David Farrier

She was walking around about 4 a.m.

and heard a noise behind her and saw a crab scuttling down the aisle centered towards her.

Befuddled, she went to the bakery...

and asked the bakers there who had come in early to bake their wares for the day for a cardboard box.

They gave it to her.

She went back and tried to get the crab into the box without touching it and couldn't.

So she stuck her foot under the box to try and flip it in there, and it latched onto her foot with its claw.

You can see this coming.

So here she is, hopping around with a crab on her foot inside a suburban shopping mall at 4 a.m.

We better fucking learn where that crab came from at the end of the story.

I'm going to be annoyed.

Trying to pry it off with her other foot.

You're wearing shoes.

I guess open-toed sandals, maybe.

I'm imagining.

Her mom's just barefoot in the mall wandering around.

At 4 a.m.

Which is a very Kiwi thing to do.

Eventually, she kicked her own foot out from underneath her and fell into a shop window, setting off the alarm, at which point her manager radioed her to find out what the hell was going on, forcing her to have to tell him that she'd fallen into a shop, a shoe shop to be specific, whilst trying to kick a crab off her foot.

From memory, I was quite young when I heard the story.