew the Christmas party this year. Guys, I said I'd pay for my own overage. Don't make me sit through this right now. This guy's a pro. All right, that was very good.
Come on, guys. Matt Peters, I'm going to say you really blew the Christmas party this year. Guys, I said I'd pay for my own overage. Don't make me sit through this right now. This guy's a pro. All right, that was very good.
Come on, guys. Matt Peters, I'm going to say you really blew the Christmas party this year. Guys, I said I'd pay for my own overage. Don't make me sit through this right now. This guy's a pro. All right, that was very good.
Wait, aren't you the two people that brought the Jewish cake in?
Wait, aren't you the two people that brought the Jewish cake in?
Wait, aren't you the two people that brought the Jewish cake in?
That was different people?
That was different people?
That was different people?
Okay, that was fair.
Okay, that was fair.
Okay, that was fair.
I'll hit you this Christmas. I'm going to hit you early this Christmas.
I'll hit you this Christmas. I'm going to hit you early this Christmas.
I'll hit you this Christmas. I'm going to hit you early this Christmas.
I'm going to call you a pointless hole. Like the holes you nailed into our Savior.
I'm going to call you a pointless hole. Like the holes you nailed into our Savior.
I'm going to call you a pointless hole. Like the holes you nailed into our Savior.
That's how heinous her people are that he turned to them. He turned to them and said, I don't want to be a part of this. Self-hating.
That's how heinous her people are that he turned to them. He turned to them and said, I don't want to be a part of this. Self-hating.
That's how heinous her people are that he turned to them. He turned to them and said, I don't want to be a part of this. Self-hating.
You look fantastic. Oh, thanks.
You look fantastic. Oh, thanks.
You look fantastic. Oh, thanks.
I'm joking. You guys have a rich history of magic. Hitler made 60 disappear.
I'm joking. You guys have a rich history of magic. Hitler made 60 disappear.
I'm joking. You guys have a rich history of magic. Hitler made 60 disappear.
Did you say 60? Six.
Did you say 60? Six.
Did you say 60? Six.
Yes. I'm a parent. I feel cornered right now. Oh, yeah. It would be great if he just took a gun out of there and shot the most single guys.
Yes. I'm a parent. I feel cornered right now. Oh, yeah. It would be great if he just took a gun out of there and shot the most single guys.
Yes. I'm a parent. I feel cornered right now. Oh, yeah. It would be great if he just took a gun out of there and shot the most single guys.
I'm Arab, but I was adopted by Italians. Don't get me wrong. I come from disgusting people. Sex workers. I don't like my people any more than yours. I think it's all gross.
I'm Arab, but I was adopted by Italians. Don't get me wrong. I come from disgusting people. Sex workers. I don't like my people any more than yours. I think it's all gross.
I'm Arab, but I was adopted by Italians. Don't get me wrong. I come from disgusting people. Sex workers. I don't like my people any more than yours. I think it's all gross.
I was adopted by Italians. I can't win. Your mom. That's true. Arab. Couldn't get adopted by some fucking nice wasps with a little bit of fucking cash.
I was adopted by Italians. I can't win. Your mom. That's true. Arab. Couldn't get adopted by some fucking nice wasps with a little bit of fucking cash.
I was adopted by Italians. I can't win. Your mom. That's true. Arab. Couldn't get adopted by some fucking nice wasps with a little bit of fucking cash.
I am I find it wonders. That's great.
I am I find it wonders. That's great.
I am I find it wonders. That's great.
I can see into your box. Does that matter?
I can see into your box. Does that matter?
I can see into your box. Does that matter?
We're going to have our first lovely assistant.
We're going to have our first lovely assistant.
We're going to have our first lovely assistant.
Interesting choice. Weirdly, Rachel just got wet. You were so scared when I watered it, you chose to almost dump it all over the equipment instead of your own hat.
Interesting choice. Weirdly, Rachel just got wet. You were so scared when I watered it, you chose to almost dump it all over the equipment instead of your own hat.
Interesting choice. Weirdly, Rachel just got wet. You were so scared when I watered it, you chose to almost dump it all over the equipment instead of your own hat.
Now can you explain it to us?
Now can you explain it to us?
Now can you explain it to us?
That literally has to be magic that you just did. There's no other way that could have been anything but magic. I watched you pour the water in. The cup never left your left hand.
That literally has to be magic that you just did. There's no other way that could have been anything but magic. I watched you pour the water in. The cup never left your left hand.
That literally has to be magic that you just did. There's no other way that could have been anything but magic. I watched you pour the water in. The cup never left your left hand.
It has to be magic. Unless it's some kind of water that evaporates or something.
It has to be magic. Unless it's some kind of water that evaporates or something.
It has to be magic. Unless it's some kind of water that evaporates or something.
I mean, quickly evaporates. Did you ever see The Prestige? Yeah, great movie. Yeah, where he's like, you have to kill the bird. Like, that's the sacrifice. You want the bird disappearing trick to work? You have to kill the fucking bird.
I mean, quickly evaporates. Did you ever see The Prestige? Yeah, great movie. Yeah, where he's like, you have to kill the bird. Like, that's the sacrifice. You want the bird disappearing trick to work? You have to kill the fucking bird.
I mean, quickly evaporates. Did you ever see The Prestige? Yeah, great movie. Yeah, where he's like, you have to kill the bird. Like, that's the sacrifice. You want the bird disappearing trick to work? You have to kill the fucking bird.
Michael Caine said it in The Prestige. That guy's a dick. That's true. Best Christopher Nolan movie.
Michael Caine said it in The Prestige. That guy's a dick. That's true. Best Christopher Nolan movie.
Michael Caine said it in The Prestige. That guy's a dick. That's true. Best Christopher Nolan movie.
Oh, come on. That's easy. There's two bottles in there.
Oh, come on. That's easy. There's two bottles in there.
Oh, come on. That's easy. There's two bottles in there.
This is part of it, guys. You're saying there's two bottles. There's gonna be like no bottles in it in a second. Whoa! Oh my God, that was crazy. Wait, how did you do that? I'm not drinking this cursed beer. Whatever black magic he just soiled it with.
This is part of it, guys. You're saying there's two bottles. There's gonna be like no bottles in it in a second. Whoa! Oh my God, that was crazy. Wait, how did you do that? I'm not drinking this cursed beer. Whatever black magic he just soiled it with.
This is part of it, guys. You're saying there's two bottles. There's gonna be like no bottles in it in a second. Whoa! Oh my God, that was crazy. Wait, how did you do that? I'm not drinking this cursed beer. Whatever black magic he just soiled it with.
I'm going to be honest. I tuned out for the whole setup of that.
I'm going to be honest. I tuned out for the whole setup of that.
I'm going to be honest. I tuned out for the whole setup of that.
What is it supposed to be that's going to make us freak out? It's going to be a five. It's going to be the number he said. Really, I'm sorry.
What is it supposed to be that's going to make us freak out? It's going to be a five. It's going to be the number he said. Really, I'm sorry.
What is it supposed to be that's going to make us freak out? It's going to be a five. It's going to be the number he said. Really, I'm sorry.
Now really, really though, really go crouch like in the corners. We know that you're not crouching. Like a bad little boy. What was your name again, Miss? I'm so sorry. Gabby. Gabby, I'd like you to also turn around. Whoa. Man. I would. I have no strength, no stone unturned here. Tell somebody to crouch.
Now really, really though, really go crouch like in the corners. We know that you're not crouching. Like a bad little boy. What was your name again, Miss? I'm so sorry. Gabby. Gabby, I'd like you to also turn around. Whoa. Man. I would. I have no strength, no stone unturned here. Tell somebody to crouch.
Now really, really though, really go crouch like in the corners. We know that you're not crouching. Like a bad little boy. What was your name again, Miss? I'm so sorry. Gabby. Gabby, I'd like you to also turn around. Whoa. Man. I would. I have no strength, no stone unturned here. Tell somebody to crouch.
Place the shot glass on top. I don't trust that he's not feeding this guy.
Place the shot glass on top. I don't trust that he's not feeding this guy.
Place the shot glass on top. I don't trust that he's not feeding this guy.
No, get out of here.
No, get out of here.
No, get out of here.
I'm going to say it like this.
I'm going to say it like this.
I'm going to say it like this.
Say it one more time.
Say it one more time.
Say it one more time.
Wait, wait, go back to the corner. Stop giving him timeouts, you dick. No, I want to do this again. Hold on a second. I want to do this. Can we do it one more time? All right, let's do it one more time. Oh, jeez. What? You got to chip in for the pay. Let's have fun. You paid him by the hour?
Wait, wait, go back to the corner. Stop giving him timeouts, you dick. No, I want to do this again. Hold on a second. I want to do this. Can we do it one more time? All right, let's do it one more time. Oh, jeez. What? You got to chip in for the pay. Let's have fun. You paid him by the hour?
Wait, wait, go back to the corner. Stop giving him timeouts, you dick. No, I want to do this again. Hold on a second. I want to do this. Can we do it one more time? All right, let's do it one more time. Oh, jeez. What? You got to chip in for the pay. Let's have fun. You paid him by the hour?
Oh, shit. Jewish. All right. My cup is covered. All right. We got a covered cup. I mean, my dice is covered. Die is covered. All right.
Oh, shit. Jewish. All right. My cup is covered. All right. We got a covered cup. I mean, my dice is covered. Die is covered. All right.
Oh, shit. Jewish. All right. My cup is covered. All right. We got a covered cup. I mean, my dice is covered. Die is covered. All right.
But can I do the thing where I recite the numbers?
But can I do the thing where I recite the numbers?
But can I do the thing where I recite the numbers?
Well done. Maybe is there a better mood inside that box?
Well done. Maybe is there a better mood inside that box?
Well done. Maybe is there a better mood inside that box?
Yeah. Just open up some of my notes here.
Yeah. Just open up some of my notes here.
Yeah. Just open up some of my notes here.
This is insane what is about to happen right now.
This is insane what is about to happen right now.
This is insane what is about to happen right now.
Really? Off camera. Off camera. Yeah. I'm not trying to fuck you up. I'm really asking. Off camera. Sure. If I tell you how I think you did that trick, would you tell me if I was correct? Absolutely. Okay. All right. Can somebody just take Joe? I want magic to be real. Well, it ain't. Oh, I mean, it could be. That fucking blew our minds.
Really? Off camera. Off camera. Yeah. I'm not trying to fuck you up. I'm really asking. Off camera. Sure. If I tell you how I think you did that trick, would you tell me if I was correct? Absolutely. Okay. All right. Can somebody just take Joe? I want magic to be real. Well, it ain't. Oh, I mean, it could be. That fucking blew our minds.
Really? Off camera. Off camera. Yeah. I'm not trying to fuck you up. I'm really asking. Off camera. Sure. If I tell you how I think you did that trick, would you tell me if I was correct? Absolutely. Okay. All right. Can somebody just take Joe? I want magic to be real. Well, it ain't. Oh, I mean, it could be. That fucking blew our minds.
Because I want to know what comes after we die. I see. Yeah, and if magic is real, there's a chance something is happening.
Because I want to know what comes after we die. I see. Yeah, and if magic is real, there's a chance something is happening.
Because I want to know what comes after we die. I see. Yeah, and if magic is real, there's a chance something is happening.
I'm a great person. What happens after you die?
I'm a great person. What happens after you die?
I'm a great person. What happens after you die?
I know that chick. Yeah, that was great. Thanks, man. I appreciate it.
I know that chick. Yeah, that was great. Thanks, man. I appreciate it.
I know that chick. Yeah, that was great. Thanks, man. I appreciate it.
I will. I'm biding my time. Happy Hanukkah. Are we plugging? Yeah, plug. Plug it up. Next year... My new tour, the Joystick Tour, starts in January 2025. First cities are Toronto and San Diego. Come out. JoeDeRosa.com for tickets. And come to Joey Rosa's in New York. JoeyRosa'sNYC.com. And we have sandwiches. Bar. It's awesome. Trying to get Bodega Cat in there. Oh, yeah. What are we doing, guys?
I will. I'm biding my time. Happy Hanukkah. Are we plugging? Yeah, plug. Plug it up. Next year... My new tour, the Joystick Tour, starts in January 2025. First cities are Toronto and San Diego. Come out. JoeDeRosa.com for tickets. And come to Joey Rosa's in New York. JoeyRosa'sNYC.com. And we have sandwiches. Bar. It's awesome. Trying to get Bodega Cat in there. Oh, yeah. What are we doing, guys?
I will. I'm biding my time. Happy Hanukkah. Are we plugging? Yeah, plug. Plug it up. Next year... My new tour, the Joystick Tour, starts in January 2025. First cities are Toronto and San Diego. Come out. JoeDeRosa.com for tickets. And come to Joey Rosa's in New York. JoeyRosa'sNYC.com. And we have sandwiches. Bar. It's awesome. Trying to get Bodega Cat in there. Oh, yeah. What are we doing, guys?
So come through, please. Thank you. And yeah, and then my podcast, We'll See You in Hell, is still out there.
So come through, please. Thank you. And yeah, and then my podcast, We'll See You in Hell, is still out there.
So come through, please. Thank you. And yeah, and then my podcast, We'll See You in Hell, is still out there.
No, no. Just eating better. Good to see you, buddy. You too. Just eating better and testosterone. Oh, you're on the T? Yeah. Minimal exercise. Nice. Minimal exercise.
No, no. Just eating better. Good to see you, buddy. You too. Just eating better and testosterone. Oh, you're on the T? Yeah. Minimal exercise. Nice. Minimal exercise.
No, no. Just eating better. Good to see you, buddy. You too. Just eating better and testosterone. Oh, you're on the T? Yeah. Minimal exercise. Nice. Minimal exercise.
It's like, I can't... No, but I can't like...
It's like, I can't... No, but I can't like...
It's like, I can't... No, but I can't like...
So you did Jelly Rolls?
So you did Jelly Rolls?
So you did Jelly Rolls?
Did anybody else struggle?
Did anybody else struggle?
Did anybody else struggle?
Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. So it wasn't like it was you.
Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. So it wasn't like it was you.
Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. So it wasn't like it was you.
No, I'm going to make it... No, no, no. Because if I say what I'm going to say, I'm going to start giving clues away.
No, I'm going to make it... No, no, no. Because if I say what I'm going to say, I'm going to start giving clues away.
No, I'm going to make it... No, no, no. Because if I say what I'm going to say, I'm going to start giving clues away.
Go ahead. Go ahead. Yeah, yeah. Go ahead.
Go ahead. Go ahead. Yeah, yeah. Go ahead.
Go ahead. Go ahead. Yeah, yeah. Go ahead.
Funny dude. Cool dude. And when he first came out, he looked like... He looked like a fucking hippie. Oh, yeah. He had, like, long hair and he would wear, like, bell bottoms and shit.
Funny dude. Cool dude. And when he first came out, he looked like... He looked like a fucking hippie. Oh, yeah. He had, like, long hair and he would wear, like, bell bottoms and shit.
Funny dude. Cool dude. And when he first came out, he looked like... He looked like a fucking hippie. Oh, yeah. He had, like, long hair and he would wear, like, bell bottoms and shit.
That's a great angle.
That's a great angle.
That's a great angle.
Yeah. Yeah, he's really funny. He did, um... Oh, it was on Fully Loaded. I was there when you guys weren't there, but the week I was on, Chris came and did one of the shows, and he, like, leveled. Oh, yeah. Jesus Christ, man. He's a pro. Yeah, he's awesome.
Yeah. Yeah, he's really funny. He did, um... Oh, it was on Fully Loaded. I was there when you guys weren't there, but the week I was on, Chris came and did one of the shows, and he, like, leveled. Oh, yeah. Jesus Christ, man. He's a pro. Yeah, he's awesome.
Yeah. Yeah, he's really funny. He did, um... Oh, it was on Fully Loaded. I was there when you guys weren't there, but the week I was on, Chris came and did one of the shows, and he, like, leveled. Oh, yeah. Jesus Christ, man. He's a pro. Yeah, he's awesome.
That's fun. What is it? It's the roast of the year. It's just like you roast the year.
That's fun. What is it? It's the roast of the year. It's just like you roast the year.
That's fun. What is it? It's the roast of the year. It's just like you roast the year.
Okay. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Luigi. This fucking city.
Okay. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Luigi. This fucking city.
Okay. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Luigi. This fucking city.
What's up, Bodega Cats? This is former guest and former friend, let's be honest, Joe DeRosa. I'm just here to wish you congrats on 200 episodes. They might be drunk. I got to be honest, I thought it was about 478 at this point. But it's only been 200, which means there are a lot more to go. But I got to be honest, for a drinking podcast, 200 is a landmark. I don't think you are drunk.
What's up, Bodega Cats? This is former guest and former friend, let's be honest, Joe DeRosa. I'm just here to wish you congrats on 200 episodes. They might be drunk. I got to be honest, I thought it was about 478 at this point. But it's only been 200, which means there are a lot more to go. But I got to be honest, for a drinking podcast, 200 is a landmark. I don't think you are drunk.
What's up, Bodega Cats? This is former guest and former friend, let's be honest, Joe DeRosa. I'm just here to wish you congrats on 200 episodes. They might be drunk. I got to be honest, I thought it was about 478 at this point. But it's only been 200, which means there are a lot more to go. But I got to be honest, for a drinking podcast, 200 is a landmark. I don't think you are drunk.
I don't think you're drinking enough. You sound a bit too motivated. He's got a drinking podcast. You hit about 16 eps and then you say, what do you say we celebrate? We did enough. Anyway, guys, look, I've made enough ha-has here. I love you both. Congrats, Sam and Mark and the crew. Salicues and everybody else. We might be drunk. I definitely am, right?
I don't think you're drinking enough. You sound a bit too motivated. He's got a drinking podcast. You hit about 16 eps and then you say, what do you say we celebrate? We did enough. Anyway, guys, look, I've made enough ha-has here. I love you both. Congrats, Sam and Mark and the crew. Salicues and everybody else. We might be drunk. I definitely am, right?
I don't think you're drinking enough. You sound a bit too motivated. He's got a drinking podcast. You hit about 16 eps and then you say, what do you say we celebrate? We did enough. Anyway, guys, look, I've made enough ha-has here. I love you both. Congrats, Sam and Mark and the crew. Salicues and everybody else. We might be drunk. I definitely am, right?