Dan Savage

an adult who makes them feel, who tucks them in, who gets some presents, who makes them feel safe and secure, who may then exit their life abruptly if, as most new relationships do, this relationship runs its course. And, you know, dating is a discovery process. Dating is a process of vetting and getting to know somebody.

an adult who makes them feel, who tucks them in, who gets some presents, who makes them feel safe and secure, who may then exit their life abruptly if, as most new relationships do, this relationship runs its course. And, you know, dating is a discovery process. Dating is a process of vetting and getting to know somebody.

And to put the positive spin on it, where you're trying to get to know if, like, you guys work together and if this is good and it can last. But what you're also trying to know is, like, is there anything here that... means this isn't going to work.

And to put the positive spin on it, where you're trying to get to know if, like, you guys work together and if this is good and it can last. But what you're also trying to know is, like, is there anything here that... means this isn't going to work.

So you're accentuating the positive, hopefully finding out a lot of good things about your potential partner, but you're on the lookout for the disqualifiers and the deal breakers and the reasons not, the reasons why this can't work. And what you discovered, this guy who talked to you and experimenting with poly a couple months in is that he's not polyamorous. He's

So you're accentuating the positive, hopefully finding out a lot of good things about your potential partner, but you're on the lookout for the disqualifiers and the deal breakers and the reasons not, the reasons why this can't work. And what you discovered, this guy who talked to you and experimenting with poly a couple months in is that he's not polyamorous. He's

a collector he's a mormon patriarch and fucking poly sheep's clothing or something a mormon patriarch wolf and poly sheep's clothing and he just wants a harem and yeah you didn't think he had the bandwidth for three girlfriends or a wife and two girlfriends and parenting responsibilities and i think that's a reasonable thing to think that is too much and you weren't comfortable with it and didn't want him to and he did anyway so fuck this guy and you had to break up

a collector he's a mormon patriarch and fucking poly sheep's clothing or something a mormon patriarch wolf and poly sheep's clothing and he just wants a harem and yeah you didn't think he had the bandwidth for three girlfriends or a wife and two girlfriends and parenting responsibilities and i think that's a reasonable thing to think that is too much and you weren't comfortable with it and didn't want him to and he did anyway so fuck this guy and you had to break up

All right, setting all that aside, should you remain in this child's life? In your case, probably yes, but not because you have any right to remain in this child's life after having a brief relationship of eight months with this child's father who was reckless in introducing you to his child so early and allowing you and his child to bond.

All right, setting all that aside, should you remain in this child's life? In your case, probably yes, but not because you have any right to remain in this child's life after having a brief relationship of eight months with this child's father who was reckless in introducing you to his child so early and allowing you and his child to bond.

If it was just about him and his kid, no, you don't belong in this child's life. But if his marriage is ending and you and his soon-to-be ex-wife have become close, have become friends, well, then you could still have a role to play in this child's life, which is mom's friend. And, you know, complicating factor, dad's ex.

If it was just about him and his kid, no, you don't belong in this child's life. But if his marriage is ending and you and his soon-to-be ex-wife have become close, have become friends, well, then you could still have a role to play in this child's life, which is mom's friend. And, you know, complicating factor, dad's ex.

But your connection to this kid, if you're going to have a connection to this kid going forward, is going to be through the mother. And you would need the consent of the parents or a parent to play any sort of role. in this child's life.

But your connection to this kid, if you're going to have a connection to this kid going forward, is going to be through the mother. And you would need the consent of the parents or a parent to play any sort of role. in this child's life.

You know, if you'd been together with this guy for a couple of years, if you'd gotten married, if you were really, you'd stepped into that stepmom role in a significant way. Yeah.

You know, if you'd been together with this guy for a couple of years, if you'd gotten married, if you were really, you'd stepped into that stepmom role in a significant way. Yeah.

Then I think you should assert yourself in saying it's, uh, you know, our relationship is ending after two years, five years, 10 years, but I have a parental bond now with this child and I'm not going to abandon this child just because our relationship is at an end.

Then I think you should assert yourself in saying it's, uh, you know, our relationship is ending after two years, five years, 10 years, but I have a parental bond now with this child and I'm not going to abandon this child just because our relationship is at an end.

But a few months in, less than a year, God, you shouldn't have played this in such a way where exiting this child's life could potentially make this child feel insecure or rejected or harmed or not wanted.

But a few months in, less than a year, God, you shouldn't have played this in such a way where exiting this child's life could potentially make this child feel insecure or rejected or harmed or not wanted.