Cy Gavin

And there was a deep grudge that was talked about and felt by people there for not having the kind of lives that they felt entitled to by merit of their parents or grandparents living when they did.

many of whom all died of lung cancers and stuff.

This is a painting of my mother, actually.

But this is a painting of my grandmother.

She did fall, and she did have a walker.

Why she's in this space, I don't know.

I think I was very, at that moment, looking at a lot of surrealist paintings and

I love my grandmother and he wouldn't necessarily know from that but um I painted her a lot and I and she's actually I took care of her garden which was a little strip of like maybe a foot that surrounded her house because she was bedridden and that got me very interested in planting things um but she was very old when I was born even she's from Puerto Rico and yeah she just was a character

I mean, I hadn't thought of that, but maybe.

I mean, I think more than I was maybe seeking those spaces, I was escaping the people I was with and the kind of scrutiny that was unavoidable in those kinds of really hermetic situations.

I don't really know.

It just felt, I think, like something that, to my young mind, I believed, one.

And two, that it felt exciting because whatever I was... It would have been something in natural sciences, but it would have been... In my ignorance, I thought that that would be a space where there was no ego.

It's like, oh, I could spend my whole life working at finding this thing, cracking this code, and then I...

As I'm on my deathbed, some young person comes and does that, and I'd be happy about it.

Like, I thought it was just sort of like this kind of utopic alternative to man-made religions or something.

Or did you?

No, I didn't.

I was totally confused by that.

I mean, I went, you don't really, I didn't meet these people immediately.