Dan Savage

You don't have to paint your house with rainbow colors. You don't have to make it about you. Just keep listening to and, as they say, holding space for them. and be chill. Be that parent that when we were gay and young and needed places to hide, be that parent who was just chill and matter of fact and still the parent. Don't be that parent who wanted to tag along with us to the bars.

And thank you for being that parent. Thank you. I don't want to make you feel bad for having asked this question. This is, I think, the right question for a parent in your position to ask themselves. But you already landed on the answer. What can I do? You're doing it. Expressing your love for your kid, expressing your support for your kid. Beyond that, nothing is required of you right now.

And thank you for being that parent. Thank you. I don't want to make you feel bad for having asked this question. This is, I think, the right question for a parent in your position to ask themselves. But you already landed on the answer. What can I do? You're doing it. Expressing your love for your kid, expressing your support for your kid. Beyond that, nothing is required of you right now.

you need to make an exit plan here. You need to prioritize your own safety. You need to pull in the friends and family that you trust, that you can talk to, that you can be honest with about what's been going on in this relationship and ask for their help and ask them to run interference as you do the hard thing and end this relationship, the hard and dangerous thing.

you need to make an exit plan here. You need to prioritize your own safety. You need to pull in the friends and family that you trust, that you can talk to, that you can be honest with about what's been going on in this relationship and ask for their help and ask them to run interference as you do the hard thing and end this relationship, the hard and dangerous thing.

that is going to be ending this relationship. Sort of person who threatens to harm themselves, who takes themselves hostage when you try to leave them to control you is the sort of person who might harm you when they realize threatening to harm themselves didn't prevent you from doing what you needed to do and fucking leaving them. So,

that is going to be ending this relationship. Sort of person who threatens to harm themselves, who takes themselves hostage when you try to leave them to control you is the sort of person who might harm you when they realize threatening to harm themselves didn't prevent you from doing what you needed to do and fucking leaving them. So,

You may need a place to stay where he doesn't know where the fuck you are for a while. You may need to get a restraining order against this person. And what's more important to you right now at this point in your life, in this mess, preserving your public face, saving your public office, We're getting the fuck away from this guy.

You may need a place to stay where he doesn't know where the fuck you are for a while. You may need to get a restraining order against this person. And what's more important to you right now at this point in your life, in this mess, preserving your public face, saving your public office, We're getting the fuck away from this guy.

Are you willing to save face and protect your job and your role in the community? Are you willing to stay with this guy for the next 40 years? No, no. He's got to go at some point and he's not going to go peacefully. It is. He has told you it is going to be a shit show. So the sooner the shit show starts, the sooner the shit shows over.

Are you willing to save face and protect your job and your role in the community? Are you willing to stay with this guy for the next 40 years? No, no. He's got to go at some point and he's not going to go peacefully. It is. He has told you it is going to be a shit show. So the sooner the shit show starts, the sooner the shit shows over.

The more steps you take to protect yourself because you get to decide when the shit show starts, the more steps you take to protect yourself when you know the shit show is gonna go down, which can include getting out of town, having a place to stay, having other people around you who are willing to come stay, whatever you need to do to protect yourself, the likely you are to get through this.

The more steps you take to protect yourself because you get to decide when the shit show starts, the more steps you take to protect yourself when you know the shit show is gonna go down, which can include getting out of town, having a place to stay, having other people around you who are willing to come stay, whatever you need to do to protect yourself, the likely you are to get through this.

in one piece, even if it costs you something, even if it sullies your public image and your reputation. You say he's already gotten onto social media and accused you of cheating on him. And yeah, maybe you technically did, but you wanted to end this relationship and he refused to allow you to end this relationship and you

in one piece, even if it costs you something, even if it sullies your public image and your reputation. You say he's already gotten onto social media and accused you of cheating on him. And yeah, maybe you technically did, but you wanted to end this relationship and he refused to allow you to end this relationship and you

Like a lot of people got into your head that you're not allowed to end a relationship unless the other person agrees to ending the relationship, which is not true. But of course he was playing the threat card and the trauma card. Like I had a lot of trauma. Okay, great. You had a lot of trauma early in your life. I'm sad for you. I'm glad that you managed to climb out of that.

Like a lot of people got into your head that you're not allowed to end a relationship unless the other person agrees to ending the relationship, which is not true. But of course he was playing the threat card and the trauma card. Like I had a lot of trauma. Okay, great. You had a lot of trauma early in your life. I'm sad for you. I'm glad that you managed to climb out of that.

But your trauma, someone's trauma is not a trap that other people fall into and then can never escape from because you have trauma. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. You say that he made a life for himself, got away from all that, but he's still carrying it with him and weaponizing it. Not in the thrall of the trauma anymore. He is using it as a stick to beat you with and control you with.

But your trauma, someone's trauma is not a trap that other people fall into and then can never escape from because you have trauma. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. You say that he made a life for himself, got away from all that, but he's still carrying it with him and weaponizing it. Not in the thrall of the trauma anymore. He is using it as a stick to beat you with and control you with.

That's how you should see it right now. Yeah. And you got to get the fuck away from this guy and it might cost you. It's going to be grief. It's going to be ugly. The control you have right now again is when the shit show starts. So what do you need to do to feel safe to get through this?