Dawn O’Porter

And I was watching it happen, go, God, this is a lot, too.

This is almost...

too much in the other direction.

But I didn't even know she was dying.

I just got told one day she was dead.

And I think there's a space in the middle that is probably right.

I don't know what I would go back and change.

I knew something was happening and I didn't know what it was.

I never got to say goodbye to her and I didn't get to go to her funeral.

I think if I could go back in time, I would have gone to the funeral because I think when anyone dies, closure is the most important part of the whole process, being able to...

you know, just, I don't know, yeah, have a moment where you can see that it's over.

But I don't think at that age, I really ever believed that she'd fully gone.

So you kind of wait for her to come back because you've never really, no one's ever really said she's not coming back.

And I think that's no one's fault.

And I think it was a sign of the times.

And I also thought it was everyone doing their best to protect us.

And I think in many ways at the time, maybe it felt like the right decision.

It's just me as a, you know, 47 year old woman now,

wishing that I'd been at my mum's funeral because I would like the memory of it.

I think my issues in life came from being completely disconnected from the most traumatic thing that had ever happened to me.