Craig Ferguson

No, no. The guinea pig was dead, sadly. Also delicious. Oh, that's funny.

Yeah, my visa ran out. I didn't want to get into trouble with immigration because I thought if I ever really want to come here, I don't want to fucking end up getting into trouble. So I left before my visa ran out. But there used to be, the first time I ever appeared on a stage, I mean, I started doing comedy back there later, but the first time I ever did comedy was a punk rock venue.

Yeah, my visa ran out. I didn't want to get into trouble with immigration because I thought if I ever really want to come here, I don't want to fucking end up getting into trouble. So I left before my visa ran out. But there used to be, the first time I ever appeared on a stage, I mean, I started doing comedy back there later, but the first time I ever did comedy was a punk rock venue.

Yeah, my visa ran out. I didn't want to get into trouble with immigration because I thought if I ever really want to come here, I don't want to fucking end up getting into trouble. So I left before my visa ran out. But there used to be, the first time I ever appeared on a stage, I mean, I started doing comedy back there later, but the first time I ever did comedy was a punk rock venue.

In London, they were having a festival of Scottish punk rock bands, and all these Cockney punks were there. I was about 18 or 19 years old, and I was the drummer in one of the bands, and the lead singer said, we have to change equipment between the bands, so you go out and be funny to these Cockney punks. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? I had no background.

In London, they were having a festival of Scottish punk rock bands, and all these Cockney punks were there. I was about 18 or 19 years old, and I was the drummer in one of the bands, and the lead singer said, we have to change equipment between the bands, so you go out and be funny to these Cockney punks. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? I had no background.

In London, they were having a festival of Scottish punk rock bands, and all these Cockney punks were there. I was about 18 or 19 years old, and I was the drummer in one of the bands, and the lead singer said, we have to change equipment between the bands, so you go out and be funny to these Cockney punks. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? I had no background.

Stand-up comedy didn't exist in Britain then. It was only potatoes. That's all about it. And so I went out on the stage. I wore a kilt because I thought that would be funny and good. I was wearing a kilt and I tried to tell jokes and stuff.

Stand-up comedy didn't exist in Britain then. It was only potatoes. That's all about it. And so I went out on the stage. I wore a kilt because I thought that would be funny and good. I was wearing a kilt and I tried to tell jokes and stuff.

Stand-up comedy didn't exist in Britain then. It was only potatoes. That's all about it. And so I went out on the stage. I wore a kilt because I thought that would be funny and good. I was wearing a kilt and I tried to tell jokes and stuff.

And then the girls, it was girls at the front that were trying to look up my kilt. I was going like that. I was so scared. My knees were knocking, shaking. And they started to, his knees are knocking, his knees are knocking. And then the whole fucking venue. Those British get heckled. All these Cockney punks are like, his knees are knocking, his knees are knocking, his knees are knocking.

And then the girls, it was girls at the front that were trying to look up my kilt. I was going like that. I was so scared. My knees were knocking, shaking. And they started to, his knees are knocking, his knees are knocking. And then the whole fucking venue. Those British get heckled. All these Cockney punks are like, his knees are knocking, his knees are knocking, his knees are knocking.

And then the girls, it was girls at the front that were trying to look up my kilt. I was going like that. I was so scared. My knees were knocking, shaking. And they started to, his knees are knocking, his knees are knocking. And then the whole fucking venue. Those British get heckled. All these Cockney punks are like, his knees are knocking, his knees are knocking, his knees are knocking.

But you know the weird thing, and this is how you know you're a fucking stand-up, because I came off and I went, I've got to do that again. I think I got him at the end.

But you know the weird thing, and this is how you know you're a fucking stand-up, because I came off and I went, I've got to do that again. I think I got him at the end.

But you know the weird thing, and this is how you know you're a fucking stand-up, because I came off and I went, I've got to do that again. I think I got him at the end.

I was nearly there.

I was nearly there.

I was nearly there.

I'll start with the knee-knocking. That was my problem.