Claudia Dressel

And what I see caregivers do is they label, often they label cupboards with post-its.

And it actually turns out that does not work.

Most of the time, those kinds of things, they don't work for the person because they might not benefit from any kind of reminders or cuing at all.

So then the next step would be if you still want the person to be somewhat active in the kitchen, let's say they are supposed to get a cup and reheat their coffee still in the microwave in the morning.

And a caregiver might say, well, under no circumstances am I going to take off my cupboard door.

That kind of acknowledgement, that in itself might create some space and some relief.

So the more we argue with the feeling, the harder it is going to be to do what is effective.

It makes sense that they come up.

And they're not very useful.

Both things can be true at the same time.

The commitment part is really thinking about, what would I really like to have happen?

And how can we help you go into the direction that will work for you and your family in the long term?

For example...

I've worked with families who have promised their father on his deathbed that they will take care of mom.

And what they found out is that mom was much more impaired than they had bargained for.

And they tried to have her live independently in her home and then take shifts.

Those were five siblings.

And within a few weeks, it all had fallen apart.

It was really untenable.

And so it's really the thinking about the ideal situation, the practicalities of caregiving, how they really intersect with your life.