Chris Duffy

So like certainly physical safety needs to be there from the start.

Which of the other ones grow with time and which ones are like they have to just be there from day one because if they're not there, this is clear we have to leave.

This isn't the right person.

I think also if I can just

give advice based on your book too.

I think for men, I think that one of the things that I would say that is in this book is there's a lot of cultural pressure against doing the first steps, like finding love in yourself and loving yourself and feeling like you're worthy and like your worth isn't because you got a good job or you're able to fix things or you have a partner who is attractive, right?

I think doing the work to be like, I am worthy and I can love myself.

There's not a lot of support for men to do that.

And I think that doing that work is so important.

And then the second thing I would say is there's just so much pressure on men to be able to like fix problems, to solve problems.

And that is actually really unhelpful in relationships.

Like instead to be able to be vulnerable and be with someone experiencing a problem rather than trying to solve it is a really big and challenging thing for most straight men in our society, at least I think.

Oh, I absolutely believe that.

On my optimistic days, I agree with you that we're moving in the right direction.

But other days I wake up and feel like there is... And you look at the news and you're like, oh gosh.

Yeah.

Other days I think like, what's the ascendant view of masculinity today?

And it doesn't seem like it's the good one.

You know, in dating, there's often this idea and this big focus on the idea of finding the one, of having a soulmate.

Can you talk about your philosophies behind soulmates or the one?