Colman Nocter

So say, for example, if you have, so you have the secure attachment, which is the holy grail that you want, that kind of, you know, I'm secure in my own self and I'm fine.

Or you could have an anxious attachment, which kind of would be described as something maybe a bit clingy, maybe needs reassurance quite a lot, is not sure that you're going to stick around.

And then you have avoidant or dismissive attachment, which is someone who says,

I find being cared for or being loved threatening.

So I'm just going to push it away and I don't want anything to do with that sort of thing.

Well, most of you do that test and tell me they're going to tell me they're secure.

All right.

All right.

Yeah, I mean, let's say, for example, so the avoidant dismissive attachment might you might be in really healthy relationships with people, but you tend to sabotage them when they start to get too much or, you know, that there's a kind of a sense that you don't like the vulnerability of needing somebody else.

And so when it gets to that, it's actually better to just cut that off.

The less I care about you, the less you can hurt me.

Almost that kind of a mindset.

And so you usually land in therapy after having five divorces or whatever it might be on the basis of that.

Commitment issues.

Yeah.

And again, and there might be it's important to kind of understand why they're there or what might have been the reason for that.

But so when you know that when you feel this urge to run or to.

to get out of that relationship, even though you might stop and go, actually, this could be just me trying to sabotage this.

I might need to take a breath and see if this is my stuff.

And if it's my stuff, then can I work through it?