Chris Appleton

I don't know.

I felt like I just needed to get the fuck away from them.

Well, there was a moment that when I woke up in the hospital, it was several days and I kept hearing people in and out.

When I eventually woke up, I remember laying there and I thought to myself like,

okay i didn't die and i thought to myself you know i couldn't hate myself anymore like i think what can i do i think i couldn't hate myself anymore like i literally tried to kill myself and i didn't die and i thought well what's the opposite i could do and i thought what if i just stop and surrender and i think for the first time in my whole life i think my shoulders like went down wow there's like a physical thing where i just sat there and i was like wow i guess that was one of the moments of looking in the mirror and i just was like

What about if this is just who I am?

And I don't really know what's next, but maybe the first step is just saying, this is me, I'm Chris, and I'm gay, and I don't know what to do next, but I'm going to start here.

And that was the beginning, I think, of me living and being honest and authentic.

And, you know, it was definitely a journey, but acceptance was just...

It's like a mirror was in front of me my whole life and I kept dodging the mirror, dodging the mirror.

It's fucking exhausting.

It's not a loud moment though, is it?

It's really quiet.

It's quiet.

Yeah.

And it's like, oh.

It's so crazy.

Yeah.

A lot of times you're just fighting yourself, you know.

Oh, great.