Dan Savage

And there is something about human sexuality that I think it's hardwired, that there's something about our capacity for abstract thought and speech that lends itself to this thing that you see funneled through sex and desire where there's often this desire or this real aching need to be outside yourself, to transgress against your performance of self. Totally. And you see that...

And there is something about human sexuality that I think it's hardwired, that there's something about our capacity for abstract thought and speech that lends itself to this thing that you see funneled through sex and desire where there's often this desire or this real aching need to be outside yourself, to transgress against your performance of self. Totally. And you see that...

I think that's relatable to almost everyone because you see that in women who are feminists and want egalitarian relationships. But then in the bedroom, in a consensual way with a partner they trust, they want to be called a slut or slapped around a little bit or held down.

I think that's relatable to almost everyone because you see that in women who are feminists and want egalitarian relationships. But then in the bedroom, in a consensual way with a partner they trust, they want to be called a slut or slapped around a little bit or held down.

Yeah, you want to be the opposite. And that can go into really, you know, for many people, I think most people, that goes to an easy place that's easily grokked, right? I'm a feminist, but I want my hair pulled and to be held down and fucked.

Yeah, you want to be the opposite. And that can go into really, you know, for many people, I think most people, that goes to an easy place that's easily grokked, right? I'm a feminist, but I want my hair pulled and to be held down and fucked.

But for some people, that can continue to a place that most other peoples need to transgress against self or play as the opposite erotically. Their erotic imagination goes to a whole other dimension where it's desire to be the opposite gender, desire to be another species, desire to be everything that you're not or an additional thing that you're not. And someone who wants to...

But for some people, that can continue to a place that most other peoples need to transgress against self or play as the opposite erotically. Their erotic imagination goes to a whole other dimension where it's desire to be the opposite gender, desire to be another species, desire to be everything that you're not or an additional thing that you're not. And someone who wants to...

be freed from the self, from the prison of how they're perceived and how they present, that can progress to a point where the character of Frank makes sense.

be freed from the self, from the prison of how they're perceived and how they present, that can progress to a point where the character of Frank makes sense.

We've all been there. We've all like said, you know, so what's new with you to a friend? And you're like, the wind knocked out of us.

We've all been there. We've all like said, you know, so what's new with you to a friend? And you're like, the wind knocked out of us.

Is Greg a cuck? Like, they never used the word cuck. Is he a cuck?

Is Greg a cuck? Like, they never used the word cuck. Is he a cuck?

They don't. They don't use the word cuck, but that's a kind of, you know, they were making—putting an Oedipal spin on a cuck dynamic where it was about— his mom and dad, kinks aren't that easily sort of explained. So many people want to look back deep into their childhoods to explain away something that turns them on in adulthood. And the explanations we come up with are often rationalizations.

They don't. They don't use the word cuck, but that's a kind of, you know, they were making—putting an Oedipal spin on a cuck dynamic where it was about— his mom and dad, kinks aren't that easily sort of explained. So many people want to look back deep into their childhoods to explain away something that turns them on in adulthood. And the explanations we come up with are often rationalizations.

And we have no way of knowing. They're unfalsifiable. You talk to people who are into spanking and say, why are you into spanking? And half of them tell you that they were spanked as a child. And there was something about the intimacy of the moment or something about it that just crossed a wire in their erotic imagination and became eroticized. So I'm into spanking because I was spanked.

And we have no way of knowing. They're unfalsifiable. You talk to people who are into spanking and say, why are you into spanking? And half of them tell you that they were spanked as a child. And there was something about the intimacy of the moment or something about it that just crossed a wire in their erotic imagination and became eroticized. So I'm into spanking because I was spanked.

And then you ask the next person at the spanking party, and there are such things, why they're into spanking. And it's because they weren't spanked. Right. And they were sort of morbidly fascinated hearing about other kids getting spanked. And it's just, we're not reliable narrators.

And then you ask the next person at the spanking party, and there are such things, why they're into spanking. And it's because they weren't spanked. Right. And they were sort of morbidly fascinated hearing about other kids getting spanked. And it's just, we're not reliable narrators.