Ciara Mageean

Basically in a stunned silence and just began to cry.

And Tommy didn't like me saying how much we cried.

But like, yeah, for the next few days, it was rough, like very emotional, really unknown as to like...

Will I die in the next few months?

Will I die in the next few years?

Do I have longer?

Being very aware of that stage of cancer, I probably shouldn't have, but I googled what's the survival rate for people with stage four bowel cancer.

Saw that it was 10 to 15% of the people who have stage four survive.

I was like, OK, that's not good odds.

Not a betting woman, but I wouldn't have taken those odds for living.

But I did think, OK, why can't I be in that 10 to 15 percent?

I was like, that research is based on maybe an older population.

I'm young and fit and healthy.

I have no comorbidities.

I can fight this.

But it is a strange mix of determination to be like, I'm not going to let this cancer win, but just the sheer dread and the feeling that like the Grim Reaper is right behind me.

And thinking, should me and Tommy get married really quickly?

Because am I going to get really sick?

And, you know, the images that people have of cancer patients, of them lying in a hospital bed, really frail, having lost a lot of weight, pale, no hair.

I was like, is that going to be me?