Dan Harris

It kind of is what it is to a certain extent.

However, I do have agency in at least a small area.

band of it, like I can be aware of the energy I'm bringing into a room, what kind of comments I'm making, what kind of exhales I'm doing, whether I'm making eye contact, that kind of stuff.

That's where I do have some agency.

So just to reemphasize this, while we can't necessarily like change our whole vibe, there really is a lot you can do to tune in to other people and to take advantage of this law of the universe, interpersonal synchrony, which seems to be a fundamental reality, just kind of the way gravity is.

It does.

Given that, and this is an overlooked fact, given that other people are so important to our well-being, it's overlooked in, as we've said, a tech-drenched and individualistic culture.

And I think it's also overlooked because we are aware of the downside of human interaction.

Other people can be a giant pain in the ass.

There's a reason why Jean-Paul Sartre said that hell is other people.

So all of that's true, but it is also true that hell is not only other people, but it's the lack of other people.

And so we really do need, as difficult as other humans are, I think some poet called us the glory and scum of the universe, as difficult as other human beings are, we need human interaction.

And so...

Given that that's true, we really can use the concept of interpersonal synchrony and tune into our ability to harness it as a way to make ourselves happier.

These techniques you're talking about, and some of which we're going to go much deeper on, these techniques for harnessing interpersonal synchrony, I kind of think of them, and I want to gauge your reaction to this term, but I kind of think of them as benevolent manipulation.

How does that go down with you?

Well, I mean, I'm being tongue in cheek, but like there are ways to learn how to get along better with everybody who crosses your path.

And I guess you could broadly and kind of darkly characterize that as a kind of manipulation, you know, getting other people to kind of get on your program.

But of course, I think it's a benevolent manipulation where you're just learning how to be a better listener and make eye contact and tune in with people in ways that boost your happiness and theirs.

And of course, those two things are intermatched.