Dan Savage

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Agnes Callard is a philosopher, and Ezra Klein had her on his show, The Ezra Klein Show, and they had the most amazing conversation. I recommend everybody go and listen to this conversation.

Agnes Callard is a philosopher, and Ezra Klein had her on his show, The Ezra Klein Show, and they had the most amazing conversation. I recommend everybody go and listen to this conversation.

But what's relevant to you in your particular situation about their conversation is Agnes Callard has these theories about jealousy, and they spend some time really drawing a line, making distinctions between good jealousy and bad jealousy.

But what's relevant to you in your particular situation about their conversation is Agnes Callard has these theories about jealousy, and they spend some time really drawing a line, making distinctions between good jealousy and bad jealousy.

And we don't often think about the possibility that some jealousy can be good or allow for the power of jealousy to shape our lives or our romantic lives in a positive way. Jealousy is always framed as a negative emotion. And because it's always framed as a negative emotion, when we're feeling it, we experience it as a negative emotion.

And we don't often think about the possibility that some jealousy can be good or allow for the power of jealousy to shape our lives or our romantic lives in a positive way. Jealousy is always framed as a negative emotion. And because it's always framed as a negative emotion, when we're feeling it, we experience it as a negative emotion.

There are times, there are places in our lives where jealousy, if properly understood, viewed from the right angle, if we let go of how we're trained to understand it or frame it whenever we experience it, we can recognize what's positive about it, erotic about it, arousing about it. So here you are. You have an ethically non-monogamous relationship. You have an open relationship.

There are times, there are places in our lives where jealousy, if properly understood, viewed from the right angle, if we let go of how we're trained to understand it or frame it whenever we experience it, we can recognize what's positive about it, erotic about it, arousing about it. So here you are. You have an ethically non-monogamous relationship. You have an open relationship.

Your husband has a connection with this woman and It's often the case when men and women, an opposite sex relationship, they go, become ethically non-monogamous, it's harder for the guy often to find other partners because women, because men are testosterone-soaked dick monsters, need a bit more of an investment emotionally to be safe fucking around with somebody.

Your husband has a connection with this woman and It's often the case when men and women, an opposite sex relationship, they go, become ethically non-monogamous, it's harder for the guy often to find other partners because women, because men are testosterone-soaked dick monsters, need a bit more of an investment emotionally to be safe fucking around with somebody.

So your husband has had to forge a little bit stronger of an emotional connection with this particular woman then you might have to with any of the guys you fucked up with because guys are pigs and in less danger in an opposite sex sexual encounter. And so there's this connection here. There's this buzz here and that makes you feel threatened, but it also makes you feel aroused. You're turned on.

So your husband has had to forge a little bit stronger of an emotional connection with this particular woman then you might have to with any of the guys you fucked up with because guys are pigs and in less danger in an opposite sex sexual encounter. And so there's this connection here. There's this buzz here and that makes you feel threatened, but it also makes you feel aroused. You're turned on.

You say you want to get to a point where when he's with her, you're not anxious for him to get home so you can not just be reassured that he is indeed coming home, but so that you can reclaim him sexually. And like, damn, that's hot. Why would you want... I mean, you want to contain that. You want it to be good jealousy. You want it to be in harness safely to serve the relationship.

You say you want to get to a point where when he's with her, you're not anxious for him to get home so you can not just be reassured that he is indeed coming home, but so that you can reclaim him sexually. And like, damn, that's hot. Why would you want... I mean, you want to contain that. You want it to be good jealousy. You want it to be in harness safely to serve the relationship.

But why would you want to... eradicate that feeling. I think you should luxuriate in that feeling and also in the affirmation that he's coming home because he keeps coming back to you. A lot of people in open relationships will talk about the best sex they have with their partners that they're in long-term relationships with is often in the wake of sex they've had with other people.

But why would you want to... eradicate that feeling. I think you should luxuriate in that feeling and also in the affirmation that he's coming home because he keeps coming back to you. A lot of people in open relationships will talk about the best sex they have with their partners that they're in long-term relationships with is often in the wake of sex they've had with other people.

That reclamation sex, taking each other back sex can be incredibly hot. And it sounds like it's been incredibly hot for you. So my advice, go listen to the Agnes Callard interview on The Ezra Klein Show. Think about whether this is good jealousy. Are you able to express it to your partner in a constructive way?

That reclamation sex, taking each other back sex can be incredibly hot. And it sounds like it's been incredibly hot for you. So my advice, go listen to the Agnes Callard interview on The Ezra Klein Show. Think about whether this is good jealousy. Are you able to express it to your partner in a constructive way?

When it flows out of you, when you say, I'm jealous, are you lashing out or are you asking for what you need? Like, oh, I feel jealous and insecure. I need you to fuck the shit out of me right now. And then if he does, take the win and don't be in too great a hurry. To wind this emotion down, or euthanize it somehow, let it serve you. Time for listener feedback.