Brian Can’t Stop Fact-Checking His Mother-in-Law
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Hi, I'm Rose Rimler, and this is Science Versus. Today we're sharing an episode from another show that we like. It's a podcast called Proxy. It's hosted by Yoé Shaw, who you might remember from the podcast Invisibilia. In Proxy, Yoé kind of functions as an emotional investigative journalist. She starts with a guest who is going through something tough or confusing, something no one else they know can relate to, and then she finds the perfect person for them to talk to, to act as a proxy. She'll find someone who's been there, who understands the problem, and can hopefully help that person get less stuck. The episode we're sharing today is about something near and dear to us at Science Versus, fact-checking.
Yo-Wei talks to a journalist who can't stop fact-checking his mother-in-law. But in this situation, it's particularly fraught because his mother-in-law is losing her memory. She has Alzheimer's. We like the way that this episode breaks down a situation that is tough and nuanced, and we think that you guys will like it too. It's coming up after the break.
Well, hello, Brian. Hi.
When's the last time we were on the mic together?
I don't think we were ever on the mic together. I mean, we were around mics together.
This is Brian Reed, a man who hit podcasts fall out of. You might have heard of his little show, S-Town, or his other little show, The Trojan Horse Affair. Brian now makes the podcast Question Everything, trying to make sense of what the heck is going on with journalism today. I met Brian when we worked together on my first big story, back in 2013, an entire hour of This American Life. It was this really high-stakes story about Eritrean refugees trying to get to Europe, but were then taken hostage by smugglers, often tortured in all sorts of horrific ways, and forced to ask their families for huge amounts of ransom. I, as a reporter, felt way out of my depth. But I was lucky to have Brian as my producer, coaching me in interviews, helping me write scripts, making sure I didn't fuck up.
He was patient. He made me feel safe. He also made working on a decidedly not-fun story, dare I say, fun at times. We'd spend all day cooped up in a hotel room, listening to hostage calls. We'd huddle around a laptop speaker, our translator telling us what was happening, occasionally breaking down in tears, while Brian and I furiously typed, trying to get down everything he said. It would be hours and hours of this. But then, Brian would force us to go out to a bar, buy a round of beers, get us talking about our lives, joking, laughing. In other words, Brian knew how to manage the vibes to make sure we didn't get stuck in the heavy. I didn't tell Brian any of this back then, but I cherish that time together.
So when I ran into him at a conference last fall, I was excited to catch up. He was like, what's up with you? And I showed him a photo of myself pole dancing in a clean Xbox costume and told him about the show I was developing. And Brian, it turned out, had been struggling with a very specific problem. What some people might refer to as a niche emotional conundrum. Can we start there? What do you need help with, Brian?
Um... I need to help figuring out how to better, more healthily, and kindly interact with my mother-in-law who lives with me and my family.
How does Brian's experience with his mother-in-law highlight the challenges of caregiving?
That's me and my wife, daughter, and her in our house. And she has dementia. She has Alzheimer's. And I need help just figuring out how to be around, you know, the symptoms of that disease more.
When you say you need help figuring out how to be, how are you being with her right now?
The thing that is happening a lot is that I find myself wanting to like correct her or fact check her when she says something that isn't factual or like aligned with the reality that I'm experiencing.
What's an example of this?
It's just like a million daily examples. Like I'll come home and, you know, talk to my mother-in-law and she'll be like, oh, nice. I haven't seen you today. And it just hits me. It's like, well, that's not true. Like I saw her earlier, you know.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:00–4:15
2
How does Brian's experience with his mother-in-law highlight the challenges of caregiving?
4:15–6:44
3
What emotional struggles does Brian face while caring for his mother-in-law?
6:44–7:54
4
How does acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) apply to Brian's situation?
7:54–13:00
5
What practical strategies can help caregivers manage their emotions?
13:00–16:33
6
How can caregivers balance their needs with those of their loved ones?
16:33–19:08
7
What insights does Claudia provide on effective caregiving?
19:08–22:18
8
How can caregivers find support and resources for their journey?
22:18–51:00