David Sedaris

Well, let's take a listen to one exchange you had with one of those AI avatars.

This is from the chapter, Say It Like You Mean It.

Answer, I would like butter and eggs, please.

And the rest of the conversation follows the path you might expect.

Anything else, she asks.

But answer, yesterday a doctor cut out my tongue with a chainsaw.

And white dots will fluctuate above her animated image.

This is her AI mind telling her, quick, say something.

Tell him you're sorry about the tongue.

Then ask if he wants to purchase something to drink instead.

Surprisingly, on that occasion, she responded, I'm sorry, I cannot continue this conversation.

Goodbye.

She hung up again when I shared my idea for a new production of Romeo and Juliet.

In it, she will be 13 and he will be 78, I told her in French.

In the Shakespeare version, he kills himself with a poison drink, but in mine, he will die of natural causes.

Click.

A week before arriving at the beach, I told her about the protest I had passed in New Hampshire.

I am mad because my stupid, stupid president is a sausage, I'd said.

He cut the money for the radio and TV shows where women wear a bonnet.

Let's talk about something else, she suggested, clearly uncomfortable.