Dan Savage

He doesn't want it to work for you to have sex with other people because he doesn't want you to have sex with other people or wants you to have as little sex with other people as possible. And you just need to say to him, like, look, I'm going to get on PrEP. You can say get on PrEP if you don't want to admit you are already on PrEP because nobody has sex with condoms anymore because of PrEP.

He doesn't want it to work for you to have sex with other people because he doesn't want you to have sex with other people or wants you to have as little sex with other people as possible. And you just need to say to him, like, look, I'm going to get on PrEP. You can say get on PrEP if you don't want to admit you are already on PrEP because nobody has sex with condoms anymore because of PrEP.

I'll also get DoxyPep if you live in a place where you can get DoxyPep for the protection it provides against bacterial sexually transmitted infections like gonorrhea, chlamydia, and syphilis. But this rule doesn't work. Condoms don't work. And obviously disclosing to you doesn't work because I get punished when I tell you what you told me I needed to tell you.

I'll also get DoxyPep if you live in a place where you can get DoxyPep for the protection it provides against bacterial sexually transmitted infections like gonorrhea, chlamydia, and syphilis. But this rule doesn't work. Condoms don't work. And obviously disclosing to you doesn't work because I get punished when I tell you what you told me I needed to tell you.

And that is making telling you not fun and a problem. And so I'm not going to tell you. What I want is for you to know I'm getting on PrEP. I won't be using condoms when I have sex with other guys. And I'm not going to tell you about it.

And that is making telling you not fun and a problem. And so I'm not going to tell you. What I want is for you to know I'm getting on PrEP. I won't be using condoms when I have sex with other guys. And I'm not going to tell you about it.

What we need is a DADT arrangement where you can pretend I'm not having sex with other guys and I will do everything in my power to shield you from any evidence I'm having sex with other guys. But we need to have this one conversation where we both acknowledge that I am having sex with other guys. And then if the relationship ends... all right, it was going to end sooner or later.

What we need is a DADT arrangement where you can pretend I'm not having sex with other guys and I will do everything in my power to shield you from any evidence I'm having sex with other guys. But we need to have this one conversation where we both acknowledge that I am having sex with other guys. And then if the relationship ends... all right, it was going to end sooner or later.

And it was either going to end in an honest adult conversation like this, like I'm urging you to have, or it's going to end in a complete fucking shit show where you are the villain in the piece because all in one day he found your prep, he found receipts for sex workers and he found out he has syphilis. You're already risking everything with your actions.

And it was either going to end in an honest adult conversation like this, like I'm urging you to have, or it's going to end in a complete fucking shit show where you are the villain in the piece because all in one day he found your prep, he found receipts for sex workers and he found out he has syphilis. You're already risking everything with your actions.

You need to go in and risk everything with your words. And I realize it sounds like I'm coming down on you. I am on your side here. Most gay relationships are open. There's some allowance for outside sexual contact.

You need to go in and risk everything with your words. And I realize it sounds like I'm coming down on you. I am on your side here. Most gay relationships are open. There's some allowance for outside sexual contact.

Stephanie Koontz had a giant piece in the New York Times describing gay men's sexual relationships and their relationships and identifies that allowance for outside sexual contact in gay male relationships as a stabilizing force and something that other people, lesbians, opposite-sex couples, might want to adopt. Because it is good for our relationships. It makes them stronger and more resilient.

Stephanie Koontz had a giant piece in the New York Times describing gay men's sexual relationships and their relationships and identifies that allowance for outside sexual contact in gay male relationships as a stabilizing force and something that other people, lesbians, opposite-sex couples, might want to adopt. Because it is good for our relationships. It makes them stronger and more resilient.

I am on your side here. But you need to go have that conversation with him. That's where the impatience crept in. Because I think you should be able to see that your relationship is at risk here. It's at risk if you ask for what you want. You issue another ultimatum. It's at risk if you keep doing what you're doing. But it's at risk. And so why not risk... an ethical non-monogamous relationship.

I am on your side here. But you need to go have that conversation with him. That's where the impatience crept in. Because I think you should be able to see that your relationship is at risk here. It's at risk if you ask for what you want. You issue another ultimatum. It's at risk if you keep doing what you're doing. But it's at risk. And so why not risk... an ethical non-monogamous relationship.

And DADT is one form an ethical non-monogamous relationship can take. Right now you're in a non-monogamous relationship, but not a particularly ethical one. All right, time for listener feedback. First up, I'm going to read some of the comments left on last week's show in the very lively comment threads at savage.love, the only place on the internet where you should read the comments.

And DADT is one form an ethical non-monogamous relationship can take. Right now you're in a non-monogamous relationship, but not a particularly ethical one. All right, time for listener feedback. First up, I'm going to read some of the comments left on last week's show in the very lively comment threads at savage.love, the only place on the internet where you should read the comments.

I took a call last week from a woman who was concerned because her male partner was looking at escort ads online. He insisted it was only to fantasize and jack off. I said he might not be lying about that, says Ted the bellhop. Viewing escort ads for the faps, that is a real thing.

I took a call last week from a woman who was concerned because her male partner was looking at escort ads online. He insisted it was only to fantasize and jack off. I said he might not be lying about that, says Ted the bellhop. Viewing escort ads for the faps, that is a real thing.