Dan Savage

And there was something you said in your question that made it sound like your partner's going out there and getting some Anandic himself or nearly Anand or going with you to the bathhouses. And he's not enjoying what he's doing because it's not what he wants to do. He's only doing it to keep up. And if he could let go of that...

that impulse to keep up, to match you, to make sure it's fair and focus on fair in numbers and focus on fairness in sexual fulfillment, self-actualization, each of you making space in your relationship for the other to have what he wants right now in the proportion and the degree that he wants and needs it right now. I am kind of taking your side here because I think your partner is

that impulse to keep up, to match you, to make sure it's fair and focus on fair in numbers and focus on fairness in sexual fulfillment, self-actualization, each of you making space in your relationship for the other to have what he wants right now in the proportion and the degree that he wants and needs it right now. I am kind of taking your side here because I think your partner is

is focusing on the numbers of dicks as opposed to the number of dicks that he wants, matching you dick for dick, as opposed to having the freedom to explore what he wants, how he wants to explore it, as you have the freedom to explore what you want, how you want to explore it. And there, there's the baseline freedom.

is focusing on the numbers of dicks as opposed to the number of dicks that he wants, matching you dick for dick, as opposed to having the freedom to explore what he wants, how he wants to explore it, as you have the freedom to explore what you want, how you want to explore it. And there, there's the baseline freedom.

Rather than counting the dicks, what you should do is place value and importance on that one thing. Not the number of dicks that you've each had this week, but the freedom you both enjoy to go out there as individuals, also as a couple together, and have experiences that you enjoy.

Rather than counting the dicks, what you should do is place value and importance on that one thing. Not the number of dicks that you've each had this week, but the freedom you both enjoy to go out there as individuals, also as a couple together, and have experiences that you enjoy.

you both plural and singular there, that you two enjoy together as a couple, that you two each enjoy solo as individuals. And yeah, if he's out there sucking dicks that he doesn't want to suck just so he got to suck as many dicks as you got to suck, that's not going to be pleasant for him. And if you don't get to suck as many dicks as you want to suck because he's

you both plural and singular there, that you two enjoy together as a couple, that you two each enjoy solo as individuals. And yeah, if he's out there sucking dicks that he doesn't want to suck just so he got to suck as many dicks as you got to suck, that's not going to be pleasant for him. And if you don't get to suck as many dicks as you want to suck because he's

making this category error about what's fair and what's not fair, that's not going to be good for you either. So sit down with your partner, have a conversation, try not to lay all the blame at his feet. But right now I think the issue here, the problem here is his.

making this category error about what's fair and what's not fair, that's not going to be good for you either. So sit down with your partner, have a conversation, try not to lay all the blame at his feet. But right now I think the issue here, the problem here is his.

Like, go for it.

Like, go for it.

And we're gonna leave it there. There are three ways to get us your questions and comments for future shows. You can record your question or your comment on our website at savage.love.com. Or you can make a voice memo and email us your question to q at savage.love. Or you can call our landline and leave us a message at 206-302-2064.

And we're gonna leave it there. There are three ways to get us your questions and comments for future shows. You can record your question or your comment on our website at savage.love.com. Or you can make a voice memo and email us your question to q at savage.love. Or you can call our landline and leave us a message at 206-302-2064.

It is your last chance this weekend to catch Hump 2024 Part 2 in San Francisco in a theater. Cleveland, Juneau, Nashville, Brooklyn, Atlanta, Hump 2024 Part 2 is coming soon to a theater in you. Can't make it to a theater for a screening or just want to have a Hump viewing party at home? You can stream Hump. Go to humpfilmfest.com for tickets to hump in theaters and home streaming passes.

It is your last chance this weekend to catch Hump 2024 Part 2 in San Francisco in a theater. Cleveland, Juneau, Nashville, Brooklyn, Atlanta, Hump 2024 Part 2 is coming soon to a theater in you. Can't make it to a theater for a screening or just want to have a Hump viewing party at home? You can stream Hump. Go to humpfilmfest.com for tickets to hump in theaters and home streaming passes.

Our next Savage Love Live for Magnum subs is Thursday, October 17th at noon Pacific. Savage Love Live, of course, is our special Zoom hangout exclusively for our Magnum subscribers. Not one of my subs yet. Become one of my subs right now at savage.love slash subscribe and you will get an invite to the next Savage Love Live in your email on the morning of the show.

Our next Savage Love Live for Magnum subs is Thursday, October 17th at noon Pacific. Savage Love Live, of course, is our special Zoom hangout exclusively for our Magnum subscribers. Not one of my subs yet. Become one of my subs right now at savage.love slash subscribe and you will get an invite to the next Savage Love Live in your email on the morning of the show.

Follow me on Instagram and threads at Dan Savage. Follow me at blue sky at Dan Savage. Follow Randy rainbow on Instagram and threads and Twitter at Randy rainbow. Get his new book, low hanging fruit, wherever books are sold. The savage love cast is produced every week by Nancy Hartunian and me and the tech savvy at risk youth and Nancy and