Charlotte Cummings

And for couples, I call this the dance.

It's like we have this little, you'll start to notice this next time you're having a disagreement.

It's like you have these predictable steps between you.

You know, I do this and then you do that and then I respond with this.

And most of our fights are actually really boring as couples because they're just the same things on loop.

And then we end up with this massive emotional hangover from.

It's pretty awful.

And we can solve a lot of our relationship challenges by being aware of the feelings that we find most difficult and looking after our partner in that way.

Like if you know that your partner has a particular unbearable feeling, you're going to want to interact with them in a way that avoids provoking that.

Let's say it develops for you as a young child.

Your emotional growth and maturity kind of is stunted at that point in that space.

And you behave like that six-year-old again, like that eight-year-old.

You go right back to not having the skills to be able to deal with this feeling, which is why people then start behaving in ways that are uncharacteristic.

Are you comfortable saying you're unbearable?

Yeah, absolutely.

Absolutely.

Mine's rejection.

So I had two massive experiences of burnout really young.

Like I was in year 13, the last year of high school, covered in shingles.

I was an absolute mess.