Dan Harris

We many of us believe that we have to have an inner drill sergeant in order to succeed. If somebody else talked to us the way we talk to ourselves, we would punch that other person in the face. And we believe, consciously or subconsciously, that we need this inner drill sergeant in order to get anything done. In fact, all the data show that an inner coach

We many of us believe that we have to have an inner drill sergeant in order to succeed. If somebody else talked to us the way we talk to ourselves, we would punch that other person in the face. And we believe, consciously or subconsciously, that we need this inner drill sergeant in order to get anything done. In fact, all the data show that an inner coach

is much more likely to get you to your goals. And this is referred to in the psychological literature as self compassion. So learning to talk to yourself the way you would talk to a good friend, or to your kid or a mentee, There's a ton of data that shows that this is extremely helpful, especially in situations where you're scared.

is much more likely to get you to your goals. And this is referred to in the psychological literature as self compassion. So learning to talk to yourself the way you would talk to a good friend, or to your kid or a mentee, There's a ton of data that shows that this is extremely helpful, especially in situations where you're scared.

So you don't, I mean, it's very helpful to go into situations that scare you with a friend. And by the way, I would recommend that. But you can be your own friend in this regard. And it's slightly cheesy, but just learning to talk to yourself this way. And it just as a little technical tip here to use your own name when you're talking to yourself.

So you don't, I mean, it's very helpful to go into situations that scare you with a friend. And by the way, I would recommend that. But you can be your own friend in this regard. And it's slightly cheesy, but just learning to talk to yourself this way. And it just as a little technical tip here to use your own name when you're talking to yourself.

So I just say, dude, like, dude, I'm getting on a plane. I'm worried about panicking in front of a bunch of strangers. Dude, like you can. This is just going to be a bunch of physical sensations. Breathlessness. pounding in the chest that you have experienced a million times and you're still alive, you can deal with this.

So I just say, dude, like, dude, I'm getting on a plane. I'm worried about panicking in front of a bunch of strangers. Dude, like you can. This is just going to be a bunch of physical sensations. Breathlessness. pounding in the chest that you have experienced a million times and you're still alive, you can deal with this.

That ability to talk to yourself that way is a trainable skill for anyone and extremely helpful.

That ability to talk to yourself that way is a trainable skill for anyone and extremely helpful.

I have one 10-year-old boy.

I have one 10-year-old boy.

Well, first of all, adolescence scared the shit out of me. Really rattling. It's one of the most, just on a level of craft, it's just one of the most, in terms of the acting and the filmmaking and the writing, it's just one of the most extraordinary pieces of art I have personally consumed in a long time. And absolutely, you know, with a 10-year-old boy, like...

Well, first of all, adolescence scared the shit out of me. Really rattling. It's one of the most, just on a level of craft, it's just one of the most, in terms of the acting and the filmmaking and the writing, it's just one of the most extraordinary pieces of art I have personally consumed in a long time. And absolutely, you know, with a 10-year-old boy, like...

yeah i couldn't get him out of my head my son out of my head throughout the whole thing and and so how does it approach uh impact my approach first of all i think a lot about making sure he has healthy relationships and we think he's an only child and so we think a lot about making sure he sees his cousins a lot and making sure that he has really good friendships uh that we are helping to nurture and that our house is a comfortable place for him and his friends to hang out um

yeah i couldn't get him out of my head my son out of my head throughout the whole thing and and so how does it approach uh impact my approach first of all i think a lot about making sure he has healthy relationships and we think he's an only child and so we think a lot about making sure he sees his cousins a lot and making sure that he has really good friendships uh that we are helping to nurture and that our house is a comfortable place for him and his friends to hang out um

So I think about that a lot. And then second, and again, I know this is something that you've spoken about a lot and you've been an inspiration for me in this regard, Scott, is trying to both model and preach a little bit to the extent that preaching is ever successful with a child, a different concept of masculinity.

So I think about that a lot. And then second, and again, I know this is something that you've spoken about a lot and you've been an inspiration for me in this regard, Scott, is trying to both model and preach a little bit to the extent that preaching is ever successful with a child, a different concept of masculinity.

That strength does not come from denying my emotions, from compartmentalizing, from self-medicating with alcohol. And I'm not saying that all drinking is bad, but if you're doing it Not to feel your feelings. I worry about that. From showing respect to my wife in front of my son.

That strength does not come from denying my emotions, from compartmentalizing, from self-medicating with alcohol. And I'm not saying that all drinking is bad, but if you're doing it Not to feel your feelings. I worry about that. From showing respect to my wife in front of my son.