Dan Savage

I know it's not an apples to orange comparison because there are very few venues that are welcoming of everybody compared to the many places that are men only. But... you know, if it's a sex space and things sometimes happen in sex spaces when it's all men that probably wouldn't work in a mixed space. I'm thinking of a dark room where by entering the dark room, you've consented to being groped.

And that doesn't like a lot of assigned female at birth persons and women and even some trans men because of the, the trauma that builds up over the course of your life, if you move to the world presenting as a female around unwanted touch or sexual attention, the social norms in a dark room, in a venue that is for men, you're not going to feel comfortable in there most likely.

And that doesn't like a lot of assigned female at birth persons and women and even some trans men because of the, the trauma that builds up over the course of your life, if you move to the world presenting as a female around unwanted touch or sexual attention, the social norms in a dark room, in a venue that is for men, you're not going to feel comfortable in there most likely.

And so like, is it a good thing that you can't go to that place? Is it a front? Are gay men allowed to have some spaces where we say like, our social norms apply here and these only kind of work in a single sex environment with the caveat that I think trans men belong in those spaces.

And so like, is it a good thing that you can't go to that place? Is it a front? Are gay men allowed to have some spaces where we say like, our social norms apply here and these only kind of work in a single sex environment with the caveat that I think trans men belong in those spaces.

Maybe the way out of the impasse here is the men's only thing need to be more special events and one-offs as opposed to the norm or the default setting so that everybody feels welcome most of the time. And every once in a while we step back and go, okay, this is the flinter party and me and my dick.

Maybe the way out of the impasse here is the men's only thing need to be more special events and one-offs as opposed to the norm or the default setting so that everybody feels welcome most of the time. And every once in a while we step back and go, okay, this is the flinter party and me and my dick.

We're going to ruin the vibe and I'm going to like let the flinter crowd have their party and not make it about me and my butthurtness. And like, there's going to be some parties in certain kinds of bars or events or dark rooms where like it's for primarily cis guys and trans guys who, who want to be a part of that kind of gay male energy, which is an exclusive to cis gay men.

We're going to ruin the vibe and I'm going to like let the flinter crowd have their party and not make it about me and my butthurtness. And like, there's going to be some parties in certain kinds of bars or events or dark rooms where like it's for primarily cis guys and trans guys who, who want to be a part of that kind of gay male energy, which is an exclusive to cis gay men.

But the kinds of like, I've talked to trans guys, guys I know just came out really recently and were a little taken aback by what the norms were in a space like that in Europe. And so, yeah, maybe take some time to acclimate, get you some spaces. All right. We got to go. AJ Berlin, thank you so much for jumping on the phone.

But the kinds of like, I've talked to trans guys, guys I know just came out really recently and were a little taken aback by what the norms were in a space like that in Europe. And so, yeah, maybe take some time to acclimate, get you some spaces. All right. We got to go. AJ Berlin, thank you so much for jumping on the phone.

I have to say, I asked you for your social media so I could direct people to your social media. You don't have social media.

I have to say, I asked you for your social media so I could direct people to your social media. You don't have social media.

Such awe and admiration. No social media to find AJ Berlin's workshops. You're going to have to look for him across Europe. He's a kink educator, lived in Berlin for eight years. AJ, thank you.

Such awe and admiration. No social media to find AJ Berlin's workshops. You're going to have to look for him across Europe. He's a kink educator, lived in Berlin for eight years. AJ, thank you.

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