Dan Savage

Gay and lesbian adults running around 40 years ago who were estranged from their families of origin. These days, more and more, increasingly now, it is the exception to meet a gay person who's estranged like that from their family of origin because their parents chose their bigotry and their homophobia or their transphobia or their whatever phobia over their own kids.

And this is the process, what you've just laid out in your call, the process by which the parent who isn't supportive out of the gate gets there. They encounter pushback. They encounter, they say shitty homophobic things to someone they think is just going to stand there and nod and say, yeah, yeah. Shitty homophobic things back to them. Who's like the fuck? No, don't say that. That's shitty.

And this is the process, what you've just laid out in your call, the process by which the parent who isn't supportive out of the gate gets there. They encounter pushback. They encounter, they say shitty homophobic things to someone they think is just going to stand there and nod and say, yeah, yeah. Shitty homophobic things back to them. Who's like the fuck? No, don't say that. That's shitty.

That's awful. That's potentially harmful to your kid for you to say that LGBT kids are much greater risk of suicide. LGBT kids with unsupportive parents. who are bullied at home for being queer are at much, much greater risk of a suicide attempt. Surely your friend doesn't want that for her kid. You need to settle in here.

That's awful. That's potentially harmful to your kid for you to say that LGBT kids are much greater risk of suicide. LGBT kids with unsupportive parents. who are bullied at home for being queer are at much, much greater risk of a suicide attempt. Surely your friend doesn't want that for her kid. You need to settle in here.

Whether to salvage the relationship with this woman because you valued it once upon a time and maybe you'll get back to the kind of relationship you used to have with her. Maybe she'll come to her fucking senses. Or so that you can continue to be a presence in the life of this queer child whose parents are failing her at this moment.

Whether to salvage the relationship with this woman because you valued it once upon a time and maybe you'll get back to the kind of relationship you used to have with her. Maybe she'll come to her fucking senses. Or so that you can continue to be a presence in the life of this queer child whose parents are failing her at this moment.

If this child is queer, you know, sometimes kids think they're queer when they're 11 and then they're not so much a few years later. That happened in my family. But you want to be there. You want to be part of her life.

If this child is queer, you know, sometimes kids think they're queer when they're 11 and then they're not so much a few years later. That happened in my family. But you want to be there. You want to be part of her life.

So I think you should take your friend's apology, the text at face value and continue to see her, hang out with her, get your kids together for play dates, which you're still doing at 11. You won't be doing so much when they're 13 or 14. Your kids will be directing their own social lives hopefully at that point.

So I think you should take your friend's apology, the text at face value and continue to see her, hang out with her, get your kids together for play dates, which you're still doing at 11. You won't be doing so much when they're 13 or 14. Your kids will be directing their own social lives hopefully at that point.

And if she's awful two, three years from now, and you don't want to have to hang out with her, but your daughter still wants to hang out with her daughter, they can make that happen. And if you want to, at some point you can say to that kid, look, you can be whoever you want to in my house, like right on.

And if she's awful two, three years from now, and you don't want to have to hang out with her, but your daughter still wants to hang out with her daughter, they can make that happen. And if you want to, at some point you can say to that kid, look, you can be whoever you want to in my house, like right on.

And you could come out as bi to that kid if you want to and be that safe place that some queer kids need. They need that trusted adult, right? that they can trust. Maybe their parents can't trust so much, but they can trust.

And you could come out as bi to that kid if you want to and be that safe place that some queer kids need. They need that trusted adult, right? that they can trust. Maybe their parents can't trust so much, but they can trust.

But you can't be that adult for this kid if you nuke your relationship with her mom and your kid and you are exiled from their lives in the same way that public school was exiled from their lives. So if you want to be there for this kid, you're going to have to get along to go along or go along to get along.

But you can't be that adult for this kid if you nuke your relationship with her mom and your kid and you are exiled from their lives in the same way that public school was exiled from their lives. So if you want to be there for this kid, you're going to have to get along to go along or go along to get along.

I never remember which way that's supposed to come and order the go where they got in that expression, that idiom. You're going to want to have some sort of detente relationship with your old friend. If you want to be in this, in her kid's life, in case her kid might need you, do your old friend the favor of of accepting at face value that she was sincere in these text messages to you.

I never remember which way that's supposed to come and order the go where they got in that expression, that idiom. You're going to want to have some sort of detente relationship with your old friend. If you want to be in this, in her kid's life, in case her kid might need you, do your old friend the favor of of accepting at face value that she was sincere in these text messages to you.

And to give yourself the credit, perhaps, of having created the kind of cognitive dissonance in the homophobic parent of a queer kid that ultimately, usually, typically, when it resolves, resolves in the kid's favor and the letting go of the homophobia. You're a peer to this woman. You came out to her spine, ripped into her. Thank God. I'm so glad you did the right thing.