Colm Tóibín

Maybe on the beach, but don't wear them to the beach.

Maybe you wear them just on the beach.

Mm-hmm.

And don't wear, she lives in fear of Americans because they wear shorts.

So she put a ban on shorts.

Well, I wasn't wearing shorts.

Then she put a ban on white shirts because she said to me one day, I was just there.

I thought I looked great.

I was wearing a white shirt, sleeves rolled up as she had said I should.

And black trousers.

She said, well, you look like a waiter.

You look like the waiter.

People are going to actually call you over and order drinks from you.

And so I'm going to stay with her.

She's 100 years old.

I'm going to stay with her in a few weeks, but I won't bring any white shirts because I just couldn't bear her going on more about it.

Yeah, I'm going to have to get some of those before I go.

So I don't, you know, people don't order a gin and tonic from me.

You can keep her off your... It was really funny because I honestly thought I was fulfilling her dream.

But obviously she desperately needed me to stop.