Dan Savage

When it flows out of you, when you say, I'm jealous, are you lashing out or are you asking for what you need? Like, oh, I feel jealous and insecure. I need you to fuck the shit out of me right now. And then if he does, take the win and don't be in too great a hurry. To wind this emotion down, or euthanize it somehow, let it serve you. Time for listener feedback.

First up, I'm going to read some of the comments left on last week's show in the very lively comment threads at savage.love.

First up, I'm going to read some of the comments left on last week's show in the very lively comment threads at savage.love.

Says Spruce, to the caller with anxiety about performance and multiple orgasms, I am not a healthcare provider, but I have clinically diagnosed OCD, and this sounds an awful lot like my own obsessive ruminations about sex and relationships, particularly those intrusive thoughts sparked by listening to the Savage Lovecast.

Says Spruce, to the caller with anxiety about performance and multiple orgasms, I am not a healthcare provider, but I have clinically diagnosed OCD, and this sounds an awful lot like my own obsessive ruminations about sex and relationships, particularly those intrusive thoughts sparked by listening to the Savage Lovecast.

Therapy and medication have helped me a great deal in reducing those thoughts and dealing with them when they come up. Thank you, Spruce, for continuing to listen to the show even after the show sparked intrusive thoughts that required therapy and medication. We appreciate you continuing to listen. Couldn't agree with you more, Muriel.

Therapy and medication have helped me a great deal in reducing those thoughts and dealing with them when they come up. Thank you, Spruce, for continuing to listen to the show even after the show sparked intrusive thoughts that required therapy and medication. We appreciate you continuing to listen. Couldn't agree with you more, Muriel.

And finally, says MarshLC, about the woman with masturbation shame. Dan talks a lot and often about how shame and transgression are sexy. And I believe that is true for a lot of people, but it's not universal. And I don't know if Dan understands that. Maybe it's because I am somewhat prone to anxiety, but the only thing transgression makes me feel is bad. Stolen apples are not sweeter.

And finally, says MarshLC, about the woman with masturbation shame. Dan talks a lot and often about how shame and transgression are sexy. And I believe that is true for a lot of people, but it's not universal. And I don't know if Dan understands that. Maybe it's because I am somewhat prone to anxiety, but the only thing transgression makes me feel is bad. Stolen apples are not sweeter.

For me and people like me, embracing the shame is not the answer. Instead, the answer is accepting myself, loving myself, and trusting myself. Loving yourself, accepting yourself. You can't embrace shame in the way that I'm talking about when I talk about it on the show.

For me and people like me, embracing the shame is not the answer. Instead, the answer is accepting myself, loving myself, and trusting myself. Loving yourself, accepting yourself. You can't embrace shame in the way that I'm talking about when I talk about it on the show.

You can't enjoy your kinks that may be rooted in having been shamed or feeling shame if you haven't learned to love and accept yourself, including the part of yourself that's kinky. Loving the unintentional gifts shame sometimes leaves us with, not all of us, just some of us, such as an amazing kink or two, is the trick that I am attempting to describe. But it involves a kind of neutralized shame.

You can't enjoy your kinks that may be rooted in having been shamed or feeling shame if you haven't learned to love and accept yourself, including the part of yourself that's kinky. Loving the unintentional gifts shame sometimes leaves us with, not all of us, just some of us, such as an amazing kink or two, is the trick that I am attempting to describe. But it involves a kind of neutralized shame.

Once you've neutralized it by loving and accepting yourself, you're left with the pleasure and joy and connection that a kink you share with someone that you get to share it with can create. Maybe it's not so much about embracing shame as it is about defeating shame. Then taking from shame what it tried to steal from you, pleasure and self-acceptance. All right.

Once you've neutralized it by loving and accepting yourself, you're left with the pleasure and joy and connection that a kink you share with someone that you get to share it with can create. Maybe it's not so much about embracing shame as it is about defeating shame. Then taking from shame what it tried to steal from you, pleasure and self-acceptance. All right.

There are always some comments that I see in the threads that are too long for me to share here. Pentatonic this week left a great comment also addressed to the woman who's experiencing shame. It's in the thread under last week's show, and I would encourage everyone to go read it.

There are always some comments that I see in the threads that are too long for me to share here. Pentatonic this week left a great comment also addressed to the woman who's experiencing shame. It's in the thread under last week's show, and I would encourage everyone to go read it.

And for more listener feedback, check out Struggle Session, where I usually respond to listener and reader comments, doing something different for the rest of the summer, posting a brief response or two before sharing a letter, a letter too long for the column and letting the commenters try their hand at giving some advice.

And for more listener feedback, check out Struggle Session, where I usually respond to listener and reader comments, doing something different for the rest of the summer, posting a brief response or two before sharing a letter, a letter too long for the column and letting the commenters try their hand at giving some advice.

People are having fun with it and giving some really great advice to my letter writers who write letters that are way too long for the column. Check out the last two struggle sessions at savage.love, not behind a paywall for now, and watch for a new struggle session where everybody gets to dive in and give some advice to one of my readers this Thursday.