Chelsea Fagan

And I know he doesn't want to be a primary parent.

So we would be one of the many couples who is constantly at each other's throats over childcare, domestic labor, all that stuff.

So exactly.

So I specifically opt out of the things that I know are going to make my marriage way worse and my life way worse, notably having children.

And then the third thing is,

I have a very clear cut system for ways in which he makes my life better, easier, richer, all of those things.

And.

I just think that a lot of people, I'm sure you've seen all the videos on, it's become its own sub genre now of like women posting their husbands being willfully incompetent, not doing shit, like making their lives harder, being an extra kid.

And the joke now is, let me guess, we don't know him.

We can't judge your relationship off a five minute video, then save it, save it.

We don't want to hear it.

But the reality of that behind all of these videos about what your husband is not doing or how he's making your life harder, etc., is that not nearly enough women actually try to make a relatively rational assessment of, like you're saying earlier, making sure the labor is equitable, having the conversations on a regular basis, etc.

to navigate what's fair, to compromise.

They are avoiding all of these conversations because ultimately, I think on some level, a lot of them know that if they were to really lay it out, it would not look good.

It would not look good for that man.

And I have always found that it is the most sort of

ardently critical of heterosexual marriage women who end up in the best marriages because they are extremely demanding that that marriage be only additive.

We had a guest on Just Getting Good who said, I want a propeller, not an anchor.