Dave Damoshek

Yeah, so you watch these ads, and I wonder what happens with these things, but they're all about, like, this workout is so insane, you really shouldn't be doing it.

You're probably going to die, but there's a chance that you'll pull through and look better on the other side.

But where it really crosses the line for me is when it is just on a commercial.

I'm watching regular old TV, minding my own business, watching a ball game or whatever.

And all of a sudden, you know, some ex-MMA guy starts yelling at me.

Get that douche out of your snatch and get over here and start working, princess.

Because we're going to shed these pounds.

Like, what?

What happened?

I didn't ask for any of this.

What are you attacking me for?

But they have the most diabolical names.

And it's all also because of the glistening dew that their bodies.

There's a homoerotic element to all of it, too.

But Randy Couture, like you said, he's always yelling at me about stuff.

For those 30 seconds, I've never felt smaller, with the possible exception of when Ray has played the breathing game with me and cuts off my ability to take air in.

It's in the book.

But he does.

Is that right?

Wow.