Charlotte Cummings

Because most of the time, the fixes are quite simple, like go and make some new friends.

Well, how come that's hard?

What do you tell yourself?

What is the story that you tell yourself about that?

What is going on in your mind with that?

And how come you think those things?

That how come question is a really simple but helpful way to start finding that unbearable feeling.

I say to people, you are 50% responsible for your relationship.

It's a little bit like marital property.

When it comes to issues, it's 50-50.

There's just yours and theirs.

Like you can't be more responsible.

They're not more to blame.

Sometimes in that kind of dance of how conflict or communication issues work in a relationship, it's sometimes someone who starts it, but that part is quite irrelevant.

You're responsible for your 50% of the baggage.

And I always suggest to people, you start there and make it so inviting and motivating for your partner because they see the changes in you.

They go, oh,

What's different here?

Also, one of the things that is really powerful that we need to remember about our relationships is that when one of us changes, the relationship changes.

Because it's like picking up the goalposts and moving them automatically breaks that dance, automatically changes the dynamic between you.