Chris Addison

Hello, Andy.

Lovely to be back with you at last.

I haven't been able to do the Bugle for a couple of years, largely because I've been hosting its sister podcast, The Broigel, the satirical podcast about 16th century Dutch peasant scenes.

Sections going to block up the dyke this week include Cone or Smurf?

How pointy is your hat?

What wagon?

Including a review of the new sporty five-spoke cartwheel from Donkervoort.

And a column by Jeremy Clarkson calling for people to protest the new three mile an hour limit on intervillage mud tracks.

And the lifestyle section, including an interview with Holland's oldest man, who tells us the secrets of living to 36.

All those sections blocking up the day.

Well, let me tell you, one of those things will be remembered by people, and it involves a dog's bottom.

Every day is a school day.

I mean, it depends what kind of school you go to, I guess.

I don't want to figure it out.

What does BM stand for?

Big movement?

I don't recall.

I think we probably called it fecal matter.

The expulsion of fecal matter.

We called it an AFM.