Chelsea Handler

I'll wear a mask, psycho. So we're on the plane. And I take my I have my face mask on and she's across from me, you know, in her little bed and we're like looking at each other. I get an orange juice and I love orange juice and I get an orange juice and I forget my mask is on. And I take a sip with it. And all the orange juice falls all over my shirt. And I'm wearing a white t-shirt.

I'll wear a mask, psycho. So we're on the plane. And I take my I have my face mask on and she's across from me, you know, in her little bed and we're like looking at each other. I get an orange juice and I love orange juice and I get an orange juice and I forget my mask is on. And I take a sip with it. And all the orange juice falls all over my shirt. And I'm wearing a white t-shirt.

I'll wear a mask, psycho. So we're on the plane. And I take my I have my face mask on and she's across from me, you know, in her little bed and we're like looking at each other. I get an orange juice and I love orange juice and I get an orange juice and I forget my mask is on. And I take a sip with it. And all the orange juice falls all over my shirt. And I'm wearing a white t-shirt.

I have no extra clothes. Everything has been checked. I didn't think I was going to spill like a fucking baby. And I'm like, oh, god damn it, you know? So I get up. And I go to the bathroom to start cleaning my shirt. And then I'm like, oh, let me go to the bathroom. So I sit down on the toilet. And I pull my face mask down.

I have no extra clothes. Everything has been checked. I didn't think I was going to spill like a fucking baby. And I'm like, oh, god damn it, you know? So I get up. And I go to the bathroom to start cleaning my shirt. And then I'm like, oh, let me go to the bathroom. So I sit down on the toilet. And I pull my face mask down.

I have no extra clothes. Everything has been checked. I didn't think I was going to spill like a fucking baby. And I'm like, oh, god damn it, you know? So I get up. And I go to the bathroom to start cleaning my shirt. And then I'm like, oh, let me go to the bathroom. So I sit down on the toilet. And I pull my face mask down.

somehow confusing that with my underwear and end up urinating into my underwear and I'm like are there drugs involved no nothing has happened yet nothing has happened this is like an hour into the flight I haven't even taken my Xanax and that's what those flights are for it's like I love getting on a plane ride that long in that little cubby hole taking my Xanax cozy going to bed like oh my it's like a little apartment you have you know what I mean and they take such good care of you they treat you like a baby I love that

somehow confusing that with my underwear and end up urinating into my underwear and I'm like are there drugs involved no nothing has happened yet nothing has happened this is like an hour into the flight I haven't even taken my Xanax and that's what those flights are for it's like I love getting on a plane ride that long in that little cubby hole taking my Xanax cozy going to bed like oh my it's like a little apartment you have you know what I mean and they take such good care of you they treat you like a baby I love that

somehow confusing that with my underwear and end up urinating into my underwear and I'm like are there drugs involved no nothing has happened yet nothing has happened this is like an hour into the flight I haven't even taken my Xanax and that's what those flights are for it's like I love getting on a plane ride that long in that little cubby hole taking my Xanax cozy going to bed like oh my it's like a little apartment you have you know what I mean and they take such good care of you they treat you like a baby I love that

So now I'm soaked in orange juice and urine, okay? And the flight, we have 14 hours left. So I come out of that fucking bathroom, I'm raging. I'm like, you are a fucking nightmare that you made me wear this face mask and now I'm soaked in my own urine and orange juice? So we land. Somehow we land. We get to New Zealand. And you know they're very strict in New Zealand and Australia.

So now I'm soaked in orange juice and urine, okay? And the flight, we have 14 hours left. So I come out of that fucking bathroom, I'm raging. I'm like, you are a fucking nightmare that you made me wear this face mask and now I'm soaked in my own urine and orange juice? So we land. Somehow we land. We get to New Zealand. And you know they're very strict in New Zealand and Australia.

So now I'm soaked in orange juice and urine, okay? And the flight, we have 14 hours left. So I come out of that fucking bathroom, I'm raging. I'm like, you are a fucking nightmare that you made me wear this face mask and now I'm soaked in my own urine and orange juice? So we land. Somehow we land. We get to New Zealand. And you know they're very strict in New Zealand and Australia.

They're very strict about customs, what you're bringing in. There's a whole list of things to check off. Oh, I've never been. Did you bring fruit? Did you bring vegetables? Do you have a gun? Did you bring whatever that you're not supposed to bring into their country? Do you have a dog or whatever? And my cousin, there's one says, did you bring it? Do you have any meats?

They're very strict about customs, what you're bringing in. There's a whole list of things to check off. Oh, I've never been. Did you bring fruit? Did you bring vegetables? Do you have a gun? Did you bring whatever that you're not supposed to bring into their country? Do you have a dog or whatever? And my cousin, there's one says, did you bring it? Do you have any meats?

They're very strict about customs, what you're bringing in. There's a whole list of things to check off. Oh, I've never been. Did you bring fruit? Did you bring vegetables? Do you have a gun? Did you bring whatever that you're not supposed to bring into their country? Do you have a dog or whatever? And my cousin, there's one says, did you bring it? Do you have any meats?

And my cousin goes to check off meats. And I go, what are you doing? What are you doing? And she's like, I have a beef jerky in my backpack. Oh, my fucking God. Beef jerky. I looked at her. I go, what? Rip that up and throw that. I have edibles, mushrooms, and a sheet of fucking acid on me. And you're declaring a chomp's beef stick? Are you fucking kidding me right now? Get the fuck out.

And my cousin goes to check off meats. And I go, what are you doing? What are you doing? And she's like, I have a beef jerky in my backpack. Oh, my fucking God. Beef jerky. I looked at her. I go, what? Rip that up and throw that. I have edibles, mushrooms, and a sheet of fucking acid on me. And you're declaring a chomp's beef stick? Are you fucking kidding me right now? Get the fuck out.

And my cousin goes to check off meats. And I go, what are you doing? What are you doing? And she's like, I have a beef jerky in my backpack. Oh, my fucking God. Beef jerky. I looked at her. I go, what? Rip that up and throw that. I have edibles, mushrooms, and a sheet of fucking acid on me. And you're declaring a chomp's beef stick? Are you fucking kidding me right now? Get the fuck out.

Away from me. What the fuck? I'm covered in orange juice urine and have so many drugs on me and you're sitting here talking about beef jerky. I would have tackled her to the fucking ground. I didn't talk to her for three days. We went to a winery when we landed. We went to a winery. And we didn't speak. We sat across from each other.

Away from me. What the fuck? I'm covered in orange juice urine and have so many drugs on me and you're sitting here talking about beef jerky. I would have tackled her to the fucking ground. I didn't talk to her for three days. We went to a winery when we landed. We went to a winery. And we didn't speak. We sat across from each other.