Ciara McGeehan

And then as well, like tell my closest friends, like I have friends that live in Northern Ireland.

So I was able to tell them face to face, but I have so many friends that aren't based in Ireland and based in the North that like my best friend, Jip, is over in the Netherlands.

I told her while I was spinning on the bike in the garish.

And I'm like, seems so like I had rang her and she's training to be a police officer and she was busy.

So then she rang me back and I just so happened to be spinning.

I was like, I look sure like it's fitting that the Dutch woman rang me while I was on a bike.

And I'm there spinning and telling her this and she's breaking down on the phone on the other side.

And I told my friend Izzy and poor Izzy cried.

And then after about five minutes of crying, she was like, I'm so sorry I didn't hear anything you said.

Look, it's usually the norm.

Like I often find that about Irish wakes, isn't it?

Like the whole family or the people consoling those coming in.

And whenever it's your news or you're the person delivering it.

And I like I was telling people whenever I processed it, obviously I told my family immediately, but I got around to telling my friends and I processed it a little bit.

But yeah, that news became hard to share.

And at some points I was like, I'm just going to have to send a message into the group because I was like, girls, I'm sorry that this is a text.

And I think the people who love you don't mind whatever way you tell them.

And then I actually came to realize that

is a conversation I had with my friends where I probably wasn't sharing as much of my hard days because I didn't want to put that on them and upset them and then they had told me like bluntly they were like we want to be there for you and you're robbing us of being good friends by not giving us that opportunity and it flipped my head of being like actually

they they want to do this and it's not that I'm making them sad it's like they want to be there for me in my toughest times so now it's become a lot easier and I tell them I'm like it may be really untactful with the way I can share some of this news of stuff coming through but it'll be a text message into our group it'll be a voice note um maybe just me when I'm having a really tough tough week like the last couple of rounds of my chemo were really hard as the toxicity builds it just gets so much tougher and