Dave Masterman

which didn't quite work but John said there's no such thing as a bad idea apart from my idea for a health podcast it was late but Dave and John were trying to work out how best to capitalise on the fact that they booked the Royal Albert Hall for a gig without telling me and the fact that my wife was on the next series of Taskmaster

How could they introduce the show to a new audience?

An impressive silence hung in the air as they both pondered, each using their own time-honoured personal tricks to stimulate the creative juices.

Dave, by now, was adding Himalayan rock salt to his coffee to try and encourage new ideas, and like all media moguls, John was relaxing with an absolutely massive spliff.

Since he'd quit the booze, he'd found that big daily talks of Mary Jane allowed him to come up with lots of great stuff.

But as a consequence, the Sportage glove box was full of Kit Kats and he was too anxious to do stand-up.

Oh, let's call Elsa, Dave.

I haven't got any ideas.

If I start microdosing to get things moving, that'll kill me.

Hi Dave, I said.

Listen, I saw Paul McCartney being interviewed by Rob Brydon at the Camden Roundhouse on Wednesday night, and now Maka is even more of an influence.

I've been writing songs, Dave.

Like Paul, it's the only way I can express myself.

Dave's face brightened.

If you need an advert to go viral for the show, I've come up with it.

It's clean, snappy, melodic, and it will work across all platforms.

Put me on speakerphone so John can hear.

You ready?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.